It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.
I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me (ZOMBIEORWELL@GMAIL.COM) if you have questions or free tacos.
Dearest dearest comrades this week I will recap the very most existent of all the latest cblogs. You may have read Strider Hoang's infamous series called The Write Stuff, but this one is... um...
It's the exact same thing. Just like The Striding One, I will highlight blogs that I think absolutely exist.
As long as they are on the cblogs I consider them to be in a State of Existence. But only the most existent of them will be chosen for High Honourable Recognition.
Okay, let's read things for once in our lives!
Class A Zombie Award This highly erotic blog by a purported Female Person involves the use of "breasts" and other words meant to inspire several types of fellatio. Therefore Glowbear's boob blog gets the Class A Zombie Award For Supreme Existence. Not only does this blog exist, it does so with such aplomb and tact and grace and swiftness of retribution, that all who stand before it tremble. Are you trembling? You should be.
Class B Ninj... Zombie Award Yet another blog shall get an award! The fabulous PIC0O has written the comprehensive guide to Dzoid Mobile.
Nah, just kidding. He actually wrote a tiny blog post about not liking a possible glitch in the mobile edition of Dtoid's website. So, for writing a blog post when he could have written an email, Picooo00o0 gets the least best Zombie Award. However, we can not deny that the post exists... for now.
Class C Zombie Award
Mr Strider has put absolutely no effort into this steaming pile of Blog Filth. All he has done is to use a red font to tell us what people have written lately. HOW FUCKING LAZY. Also, Voluses don't use red lightsabers. In the Star Wars there is a hobbit called Yoga, who is a Volus. THIS IS HOW I KNOW!!
Classy Zombie Award The winner of the Classy Zombie Award goes to the classiest Zombie on all of the Dzoid blogs.It is a lovely Zombie called Orwell. He is our leader. We should follow him forever.
DEAL THE MUSTARD Award My dear fellows please brew a strong cup of mustard. This particular blog, written by Allistair Pinsof is all about something called a THQ (the "q stands for "quotient," so THQuotient). That's fine, but the thing that is rightly and roundly offensive is that THE BLOG IS NOT ZOMBIE RELATED!!! Nowhere does The Great Pinsof even MENTION the word "zombie." Wtf? What kind of monster would do such a thing? This is why our beloved Allistair has...
Now go eat some mayo,
P.S. I, the zombie who is Orwell, have not made a blog in recent times. I have sensed the cblogs becoming anxious and worried over my absence. Relax, my loves. I still exist. I still see you all. I know you yearn to feel my decomposing flesh on your tight human skin. I am always here for you. If you ever feel lonely, you need only call my name, and I will come to you. I love you, Dzoid. I will be with you always. (Except ninjapresident. Ninja's can't be president. He's a fucking liar.)