Talking to humans about videogames: PhilK3nS3bb3n edition - Destructoid

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My fellow internet zombie brethren:

It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.

I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me (ZOMBIEORWELL@GMAIL.COM) if you have questions or free tacos.

I love you!
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It is my most fatuous pleasure to allow you to read the interview that our good friend PhilK3nS3bb3n conducted with a filthy human. To recap: The answers I received when I interviewed my filthy human were terse in the extreme. The answers provided to Occam's Electric Razor by his sequestered human were somewhat whimsical. PhilK3nS3bb3n's human answered in a tone somewhere between my human's and Occam's human.

What does this mean for our Movement? Apparently the range of human emotions is very limited when under duress. This makes them more predictable. If we can predict their emotions, we can predict their actions. If we can predict their actions, we can presumably subvert their entire society. Therefore we must keep them frightened at all times.*

*This is an assumption based on very limited contact with Currently Pre-Deceased citizens (CPDs). We require more information about CPD society before we can effectively advocate for our rights.

Without further ado, here is Mr Phil's interview:

1. Yes or no: How much influence does the typical human have in our beloved Videogames Industry?

They make them silly. I've never seen a super human make a game.

2. What is the typical human's favorite developer?

Zeboyd. Why? Be-fucking-cause. You should actually be familiar with Zeboyd's work, due to Zombie town being featured in Cthulhu Saves the World.

3. Given that the objective of 91% of videogames is to find hilarious ways for the zombie antagonists to murder the player-controlled character, why do some humans insist on gaming?

We love a challenge. Can't let some rotten corpses beat us now, can we?

4. Will you surrender?


5. How many licks does it take? Why or why not?

Not many, it's been awhile. Did you just grab my ass? Sneaky...

6. What is your favorite videogame?

Are we talking all time, or atm? Yes.

7. If you are granted the privilege of becoming an Undeceased Citizen, what skills will you bring to our movement?

Strength, intelligence and maybe herpes.

8. Donuts?

No thanks, got some eggs and taters?

9. Several thousand rabid monkeys have overrun Bangkok recently, causing mass hysteria and forcing all commerce to stop. What lessons can the Zombie Liberation Movement learn from this "calamity"?

Not to monkey around.

10. The part in Final Fantasy 8 where Squall has to take the SeeD exam before graduation... what is it's greater metaphorical significance?

Indeed. I believe the answer to that can be found in the works of the great VC Andrews. although I've heard she's a cunt.

THAT IS THE ENTIRE INTERVIEW IT IS OVER CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!! (If you would like to submit a human to be interviewed in a future episode of Talking To Humans About Videogames, let me know in the comment section. Or leave me a message written in blood outside my domicile.

Your leader,
Zombie Orwell

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