Talking To Humans About Videogames: critical analysis of info gathered so far - Destructoid

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My fellow internet zombie brethren:

It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.

I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me (ZOMBIEORWELL@GMAIL.COM) if you have questions or free tacos.

I love you!
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I can smell your terrible excitement. You've just read the world's most intriguing Cblog headline and are thinking "how can the Zombie who is Orwell possibly top his recent entries? This will be very swell."Your brain is correct.

If you would like to participate in this Marvelous Spectacle Entitled Talking to Filthy Humans About Videogames, merely capture your very own human and let me know. I will submit several interview questions for you to ask him/her. Then you will send their answers to me and I will post the uncut, unedited interrogation on Dtoid.

Below are the results of four (4) interviews with filthy humans. Here is the main sexy text of those interviews. By far the most instructive interrogation was conducted by Ninjapresident. The other 3 interviews were conducted by myself, PhilK3nS3bb3n, and Occam The Amazing Electric Razor.

As the human porn star Sasha Grey frequently says, Let us begin the analyzing!

1. There exists a secretive organization called the United Nations of United Zombies Union. Although they sound helpful, let us not simply take the word of a filthy human on blind faith. I need 2 zombies to investigate. Let me know what you turn up.

2: There also exists an Anti-Zombie Zombie-Anti Organization, or AZO. And they own a water filtration system. This bit of information is incredibly horny... I mean helpful. Incredibly helpful.

3: Some humans believe The Samit Who Is Sarkar to be the head of the anti-zombie forces. This is great news. It means Samit is being ever more roundly successful than we had anticipated.

4: An extremely sectretive base, called Secret Base 9 exists in the Alps. They are developing an anti-zombie mist. We will need a task force to infiltrate Secret Base 9. I suggest sending sexy fetish nuns with bazookas. Nothing bad ever happens to them, right?

Mmm. So sexy.

So very sexy.


5: At least one pre-deceased citizen has pledged to assist our movement by spreading herpes. This is unusual. I wonder what PhilK3nS3bb3n does to his captured humans.

6: A human captured by Occam's Eclectic Razor is able to operate a stick shift vehicle as well as Microsoft Excel. And she/he can reach things on the top shelf.

7: At least one human, captured by me, says that the majority of videogames are not about zombies. Clearly this contradicts a mountain of direct primary evidence acquired by me, the Zombie who is Orwell. Here are some links to prove my case:

8: The humans admit they will never surrender, but zombies will probably win due to a chronological advantage. And one human admitted that human society could be destroyed merely by leaving humans to their own devices. He cited Fukushima and an island of trash in the Pacific Ocean. (And Zombie Kojima would like to add nuclear weapons to the list...)

OK THATS IT FOLKS!! I need volunteers for the Secret Base 9 task force, people to investigate United Nations of United Zombies Union and the Anti-Zombie Zombie-Anti Organization, and of course we always need more interviews with filthy humans. If you are available for making assistance, please contact me proximately. I await your glorious response.

Your leader,
Zombie Orwell
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