hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts


Zombie Orwell blog header photo

Zombie Orwell's blog

  Make changes   Set it live in the post manager. Need help? There are FAQs at the bottom of the editor.
Zombie Orwell avatar 5:18 PM on 03.11.2013  (server time)
Steam box is $1000. Zombie Orwell is free.

Recently, in the world of videogames, there has been an exciting announcement. Videogame players will soon be able to buy a box containing (currently unknown quantities of) steam. Sometimes known as “vapor,” steam is usually very hot. So hot, in fact, that it has caused burns on the skins of some filthy human people.

Haha. That makes me laugh.

Anyway, there was also a price attached to the stupid Vapor Cube. ONE THOUSAND MOTHER FUCKING DOLLARS!!!!! Fuck that bullshit. This speciously prescient and Orwellian zombie WILL NOT be buying a Vapor Cube unless it comes with free games and tacos for life.

Nintendo tried to pull the same shit a few years ago, during the days of the Nintendo Dolphin. They were trying to charge MONEY for a DOLPHIN! Apparently they didn’t realize that people can just go to the zoo and steal one for free. Idiots.

Sega also angered customers over the release of their failed Project Katana. The final product was not even remotely sword-shaped. Liars. Frauds! RUFFIANS!

Luckily, the zombie who is Orwell (who is me) has a cure for all of these anger-inducing videogame kerfuffles. As you may already know, every single one of my educational column arrives ABSOLUTELY FREE to your rotting eyeballs.

However, “free” is no business plan. Therefore, I am introducing Zombie Orwell Plus. When you join Z0+, for a mere $100, I will personally fap and comment on all of the blogs you write on Dzoid. For life. Imagine the possibilities! Have you ever written a blog that got a mere 7 faps when you wished it would reach 8? Well, now it’s possible!

In fact, with Zombie Orwell, anything is possible! Except a pic to accompany this blog, because I’m trapped in a place with extremely shitty internet for a bit. Sorry, baby.

Your leader,
Zombie Orwell

   Reply via cblogs

Get comment replies by email.     settings

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our comment moderators

Can't see comments? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this. Easy fix: Add   [*]   to your security software's whitelist.

Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -