It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.
I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me (ZOMBIEORWELL@GMAIL.COM) if you have questions or free tacos.
I have taken it upon myself to become the keeper of lore for my beautiful Destructzord. This is truly an honorable and laudable move on my part.
Here is some recent Dzord lore which has caused me to lose sleep HAHA THAT IS A JOKE ZOMBIES DON'T SLEEP:
Philkensebben threatened to punch Shade in dick when they meet in person. HOWEVER, Niero told us to rip our dicks off, which we all did immediately. Even the people who didn't have dicks. This means Shade has no dick to punch. Philkensebben has threatened to punch something that, according to Dzord lore, DOES NOT EXIST HE IS A FILTHY LIAR. Please help me resolve this conflicting canonical problem. We cannot produce great novels until this is fixed.
1: The beloved Fap button was kidnapped, tortured, and murdered by Niero.
2: Niero is a filthy human infiltrator, but we respect him because he knows about web-development thingys. Which zombies don't can't quite grasp.
3: Elsa's full title is Subcomandante Insurgente Elsa. She is the sub-commander of the Armies of the East. Fear her.
MY DEAR FELLOW ZOMBIES: I can't do this alone. I am a relatively recent addition to the Dzord. I've only been here for a couple years (though I ascended the ranks very quickly and became the leader). I know I have been making a lot of demands lately, calling for blood over this or that controversy, accusing ninjapresident of not actually being The President (because NINJA'S CAN'T BE FUCKING PRESIDENT), telling newcomers that we command them to write more and more and better AND BETTER (and that they should write a damned intro blog),
this is serious business. If our beloved Dzord has any chance at toppling such human-centric cultural touchstones as Star Wars, mariachi music, zombie hunting, and rollerblading, we MUST develop a cohesive lore.
Once we have developed that lore, we can begin the long, slow, erotic process of grinding (and cruuuussshhiinnnggg) human society's bones into fucking dust. Let's get to work.