It is my specious pleasure to be addressing you in the fullness of time. My name is Zombie Orwell. You will be hearing a lot from me in the coming months as we ratchet up the intensity of our Zombie Rights Revolution.
I wish all of you safe human-hunting. Please message me (ZOMBIEORWELL@GMAIL.COM) if you have questions or free tacos.
This week we shall see the beginnings middles and endings of a festival called E-Threepio (or "E3" as the kids say). It is the Electrical Education Expo. Despite the name, they only allow videogames to be exposited.
A bunch of idiot humans have given their stupid opinions on what will happen. They are all wrong. Only I, the zombie who is Orwell (who is me), have the correct predictions. Let's go!
1: Filthy humans will finally be allowed to develop videogames for other filthy humans. This is largely seen as a negative, but I consider it a positive. It means that humans will be too busy playing videogames to notice that I am shambling ever closer to their delicious brain cavities. More food for Zombie Orwell.
2: Eiffel 65.
3: Xbone and PS4 will have videogames involving shoehorned multiplayer and boring cover systems.
4: EA will keep pissing on the graves of its franchises.
5: Konami will have an amazing conference, as usual.
6: GTAV will be GTAIV plus 1.
7: The Rains of Castamere will begin to play during Nintendo's conference.
8: Geoff Keighghelleye will say words.
9: Gametrailers bores me to tears. I will be pissing tears of blood.
10. IGN will give it a 7 out of 10.
11: Shenmue 3 will be announced as a crossover with Red Dead Redemption 2. But it will be published by EA.
12: Half Life 3 will never come out.
13: Dr Dre's Detox will never come out.
14: Tupac is still alive.
15: Marilyn Monroe is Tupac.
16: John Marston in Marilyn Monroe.
17: I meant to type "is" in that previous sentence, but I left the typo because it's better that way.
18: Someone MUST write Monroe/Marston slashfic and post it here on the cblogs.