Greetings fellow Smash fans. In lieu of Nintendo’s extension of an already nigh unbearable wait for what might possibly become the epitome of self-masturbatory Nintendo fandom, I’ve decided to do a little mental masturbation of my own and give you a comprehensive list as possible as to what we can expect to see in Brawl gathered from what we already know and what we can deduced from Sakurai’s virtually incoherent diatribes. It’s going to be a long wait so do yourself a favor and pull up a seat, pour yourself some Falcon punch, and bask in the ramblings of an absolute mad man.

(Note to Excremento: I hereby request that you create a recipe for Falcon Punch in your “Look, I drink…” segments. Be sure to include lots of booze for a little extra Falcon Kick.)

THE OLD DOJO POLL

Before the Smash Dojo as we know it in its current form existed, Sakurai had an online Japanese journal where he would periodically talk about some of the game’s content and his position as director. Unfortunately when Dojo took up its international form the older site was removed. However, a few wonderful souls out there managed to translate relevant pieces of it for us, some of which I shall bring up later in this post, including the results of a submission based poll about what people would like to see in Brawl. While I would have much liked to look through it myself, I have not yet found it cached anywhere on the internet. I will however speak about what I know. The results are as follows:

King Dedede(5)
Diddy Kong(4)
Geno(4)
Ike(4)
Ridley(4)
Captain Olimar & Pikmin(3)
Krystal(3)
Takamaru(3)
Windwaker Link(3)
Animal Crossing MC(2)
Claus(2)
Demiru(2)
Isaac(2)
Jeff(2)
Kawashima(2)
King K.Rool(2)
Lip(2)
Lucas(2)
Mega Man(2)
Oguma(2)
Ouendan(2)
Sukapon(2)

From what I’ve come to understand is that people would submit comments or suggestions in regards to Brawl and some were chosen and posted on the site. The number indicates how many times each character was mentioned. Also note that while some characters on the poll have been confirmed as playable, not all submissions were about making playable characters. The execution of the poll might err on the side of speculation on my behalf, but for as much as the poll has been spread around; I haven’t found a reliable description of the way it was performed. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong in any way.

RETURNING CHARACTERS

Probably one of the more hotly debated topics about Brawl makes us consider who’s getting put on the chopping block and who isn’t. Sakurai has already confirmed first that not all characters will be returning and second that there will be no more cloned characters. In other words, Pichu, your days are numbered.



We can expect others to follow suit as well, particularly Doctor Mario and Young Link, since they are, in the truest form of the word, physical clones of already confirmed characters. The fates of other characters are a bit vaguer. With the advent of Ike, it seems more likely that Roy will be put out to pasture since he fits the slow, heavy, strong, and fire elemental profile that Ike has adopted. It is however possible Roy can get his own new moveset, I just wouldn’t count on it since it would be much more interesting to see a new FE character altogether. Marth’s future isn’t nearly as uncertain, but still warrants speculation.

If you happen to recall the interview with Eiji Aonuma about Brawl, it’s safe to say that Sheik and Ganondorf will also be returning:
“I’ve been working with Sakurai for a very long time with this new Smash Bros., because the Wii came out and when discussion for a new Smash Bros. took place nobody could think of anyone other than Sakurai working on it. He was kind of the default, and I was very happy to hear that he would be working on it. Actually, my designers did work on the designs for Sheik and Link and Ganondorf. So they submitted the initial designs, and so it would fit in the Smash Bros. Brawl environment, they’ve had to tweak some of the designs. But Sakurai has brought those altered designs to NCL. We’re working very closely with the team of Smash Bros. Brawl to make sure the characters look their best.”



Know that if the dorf gets his own new moveset, we can probably expect Captain Falcon to return as well, simply by the logic that if Falcon wasn’t to return, Ganondorf wouldn’t need a new moveset since he would cease being a clone. Not that I had any doubt Captain Falcon wouldn’t be returning in the first place. I personally expect Sheik to once again be a transformation of Zelda, this time only being the product of Zelda’s Final Smash, just like Zero Suit Samus. That would make sense considering the length of time Zelda’s been announced as returning yet we’ve heard nothing of her final smash. Odd, don’t you think?



Also expect the start as Sheik trick to return. If Smash Balls can be turned off, I doubt Sakurai would intentionally restrict us from using ZSS or Sheik in such matches.

Falco will probably return or Star Fox might become underrepresented otherwise. Maybe I’m biased because I like his new look (unlike Fox’s), plus he seems to have a futuristic sniper rifle and cannon now too.



Now as far as Ness goes, as much as I hate to admit it, it looks as though he won’t be making a comeback. Whether you choose to interpret “ima made” as “so far” or “up until now,” there’s no denying that Lucas’s special moves constitute clone material. The only real difference, aside from the smash attacks, would be that PK Flash is now PK Freeze. The name and animations are slightly different, but expect the attack to work the same way. We all know Lucas was originally planned for Melee but didn’t make it because of Mother 3 production follies. I just didn’t expect Ness to be replaced by a clone of himself. In actuality, I kind of prefer it this way. Most of Ness’s moves weren’t even his own from Earthbound and we were forced to believe that Paula trained him as told by a trophy in Melee. On the oft chance that he actually does return, lets hope they mix it up a bit and give him things like the bionic slingshot and his original PSI moves like PSI Rockin, teleportation, and reflective shields.

There isn’t much else that can be said about the remaining melee cast. I’m a firm believer that if a character from Melee has an original moveset, they’ll be likely to return for Brawl. The Icon Theory seems to support this idea at least. This includes Luigi, especially since Sakurai said all returning characters would be reworked from scratch, giving us hope to see more original moves given his borderline clone status.

NEW AND THIRD PARTY CHARACTERS

When people speculate over the appearance of potential third party characters, most seem to forget a few ground rules Sakurai explained in the original blog. First, the character must have appeared on a Nintendo console. This is more or less a given. But you’ll still see some retard point out that Cloud appeared in Kingdom Hearts on the GBA. While true, I highly doubt that’s what he meant. Secondly, Sakurai wants to maintain an E rating. That means no knives and no guns. Sakurai explained that even though Japan regards swords and survival knives in the same fashion, not all countries do, hence the no knives rule. He chose to eliminate guns as well, citing Fox’s blaster as an example of such decision. In fact, Snake’s moveset was crafted around these restraints. This more or less puts the nail in the coffin for the hopes of seeing a Resident Evil character. Lastly, Sakurai said we would most likely see only one or two more third party characters after Snake.



Geno, of all characters, has an unusually large fan backing. Despite all this, I wouldn’t rank his chances of getting in all that high. I’ve even heard that he wasn’t even mentioned as a playable character in the Japanese poll but rather a trophy. Square Enix is relatively stingy when it comes to the use of their intellectual property. Yeah yeah, Geno appeared in Mario & Luigi to explain the rules of a mini-game but that was a shoddy cameo at best. Squenix is like the captain of the cheerleaders. Leagues of people fawn over her but if you got to know her, you’d realize she’s a bit of a bitch. Suffice to say Square and Nintendo haven’t always been on the best of terms. They won’t even allow any of their games to appear on the VC; this doesn’t exactly help Geno’s case.

The Blue Bomber is the most deserving of the final slot and probably has the best chances as well. Given Mega Man’s upcoming 20th anniversary, should he make the cut he just might be announced on 11/18 when they celebrate the anniversary in Japan, or 12/17, which is the actual date of the anniversary. You heard it here first. (I forbid Tron Knotts from using that guess on both those dates in BlindsideDork’s contest.)

Aside from the third party prospects, the more I look into it, the more I get convinced that Krystal will become a playable character, even if I’m not ecstatic about it. (I’m sure Neonie just did a fist pump followed by an enthusiastic “Yesssssssssss!” somewhere out there.) Other than that the only other likely note worthy character I could foresee happening would be Bowser Jr. Possibly in celebration of staring in a game that doesn’t wind up sucking? The weight parallels make all more convincing with pairings like Kirby and Deedeedee and DK and Diddy. Perhaps further speculation is best left for another time. The sky is the limit and no one knows what Sakurai might think up next.

Phew… long post is long.

[Pics done by deviant art users Coelasquid, Mr_DNA, and Bonus_kun respectively]