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11:10 PM on 03.19.2008

Build your own companion cube and fall in love with your interweb communities!

Behold the companion cube tissue box. A neat little addition to your desktop, it comes in handy when the game you've been waiting a year for has been delayed. Again.

Its not so much blogworthy in and of itself, but the geniuses over at have come up with this and many other companion cube permutations. It even inspired me to create companion cube cupcakes.

Anyway, my point in this insane rambling is that every once in a while you come across an internet community that's full of awesomeness, not unlike our beloved Dtoid community. My argument in all this has to do with the comments posted about this item. I won't go into detail, but by all means, enjoy.   read

1:58 AM on 03.04.2008

A grown man can cry


There are few times where its socially acceptable for a grown man to cry. In a moment of complete and utter awesomeness, the birth of his progeny, or when he sits on his balls. Still, I am not afraid to admit something like this to anyone. I cried playing a video game.

A goddamn video game.

All I have to say is Lost Odyssey. I've been playing the game for a while now, and I'm finding it harder to steel myself against the pure onslaught of pathos I'm force fed. Now, don't get me wrong, I adore the game. However, there should have been a disclaimer that said "May cause bouts of intense sobbing" or come with a preorder bonus of a box of tissues.

My point in the whole thing is, is that the writing in this game is phenomenal. In fact, games in general have gradually become more and more complex, thanks to writing that could obliterate any Oscar worthy flick (not to detract against Diablo Cody. I think Juno is a hoot, and I'd totally bang her). Its no wonder Hollywood is shaking in its boots about a little town called Redmond, and has tried (and failed miserably) to hijack the formula for success.

I look forward to seeing what the future holds for us, especially in the field of interactive entertainment.   read

4:44 PM on 01.27.2008

NVGR-- F'n Rambo!

Just saw Stallone's latest film. Its violent. Really, really violent.

I'd say there would be spoilers, but really, y'all know what to expect already.

First off, the film takes place in Burma, home of a bloody civil war. The military has a nasty habit of killing anyone who opposes them, including conscientious observers (villagers, press, anything that moves. Even dogs!). The first five minutes of the film sets up the gore factor to maximum, making damn sure you know who the bad guys are and how much to hate them. Then, we're reintroduced to Rambo, the buffest senior citizen since Akuma. Incidentally, he looks an awful lot like Alex from Street Fighter 3, albeit with a pallete swap.



See what I mean? Anyway, without spoiling too much of the story, Rambo has to rescue a bunch of missionaries from the Burmese military, this time with the help of some bad ass mercs. Okay, that was totally the whole movie. However, a film like this doesn't need much of a script, as it does an excuse to show one man fucking up some brown people. The violence is truly over the top (another Stallone movie! Ha!), to the point where at every bloody end you can imagine seeing "Achievement Unlocked" pop up at the bottom of the screen (I'm guessing the mercs were there for multiplayer).

My point is, go watch it. Eat a steak, chug a beer, and watch this movie. Its Mantastic.

Incidentally, my favorite cast credit goes to May Kung, for her role as, I shit you not, Pirate Bar Hooker #1.   read

11:48 AM on 01.15.2008

Sony is (was?) racist

Ah, the good old days of racial stereotyping. This old commercial for Sony products claims that their products are superior simply because "Caucasians are too damn tall".


Still, it may explain why the PS3 is big and black.   read

2:30 AM on 01.04.2008

My Rock is too Powerful for a Puny Controller

Well, it happened. I really should have seen it coming. I was aware of it from day one, but did nothing about it. Now it bit me in the ass.

I broke my Rock Band drum pedal.

From the first minute I pressed on it with my bare foot, I could tell that eventually it would snap in half. I did nothing to prevent this from happening, despite knowing how to fix it (Gorilla Glue a couple of shims to it). Finally, during an exhausting Green Grass and High Tides, I noticed something was wrong. Still, I played. At the end of the song, I was presented with broken gear.

I'm not mad, because I know I play rough. It happened. You live, you learn. I guess the moral of the story is, if there's a problem, take care of it right away. Fortify those pedals, people!   read

10:59 PM on 12.13.2007

An open letter to Harmonix, Activision, et al

To whom it may concern:

I am not a person who deals with pleasantries while important words need to be said, so I'll be brief.

Quit acting like fucking children and cowboy up.

PS3 owners have a hard enough time catching a break without having companies acting like infants. For the good of all mankind, set aside your differences. Release the patch. Make many people happy, and make yourselves lots of money. The masses will thank you for it.

Sincerely yours,

Your mom's new boyfriend

PS- STFUAJPG!   read

9:54 PM on 12.08.2007

Fun with Rock Band's Character Creator

That's me. Well, a reasonable facsimile. If I ever wore a leather vest. Or did sit ups ever.

The thing with Rock Band's Character Creator is that with a little imagination, you can "kinda" do whatever you want. Although it seems limited against something like Tiger Woods or Fight Night (where I made a retarded boxer named Corky Shortbus), it still has enough options for someone like me to do stupid shit.

The popular late night TV host loosens his tie and sings girl songs.

Brian Slade AKA Maxwell Demon from the movie Velvet Goldmine. Its the only movie where you'll see Obi-Wan Kenobi buttfucking Batman.

Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star. Available in season 1 version,

season 2 (Tough Boy!) version,

and shirt a-sploded version.

Dr. Rockzo. The rock and roll clown. He does cocaine.

He is a real American.

Snap into a Slim Jim!

To round out the wrestlers, my latest project. It'll take some time to get it really perfect, but THE WARRIOR SHALL PREVAIL!!!!1!   read

5:48 PM on 11.25.2007

Which Guitar Controller is Right for You?

So you wanna rock. Who doesn't? The hard part is deciding which guitar is best for your gaming needs. Today, I'll do a comparison/ contrast between the Guitar Hero 2, Guitar Hero 3, and Rock Band guitars. These are for the 360, so other console permutations may vary.

Guitar Hero 2

The Gibson X-plorer guitar is a pretty sweet rig. With its double humbuckers, solid body construction, and unusual shape its a favorite among metal guitarists like James Hetfield.


Long cable
great feel
balanced tilt sensor

Its not wireless
Start and select are in an awkward place, and sometimes gets pressed during insane solos

Guitar Hero 3

We are introduced to the Gibson Les Paul Epiphone. A standard in rock, it too has double humbuckers, but sports a hollow body construction, giving a twangy sound. Jimmy Page is well known for his love of these axes, and sometimes plays them with a violin bow. Making it sould like a, well, guitar played with a violin bow.

Interchangeable face plate
Start and select are in a much better position than previous model

Eats batteries like candy
Collapseable neck sometimes causes a gap, leading to unregistered notes
Extra sensitive tilt sensor

Rock Band

A staple in rock history, the Fender Stratocaster is a must own for any guitarist (although there are numerous knock offs that can produce adequate, if not superior sound). The three single coil pickups produce a clean sound, fortified by its solid body build. Hendrix played on one, strung for a lefty, of course.

Extra set of keys, closer to the body make soloing easier. Also good for kids. Or midgets.
Springy strum bar
Selector switch allows players to tailor their sound in overdrive mode

Not wireless
Whammy bar often hits selector switch, almost forcing you to stay in wah wah mode (or off) all the time
Incompatable with Guitar Hero

Now, I wouldn't say that that would be it, but this is just my experience with it. What say you, sports fans? Help me build this consumer reports article by adding your own opinions!   read

12:21 PM on 11.15.2007

How do you improve Guitar Hero? A soldering iron and LEDs

I like to think I'm pretty handy. I know how to change the oil in my car, build furniture, and make a bong out of a five gallon bucket and an empty bleach container.

This is just sick. I would have never thought of this, but thankfully someone else did. Glowy LED lights. Now that's just handy dandy. Fortunately, there's instructions for those of us who know how to use a soldering iron.

Instructions can be found here.   read

12:00 AM on 11.15.2007

Battletoads? Really?

So, rumor has it that 4 Chan, purveyors of all things manly and socially acceptable, have decided to have its army of loyal readers call Gamestops all over the country and ask for Battletoads.

Really. Battletoads.

Don't get me wrong, that game was awesome (albeit hard as fuck), but...why?

I'm confused as to why anyone would want to prank call a store, ask for something that doesn't exist, and ultimately hassle some poor schmuck working for McMinimum Wage.

Its kinda cruel, really, playing a practical joke on someone when God is already doing that by sticking them in retail.

I suppose I'm venting a little, but my experience in retail and service has taught me to really cut these guys a break. If you hate the holidays, think how these guys feel.   read

11:08 PM on 11.12.2007

An MGS4 spoiler, kinda

Guess who this is. Go on, take some time with this if you need to.

Give up? Well, here's a shocker (for me, anyway).

Its Otacon.

This figure is part of a 20th anniversary collection for Metal Gear, which includes both young and old versions of Solid Snake, the "I eat weird shit" version of Big Boss, this figure of Otacon, and Some chick with a sword named Raiden.

I totally want these figures. However, they are unreleased and only available for preorder. I know how a lot of you feel about preordering shit, but this is kinda hot.   read

12:37 AM on 10.25.2007

REVIEW: Dancing with the Stars--Seriously.

This week is an amazing week for games. Castlevania, Conan, Zack and the horribly undershipped Wikki, hell, even Front Mission for the DS. How cool is that? With the cadre of amazing titles, it almost pained me to say that the first game I decided to play was Activision's Dancing with the Stars. Really. I played it.

For those of you with enough good sense to not know or care, Dancing with the Stars is based on the "hit" ABC television show of the same name. Basically, the premise is they take "celebrities" and pair them with professional ballroom dancers in order to make them look like jackasses on national TV. Keep in mind, we're using the word celebrity very, very loosely. Who did they manage to secure the likeness rights to?

Emmitt Smith. That Emmitt Smith.

Joey "Please don't go, girl" McIntyre. The former New Kid has seen a new low.

Joey "Whoa!" Lawrence. He's bald now. Not in that really cool, chemotherapy way, but in a "wants to look like a tough guy but fails miserably" way.

Mario "AC Slater" Lopez. Gee, Slater, I guess picking on preppy Morris didn't help your career after high school after all, huh? You can always make a sex tape.

Lisa "Are those seriously her lips?" Rinna. Some celeb. She starred opposite David Hasselhoff in that really crappy Nick Fury movie.

Stacy Kiebler. Nothing bad to say about her, she's hot, and her appearance on the show actually helped her career by getting her out of every closeted gay man's fantasy. Rather, pro wrestling.

Suspiciously absent from the game is Master P. I guess he realized that the show completely destroyed any and all street cred he had.

The game itself is basically Dance Dance Revolution for quadriplegics. Sure, you can use a dance mat, but, why bother? Life obviously sucks hard for anyone dumb enough to buy this, so grab yourself a Hot Pocket, and use the controller. To say that it does lack a lot of the finesse of DDR speaks volumes, but then again DDR is really just a stompfest for hyperactive Asian kids. While you play, the CGI avatar of your chosen celebrity, while poorly built, does his or her best to get off the good foot while the judges watch and beam with "pride".

Speaking of the judges, after each round, you are subjected to the candy coated gushings of the show's actual judges, which include former In Living Color wet dream Carrie Ann Inaba. Their praises are completely repetitive, and can get unnerving at times. Thankfully, you can skip it.

So what's the bad side about this game? Well, its the horrible load times. It loads so frequently, and takes a long time to do so, so it eats up valuable time you could use wondering why you're playing the game in the first place. Unless you're inbred (target audience!), then you can just wipe the drool off of your chin.

This game is a total loss. Don't even think about buying this game. It just proves to the industry that this is what we consider entertainment. Find something better to do. Play Portal. Cake is promised.   read

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