This week is an amazing week for games. Castlevania, Conan, Zack and the horribly undershipped Wikki,
hell, even Front Mission
for the DS. How cool is that? With the cadre of amazing titles, it almost pained me to say that the first game I decided to play was Activision's Dancing with the Stars
. Really. I played it.
For those of you with enough good sense to not know or care, Dancing with the Stars
is based on the "hit" ABC television show of the same name. Basically, the premise is they take "celebrities" and pair them with professional ballroom dancers in order to make them look like jackasses on national TV. Keep in mind, we're using the word celebrity very, very loosely. Who did they manage to secure the likeness rights to?
Emmitt Smith. That
Joey "Please don't go, girl" McIntyre. The former New Kid has seen a new low.
Joey "Whoa!" Lawrence. He's bald now. Not in that really cool, chemotherapy way, but in a "wants to look like a tough guy but fails miserably" way.
Mario "AC Slater" Lopez. Gee, Slater, I guess picking on preppy Morris didn't help your career after high school after all, huh? You can always make a sex tape.
Lisa "Are those seriously her lips?" Rinna. Some celeb. She starred opposite David Hasselhoff in that really crappy Nick Fury movie.
Stacy Kiebler. Nothing bad to say about her, she's hot, and her appearance on the show actually helped her career by getting her out of every closeted gay man's fantasy. Rather, pro wrestling.
Suspiciously absent from the game is Master P. I guess he realized that the show completely destroyed any and all street cred he had.
The game itself is basically Dance Dance Revolution
for quadriplegics. Sure, you can use a dance mat, but, why bother? Life obviously sucks hard for anyone dumb enough to buy this, so grab yourself a Hot Pocket, and use the controller. To say that it does lack a lot of the finesse of DDR speaks volumes, but then again DDR is really just a stompfest for hyperactive Asian kids. While you play, the CGI avatar of your chosen celebrity, while poorly built, does his or her best to get off the good foot while the judges watch and beam with "pride".
Speaking of the judges, after each round, you are subjected to the candy coated gushings of the show's actual judges, which include former In Living Color
wet dream Carrie Ann Inaba. Their praises are completely repetitive, and can get unnerving at times. Thankfully, you can skip it.
So what's the bad side about this game? Well, its the horrible load times. It loads so frequently, and takes a long time to do so, so it eats up valuable time you could use wondering why you're playing the game in the first place. Unless you're inbred (target audience!), then you can just wipe the drool off of your chin.
This game is a total loss. Don't even think about buying this game. It just proves to the industry that this is what we consider entertainment. Find something better to do. Play Portal
. Cake is promised. read