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Our hero can be seen chronically masturbating to hardcore lesbian porn, mostly because I'm too lazy to close the drapes.

Anyway, as a gamer, I like to keep my selections varied. I'll intentionally play bad games, in the hopes that at least there's some redeeming quality about it. Usually, there isn't. However, I can truthfully say that That's so Raven was a much better game than Hanna Montana.

Plus, I like Jack Daniels. A lot.


Behold the companion cube tissue box. A neat little addition to your desktop, it comes in handy when the game you've been waiting a year for has been delayed. Again.

Its not so much blogworthy in and of itself, but the geniuses over at have come up with this and many other companion cube permutations. It even inspired me to create companion cube cupcakes.

Anyway, my point in this insane rambling is that every once in a while you come across an internet community that's full of awesomeness, not unlike our beloved Dtoid community. My argument in all this has to do with the comments posted about this item. I won't go into detail, but by all means, enjoy.

There are few times where its socially acceptable for a grown man to cry. In a moment of complete and utter awesomeness, the birth of his progeny, or when he sits on his balls. Still, I am not afraid to admit something like this to anyone. I cried playing a video game.

A goddamn video game.

All I have to say is Lost Odyssey. I've been playing the game for a while now, and I'm finding it harder to steel myself against the pure onslaught of pathos I'm force fed. Now, don't get me wrong, I adore the game. However, there should have been a disclaimer that said "May cause bouts of intense sobbing" or come with a preorder bonus of a box of tissues.

My point in the whole thing is, is that the writing in this game is phenomenal. In fact, games in general have gradually become more and more complex, thanks to writing that could obliterate any Oscar worthy flick (not to detract against Diablo Cody. I think Juno is a hoot, and I'd totally bang her). Its no wonder Hollywood is shaking in its boots about a little town called Redmond, and has tried (and failed miserably) to hijack the formula for success.

I look forward to seeing what the future holds for us, especially in the field of interactive entertainment.

Just saw Stallone's latest film. Its violent. Really, really violent.

I'd say there would be spoilers, but really, y'all know what to expect already.

First off, the film takes place in Burma, home of a bloody civil war. The military has a nasty habit of killing anyone who opposes them, including conscientious observers (villagers, press, anything that moves. Even dogs!). The first five minutes of the film sets up the gore factor to maximum, making damn sure you know who the bad guys are and how much to hate them. Then, we're reintroduced to Rambo, the buffest senior citizen since Akuma. Incidentally, he looks an awful lot like Alex from Street Fighter 3, albeit with a pallete swap.



See what I mean? Anyway, without spoiling too much of the story, Rambo has to rescue a bunch of missionaries from the Burmese military, this time with the help of some bad ass mercs. Okay, that was totally the whole movie. However, a film like this doesn't need much of a script, as it does an excuse to show one man fucking up some brown people. The violence is truly over the top (another Stallone movie! Ha!), to the point where at every bloody end you can imagine seeing "Achievement Unlocked" pop up at the bottom of the screen (I'm guessing the mercs were there for multiplayer).

My point is, go watch it. Eat a steak, chug a beer, and watch this movie. Its Mantastic.

Incidentally, my favorite cast credit goes to May Kung, for her role as, I shit you not, Pirate Bar Hooker #1.
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Ah, the good old days of racial stereotyping. This old commercial for Sony products claims that their products are superior simply because "Caucasians are too damn tall".

Still, it may explain why the PS3 is big and black.

Well, it happened. I really should have seen it coming. I was aware of it from day one, but did nothing about it. Now it bit me in the ass.

I broke my Rock Band drum pedal.

From the first minute I pressed on it with my bare foot, I could tell that eventually it would snap in half. I did nothing to prevent this from happening, despite knowing how to fix it (Gorilla Glue a couple of shims to it). Finally, during an exhausting Green Grass and High Tides, I noticed something was wrong. Still, I played. At the end of the song, I was presented with broken gear.

I'm not mad, because I know I play rough. It happened. You live, you learn. I guess the moral of the story is, if there's a problem, take care of it right away. Fortify those pedals, people!

To whom it may concern:

I am not a person who deals with pleasantries while important words need to be said, so I'll be brief.

Quit acting like fucking children and cowboy up.

PS3 owners have a hard enough time catching a break without having companies acting like infants. For the good of all mankind, set aside your differences. Release the patch. Make many people happy, and make yourselves lots of money. The masses will thank you for it.

Sincerely yours,

Your mom's new boyfriend