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Your Moms Hot Lover's Profile - Destructoid

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I met your Mom at a delicate time in her life. She was feeling vulnerable and her self-esteem was low. I had just returned from a humanitarian mission in Africa where I built seven brand new towns out of aids. The only thing that impressed your Mom more than my inhuman strength, Brad Pitt abs and Steven Hawking intellect was the length, girth and prettiness of my immense penis.

She then had a multiple orgasm that lasted 6 weeks. That was before I even touched her. That's how much of a filthy whore your mom really is. I'm not going to tell you anything more because I think it is disrespectful, but I just want to explain one more thing to you - you know how when you listen closely at night you can hear your Dad crying himself to sleep? Now you know why.
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It's not Jim's review score. I mean come on, it's Jim, who can take him seriously? He doesn't even like Mass Effect. Pshh. Plus he's pretty overweight so he obviously can't be trusted to not eat pies let alone review things.

However, it is the ass creed 2 fanboy reactions to Jim that has put me off the game. It's this kind of retarded senseless whining that makes all video gamers seem like illiterate morons and that ultimately keeps non-gamers looking down on our favorite hobby even though they rot their brains with their weekly fix of 20 hours worth of celebrity/reality shows.

So my wallet stays closed for Ass Creed 2 for now. Simply because I just can't bear the thought that I will start identifying with the butt hurt fan boys.

Maybe I'll stealthily sneak it onto my amazon wishlist in the new year and wait for a price cut and for the furor to die down. 'Cos you know, parkour around venice, that's just cool. But no, for now, wallet closed. Definately.








I think it is clear that a lot of us gamers are not happy with the amount of hate that gets thrown around in discussion on gaming forums. A lot of this stems from the fact that people can not seem to seperate the systems they love from the actions of the corporations that make them.

But, aren't we all anti-corporation by now anyway? Isn't that an obvious distinction to make? After twenty years of liberal anti-corporation messages being shoved down our throats and the recent collapse of the capitalist based world economy I would assume everyone, everywhere, who is literate, knows to only expect bad things from corporations. From Nestle to Victoria's Sectet to Activision.

They are a necessary evil in life and we gamers should all be united in our mocking of their institutional stupidity, united in our despair at the decisions that hurt our wallets and gaming dreams and united in joy in the rare occasions they get something right.

This vision of a united gaming community is obviously a pipe dream, but can we ever get to a point where we just don't hate on each other so much and can comment on a blog without dread at reading the replies?

I sigh when I click comment buttons. Seriously.

Now, a lot of people put the flame war blame on 13 year olds whose parents buy all their games for them. I'm not so sure about that. For one, It's often said that ignorance is no excuse, but I think that's harsh. If you aren't in your twenties and out there working with the man, then you don't know much first hand about the way the world works. Sorry, that's just pure truth. To appreciate how fucked up the business world is, you have to live in it for a while. But if you haven't experienced that, it shows in your comments and rather than rail against you, I'll stand quietly at the back and wait until some real points for discussion are made. But, in my experience, real life 13-18 year old gamers are polite, maybe a bit pale and reserved, but they play games. ALL THE TIME. They don't comment on gaming sites much because they are PLAYING GAMES ALL THE TIME. Really. People commenting on gaming sites seem to be mostly dudes (and the occasional dudette) that are stuck at work unable to play games, so they read about them. And some of them defend their corporation of choice with terminal intensity.

Sony. Microsoft. Nintendo. Activision. Ubisoft. Square Enix. Capcom et al. They are big ass corporations. By definition that means they are evil, money grabbing shits that care about nothing except share holder profit. I gurantee that their marketing departments and executive boardrooms are filled with people that would rather drink piss than play games at the weekend. I hate them. All three of them.

You can guess the reasons. Sony - hardware prices, marketing decisions, blu-ray pushing. MS - RROD, add-on costs. Nintendo- shovelware, lack of quality games.

But I still love my consoles. All of them.

We all love the same thing - gaming. We have this major thing in common with each other. And you know what, in some ways we are practically a minority because, for a lot of us, our girlfriends, parents, friends, family etc view our favorite hobby as a childish waste of time. We should be supporting each other and pushing the outside world to have our favorite hobby recognized as something that is more than a mere toy and is worthy of as much creative respect of at very least the latest fucking Michael Bay movie.

I don't know why I'm bothering writing this. It is purely shitting in the wind for all the difference it makes. But you know, it's stopped me from doing MY boring corporate work today.

I guess I am just railing at the fact that other internet communities come together and yes, they have problems, arguments and trolls but they also often develop a tight knitted core of members who defend each other and debate with each other like reasonable human beings. My wife has a place on the net she goes to for everyone of her hobbies and I really envy her that she has a place where she can go and talk about the issues that matter to her without dealing with a world of shit.

Ah well, peace be with you. Especially if you are a 13 year old who has been unfairly called a fanboy or if you like me, wish to engage in fun debate about the ins and outs of your favorite passtime but constantly get chewed out for arguments you didn't even make in the first place.








So I'm a 'hardcore' gamer (I prefer the term veteran gamer) and currently I'm stuck with a Wii as my primary
console. (I didn't buy any consoles as I was planning to move from the UK to the USA, since moving over here
I've been pretty broke).

Playing The Conduit with it's customizable controls but lame-ass graphics, story, game modes, etc etc made
me think about why I bought a Wii in the first place and assumed it was going to be awesome despite the lack
of power under the hood.

FIRST-PERSON -SHOOTERS
This is a no-brainer. My most played game on the Wii by far is COD: World At War. Despite the fact it is vastly
inferior to the PS3 and 360 versions, it is fun as hell to control a FPS on Wii. Although not as customizable as
The Conduit it is still fun. Multi-player maps and modes kick The Conduit's ass royally. And the story, despite
being thin and fairly standard, takes a dump on High Voltage's narrative from a great height. So, why the hell
are there not more shooters on Wii? Really. HOTD: Overkill was fun. MOH: Heroes was ok, but glitchy. That's
pretty much it. 3 years in. LAME. If there were some good exclusive FPS shooters - with decent multi-player
maps, more hardcore gamers would get a Wii as an extra console. 'Cos we all know it will never replace the
360/PS3.

FIRST-PERSON-SLASHERS!
Why the flying fuck in all of flying fuckdom are there not a TON of first person slashers on the Wii by now? Ok,
so I know that the motion controls are not 1:1 so what? Are you telling me we couldn't have a fun gesture
based game with blood and decent online combat system? Really? Is that so hard? No More Heroes and
Madworld come close to not sucking and feature gesture based violence, but NMH blowed due to the crap
mini-games, generally repetitiveness. Madworld is a beat 'em up not a slasher. Meh.

SO MANY NINTEN-PROPERTIES NOT TOUCHED
Where the fuck is F-Zero on Wii? I mean really? One Zelda game? That was developed for gamecube? Really?
One mario game, that was admittedly ok. Star Fox, Kid Icarus, Wave Race. So there aren't actually that many
when you stop and think about it, so that's even less excuse surely?

The best Wii games were not developed for Wii. Res Evil 4, Okami, Zelda. How pathetic is that? And yes I
downloaded World Of Goo. Ok, it's good but it's not exactly a deep experience is it?

I pretty much hate my Wii right now. I stare at it and think about turning it on but then I go read a book instead.
If my 4 year old didn't love it so much I'd have sold it on ebay long ago. I have been a staunch, loyal Nintendo
fan since 1985 but next time they release a console I am seriously not interested.