Zdravstvuj. My name is Valentin Seleznyov and i'm a 28 year old self-employed kitchen designer from London, England.
When i'm not making housewives dreams come true, i work on my space ballet and play video games.
It's like a regular ballet, only instead of traditional instrumentation, it will be performed on electric guitars, drum machines, and the space-aged equivalent of a cannon. A sort of ode to Tchaikovsky, my musical idol.
A month or so ago, my uncle died, After he was cremated we took his ashes to the crematorium and they were scattered over the same area as his wife's who passed on several years earlier.
It wasn’t windy out, so instead of scattering they mostly ended up in a pile on the grass. We were standing around them and i think it was my mother who said “would anyone like to say something”.
My uncle’s daughters were too upset and it didn’t seem as though anyone else was going to, so i stepped up. I held my arm out over the ashes and said:
Kalahira… guide this one to where the traveller never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and he shall be a companion to you as he was to me.
At the wake a lot of my relatives who i normally have no time for came up to me and said that it was a nice thing to say. And i swear, it’s the first time some of them have looked at me with anything resembling approval… and all because i memorised a line from a computer game.
Also, just after i said my prayer, a gust of wind came along and blew the ashes away a bit. I don’t think this is a sign that the Drell goddess of oceans and afterlife really exists… but they did land on the bottom of my aunt Veronica’s dress, who is a bitch.
It was a beautiful moment, and an example why video games are important to all of us and are capable of having a very positive effect on society.