Zdravstvuj. My name is Valentin Seleznyov and i'm a 26 year old self-employed kitchen designer from London, England.
When i'm not making housewives dreams come true, i work on my space ballet and play video games.
It's like a regular ballet, only instead of traditional instrumentation, it will be performed on electric guitars, drum machines, and the space-aged equivalent of a cannon. A sort of ode to Tchaikovsky, my musical idol.
Over the course of EON's 007 series a slew of villains have attempted to do some really messed up things, like irradiating the US's gold supply in Fort Knox and instigating a war between Britain and China, but i don't think that there is a single line, in all the films, that i disagree with more.
Okay, maybe in real life a name isn't always terribly important, but for those of us who use the internet to communicate with other people, the handles we choose become a part of our identities, and in many cases can convey something about us, without even needing to type a thing.
I chose YesConsiderably. If the title of this blog or my heading graphic didn't make it quite clear, my handle should let you know that i'm a little bit of a Bond fan. Unlike the rubbish Mr Big spouted in Live and Let Die, this line from Casino Royale is an all-time favourite.
Dryden: How did he die?
Bond: Your contact? Not well.
Dryden: Well you needn't worry, the second is...[Bond shoots him]
Bond: Yes, considerably.
This line encapsulates the coldness and eloquence of Bond beautifully, which is why i adopted it. I feel that in some ways i share these traits with 007 - particularly when it comes to gaming. I don't tend to be very gentlemanly in competitive multiplayer games, and will often throw out Bond-style quips relevant to the manner in which i dispatched of my foe.
Needless to say i very much enjoy the old game cliché of electric panelling. Shocking. Positively shocking.
What i'm not enjoying quite so much, is the nagging feeling that the xbox One is not the next-gen console for me. I wont go into it, because so many other people have, but at times over the past week it has felt like the only thing stopping me from ditching my 360 and jumping over to Sony is my pathetic attachment to my xbox live gamertag.
Names are important to me, and the thought that i might not have a cool name in the event i do switch to the PS4 worried me.
So instead of worrying, i decided to do something about it. I watched each of the 23 Bond films over the course of the weekend, keeping a diligent eye out for something - anything - that sounds cool, is an obvious Bond reference, and will fit the PSN's character limit.
I considered things like 'You've-had-your-6', 'Sheer-magnetism-darling', and 'attempting_re-entry'... along with 'the gamer who pwnd me', 'you only respawn twice'... but i was pretty sure i had a winner about halfway into Goldfinger.
You expect me to talk? Wouldn't fit, so... No_iExpectUtoDie.
Admittedly, at first glance it isn't as sleek in appearance as YesConsiderably, but in the Playstation font that arrangement of upper and lower case is quite fetching, and the well-positioned underscore emphasises the word 'no', which i expect will be used as shorthand.
It's silly, but now that i have a handle in place, i'm not actually that stressed about the idea of making the switch. Perhaps i'll even be able to find someone to edit another of Fleming's novel covers to reflect my new gamername, in the same way one kind soul did Diamonds Are Forever.
It is not unlike in Fleming's version of Casino Royale, when Bond becomes hindered by doubt over whether he is the good guy or the bad guy, but became hardened when he realised that Vesper was a double and messing him about.
I'm not quite ready to say 'the bitch is dead' and will give MS a chance to demonstrate that its restrictive DRM will result in some sort of benefit for the player - possibly in the form of lower, more PC-like game prices - but if Andrew House called me into his Sony office to ask if i'm ready to get back to business...
i would say 'with pleasure, Sony Playstation 4. With pleasure'.