Any gamer in his right mind should know what Final Fantasy VII is. It's easily one of the greatest games ever made, and for a myriad of reasons. The storyline was great, battle system complex but not grinding, the Materia system was great for levelling up magic, the music was amazing, pretty much everything but the kitchen sink was there in FF7.

Recently the Final Fantasy VII series has seen a lot of other medium to finally round out the story. Most of it was actually clamored for by the rabid fanboys/girls of the game, but like most games and movies, spin-offs and sequels just can't measure up to the original. First up was Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus, and it sucked. Then came the long-delayed movie, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, which was actually pretty good, even if only for the art. It did make for an awesome AMV at Anime Boston 2008, though. Now comes the long-awaited Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, which serves as the prequel to the original game.


And Square-Enix said, "Let there be a prequel!

You play as Zack, a dorky spiky-haired member of the Shinra Corporation's private army SOLDIER. Many fans of FF7 will remember that there was a flashback that Cloud had when he was with the cast of characters in Nibelheim. The Zack that Cloud pretended to be in the flashback is the guy you play as for Crisis Core. As Zack, you get dispatched to Wutai to stop a war that has been going on at the beginning of the game. However, all is not well. A rogue SOLDIER (eerily similar to Sephiroth) named Genesis is cause massive amounts of SOLDIERs to disappear, and eventually it's up to you as Zack to save the world before you die at the hands of Sephiroth. The story is easily the strength of Crisis Core, but there sort of a letdown since if you've played Final Fantasy VII (and you most likely have if you play Crisis Core) since you know what happens. It's like when the ending of the last Harry Potter book was leaked.

When it comes to the music, of course there will be memorable tunes, but I really wish that there had been more FF7 tunes because I bought this game wanting waves of nostalgia about FF7. While some classic music is there, a lot of it is brand new and/or remixed. Remixes are fine and all, but I've never been a fan of them. Also worth mentioning is the voice acting, which is not as bad as it could've been, but is having the original Japanese voice-over a little too much to ask? For fanboys/girls who will contest pretty much everything I say in this review, I watch 99% of my anime in Japanese, and I prefer it since it sounds more authentic. I would at least like that in some video games, too.

Graphics in Crisis Core push the PSP to the limit in every conceivable way. Load times aren't THAT bad, but maybe I'm desensitized to it since I own a PS3 and have to put up with installs on pretty much every game I play. Anyway, the cut-scenes are Advent Children-quality, and the in-game engine isn't too shabby either. Crisis Core really does look like a PS2 game, and we will see more of this from 3D games on the PSP. The problem comes with that these cut-scenes, both CGI and in-game, are totally unskippable. If you die at least once or twice, this becomes a major pain. Skippable cut-scenes should be standard in EVERY RPG.


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Pretty much everything is going right for Crisis Core right now, but here comes the backbreaker, the gameplay, and hoo boy did it put me to sleep. People who have been on the fence about Crisis Core have asked for my advice, and I discouraged them from getting the game because the combat is so terrible. I can only describe it as this: take the fighting system from Kingdom Hearts, put in FF7's Materia system, put it in a blender and set it to liquefy. What you get is a chunky vomit milkshake that requires you only to push the X button until either it breaks or you break your thumb. The shoulder buttons allow you to cycle through your equipped Materia and items, and the analog nub allows you to move around, and you can also guard and roll away.

Now, this would be somewhat acceptable if the combat wasn't so similar to God of War! Another complaint is that the lock-on destroys any and all semblance of strategy that can be accustomed to the game. Every time I thought the shoulder buttons would change my target, they changed my materia instead, so instead of pummeling people with physical attacks, I ended up using Cure or some other magic spell, or worse yet an item I needed for the upcoming boss battle! Also, I found myself completely unable to switch targets once the game had locked onto one for me. All you do for combat in this game is mash on the X button and maybe press another button to roll out of the way a few times.

The worst offender to the gameplay is that the complexity that goes with every Final Fantasy game is totally gone in the Digital Mind Wave (DMW) system. If you have SOLDIER Points available (SP), the DMW will spin automatically. There are no experience points, no skill points, just these lame-o SOLDIER Points. And that's not all. Since the wheel spins and stops automatically, you have zero control over what levels up! Give me a break! The only good news is that you have a hard time losing in this, but whenever something levels up, it's always the one thing you don't need to level up on! Different combinations lead to different attributes levelling up, and the like. There is a New Game+ available but by this point, I've long since stopped caring. And really, since Chrono Trigger what Square-Enix game hasn't had a New Game+?


Can the DMW sense headaches and disdain?

When I said at the end of my "The World Ends With You" review, this is why I said "you can keep Crisis Core." In WEWY, you have total control over your characters and how you want to build them up. In Crisis Core, the opposite is true. I know it's like trying to compare apples and oranges, but Crisis Core is a game that has its head stuck so far up its arse it doesn't care what you think of it. It's pretentious in every sense of the word, and that's a vibe I've been getting from the Final Fantasy series in general as of late, the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII in particular.

There are rumors that there is one more part to the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, and while I will definitely check it out, I will approach it with a certain amount of caution, especially since everything beyond the original game has been such a letdown for me. The good news is that it's the last part so it truly will be a Final Fantasy.

Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII gets a 2 out of 5. Let the fanboy/girl flaming begin.

P.S. Yes this entire review led up to that one last joke.