Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen of Destructoid. How do you do? Myself? I'm feeling quite well after the gorging of food barbecued the prior night. Hopefully the twenty pounds of weight I added to my body will be shed as quickly as it was acquired. But this post isn't about my love of country BBQ cooking and the effect after the fact... this is about friends lists, etiquette within them and how you can be the very best online addition on your friend's, well friends list.
One would think that there is nothing required to being on a friends list. You either send a request for someone new to join yours or accept an invitation in return and off you go, never to actually do anything about the minuscule commitment you have made. Yet there are a few things you may want to keep in mind in order for you and your online friend to adhere to for both of you to have a prosperous relationship. Mind you this will be a brief affair. I wont take much of your time. But know that even though it's a minuscule commitment you have recently made, it's a commitment nevertheless and they usually require the surprising act of work.
Let us begin with the tried and true online technique of listing in bold font with the color red, as this seems to keep wandering ADD minds on point. The following will be scenarios that occur on a daily basis for your console of choice friends list and how you can infuse proper etiquette in them.
1. Your newly added friend invites you to play a game.
Nothing earth-shattering here. This happens all the time but what, as the recipient of said invitation, does may vary. There are three courses of action that one can do and one of them is a big NO-NO.
A: You accept the invitation, have a merry old time and rejoice in knowing someone with the same interest in games is on your friends list, as it should be.
B: You reply at your earliest convenience how at this time you are busy with such and such and would love to play at a later time. Thus the
Raincheck Etiquette Card is played and all is well in everybody's gaming universe.
C: You are an utter prick and completely ignore said invitation or request* thinking in your mind that yes, this act of rudeness seems like the logical course of action (
Pssst, this one is the NO-NO ).
*This also applies to just general inquiries or regular PMs.
2. Your newly added friend invites you to play a game...over and over and over again.
For some unknown reason some people will send a game invite and when not immediately responded to, think that a barrage of invites will miraculously make you change your mind and join them. I guess their reasoning is if the first invite doesn't succeed the fiftieth one in a row will do the trick.
Just as it is rude for them not to respond, this act of invitation spamming is one as well. Keep in mind, they may be knee deep in play and may not have the opportunity to respond as it may be detrimental to their game health at the time. Send the one invite and if you don't get a response so be it. Thus the
One Game Invite Etiquette Card is played and all is well in everybody's gaming universe. Chances are you'll get a raincheck notification later. He may not have even seen the invite due to his enraptured attention of the game he was playing.
3. You don't ever play games with people on your friends list.
This one is puzzling to me. You request to be on someone's friends list and yet you never play a game with them. That's akin to getting drunk and not having outrageous sex with a stranger. Whats the point of being on a friends list if there isn't any interaction somewhere down the line between the two of you? Is that person so popular that you just have to be on their list for no other reason than to be on it?
To which leads to the next one...
4. Your never online anymore.
So you're not online for thirty days or more and are surprised that you are stricken from a friends list. The cardinal rule for those not in the know is if you don't log in online for thirty days or more without a message or reason, don't be shocked if you are no longer on said list. The
Give a Heads Up Etiquette Card should be played and all will be well in everybody's gaming universe. Its hardly any work to send a message via the console or Dtoid that your system is out for repairs or that you are walking the earth in search of inner peace.
Last but not least for this installment...
5. After a completed gaming session with your friend you don't utter the good game catch phrase.
It may seem trivial, even bordering on silliness but the
Good Game Etiquette Card is one of the most important cards to play. It doesn't matter if they are stomping your ever living ass in a fighting game... that act of camaraderie is a requirement for even more enjoyment of your game time together. Quitting and not even acknowledging them is one of the biggest NO-NOs out there. Being a sore loser isn't what a Dtoider is about.
And so ends this installment of
Hints on Etiquette and the uses of it in a Friends List...with a glance at BAD habits. These are just common sense yet its amazing how much of that we lose in the heat of our play sessions. Til next time, see you on my friends list... or maybe not.
So that's why you deleted me? I thought you were cool, but you're a fucking asshole.
Sometimes people have to quit for reasons other than losing. When I'm home for the summer I'm essentially sharing space with 7 other people, which means that I can easily get kicked off of whatever my PS3 is currently hooked up to.
You used the wrong "your" for the first few sections.
I wanna play FFXIV with our DToid group. Or something where we're all individually-represented and can fuck shit up.
Lol, "you're".
@Solgrim:
LOL. I need to delete you.
SOCOM tonight, sir.
I enjoyed this list Yojimbo. You know you knid of fall into category #2 with the amount of times you have sent me a message to play SOCOM with you. ;-)
inb4 500 comments
Socom Tonight?
Fuck, I thought it was "KICK DAXELMANS ASS IN BLAZBLUE TO UP YOUR RANKING AND HELP HIM GET TROPHIES THAT REQUIRE HIM TO PLAY MATCHES AND RECORD MATCHES AND SHIT" night.
Right?
@Video: AH bull, we should just do DnD Online.
i fall under 3 & 4 and i'm sorry i just dont have time anymore. if and when i ever do i'd love to get a game of something going on.
This is a nice list, but where is the most basic set of tips around this topic, "Sending a proper friend invite", involving such great tips as "not leaving the body of the message blank" and "don't friend anyone you meet in home lest you've met them beforehand".
I fall under 3 for the most part, mainly due to the fact that I can't usually afford the games that those on my friends list have T_T.
I hate adding people to my friends list. It's always really awkward. Especially if it's a real life friend.
Also, my PSN ID is Phoenix_Gamma, if you're looking for a BlazBlue buddy :D
Seems I've failed horribly on 3 and 4...
I keep trying to get into different genres or games and end up just avoiding them (like Killzone 2).
The other thing is I hate voice chat with more than one other person because I either end up either having nothing to say or talking over people by accident.
Anyway, my apologies on my lack of etiquette and I hope to see you guys online when my copy of BlazBlue arrives.
@videocognito
No, he got the first two "your"s right, but #4 is WRONG. :D
HAhaha! So true, so true.
PSN = Serious business my friends.
JIMBO: I AM SO SORRY.
Haha 90% of the time I'm on my PS3, I'm with my wife, playing a game with her, which makes it awkward to get up, get the keyboard, and type a message back. I would never ignore a game invite if I actually HAD the game!
I swear to you though, one day, I will find a game that you have and play it with you.
I am probably the worst friend on Destructoid.
Brilliant tips, Jimbo :)
@Phoenix
I know exactly what you mean.
It feels like you're going up to someone and just saying
"Will you be my friend =D"
and it just feels wrong...
Liked the list. I guess I'm under No.4 since Jack of No Trades and Shipero aren't on my friends list anymore.
@ Magnalon
What's your PSN ID ?
As sad as it is, I'm kind of in the #3 thing right now. :( I've got a bunch of Destructoid people on my friends list, but as it turns out, I just don't play a lot of games online. I thought I'd play more, but it just hasn't been happening. :(
Just the other day, a friend on my list -- I believe it was Nilcam -- invited me to play a game of BlazBlue, but I don't have the game (hopefully followed by the word "yet"). I think that's a major thing with me, I don't have what my friends play. :P
@pedrovay2003
I hear ya, most of the games I do end up playing or even buying turn out to be single player or even offline multiplayer.
@Falcon
Magnalon
I can't wait to be "that guy that never plays anything but PS2 games!"
:D
Part one? What will Part 2 be?
I demand names of everybody that violated a particular rule!
The sad thing is, my 360 and PSN friends lists are chock-full of Dtoid people, but I seem to rarely play online. I know multiplayer is fun, and that's kinda the point of most games, but if I'm gaming, I tend to be working towards some goal, and unless that goal overlaps with multiplayer, my mind can't rationalize taking the time to "waste time" playing with people. I also have that problem where I buy a new game at launch (for a preorder bonus or limited edition) and don't start it for a long time because I'm in the middle of other games, and by the time I start playing it, people have often moved on. That, and I really don't own many PS3 games at all, so...there's that.
:) I think everybody will be breaking these rules and kind of have been of the Dtoid people on my list :P
As you've all been bumming Blaz Blue! :] jk. But seriously it gets lonely :P I wana play some SF4 and Killzone with some people :]
... for an active online female gamer... it's entirely different and just the etiquette of "newly added friend" is a problem. :(
My online PSN buddy list is full... and apparently always will be. If I do delete a friend, a quick session of online play will invariably result in new buddy requests to fill up any available slots (after the 100 slots are filled with either buddies or "buddies to be" that you haven't responded to yet - no one else can send you a buddy request).
If I actually want to add someone, I have to delete a friend (or turn down a request), then quickly send out the friend request before my buddy list fills up again.
Regarding the etiquette of adding... the people that do get added are people I've gamed with several times and like to game with. I also don't like to add someone on my PSN list if they are in my clan for a game (and I can find them that way) or if there is a separate ingame buddy list that I can use to find them. If I find I play more than one game with this person, then I'll often send them an invite if we have similar gaming tastes. I never accept random buddy invites, invites from people I don't know fairly well, or invites accompanied by PSN notes with rude pictures.
As you've mentioned, if I no longer game with a person or they are inactive, then I'll remove them ... and I've gotten a bit brutal about not politely sending them a note as to why they've been removed... because people so often seem to get offended. I guess I kinda hope they just don't notice I'm gone! LOL!
I actually hate PSN messaging, so I don't usually send a lot of notes - I mostly use the buddy list to play online games with other people, but I do hate the restrictions some games have - that you pretty much have to be on a buddy list to invite them to a game or even to play together at all (like Burnout). I think they need to expand the buddy list or bring back ingame buddy lists.
Good etiquette pointers though! (though like others I don't always follow them). :(
I think I did 1.C last night.
I apoligize to you if you're reading this.
I look forward to part 2. And yes, it's always a "good game."
You know what else isn't cool? Not accepting a friend invite from your forgotten buddies on YOUR XBOX 360!!
XP
@RiotMonster:
Yikes...lol.
I try to be careful when it comes to renting games nowadays. If I play a game, return it, and someone on my friend's list notices, they'll send me a message, inviting me to their game. What follows is a series of awkward replies, and in the end, I get left with an uncomfortable feeling.
This'll change once BlazBlue actually comes in the mail for me, since I'll end up playing that for a while. Seriously, it still hasn't come yet. It sucks. And I want to play with Bang to see if he has any awesome catch phrases that I can utter.
id say i break rule 5 sometimes. but im just not a talker. i never use my head set. just have nothing to say. mostly cause im focused on playing.
but that was a nice little card game. all that money was changing hands a lot.
Is this just because I'm always playing inFamous instead of BlazBlue and SFIV?
*sniff*
I'm so sorry jimbo!
(Actually, I absolutely love playing against you online, so I hope I haven't broken too many of these rules. :))
Pros to owning a Wii: No need to worry about online etiquette L O L
I only have a Wii and I enjoy it.
Hey hey , when am I going to enter the SOCOM clan? Normally I don't have time to stay up that late (Brazil is always 2 hours later than your time , mind you) , but now I'm on school break and I might very well stay all night waken , if only people sent me more game invites (yes , that was really desperate) ...
@Naim, hey now. I live in Britain, and I stay up until 4-6am to play the Killzone matches, You have no excuse! :P
It's funny you should say that Naim as we were playing SSFIIHD Remix :) Sham we couldn't get MGO to work.
@zippyduda
Ya , you're the only one sending me game invites (bff!) ;about the excuses part , that's it , it's time to get respect , I'm standing all night along today ! *runs for the PS3*
I'm never online, but it's not my fault. My PS3 hasn't given me a reason to turn it on lately...
I've been wanting to play Burnout Paradise more, but every time I think about it I remind myself that I could just try and improve my lap times on Forza. It's a curse.
I don't know why, but fake cars are a way big turn off for me. It's weird.
:(
@Blehman
j1mb0 is a cheat and editor. :O
j1mb0 is saying what we're all thinking!
[BTW I'm sending the package out this/next week. I procrastinate.]
Can't wait to get my ass kicked by you in Blazblue.
I'm actually surprised I've last this long on Yojimbo's FL. LOL!
And honestly, it's hard to keep saying GG after getting slaughtered for the 30th time in a row on SFIV. :D
good thing i like poker huh? lol.
I always send a message if I get an invite, either saying, "I'll be there in second" or "Sorry, not right now." However, I disagree with the last one. If you're playing with other Dtoiders, and you just got stomped, or you just stomped the other team, you shouldn't have to say "good game." I think a better substitute is "it was good playing with you," which conveys the same sort of etiquette, but it's not outright lying, which is what saying "good game" is when it wasn't actually a good game.
Number 3 and 4 is pretty hard to avoid when you're in the UK and most of your dtoid friends are in the US.
I really need to make more of an effort to play games online with people I don't know...as the people I do know, while they are good friends, are rarely on when I am. Or, they are playing a single-player game (though, I've been guilty of that, what with my obsession with Fallout 3).
But, I have this fear that I'll run into a prick who is just out to humiliate others, or a 13-year old kid (or both). The latter would make me feel kinda creepy.
Also, I'm not really into the games that are popular on Live at the moment, like Halo 3 and Call of Duty games. And the ones I do play, like Rock Band and soon-to-be BlazBlue, I like to keep at a normal level. I don't need to be mocked because I'm not playing a plastic instrument on expert, or that I can't pull off some crazy combo.
I do think I'm going to give a go at hitting Live with BlazBlue, once I get some practice under my belt. Maybe I'll find someone at my skill level; someone who is just looking to play a good game and not get horribly competitive.
I went off an a tangent there, didn't I? Sorry.
A pet peeve of mine is when someone you don't know sends you a friend request out of the blue just because they saw you playing well in a few matches, even though they were consistently at the bottom of the leaderboards. They don't talk to you in the game, or send a message or give any indication that they would be fun to be around, they just want to play with someone good.
It is mindboggling to me that so many people want to be friends with some guy that was at the top of the leaderboards for a couple of rounds, without stopping to think it might be a good idea to you know, send a message to go along with the friend request that suggests what they have to offer that offsets their consistently terrible scores.
Since when is friendship a one-way street?
You missed the point, bro. There is a perfectly good reason for having people on your friends list but never playing with them. How else are you supposed to easily compare your epenis against the competition after marathon sessions of trophy whoring? If no one is on your friends list it's like it doesn't mean anything!