Let me formally introduce myself. My name is Francisco Rodriguez and if you were to see me on the streets I wouldn't catch your eye much. Unless you have a fetish for old Hispanic guys with epic white beards, and rather wild wavy hair. There's nothing really special about my name either, aside from it sounding ethnic but in actuality Francisco in Spanish circles is as plain as John, Steve, Jim and Dennis. My last name is probably shared with 75% of the Hispanic population.
So when it fell upon me way back when what to call myself in an online forum/log in, I thought long and hard about a new name to encompass and reflect my existing personality as well as bring to light, through an alias, an untapped part of myself that would never have been if not for this opportunity to rename myself. As a matter of fact, I thought to myself how many people have used aliases to do that very thing.
If you think about it, quite a few people change their names, from actors, to musicians as it
allows the artist to re-invent himself and his sound, sometimes the result can be great and other times it's just an outlet for something darker to emerge. It's not surprising to see these alternate names to be adopted by authors and just normal folk as well, through pseudonyms, aliases, nicknames, working names, legalized names, pen names, noms de plume, maiden names... etc.
Your name is mine until services rendered.
Notable authors with pseudonyms are a plenty but here are but a few.
Poe, Edgar Allan
[Hans Pfaal, Quarles]
Lovecraft, H(oward) P(hillips)
[Laurence Appleton, John L. Dunne, Harry Houdini, Humphrey Littlewit, Archibald Maynwaring, H(enry) Paget-Lowe, Richard Raleigh, Ames Dorrance Rowley, Theobaldus Senectissimus, Edward Softly, Lewis Theobold Jr., Albert Frederick Willie, Zoilus]
Somehow it doesn't surprise me Lovecraft had this many..
Hemingway, Ernest
[Morgan Llywelyn]
Stephen King-
[Richard Bachman, John Swithen]
Dean (Ray) Koontz
[Paige, Robin]
I remember picking my alias y0j1mb0 almost immediately. Being an Akira Kurosawa fan and loving Toshiro Mifune's depiction of his character in the movie of my namesake, a character aloof, with hidden honor and conniving, his character's name had to be adopted by me. A funny thing happens when you use another name and that's online either here in Destructoid or in online fisticuffs with your friends on LIVE or PSN, that's your name forever more. If you introduce yourself to them as such, your branded with the name.
Life in MB is complicated; I created Aliases, killed Aliases, banned Aliases, smuggled Aliases, sold Aliases. Perhaps now, things will be different -- Niko Bellic, Liberty City
I know Taylor Rexford is Shipero. But somehow when I chat with him, or play Stuntman: Ignition with him and god knows what other game, I'll call him Shipero... or Ship. If I were to meet him in person this would be the same. Maybe I'm weird like that. Hell if I went to one of these infamous Destructoid get togethers I don't think I could wrap my head around the idea of calling people their real names.
I think I had the most fun joining The Destructiod Army in Facebook and being shocked by other Dtoiders real names. lol. That had alot to do with this post really. That and thinking am I the only one that thinks like this regarding names and aliases. I started thinking: I wonder why they chose the names they have.. some are pretty self explanatory Br0nxb0mber's name is because he's a Yankees fan.. but what about Takeshi? Or king3vbo? I mean does he likes whoppers that much? And when you really break it down which name do you prefer to be called online in games, Destructoid or in waking life and consider your real name in your head?
Let me formally introduce myself again. My name is y0j1mb0 and I'm a super badass aging video game playing movie watching samurai on a mission to rule the world. And you are?
Monday is upon us fellow Poker Players and that can only mean one thing...GIVE ME YOUR MONEYZ. Cause I can smell fear and if you try to bluff me, you're going to lose. We recruited more players, I went ahead and stocked my fridge with booze and it's time to get it on tonight. Last time we had an absolute blast and tonight is going to be even better. We got more people on tap this time around so we will have even more hi jinks. On one of my earlier Poker posts, I decided to make an impromptu checklist for maximum enjoyment getting, for this post I updated it.
Poker Checklist for Tomorrow Night:
1. Booze.
Just not booze shown here with the fruity taste and frutier umbrellas in them.
2. PS Eye. ( Not required but boy is it fun looking at drunk ass bastards falling on their faces! )
3. The PSN Poker Game... duh!
Found at the PSN Store for quick download.
4. And some brass balls.
Last week's winner got themselves a copy of Soul Caliber III !!So what does this weeks' winner win?? This game right here. I hear it's really popular among the geeky RPG nerds in Destructoid. That would be about 90% of us. Let me show you what it looks like to wet your appetite some more with good ol' fashion American Greed.
So whats the hold up?? Bring your ass onto the festivities and try to beat us in Poker. I'm quite sure you guys think you can take me on, so bring it. Who knows. The planets may align tomorrow night , Hailey's comet may also fly across the sky, Sadistic may suck at UTIII, Shipero may cut himself with his own Warhawk knife, and you may win.
Shipero, Ha-Puken, Takeshi and I are will be doing Tequila shots. Maybe SantanaClause will make an appearance with his Jihad Beard. Maybe ceark will stop licking his wounds from the last time he played poker with us and show up. Who knows maybe naib wont be trashed before poker and he actually plays a few hands before we send him packing. Teta, you going to show up? Or are you to afraid of my mad Poker skillz? I know I'll be drinking some Cuervo 1800 bitches. So I'll be pleasantly buzzed before I begin.
Your chances of acquiring that copy of Disgaea 2 are exceptionally good. Leave your PSN tag below if your interested and if you by chance aren't in any of our Dtoiders' Friend lists.
The time for PSN Poker will begin @ 10pm EST. All you gotta do is boot up your poker game, look for the poker tables hosted by either Shipero, k0wb0y-b33b0p ( That's me )and or James Ewing, then enter on the table. They are easy to find, just look for "any" mode of poker tables and the ones with the padlock on the side will lead the way. Password to enter is: "toid"
Gears of War. For Xbox360 owners, the debut of the first game which sold 5.2 million copies, was probably a religious experience. Mainly due to some insane graphics that still hold up remarkably well and a little attachment to the the default weapon, The Lancer, known as the chainsaw. The act of chainsawing somebody in half with blood splattering on the screen, is one of the most graphic displays of violence in a game and one of the many contributing reasons why the first one enjoyed the success it did. Also why the sequel is forthcoming towards the end of the year. But like all good things, there is always room for improvement. May I present to you below a few of them in this:
10. Story.
Story? We don't need no stinking story!! Upon playing the first Gears, you as Marcus Fenix, get released from a prison that's sole purpose is to only house you and you alone. I think I'm the only one that noticed this little fact. From there, with the help from your friend Santiago, you proceed on your quest to help humanity push back the tide of the Locusts. One would think there was more to it then that but aside from a few tidbits here and there, some testosterone filled exchanges with your fellow colleagues, it's not much to the story. To be honest I didn't care because while I was being herded to set piece after set piece I was satisfied with the action onscreen. It's when you finish the game that you realize there was nothing to it. Epic, please expand on the story in the sequel, ok?
9. Make it a Longer Romp.
I beat Gears of War in a day. A day. I know it had a multiplayer component which I'll get to.. but the brevity of the story mode was disappointing to me. Maybe because I was enjoying the hell of the story mode and then boom!..it ends. But c'mon Epic, A little more meat on that bone please. It would suck to wait two years for the sequel only to beat it in six hours. I'm just asking for more man..that's all.
8. Color, Please.
Cliffy B and Mark Rein must be color blind. That's all there is to it. While the Unreal 3 Engine is an engine that can display quite alot of eye candy, it seems that in Epic's hands color must be a treasured commodity. Only distributed in small portions here and there and never in abundance. This was the case with Unreal Tournament 3, so dark..so very dark, to Gears of War grey palette. Hey, I'm not asking for the sprite candy colored world of Halo 3 here but some added color to make those graphics pop more sure would be awesome.
7. Four player coop.
I loved the coop mode of the original Gear of Wars. To play the game on Insane with a friend over LIVE was one of the best things about the original. How about adding two more to the coop fray. The more the merrier I say. While it's been speculated that this feature will indeed be in the final build of the sequel, as far as I know, nothing has been confirmed by Cliffy & Epic.
6. More Cog Tags & Hidden Goodies.
While everybody and their grandma where trying to get all the achievements for this game, my favorite thing was scouring the land for cog tags of my fallen brethren. I know collecting all of them was an achievement too but that's not why I did it. I just love going through a level looking for any Easter eggs the devs might have put in the game. Upon finding my first cog tag I had to find all of them. Put more of them into the game, hell put a bunch of Easter eggs to find. Maybe parts of a secret weapon and if you find all of these hard to find parts, you assemble a kick ass new gun to use on the locusts.
5. Bosses.
I want more Sub Bosses, and HUGE Bosses. The bigger the better. I want Voltron sized Bosses that I have to jump around a huge environment running and gunning to defeat. The first had a few but again..more is always better. Giant ass Snakelike things, Retarded ass monstrosities with mechanical Doohickeys and what not shooting lasers at you.. the weirder the better. Just give us HUGE fucking things to shoot at. If Resident Evil 4 can choke you with Epic bosses I'm sure a company called EPIC can incorporate them into their game.
4. Flamethrower.
It should be a law that when you work on a weapon based first person and third person shooter this weapon be available to you for use. I know the sentimental weapon of choice for Gears is a toss up between the sniper rifle and the shotgun but throw a flamethrower to the mix and I can just imagine the mayhem added to the already chaos ensuing. I don't wanna hear how that weapon wont work in the confines of the Gears engine.. a flamethrower will work in any damn engine in my opinion.
3. MORE MULTIPLAYER MODES.
For real. This game is begging for more multiplayer modes. Throw some bombing runs, or an assault mode Ala past Unreal Tournaments. That shit would be sick. Have a Berserker mode where one player is the Berserker and your trying to take him out, like juggernaut for Halo. Have more than two teams vying to win.. open it up and have more people in there. Maybe have bosses from the game as environmental hazards that teams can unleash or release on the other team. Just give us more multiplayer modes than the last time.
2. BOTS.
This is EPIC, right? Where's the Bots? Epic, where are the Bots? We have split screen coop, we have all these multiplayer modes and we can't enjoy or work on refining our skill offline?? From a company that makes the better bots in the business with Unreal Tournament 3? Why no bot love for us Epic? Imagine also starting an online game and not wanting to wait to start a match because you don't have the right amount of people. Just add a bot and your good to go.. OR even better, your whole team team against bots to work on your team tactics. Tell me you got those for the next game Cliffy.
1. The ERADICATION of HOST ADVANTAGE.
For crying out loud Epic and Microsoft. You better have dedicated servers this time around. Because if you don't and I have to deal with the host shooting me in my toe and I die, while I'm filling him with bullets and he shrugs them off like mosquitoes that's gonna be a deal breaker for me. Say what you want about Gears of War, great game, great graphics, awesome multiplayer, but if the host of the game is unstoppable.. the online is broken. Get that peer to peer bullshit that should be reserved ONLY if the dedicated servers are offline, outta here. You guys made a shitload of money the last time. Return the favor by incorporating dedicated servers and additionally a level playing field for all to enjoy. You do these things I can assure you your game that will most likely be good if not great, will rock.
It was raining on this particular birthday of mine. I remember that because I left my driver's side window down and my seat was drenched. Ever since then I have been anal of keeping my car windows closed whenever I leave my car..even if for a few minutes at a convenience store. Silly, I know.
Back to my point. My world changed when I unwrapped my gift to find The Criterion Collection: The Seven Samurai. Not because I was just then a budding movie fanatic but because of three things:
A. I never saw The Seven Samurai before this and was blown away by the sheer artistry on display. The epic scope Kurosawa manged to capture on film left me awestruck. My Kurosawa's love-fest began that day.
B. I couldn't believe my wife nailed the perfect present for me then. She knew I was a fan of samurai lore but at the time, only through snippets here and there. While I'm not terribly finicky and appreciate anything given to me, that she just got it right was beyond satisfying.
C. The Criterion Collection on Laser discs, and DVD was and is the end all and be all of excellence on disc form. Period. To say the amount of work they do to preserve film at it's utmost pristine form is an understatement. From new to obscure, to beloved classics, to the sheer amount of foreign films The Criterion Collection introduced me, I was blown away.
Needless to say most of my collection is of their brand. You generally pay more for them. But man is it worth it. Their special editions make other special editions look pitiful. Hell their supplemental material on their regular releases make other special edition look pitiful.
So what's this all leading to? Simple.
Blu ray and movie fans rejoice. The Criterion Collection is moving to Blu ray. I have been chomping at the bit for this to happen ever since I picked up my PS3. Strolling through their website on their banner at top I noticed with glee their Blu ray banner with this announcement:
Starting in October these new editions will feature glorious high-definition picture and sound, all the supplemental content of the DVD releases, and they will be priced to match our standard-def editions.
Here’s what’s in the pipeline:
The Third Man Bottle Rocket Chungking Express The Man Who Fell to Earth The Last Emperor El Norte The 400 Blows Gimme Shelter The Complete Monterey Pop Contempt Walkabout For All Mankind The Wages of Fear
Alongside our DVD and Blu-ray box sets of The Last Emperor, we’ll also be putting out the theatrical version as a stand-alone release in both formats, priced at $39.95. Our Blu-ray release of Walkabout will be an all-new edition, featuring new supplements as well as a new transfer; we will also release an updated anamorphic DVD of Nicolas Roeg’s outback masterpiece at the same time.
HELL YES.
BTW: all those movies rock. The 400 blows I will be posting in a future sideblog review.
Ahh, democracy such a wonderful thing and one thing I will employ for our next PS3 Friday Night Fights. As some who read my last Friday Night Fights post already know I left our first timeslot open to your suggestions for whatever game you may want.
So here I ask you to vote for whatever it is you want to play for the next PS3 Friday Night Fights. Want it to be Tekken Online again. I heard good times were had by all. How about Rainbow Six Vegas 2. I hear that game rocks online now. Care to put it to the test? There's Hot Shots Golf as well. We sure can make a Tee time..I'm sure down with that. Or we can take it back to OLD SCHOOL with Mortal Kombat 2. Calling ALL Cars ? Doable.
Let me know folks and I will add it to the rotation. It can even be an extended Call of Duty 4 night if that's what you want. Just cast your vote for whatever game you want below and I'll tally them up by Thursday night. And if you don't see the game you want above..like Burnout , ROCKSTAR , hell even Stuntman.. just put it down.
Super Delegates wont be required for final decision.
We have had Haze, Killzone 2, Little Big Planet, MK VS DC, Soul Caliber IV, even Spyro the Dragon and yet this game that's going to come out for both the Xbox360 and PS3 at the end of this month hasn't been covered yet? Unless I missed it..which I don't think I have. Sure it's not going to win any beauty pageants but we do prefer beautiful game play versus beautiful graphics, do we not?
I heard this game was a pretty good PC game. Based on Teamwork with different classes, expansive environments and for the consoles..bots in tow. Am I the only one interested in this game??
Here's some media your way, just in case you haven't heard of this game lately. I know I was jealous of the PC crowd having this but I don't think they even care for this game, what with they being all into Team Fortress 2.
Wacky ass trailer #1
Wacky ass trailer #2
Serious Team Tactics/ Dev's Game play Diary
Anybody else thinks Enemy Territories: Quake Wars looks remotely interesting ?..Or is it just me?
There are many reasons why I love Destructoid. So many in fact that I could write six blogs worth of content on the subject matter. But this isn't a Destructoid Love Letter. Though I do love me some Destructoid. No my friends and fellow Dtoiders..this is to give you the most recent reason why I love it.
I shall begin with the beginning. I've been meaning to change my avatar for awhile. As is customary I beg all the creative artists in Destructoid constantly for art. It's The Way of The Begging Samurai you see. So in my begging adventures I bore fruit with Teta immortalizing me in his sketch pad as seen here:
So kick ass.
..and now I have snared yet another Talented Artist with my all encompassing beggary. Who is it this time? This young impressionable lad..
..
By the name of GAMEGOBLIN.
This fine young lad fell into my snare and volunteered to create my new avatar. Again, my begging skillz know no bounds. Now witness the awesomeness of my new avatar as done by GAMEGOBLIN.
How cool is that shit?? Thanks again GB.. your art skillz are indeed fantastic. And again many thanks. Now if I can just decide which one I'm going to roll with. Decisions, decisions.
[ Also, if you're an amazing artist who still hasn't contributed to the y0j1mb0 wants art Foundation, looking at you itemforty & Rio among others, don't fret..there's still time for this. Just PM me with your desire to do so. ]
Friday!! YES!! Which means quite a few things on Destructoid. Topher has his legendary Friday Post, We usually have some cool ass art show up on the front page, something will piss Jim Sterling off and he'll write about it ( Yeah! ), and PS3 Friday Night Fights is in full effect.
For this PS3 Friday Night Fights I thought of changing things up a bit. Not much mind you just one thing. Unreal Tournament 3's attendance has been anemic at best so I thought to myself:
Why not use this time to introduce some other game every week? Why not ask people to leave something in the comments section here to vote what game will be taking its place?
So forever more the time slot of 9pm EST will be in your hands. Want UT3 there again? Vote. Want Hot Shots Golf.. please yes.. Vote. How about Rainbow Six Vegas 2? Again..let us know and I will add that bad boy into rotation.
For this week I think I'll add a game to make it a true PS3 Friday Night Fight. A game I'm surprised hasn't been added before. May I introduce this week's game for the 9pm time slot. Ladies & Gents:
I've been playing this game with my fellow Dtoiders for awhile now on the side and it's an awesome romp of fisticuffs and past Tekken arcade memories.
So making it official for one night just gives me a nice warm feeling. Can't wait to really kick some people's asses in this game. Anybody think they can take my Kick boxer extraordinaire Bruce or Powerhouse Paul Phoenix? Then step right up chumps. Prove it.
Everything else for PS3 Friday Night Fights will be the same. So let's recap.
@ 9pm EST/ The Tekken Online Experiment will begin. Anybody think they can play that game come and join us for a rude awakening. Takeshi will be your host and all you have to do is start your game and look for our invite. To make it easy on him , send him a friend request so he doesn't have to manually type your name for an invite. Lazy Bastard. So those who want a kick to the face leave your PSN tag below. We will contact you.
@ 10pm EST/ Call of Duty 4 will continue the online shenanigans. Yours truly, y0j1mb0 aka k0wb0y-b33bop, will be hosting. Commandos and Devil Dogs needed. Let's rank up together and destroy the competition. Or each other. Either way we win.
and finally @ 11pm we visit Liberty City. The original Sin City. Ha-Puken aka James Ewing will be hosting. Just wait for his call on your in game celly. Care for Cop n Crooks? Or Team Deathmatch? Or Races? Or Coop? Whatever you want it'll be there for the taking.
Keep in mind that Maxvest will most likely be playing ROCKBAND before he starts hosting GTA IV as well.
The only thing we need are men of action .. and great deeds. Are you one of them? Come join us. Join our Dtoid PS3 Team and let's rule the online world.
Somehow I don't think this is what she looks like. If she's even a she.
I never understood the appeal of this self proclaimed messiah of vague, generalized inside game predictions. To me most of her inside knowledge amounted to guesses that most could come up with on their own..Gears of War 2 coming? Really? Sometimes she might smack one out of the park but if this was baseball she would be relegated to the minor leagues.
But whatever she may have been, a bonafide insider with her ear to the ground or a charlatan who wanted John Edwards to win the nomination, it seems her reign of medium activities is over. Surfer Girl has exited stage left. She has quit. In her last blog post she claims:
*What was the point of this blog? Force folks to pay attention to important things going on in the real world and encourage them to become activists for social and political progress. I probably failed miserably, but at least I tried. as well as:
*Industryites, bad QoL situations will not get better by telling no one about them.
and finally:
*You cannot honestly be surprised that Doom 4 was announced, can you? I'm guessing you are the kind that will be shocked when things like Call of Duty 6, Diablo III, Hitman 5, Onimusha 5, Max Payne 3, the non-wagglefest starring those Rabbids, Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 3, Sniper Studios' Capcom title, Dynasty Warriors 8, NBA Street 5 and Turok 2 are announced.
Hasta Luego, Surfer Girl.
Name: Francisco *AKA* y0j1mb0
Age: 36. I'm the residential Old Geezer of Destructoid & You Tube Superstar.
Likes: Roast Beef Sandwiches, unsolicited sex, video games of all genres.
Dislikes: Elitist Pricks, Hippies, People who use the word "n00bz"
Consoles I Own: PS3, Wii, Xbox 360.
[ PSN:k0wb0y-b33b0p - Friend Code: 0774-3918-3804 - LIVE: y0j1mb0 ]
Games you will see me playing: GTA IV ( What a Surprise! ), Echochrome, PSN Poker, Stuntman: Ignition, Front Mission DS, Odin Sphere, Rainbow Six Vegas 2: The I Need a Patch Edition, COD4, UTIII, Warhawk, and just dived into Ninja Gaiden Sigma ( Thanks again James! )
Games I'm itching to play: Heavy Rain, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, Wipeout HD, Little Big Planet, Socom: Confrontation, Resistance 2, Haze, Alan Wake, and Fable 2.
Things off the Blog I do. Once every month I review two movies. Generally obscure, cult classics or off the radar flicks that need to be seen by all.
Past Movie Recommendations:
Gangster No 1 Zaitoichi The Blindswordsman Glengarry Glenn Ross Oldboy A History of Violence Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer The Seven Samurai High Tension Brazil Jacob's Ladder
This month I'm pleased to highlight two more movies in my collection:
Years after terrorizing a small Texas community, the God's Hand Killer has returned-leaving in his wake a perplexing trail of fear and death. Convinced that he knows the killer's identity, Fenton Meiks shows up at FBI Headquarters, intent on putting an end to the murderous rampage and relieving his conscience of his family's sinister secrets.
Frailty was Bill ( Game Over, man!! Game Over!! ) Paxton's directorial debut. One would think that it wouldn't be as good compared to some other director if he would of had the realms. But what Bill did here with this indie movie is create one of the better hidden gems of psychological suspense out there. What's even more remarkable is that aside from Mathew McConaughey, Powers Boothe and Bill himself..the majority of the movie is in the capable hands of unknown child actors.
Here's another thing.. the movie just flat out works on all cylinders. Mathew McConaughey actually doesn't take his shirt off in the movie and get this...acts!! Bill himself is great as a Father who may or may not be off his rocker. And Powers Boothe, one of my favorite character actors, brings in the rear as the FBI agent on the trail of the God's Hand Serial Killer.
This movie has some of the most memorable images yet for a suspense movie. Being that it doesn't have an over the top budget, what Bill did with this movie is even more of an accomplishment. There will be scenes that you just wont believe.. images of implied violence that will make you cringe and acting that makes the script believable and fresh. At times claustrophobic with just a two camera shots going back and forth between two actors to long lingering static shots Bill doesn't succumb to the usual camera hysterics most new directors use. Those hyper cut, MTV quick camera shots that make no sense.
If you haven't seen this awesome movie, do yourself a favor. Head to Walmart, go to the Bargain Bin where the DVDs are 4.88 and pluck through the garbage, pick this diamond in the rough up and add it to your collection. Great stuff and an excellent date movie as well.
Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, the director that brought you The Sixth Sense and Signs you may think you know what you're getting yourself into with this movie. While it may share some thematic elements from prior work, this movie is it's own beast. It's also Shyamalan's best movie by far in my humble opinion.
With all the hoopla of Iron Man and recent superhero movies, it's only fitting I add this cult classic to the table for your consumption. Before I begin giving you my two cents worth, let me preface this by saying I used to be the biggest comic book fanboy ever. Up till the day before I got married I collected just about every Marvel comic known to man as well as select DC, Image, Legend, and a sprinkle of indie comics as well. How does that correlate to this movie? Well that's simple. What M. Night Shyamalan did with Unbreakable is create the greatest superhero movie ever. Did that get your attention? I thought it would.
David Dunn's marriage is crumbling, and he's thinking of moving to New York. On commute when he's coming home from a job interview, his train derails and he is the only survivor out of 132 people who perished to their deaths. More than that, he doesn't have a scratch on him. David is contacted by Elijah Price, who runs a comic book art gallery and suffers from a genetic condition that makes his bones very easy to break. Elijah has been a comic book fan all his life, and has developed a theory that they are what remains of an ancient system of storytelling, and that the superheroes they are about are based on real people. Elijah believes David may be one of these people. He has hardly ever been injured or sick, and he has tremendous strength, plus an uncanny ability to tell if someone is about to or has done something bad. David doesn't know what to think about the theory, or Elijah himself. However, events soon conspire to convince him he may be a superhero after all.
This movie is required viewing by all comic book fans. As a matter of fact if you haven't seen this movie and are a comic book fan your license just got revoked. Bruce Willis is superb as David and Samuel L. Jackson is fucking brilliant in this movie. The pace of the movie is slow and you may find yourself looking around wondering when is it going to pick up. But that's just Shyamalan wanting you to see everything in the frame. You'll come to realize that the movie itself is like a moving graphic novel. The colors he employs, to the way the scenes themselves have a magical almost surreal feel it just doesn't get any better.
Though the gritty, seemingly naturalistic flick offers up nary a pair of Day-Glo spandex tights, those in the know immediately recognize the hallmarks of the comic form, such as heightened dialogue (Samuel L. Jackson's giggle inducing expository speeches) and bizarro flourishes (Jackson's cane is made of glass -- so practical!). That said, Shyamalan, in an interview, still didn't call ''Unbreakable'' a comic book movie. ''It's more a movie about the milieu of comic books than it is a comic book movie,''
To me M. Night Shyamalan made this movie for the comic book nerd in all of us. He made it for the eight year old y0j1mb0 who used to read Fantastic Four and Batman way back when in wide eyed wonder. And now as an adult when watching this movie I'm transformed back to a kid, wide eyed with wonder, wanting to wrap a blanket around my neck, wanting to be that hero. The respect he gives comic books in this movie will forever cement Unbreakable in my top 25 movies of all time.
A Rant On Religion:
Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?
You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened:
About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.
Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.
Let's start with the first three:
I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN
THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH
Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord's name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7. Next:
HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER
Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.
Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.
THOU SHALT NOT STEAL
THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS
Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to 5.
And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:
THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE
Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But, marital infidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it "thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.
But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS
This one is just plain fuckin' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:
THOU SHALT NOT KILL
Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:
Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.
&
Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.
Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
GEORGE CARLIN ON THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
from "Complaints and Grievances"
