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Why everyone should at least lurk on the DToid forums.

I Review Them In Stereo:
Joanna Newsom's Have One On Me
Two Door Cinema Club's Tourist History
Tunng's ...And Then We Saw Land

Things people say I like:

I can't fully enjoy the PS3 without an ample supply of hookers and blow. How does that figure into your Reaganomics? - MegaStryker

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see. - Alice from Alice in Wonderland; the greatest book ever written

Best thing about those cards are how bad the pun/product writing is. "I only have Snake Eyes for you." "You've Duke'd it out with my heart and now I'm yours to command." "I have a Cobra Commander in my pants." - sheppy

"Sarah Palin is a fucking retard." - Stephen Colbert

How to read a review without being pissed off:
1. Decide prematurely whether the game is balls, or the second coming of flying spaghetti monster.
2. Go to www.metacritic.com and search for the game.
3. If flying spaghetti monster, click on first link. If balls, scroll to the end and click on the last link.
4. You should now be sitting and staring at a review you agree with.
5. Complement reviewer on such a well thought out and non biased review.
-BlackSunEmpire-

That's because WWI was a pretty low-budget project, it was mostly about the story of soldiers in trenches and lay-low tactics, the sequel WWII, was really the bomb, with millions of dollars invested on it and top notch action sequences. - adrianboy

I think booze is a pretty cool guy. eh keeps me from doing the recaps on time and doesn't afraid of anything. - Pendleton21

Everyone else tolerates it because you're an attractive woman, I find that quite shallow. - Mousse420

*NOTE: I like that quote because at least I know if everyone is going to assume I'm female at least I'm attractive. Call me.

I was able to cause my child to fall into a well of depression after shattering his tailbone by horribly failing the see-saw QTE at the park three times in a row. Then I tried to cheer him up by buying him candy, but picked the one flavor he didn't like. It was like reliving my own childhood.

11/10.

GOTY.
- SuitcoatAvenger -

Xzyliac: @punisher898 Score! I wonder if Cyndi Lauper and Lady GaGa hang out together. #ponders
punisher898 (aka Occams Electric Toothbrush): @Xzyliac: I bet if they do its like the best Folger's coffee commercial ever.

That's awesome. Hollywood writers are the best! I had one make me an iced latte the other day. It was totally adequate!
-Jumbo

Uno just brings out the animals in all of us. It's just too sexy of a game.
-Sanious

Xzyliac, shut up, you\'re not cool.
-Fear No Darkness

*NOTE: I would like to note that later on I explained myself to Fear No Darkness and he totally sent me an apologetic PM. He's a classy fella whom I'd love to share a drink with sometime.

If you've never had promiscuous thoughts about a Dreamcast then you're not a gamer.
-GoldenGamerXero
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19 things I want for my 19th birthday
Xzyliac | 6:13 PM on 01.27.2010 44 comments




Today is January 25th but when I plan on making this blog live it will be the 27th. My 19th birthday. Chances are I'm doing one of three things right now: Playing Mass Effect 2, getting my hair one, or taking my driving test.

Now while I'm away this would be a perfect time for all of you to buy me shit I want. I've decided to help you all by providing a list in no particular order. Enjoi b1tchz...

1. Gibson Firebird V (Classic White)
Price: $1,700



The Gibson Firebird is my dream guitar. If you've never heard the sound of sex played through a guitar you would if you played the Gibson Firebird. I know Fenders are the hip thing nowadays but I'll always be a Gibson man. There's just something about them that makes me fall in love. I'd love nothing more than to sit this curvy lady next to my Les Paul.

2. Harmonix Music Systems
Price: $1,000,000,000 (holy shit)



Okay Alex move over. Now I love Alex Rigupolus (I've talked to him a few times) and I love the entire Harmonix team. I consider each and every one of them brilliant and I can name a good chunk of them right here and right now. They're good fucking people and in a perfect world I land a gig doing something within their magical Bostonian walls. And it's out of this love that I must say "Alex, take a long vacation and hand over the keys." It's time to spice up the music game genre. It's time to take some risk. Let's do something new team. Something that doesn't use plastic instruments.

We need a new video game rock opera epic.

3. Two PS3's
Price: $700

So I'm not getting that PS3 after all. Lame. I'm quitting the working/schooling gig and just focusing on the latter. So to make up for my disappointment you guys can get me two PS3's instead of one. You're welcome.

4. This hair
Price: Any job oppurtunity ever



This hair. I would kill for this hair. Albeit minus the goofy puffballs but yeah, this hair. God dammit dreads grow faster!

5. Sega Dreamcast
Price: $100

I lost mine in the move. I loved her. I named her Juniper. Unfortunately now she's gone and I need someone new to fill the hole. Can be boy or girl. Must be potty trained. PM for details.

6. Paris in April by April March on LP
Price: $70.00



No seriously I want this for my birthday. I want this so hard. It's the only place I can find it and I want it before someone else buys it. Wait...why am I telling you? You'll probably buy it!

No...nooo...don't click that...don't do it...DON'T...augh...dickface.

7. The unreleased sixth Cranberries album
Price: The fucking universe

DOLORES O'RIORDAN I SWEAR TO GOD IF THIS REUNION DOESN'T EQUAL THE COMPLETION OF THAT ALBUM I WILL BLAME YOU! God damn Irish.

8. To live out Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Price: Absolutely priceless


I love Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It's my favorite movie of all time and rejuvenated my love of film. If you haven't seen it you really must. It's one of the finest films ever made and has one of the sweetest endings I've ever seen. It's a wicked surreal trip and I'd kill to go through something like that. It's almost like a modern day Alice in Wonderland for grown-ups and if you've read my About Me (You have read my new About Me, right?) you know Alice in Wonderland is the greatest book ever written. True facts people. True facts.

9. A book worth reading
Price: I dunno

You know how long it's been since I read a book? Seriously, like, a LOOONG time. I read a lot. Mostly blogs, newspapers, magazines, and the occasional movie script (Hey Miranda July whatever happened to that full length film you were working on? I can only watch You and Me and Everyone We Know so many times). But it's been a long time since I found a good book I actually needed to read from front to back.

10. All the Jones Soda in the world
Price: Probably more than all the Coke in the world...which is really sad



Ever since moving I've noticed Houston has a serious lacking of one thing and one thing only: Jones Soda. What the fuck? I need an overpriced pure cane fix in a pretentious and artsy bottle! Seriously if you've never had Jones you are missing out. As one of my friends said "It is the indie artist of sodas." Seriously, shit's so good.

11. A million dollars in vinyl bucks
Price: In vinyl world or the real world?

So, yeah, I collect vinyl. CDs suck, MP3s are a lesser evil, vinyl is awesome. Even more awesome is more artist are releasing their new stuff on vinyl here in the States. Now this has almost always been so in England (screw you guys) but here in Amurika mofos so bent on the latest greatest iPodPhoneCarShoe with it's crazy gizmo wizadry that we kind of forget to buy, well, what sounds good. Luckily with all the music format innovations coming to a halt vinyl is back. HOORAY!

So I want one million dollars that I can only spend on vinyl. That way when bitches ask me for money I can say "Sorry. It's not real currency. It's vinyl bucks." Awesome.

12. The iRock
Price: $4,596,695.99



So apparently my iRock preorder fell through. They were getting too many at a time or some fiasco and in the hurricane of madness they lost mine and a few others so it'll be another 4-6 months of twiddling my thumbs and bleeding through my pores with anticipation as the disease of do want consumes my face.Enkido's gloating of his recently received iRock didn't help either. Damn you Enkido!

13. Sex with Tiger Woods
Price: $3...that's how much vaseline cost right?

Everyone got some. I feel left out and unloved. :/

14. PAX East
Price: Hmm...$650

Another thing I lost in the move was my ability to go to PAX East. Soo originally the trip was...*math doing face*...$150 and now it would be $650. And since none of you dirty apes will adopt me I guess you'll all have to pay for my tickets and room.

I don't know why you won't adopt me. I'm totally lovable. You bastard.

15. To understand the fanboy
Price: My soul


This picture never ceases to frighten and fascinate me.

Now I used to be a fanboy. Yes, yes, let that sink in. I was a Sega fanboy and then a Microsoft fanboy. They weren't the best of times let me tell you. Actually I was led astray by my Sega fanboy cousin and then when the Dreamcast died I pledged striking vengeance by not...buying...a PS2...I was like 12 or something okay so leave me alone.

But things have gotten far more intense since I left the fanboy world, broke down, and bought that PS2 Slim (which subsequently broke down...twice...guess Microsoft isn't the only one). Yes now we have YouTube and weird little armies that apparently hang out on user created forums to have their fanboy orgies and then attack other forums with flame wars and return home to suck more Sony/Microsoft/Nintendo cock.

What the fuck? When I was a fanboy we just took cheap shots at each others exclusives and occasionally got hardcore by "taking it to the PMs." You guys are just fucking crazy.

16. All my stuff
Price: $1,000

A lot of my stuff is still Baltimore. I miss my stuff. It can't get shipped soon enough.

17. That band
Price: Does Karen O charge by the hour?

Remember that band? That one that you were gonna start when you were 16 or whatever? Back when you first started taking lessons? Your eyes filled with hope and your imagination spinning? Remember asking everyone "Do you know a drummer,"? Remember visually scanning the cafeteria for a singer hoping and praying he/she would be hot? Remember that?

Yeah, I want that back. See because I had that band. It was my best friends and me. I handled the drums, my buds provided the strings, and the hot chick screamed the nonsense. I want that back. I want the hot chick on vocals, I want wicked strings, I want a sassy keyboardist, and I wanna smash some drums. You dig?

18. To not want Elly Jackson so bad
Price: My sexuality



Seriously I don't think I can do it.

19. An ounce of the talent of any of following artist
Price: Year of dedication, practice, passion, and fucking awesomeness.

This is basically the end credits to all the people I don't know personally who have inspired me immensly over the last 19 years. These people are amazing.

Elly Jackson
Robert Plant
Karen O
David Bowie
Regina Spektor
Robert Johnson
Any member of Digable Planets
Dirty Dave Mustaine (sober Dave Mustaine sucks)
Grace Slick
Voltaire
Stevie Nicks
Tahita Bulmer
Kate Jackson
Miranda July
Charlie Kaufman
Nubuo Uematsu
Edward Hopper
Tarja Turunen
Donita Sparks
Patti Smith
Lewis Carrol
Edgar Allen Poe
Dolores O'Riordan
Kathleen Hanna
Thurston Moore
Kim Gordon
Joan Jett
Amy WInehouse (shut up)
Damon Albarn
Jack White
Mario Puzo
Jennifer Hale
Michael Gondry
Joan Baez


-----------------

So that's my terrible little piece of self-indulgence. Happy my birthday to all ya'll!



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42 comments | showing # 1 to 42
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vApathyv's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 18:48
vApathyv
Ya know, I -do- have two Dreamcasts.....hmmmmmm...

Oh, and happy burfday and such, don't spend all your b-day earnings on hookers and blow! (Just most of it)
GamesAreArt's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 18:56
GamesAreArt
"To understand the fanboy " Everybody has a little fanboy in them, just most people don't admit it.
mourning orange's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 19:05
mourning orange
You moved to Houston?

I'm sorry.

HAPPY DAY OF BIRTH!
CelicaCrazed's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 19:19
CelicaCrazed
Happy Birthday! All I can give you is this comment and a fap.

Also this went live now.
Daxelman's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 19:19
Daxelman
My Birthday was January 25th.
CelicaCrazed's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 19:28
CelicaCrazed
Happy Belated Birthday to you too, Dax! ^_^
Kraid's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 19:31
Kraid
Hot damn! Happy Birthday man!
RonBurgandy2010's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 19:42
RonBurgandy2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!



Now post some more mash ups!


Seriously, I bookmarked that post.
WastelandTraveler's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 19:54
WastelandTraveler
JONES SODA?!? JOOOOOOOOOONESSSS SOOOOOOOOOOOODAAAAAAAAAA?!?! YOU WILL RECEIVE BIRTHDAY JONES SODA SEX FROM ME!
Daxelman's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 20:08
Daxelman
Also, you HAVEN'T PAYED FOR STYLO YET?

IT'S FUCKING AMAZING DO IT NOW.

Stylo, by Gorillaz, I mean.
Usedtabe's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 20:10
Usedtabe
Welcome to Houston! We'll have to have a NARP sometime soon. I prefer Ibanezs or PRS's myself, but that is one sweet ass guitar. Also, check your local H.E.B., I've seen those Jones drinks there and at various gas stations.
ran24's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 20:17
ran24
Catch 22 is the funniest book I've ever read, so you should check it out. And it doubles as commentary on the military! So you're laughing and sort of getting smarter...
RenegadePanda's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 20:31
RenegadePanda
100 bucks for a Dreamcast? I can get you one for 35. Is good deal, you pay very little. I have 2 but one is broken. You're welcome to it if you want to fix the disc drive though.
007's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 21:01
007
Shit, we're the same age. Are you going to a Uni?

Also, most importantly... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GURRRL
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 21:29
Monodi
I'd mail you a bunch of Jones Soda if I had access to some in first place.
nukka jdav's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 21:31
nukka jdav
Dude, read "A Confederacy of Dunces". Now.

It is a comic masterpiece. The tale of its origin is interesting/sad as well. That covers a book worth reading. Do it. Now. NOW.
Enkido's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 21:38
Enkido
Happy Birthday, that guitar is incredibly sexy, and as for a book worth reading have you ever tried Michael Chrichton, he wrote Jurassic Park and recently published a book about pirates from beyond the grave. Seriously, it's called Pirate Latitudes and is quite good, look it up.
Perfidious Sinn's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 21:47
Perfidious Sinn
I played a Gibson Firebird at Guitar Center a few days ago, then went home and cried myself to sleep because I know I may never be able to afford it. v_v

At least I have Jones Soda. :D
Sean Carey's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 22:13
Sean Carey
Sorry you're in Houston, but at least you can come to the next Texas NARP!

Happy Birthday!
Jonathan Holmes's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 22:18
Jonathan Holmes
Happy Birthday! I, for one, am quite glad that you were born. I'm sure many others are too.
Xzyliac's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 22:19
Xzyliac
Thanks everybody! I've got those book suggestions on the shopping list.

@007
I'm HCC'in it right now. Hopefully I'll transfer within the year.

@Daxelman
Happy belated birthday mate. Oh and I have not bought Stylo but I have listened the shit out of it.

@vApathyv
I seriously think my heart stopped a little bit.

@RenegadePanda
How bad is the damage?

@Usedtabe
Dude I wanna lose my NARP virginity so hard.

Also @Everyone
JOOOONES SOOOODA! If I ever ditch the La Roux theme I'd probably change it to Jones Soda.
vApathyv's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 22:25
vApathyv
Well, if I ever find the cords to it, then what the hell, you can have it. I sure as hell don't need two of 'em. xD

Oh, and have a Birthday Cake!
WarZombie's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 23:16
WarZombie
Happy birthday, and definitely an entertaining read. I'm turning 20 myself in 11 days, so I might just make one of these myself.
Takeshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2010 23:32
Takeshi
Oh you youngsters and your dreams. Happy Birthday.
Elsa's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 00:07
Elsa
Happy Birthday Xzyliac!!
(and you too Daxelman!)

... hope you had an awesome Birthday... and got something nice (though it would be pretty hard to live up to the stuff on that list!!)

I too have a spare dreamcast (works and has several VMU's and controllers)... but it comes with about 30 games and two HUGE racing wheel (the kind with pedals) and would cost a fortune to ship from Canada. If you can pay shipping, it's yours - but shipping will likely be about $150.00 or so....
Mark Griffiths's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 01:40
Mark Griffiths
Happy birthday for yesterday unless it's still the 27th over there!

Hope you got some nice stuff and maybe at least something off the list! :P

I'd send my iRock, but they won't ship them to the UK yet... :(
jawshoeuh's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 09:54
jawshoeuh
Hahaha, nice birthday list. I could help you out with the band, but I call drums so you'll have to play egg shaker.
Occams electric toothbrush's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 09:55
Occams electric toothbrush
Happy birthday. 19 is a fun age. Rock that shit.
Anonymouse's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 10:30
Anonymouse
Happy Birthday you sexy beast!
manasteel88's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 12:03
manasteel88
Hey! I live in Houston too! My sister goes to HCC! She likes music too (in a band)! I love Eternal Sunshine too!

Coincidences are amazing.

also, Happy Birthday. I hope you get all you want and I've bought a Dreamcast at Games Plus (off Hwy 6 and 529) for $25 or less so somebody get over there and buy it for you!
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 12:22
Monodi
PS: Happy Birthday, honey bun and what not!
Anonymouse's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 12:31
Anonymouse
I have to admit though, the first time I saw the Bulletproof video, I thought she was some kind of bizarre Ron Weasly.
Xzyliac's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 13:30
Xzyliac
@Anonymouse
Oh yeah she has stories about being teased as a kid because she looks kinda like a dude. Her makeup in Bulletproof was really weird. Her face look almost gray. Like they tried to make her look too pale. She looks much better in In for the Kill.

@manasteel88
Dude that's awesome!!! I'll check out that store. Maybe we'll meet or something one of these days!
dantle piece's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 13:54
dantle piece
You should read ...And another thing by Eoin Colfer. Its the 6th part to the hitch hiker's guide and its awesome
Acai Berry's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 14:46
Acai Berry
Is anybody using <a href="http://aresvista.com">aresvista.com</a> to download music? My MP3 collection is getting huge.
mix's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 16:17
mix
Happy Bday!!!!

Jones soda is amazing, LOVE that stuff.

I was going to say another gift could be like being in Canada so you can legally drink!!
ikiryou's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 18:15
ikiryou
Happy B-Day and such! 'Hope you'll get some of that sweet stuff you want and a shot at Ms. Jackson, too ;)
beverlynoelle's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 18:54
beverlynoelle
HAPPY BIRFDAY YESTERDAY!
Handy's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/28/2010 19:42
Handy
SUPER LATE HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAAAAAAAAY!
I was going to get you everything on your list but then you went and said “God damn Irish”.....so now you get nothing. We’re fickle like that.
SimonSaysDie's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2010 17:30
SimonSaysDie
Happy Birthday! Let's hope you get...erm...SOME of those.
wanderingpixel's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/29/2010 18:19
wanderingpixel
Happy B-Day!

Your birthday is on the same day as my mom's!

Here, I got you a fap.
Lenano's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/10/2010 19:09
Lenano
That hair scares the hell out of me. Jones soda is amazing.

I want to go to a strobe light party like that
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