Videogames and dating: Writing under the influence
of Diet Soda
Well it’s almost Valentine’s Day and since I don’t have a date I’m gonna make fun of the entire day scene
(Yes, that makes sense to me)
I tend to explain a lot of thing through videogames analogies, it seems to resonate with the people I hang out
with and more often than ever I’ve found that some of the lessons I probably learn through videogames on a
subconscious level are often so very right.
Mario’s relationship with Peach is a lot healthier now than in the early days.
This is Destructoid so I’m gonna assume that we all know the princess gets some sick pleasure out of cock
teasing the hell out of everybody, but there’s also the fact that Mario used to be pussy whipped like no other
man has before. His entire existence revolved around saving this princess that couldn’t fight her way out of a
paper bag and needed a big fat Italian guy to save her. That’s all he did, that’s what defined Mario he lived to
please an insatiable woman. He kept fighting a quest that was almost as noble as it is stupid.
These days Mario has become a more complete person. He practices tennis, golf, goes cart racing and
somehow managed to go to Med School and became a doctor and I applaud him for that. However there’s
the fact that Peach is always with him in these activities (except for the doctor part) and makes me think that
someone in that relationship is very clingy and just can’t leave the other person alone.
Also, Smash Brothers is kind of weird in the sense that I don’t understand if it’s just a friendly game or a
socially accepted (at least in Nintendo’s society) form of domestic violence.
“Your Princess is in another castle” was probably the first time I learned about heartbreak. Mario quite does
this epic feat to get this woman and supposed to save the world he lives in. He jumps over bottomless pits,
he stomps hellish creatures, he sends a monster to his fiery death in a pit of lava just to find this mushroom
shaped anthropomorphic piece of soul crushing disappointment at the end of his quest. That’s just as harsh
as things get.
However the phrase “Your Princess is in another castle” also implies that there is a princess somewhere for
Mario. This probably gives a lot more hope towards finding that special someone than real life.
Bowser is also a pretty interesting case. Most people know about “The one that got away” that person that
you wanted to be it so badly yet never quite managed to. Most people eventually moved on. Bowser never
moved on and he keeps chasing and kidnapping the same woman, a woman that very obviously doesn’t
want to be with him. This all seems very silly to me. There’s obviously a member of the opposite sex that
loves him just enough to have his babies, however he keeps following the dumb blonde that constantly
rejects him, maybe he just wants to be punished or something. We also have to consider that there’s
something sexually deviant about this whole thing since Bowser and Peach are of a different species.
I guess there’s also the fact that Bowser kidnaps Peach for entirely political purposes but there’s no comedy
in that statement.
Well that’s all I have for now. To everybody that’s reading this Happy Valentine’s, be safe and what not.