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WriterSteve's blog

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WriterSteve avatar 6:44 PM on 01.07.2012  (server time)

Totally watching Labyrinth right now, folks.

In other news, I've been thinking about Final Fantasy VII. I'm one of those guys, unfortunately. One of those annoying dicks who exclaims loudly to anyone who will listen that FF7 is the greatest God-damned game ever God-damned made, Goddamn it, and it must annoy the crap out of everyone. I'm sorry, I can't help it.

Holy shit, I'm drunk. My girlfriend has her friends over and I had to drink heavily to get through it. Do you think people who have never heard of the Final Fantasy series, and see it abbreviated as 'FF', just add their own words in their heads?

When it was released, Frisky Fungus 7 was mind-blowing. Yes, the ingame graphics kind of sucked when you think about it, but the cut scenes made me do a sex wee. Plus, it was friggin' huge and varied and awesome and those three words combined. Hairsome. It was hairsome. But you all know this already, because you all played it.

You'd better have played it, or I'll punch you in the heart.

But I'm not here to talk about Floating Fistpump 7. I'm here to talk about the remake, or rather the impossibility of a remake. For years, pain in the ass Flatlining Frogman fanboys (like me) have been screaming for a HD remake of the game, and for years the developers have been saying, "Seriously, the police are on their way, get off my porch". It used to get me angry, but now I understand why they won't remake it. They can't.

The dog just came upstairs do join me. He has a miniature space-hopper chew toy, and he's grabbed it by one of the 'ears'. He's shaking it from side to side and it's hitting him in each eye as he does so. It's funny.

Think about it. Even on the PS1, the game was on something like 400 discs. Imagine the storage required to store that same amount of game, but with modern day graphics and sound. Plus, everyone would expect complete voice-acting. It'd have to be stored on some government grade supercomputer and we could all take it in turns to play it. Maybe at an hourly fee.

Gotta pee. Back shortly.

So, sadly, I am forced to come to terms with the fact that I will never see a Fornicating Fruitbat remake. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if FFXIII-2 can make up for the abysmal showing that was FFXIII.

Back to Labyrinth!


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