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Wodashin avatar 7:57 PM on 07.02.2010  (server time)
Alternate Reality: The Red Menace

Despite what non-conspiracy theorists may say (let's call these people 'crazy'), Russia is waiting to attack America whenever we least expect it. The Soviet Union may have collapsed, and Russia may be an 'ally' of the United States of America, but this is just a trap! Obviously they're waiting to spring their Robo-Bearsharks on us and invade. Well, it's obvious if you've been watching any movies or playing any games for the last few decades.

Russia has been the antagonist of many movies and games for the longest time, and they are still the big baddie of a lot of our games to this day. When America needs an enemy for our stories Russia is our Cinderella, fitting the role perfectly. The truth of the matter though is that Russia is not capable of really attacking America anymore. This is the 21st century and you'd think that we'd be past the 'Red Menace' mind frame of the last five centuries. Sure, we've also let Germany take Russia's place at times, but the Germans have a much better deal in this than Russia does.

How many games have you played where you fight a German army that isn't full of Nazis? Probably very few. Now, what games have you played that show Russia attacking us even after the dissolving of the Soviet Union in the 90's? If you've played Modern Warfare 2 then that would be a great answer, or Singularity. I mean, there's Ghost Recon Future Soldier as well and many others.

Doesn't his face just scream "I want to invade your country for vague and silly reasons!"?

Maybe it's the whole 'we've run out of ideas' thing that people always point to for all the unoriginal plots these days, but we need a new enemy. I may be alone here, but generic aliens, Nazis, and Russians are not the most interesting enemies these days. Plus, you'd think that Russians wouldn't take kindly to the fact that they are the world's super villain, right up there next to Hitler and the Nazi's in the video game world. You know something's wrong when you're what people turn to when they're tired of killing Nazis.

Say we take the crazy, mustache twirling, world conquering Russia from video games and put them into the real world. Russia sends giant, mutated bears that shoot rockets from their bellybuttons and attacks Alaska. They take over and force children to drink vodka or something along those lines. Why? Well, what more reason do you need than they're Russia? Wait, did you just say you need more reason than that?

I don't always drink beer, but when I do I don't drink vodka because I'm not a commie.

Well, let's take the plot of Modern Warfare 2 and implement it into reality. A Russian terrorist cell frames a team of Americans as perpetrators of a massacre in a Russian airport. Unlike the game, the reality probably won't include Russia invading America. Most likely, there would be political tension and bickering in the UN that would get nowhere. Doesn't that sound like a fun game? I can see it now, Political Bickering: UN Edition. My point is, Russia isn't really a good enemy anymore and most plots that have Russia as the bad guy require a good amount of suspension of disbelief.

We need a new ultimate evil, a new villain we can milk for years. Russia is just not a good choice anymore. We can't just keep smearing the whole country because we're too lazy to make up a fake country or do something original with our games.

I propose an army of satanic vuvuzelas that terrorize World Cup matches.

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