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8:39 PM on 11.22.2011

Rubbish News (with Crappy Pictures) #10 Trolololol Edition

Hi, Hello, Sup, Greetings, Salutations, What up bitches and any other welcome that you freaky marsupials use greet each other. I'm a teeny weeny bit late but I had errands to do and skeletal dragons to kill. Also I Herped the Derped all the way home. Yep, me nether.

Minecraft was finally released this week, which confused everyone with an IQ above 20. One of the first things Notch tweeted after it's release was that he was going on vacation... for the third time this year. Da fuq dude?

News that a new game-to-movie conversion was in the works, this time being a move of Rampage. I wish I was Joking about this one. No info on it's release, But who diddly dumb f**k cares. Furries Probably.

A law that will almost (if not completly) destroy the online gaming community called SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) is being put through the US justice clusterf**k. Ironically it would do anything but stop piracy. First time I saw the word SOPA I thought it was something you use to wipe your ass with. After reading into it, I know it is.

Horror hit those waiting for the next great hack 'n slash, Torchlight was delayed until "early 2012". Good thing in my opinion since it will only be going up against shitty sequels Mass Effect 3 and Max Payne 3. And the poor man's Torchlight "Diablo 3".

Sorry again my Filipino amigos. Although why I am apologising I have no idea since you should be liking my feet with gratitude... I have weird fantasy's. Don't look at me like that, damnit. See ya next week peps.   read

7:06 PM on 11.14.2011

Rubbish News (with Crappy Pictures) #9 The Mighty Moobs Edition

Before I start this weeks blog and begin the assault upon your brains a heads up of what I've done for the past few days: SKYRIM SKYRIM SKYRIM SKYRIM SKYRIM SKYRIM SKYRIM SKYRIM. Well some other games came out to but who da f**k cares. There I said, WHAT KNOW HATERS!? Beside that only a few things caused my crapbox to kick start and get working. Onwards to crappy photoshop mudda fudgas.

Gabe Newell had something new to add to his resume this past week. As well as having Jim Sterling sized moobs as well as GIVING OUT HIS OWN DAMN PASSWORD, he dropped the biggest proverbial bollock of the lot when it was announced Valve had been hacked. Serves the blubber filled buffon right for making us wait so damn long for Half life 3.

The latest edition to Bobby Kotick's pension fund (otherwise known Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3) was released this braking all kinds bla bla bla bla bla bla bla with a banana peal. Seriously even O J Simpson would cry at that shit.

The latest edition in the "Elders Scrolls" games was released this week titled SKYRIM. As you'd expect it had random dragon encounters, horses that could ride then said dragons and giants that could smack bears over mountains... All of what I just said is true by the way. Also interesting to note is that anyone who doesn't like it is into insest and chases orphans around in clown costumes. Those sick bastards!

This one is for all the Sony lovers out there that like you're wallets being raped. Sony announced a "UMD Passport" which will allow people to get there past PSP games for "A discounted price". Basically what their saying is "Thanks for supporting out shitty platform, for that loyalty we're gong to f**k you over by charging you for games you already bought". Sony everybody. Leading the way in showing they know jack shit about there fan base since 2006.

Well that's the end of another week of me crying out for attention. Hopefully you got something out of this, because I sure as didn't. Also quick note I'm going to be doing a new blog this week (hopefully) about my first day in Skyrim. Keep an eye out for it.

See ya next week fish lovers.   read

9:30 PM on 11.07.2011

Rubbish News (with Crappy Pictures) #8 cannibalistic Eskimos Edition

Bit of advice before I start this week, NEVER ask an Eskimo to dance. Turns out dance translates into "eat my guts while I still live" and don't ask how I know this. Just another one of those weeks. Hopefully that hasn't put you off the Eskimos, those beautiful cannibalistic ba****ds. And now for the blog my sweet toothed ball busters.

Well a new Rainbow Six game was announced this week titled "Rainbow Six Patriots". No gameplay other than what they would like to do. If the video is anything is to go by, then get ready for "Heavy rain : Gameplay Edition". Basically, it looks like shite.

From Software announced this week that Dark Souls has shipped 1.5 million copies worldwide. Also released this week was the worldwide crime statistics, showing a massive increase in assault and murder cases. I blame the damn Eskimos.

So anyone remember Dead Island? That bland, boring, glitchy unfinished piece of... anyway turns out the cocky little turtles at Techland may be making a sequel. Apparently called "Dead World" it will take place on a ferry which is inhabited by irradiated poodle dogs and armadillos.

So the nominees for the VGAs Game of The Year where announced this week (yes, people still give a damn about the VGAs for some reason), and many a Gears of War fanboy cried out in rage because Portal 2 was nominated and not their beloved Gears 3. My choice for this year is that the VGAs just falls over and dies before slowly choking Geoff Keighley with its stench of cheapness.

Well I'm off to hunt down the last of the Eskim... I mean peeping toms who stole my bike. Also, I'm off to seek out new stories and terrible puns. May actually become bearable at some point. Have fun and see you next week toiders.   read

8:23 PM on 10.31.2011

Rubbish News (with Crappy Pictures) #7 The Hooker Killing Simulator Edition

I'M BAAAAACK. Grab you pitchforks and light your torches because I'm bringing sexy time back. well, kind of I mean... screw it, I have self esteem issue's and there's not a damn thing one of you imaginary pickle lovers can say about it. I'm doing these blogs whether you like or not. If you do like them however, you should probably socialise a bit more. ONWARDS TO COOKIES!

One of the most awesome things I've seen the past two weeks was a live action trailer for Skyrim. What impressed me so much was the fact they managed to make something around the fantasy genre look cool. Then I remembered all the Scrolls geeks and drowned in my tears.

So some cocky little ba****d thought he'd pull the tough guy routine and play Dark Souls, and complete in 1 hour, 26 minuets and 28 seconds. And to rub salt in the wound of us mere mortals he then KNOWINGLY deletes the save. The snot nosed unicorn rapist.

So Grand Theft Auto 5 was announced this week with many a psychotic gamer getting their guns out ready to kill the unsuspecting public with excitement. Well that's what Fox news said anyway. All I want to see is how they've improved the hooker physics when I strangle them.


Doctor Who had to work over time this week people. By some Black Magic Harrison Ford was made to play Uncharted 3 and, well... WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT! INDIANA F**KING JONES PLAYING NATHAN DRAKE IN UNCHARTED!

And because I made a (sort of) promise, here's a My Little Pony pumpkin for manasteel88. Don't say I never did anything for you brother.

And there comes to an end my delusion made real for another week (well, two weeks this time). Be sure to spread you venom over this blog. It just make me stronger. Have a good week and Happy Halloween.   read

6:18 PM on 10.17.2011

Rubbish News (with Crappy Pictures) # 6 My Little Pony Edition

OW HAI. HOW ARE YOU? HOW IS YOUR SEX LIFE? These questions and many more rolled through my head this past week. Trying to find out the meaning of life, or the purpose of rotten fish. But one question pops up more than any other... why the hell does patrick stewart's head look like a giant boob? also i did some doodles on some moderately funny pictures. with some words underneath. This might as well be playboy.

Jak and Dexter was announced to be getting HD'd this week with Naughty Dog still laughing there asses off at the online pass for Uncharted 3. I will always remember Jak and Dexter because it introduced me to the fabulous world of FURRIES.

Brace yourself folks, Leisure Suit Larry is getting a sequel. Do I really have to make a joke about this? There's a cat picture above. He is disappoint.

Remember that thing that was a thing 6 months back with Sony? Noooo, not that thing the other thing about about hacking. Well turns out the RECOCKULOUS bugger suits at Sony might have done it again with another hacking attempted this past week. I knew that 100 on rainbow midget S&M sextapes wasn't mine. Midgets are unnatural and should be feed to the honey Badgers. Yeah,I went their.

Well the waves and flashes of stupidity and all around dumb assery of my brain came to an abrupt end. partly due to work, partly due to the body's I need to get rid of. TOTALLY because Spongebob and My little Pony came on TV. Don't judge me, because i don't care. LOLKTHXBI. See ya next toiders.   read

5:25 PM on 10.10.2011

Rubbish News (with Crappy Pictures) # 5 Sexy Time Edition

Well hot diggity damn it's that time of the week again. Unfortunately not many things caught my artistic eye this week. Yeah I said artistic, you think I've never heard of leonardo dicaprio and that Mona Lisa he did. Also I have no chance of having the most f**ked up blog this week due to the fact Occams electric toothbrush has one this week. So yeah, dick move dude, dick move. ONWARD WITH THE CRAPPY HUMOUR!

The eagerly awaited second coming of Jesus from id Tech (otherwise known as RAGE) was released this week leaving gamers, ironically, Raging (I am a genius). A multitude of issues caused the game to fall fowl of a few gamers and critics alike. The main glitch I had with it was the fact that I couldn't play in the HUGE OPEN WORLD that was promised.

The end of the world is upon us folks. Confirmation that a FarmVille movie is in the works. Whatever gods you people pray too, you'ed best start praying. AND DON'T. F**KING. STOP!

The big build up to the full sony "Long Live Play" trailer this week reached fever pitch with it's release. And it turned out to be the best disappointment in the history of ever. Seriously, it's like watching a bus full of orphans crashing and exploding before seeing a phoenix rise from the ashes. It's that damn awesome.

Well another bad blog from yours truly is done for another week. I would say I hope you enjoyed it but if you did, get yourself checked out. I have no idea where I have been for the past week. See ya'll on the outer fringes of my mind next week.   read

8:12 PM on 10.03.2011

Rubbish News (with Crappy Pictures) #4 The late edition

And here we go again. Except i'm a bit late this week. Why you ask? No you didn't so stop pulling the bull's nut. Well instead of padding this non-sense out lets just stick our head up the chickens hole and get it done with.

Thatgamecompany's next-piece-of-art-that-is-supposed-to-be-a-game-but-isn't has a release date. Journey, the follow up to Flower (or wind simulator with purddy colours) is set to be released in Spring of 2012. I wonder what the message will be for this one. By the looks, Don't get lost in the fricking desert.

Remember how awesome the game to movie translations have been over the years. Well get prepared for the best of the bunch to make a comeback. Mortal Kombat is set for another movie by the guy behind the recent webisodes (seriously, that's what series for the net are called these days). More good news came in the form that the creator of the MK:rebirth trailer will be directing. Lets look at his previous movies... Glee: the movie and Fame. FUUUUUUUUUUU.

Shank 2 was announced this week by EA. Not much to say other than some new Co-Op online meaning you can cause very grisly murders with the help of a friend. Now that s**t is messed up.

Well another gaming corpse from purgatory was announced to be shuffling to a release this week with I Am Alive (yes, THAT I Am Alive). A gameplay trailer showing a grizzled looking man in a post-apocalyptic world looking for his famil... SERIOUSLY! I CAN COME UP WITH A MORE GOD DAMN ORIGINAL CONCEPT THAN THAT DAMNIT! Ow, and it's a downloadable only game to cement the fact it's going to be a rotten turtle turd of a game.

Well that's me done for another week. Sorry again for it being a bit later than usual, though if you were waiting for this and was disappointed by its lateness, you really need to sort out your priority's waiting for this crap. see next week Dtoiders.   read

6:01 PM on 09.26.2011

Rubbish News (with Crappy Pictures) The 3rd

Hey what do you know it's that time of the week again where I, the rejected son of platypus makes another attempt at writing a coherent bit of English and failing like Britney Spears at life. I actually managed to come up with more than three flaccid idea's to torture you all with. Let the stupidity begin.

Leading to the release Bats**t crazy man does Dallas (otherwise known as Batman: Arkham City), Rocksteady Studios has been releasing tidbits of info. And the past week a new villain was announced, Deadshot. a red spandex wearing, old age pensioner. Should make for a good ass-whooping session then.

Dark Souls (know in japan as HARD AS SHIT MOTHERF**KERS) was released this past week in Japan for people to use as motive for murder, also for entertainment. A few people managed to get a copy early though meaning decisive action from the developer, From Software. So what did they do? Drop the ban hammer on their candy asses? Get Sony to ban them on PSN? No, they sent in Dark Phantoms maxed out in all stats, into the users games. Thanks From Software, you jerks.

So anyone remember the game that was an FPS released about 6 months back? ... Me neither. It was called Homefront and made by KAOS studios (before the inebriated fart turds at THQ shut them down), well turns out the sequel is being developed by Crysis developer CRYTEK UK. With Cryengine 3. Due to be released around march 2014. I'm now wet.

The diablo 3 beta began this week with many a pc gamer wetting, pissing and all around being incestuous with each other over its release. From what I've seen, it looks like a cheap Torchlight rip-off. *Trollface.jpg*

Was Dead Space 3 accidentally announced this week? The f**k should i know. I'm just some lazy ass gamer writing about crap I have no grasp on. But apparently it might have been when an israeli news show went for a look-see around an EA building where they caught a glimpse of a "Dead Space 3" poster hanging around. so yeah, maybe not announced, but got IGN a couple of cheap hits (in the face preferably).

Well that's me done for this week. Again i apologize for any mental harm committed by you reading this, but you should really be playing outside. You never know, I might do another one next week. SO RUN DAMNIT! See ya'll next week.   read

6:17 PM on 09.18.2011

Rubbish News (with Crappy Pictures) Part Deux

So hey what do ya know. People actually like that stinking turd roll of a post last time. So hell why not do another one, right? I mean it can only go down hill from here. So lets get this little cluster shit-storm underway shall we.

As many of you know GoW3 was released this week with near perfect reviews from most. Yet a few dared... TO GIVE THEIR OPINION! The audacity, the nerve, the... fanboys need to grow the fudge up.

Crysis on consoles was announced this week with many a gamer rejoicing over a 4 year old game being released for the PS3 and 360. Also, some PC gamers cried in a corner chanting "IS NOT POSSIBLE".

visceral games Melbourne being shut down? Apparently so according to some reports around the interwebs. And if your wondering why you should care (other than people losing there jobs, you heartless ball muffins), they helped create the Dead Space games among others. so yeah, hope your proud of yourselves, not buying there games and all.

Well that's another piece of proverbial trash done with. Again if you liked this (WTF is wrong with you?), be sure to comment below. If you didn't then tell Jim Sterling to piss on me. Wait what... also comment below on how i could improve (hahaha).

Have a good week people and see you in 7 days. Maybe.   read

5:09 PM on 09.12.2011

Rubbish News (with crappy pictures)

So I had this bright idea (by bright i mean stupid. and by idea i mean brain fart), were i would put awesome (stupid) pictures that were related to gaming news. Hell I'm bored and if you're reading this you must be to. If this ends up annoying you as much as the space turtles in the 1798 hilter rebellion, be sure to chaty in the boxes below.

Turned out Dead Island not only had bugs, but wasn't even the final retail copy (on steam anyway). And then the developers went on to release a patch that broke the PS3 version even more. Good start, you inebriated nut dusters.

Max Payne finally showed his stupid little constipated looking face again this week. First trailer is due to be released in two days. The fat granny lover.

So Call of Duty:Elite price was announced this week. $50. (insert bobby kotick is a greedy tranny loving dick joke here)

If you liked this piece of garbage (unlikely), then comment below. If you didn't, well, comment below about how long i should go fudge myself (also how i could improve).   read

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