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Dear Evil Video Game Company Chairman's Mom: - Destructoid




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Jack Thompson recently sent an email to the mother of Take-Two's Chairman, Strauss Zelnick. Now, I'm sure that even though most people involved in gaming know all about Jack, it's quite possible that poor Mrs. Zelnick has no idea what Mr. Thompson is talking about.

I have therefore taken it upon myself to take Mrs. Zelnick through Jack's letter and try to
clarify the points he is trying to make. Below is the text of Jack Thompson's email as well
as my comments.

Mrs. Zelnick
Strauss Zelnick, Take-Two Chairman’s Mother
New York, New York Via e-mails to intermediaries
Re: Your Son, Strauss Zelnick
Dear Mrs. Zelnick:
Your son, as you may know (or maybe you don’t know),

He just implied that you are stupid OH SNAP

is Chairman of Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc., whose most popular video games are the Grand Theft Auto murder simulator games banned in some countries but sold to children here.

Though it is true that the game is rated “M” for mature and many stores refuse to sell it to
anyone without ID, we all know that Rockstar employees are traveling to kindergarten
classrooms across the nation to hand-deliver copies of the most recent Grand Theft Auto
murder simulator. Children without an Xbox 360 or Playstation 3 will be provided with their
choice of console, and any child whose household is currently bereft of electricity will be
provided with a diesel-powered generator. Blind children will be provided with their own
personal assistant who will yell out descriptions of what is happening on screen.

Your son last week was reported to have said the following about Grand Theft Auto IV, due to be released Tuesday, April 29: "We’ve already received numerous [GTA IV] reviews, and to a one, they are perfect scores. My mom couldn’t write better reviews…"

Taking your son’s thought, I would encourage you either to play this game or have an adroit video gamer play it for you. Some of the latter gamers are on death row, so try to find one out in the civilian population who hasn’t killed someone yet.

I concede that Jack is accurate here: I myself am an adroit video gamer currently on death
row for shooting a UFO out of the sky after training myself on the alien murder simulator
Space Invaders.

What you will see in your son’s game, if this iteration of GTA is anything like its predecessors, is incredible interactive violence aimed at police officers (whom you can shoot in the head and see the blood spray), innocent bystanders (whom you can run over with your car just for the heck of it), and of course the plentiful female prostitutes you can have sex with and then filet with a knife or stomp with your feet in order to get your money back. Experts note that the recent plethora of cop killings is caused in part by your darling son’s entrepreneurial energy.

When he says “experts,” he really means “Jack Thompson.”

There are three policemen dead in Alabama because of Grand Theft Auto. I was on 60 Minutes about it. I hope Strauss has provided you with a flat screen tv to see the grief of the bereaved families that fills the screen.

He bought you a TV? Sweet! Can he hook me up too?

The pornography and violence that your son trafficks in is the kind of stuff that most mothers would be ashamed to see their son putting into the hands of other mothers’ children, but, hey, your son Strauss has recently assured the world that he is "a Boy Scout, everybody knows that." I’d love to see the merit badges that Scout Troop handed out. Is there a Ted Bundy merit badge? If so, your loving son deserves one now.

Agreed. Your son was recently convicted of murdering a 12-year-old girl and dumping her body in a pigsty, just like Ted Bundy, right? He wasn’t? Oh… well, he’s chairman of a video
game company. Close enough.

It should be red and green, for obvious reasons.

I admit it, Mrs. Zelnick – my minisk… minusc… minosc… small brain has no idea what this
obvious reason is. Is it almost Christmas? Are they his favorite colors of M&Ms? Does he
hate it when traffic signals tell him to slow down instead of either continuing or bringing his
car to a complete stop?

With Passover having just come and gone, it is appropriate to note the following from the Old Testament, Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Preach on brother. If I may be so bold, I would also like to cite what I believe to be an extremely relevant passage from the Old Testament, Deuteronomy 22:11: “Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together.” Why? Because that would just be ridiculous as well as sinful.

Mrs. Zelnick, did you train up your son, Strauss, to make millions of dollars by pushing Mature-rated video games to children? Any kid can go right to little Strauss’ corporate web site and buy GTA IV with no age verification. Strauss is even marketing the new Grand Theft Auto IV on World Wrestling Entertainment tv shows seen by millions of kids. If you trained up Strauss to do this, then shame on you.

But maybe the explanation for your son’s corporate sociopathy is to be found in Old Testament Proverb 29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." Maybe you, Mrs. Zelnick, were so taken by your handsome son that you spared the rod and spoiled the child. That would explain why he has brought you, by the way he presently acts, "to shame."

Wait, you thought your son was hot? Man Mrs. Zelnick, you’re messed up. Gross.

There’s another mother you would do well to talk to. Mrs. Crump in Alabama had a son who was a police officer. He’s now dead because a teenaged boy unwittingly trained himself to kill him on Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. She has a grief she carries every day that only a mother can know. There are other such mothers in the heartland of America whose inhabitants your son simply sees as commercial targets.

Shame on you Mrs. Zelnick. That teenager played a video game and promptly killed an
officer of the law. I’m sure there were no other factors involved in that tragic incident whatsoever.

I remember one time I played a game called Redneck Rampage, and when I was done, I
went out into the yard and had sex with our pet goat. Would I have done this had I not
played the game? Well… yes, but I would not have been as adept at it.

Your son, this very moment, is doing everything he possibly can to sell as many copies of GTA IV to teen boys in the United States, a country in which your son claims you raised him to be "a Boy Scout." More like the Hitler Youth, I would say.

Because we all know it’s every video game company chairman’s dream to kill 6 million
Jews.

Happy Mother’s day, Mrs. Zelnick, which this year is May 11, two weeks after your son unleashes porn and violence upon other mothers’ boys. I’m sure you’re very proud.

Sincerely, Jack Thompson

Happy Mother's day from me too Mrs. Zelnick. Please give my regards to your son as well
my thanks for producing the games that made me into the awesome mass murderer I am
today. And let me know about the flat screen TV.



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