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I've seen blog posts titled 2010 Sucked every once and a while, I guess this is a Monthly Musing? Well, I made mine about 2011, because of the devastating news I received this morning. All I can think about is my release, my escape: Videogames, and why I may never play them again.

While waiting for the call from my mum to tell me that, dads blocked catheter had been fixed and that his breathing had been regulated (he had a hole in his neck from Larynx Cancer); I enjoyed a pretty good session of all night gaming.

Anticipating the release of Dawn of War II: Retribution, I started playing through the first game to reacquaint myself, blitzing halfway through it on easy, I mixed it up a bit with League of Legends. Now this new champion Renekton, is pretty damn awesome and while the learning curve was vexing, I got the hang of it and won almost all my matches late last night (or very early this morning).

While checking the after game stats I notice the time, 6:23 am, what the hell, why hasn't mum called yet?
From my position I can see the front of the house and notice my neighbour, worried look on her face, ring the door bell.

"When did your dad go to the hospital?"
'Oh, yesterday evening, his catheter was blocked and he had shallow breathing'
<Silence>
'Why do you ask?'
"We just got a call from a nurse at Westmead hospital, they said... That your dad has passed away."
Mums all alone at the hospital!
'What?'
My older brother is on his way to Thailand!
"We're really sorry for your loss."
My younger brother is visiting his girlfriends parents in the Blue Mountains!
'But...'
And I stayed at home, playing, FUCKING VIDEOGAMES!?
YOU, could have been THERE!
IDIOT
<Anguished, look on neighbours face, profuse regrets for my loss>
<Blur>

After a long daze, sitting on my bed staring at my 120+ strong Xbox 360 game collection, mind numb, throat unable to utter but a croak I text my brothers the painful news. The pain boils over and I make anguished sounds I have never heard a human make.

2011 Sucked; while celebrating a trivial victory with complete strangers, my dad spends his last moments holding my mums hand staring into her eyes.

Rest In Peace: James Arthur Knight (1932 - 2011), we will never forget you dad.

ps. Thank you for reading this far into this mess, I really need a place I can vent, just say/type... Something.