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About
Wow, I have a twitter now. Hmmm, would you like to follow me? Here, take this link. If you follow me; I will make all your dreams come true: Twitter

Here's my Tumblr; it's where I write all my miscellaneous stuff: Tumblr

Do you like films? Do you like my writing? If so, then have a look at my movie blog: Flixist

I'm a student. I'm currently working on my second degree. My past jobs were working at a gym and Urban Outfitters. I love to play guitar, read, listen to music, and watch films. I'm funny and enjoy the arts. I sometimes can ramble on about literature and films. I'm born and breed in New York. I'm easy going and I love fashion. My favorite system is the DS. I constantly shop at Urban Outfitters and Topshop. I really don't know what else to say. Oh yeah, I'm a cool guy!

Movies:
I Stand Alone, Magnolia, There Will Be Blood, Fight Club, Antichrist, Enter The Void, Dogtooth

Music:
Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Lhasa De Sela, MC5, Neil Young, Velvet Underground, Radiohead, Manu Chao, The Smiths, Nine Inch Nails

Books:
The Trial, Notes From Underground, Paris Spleen, Crime And Punishment, Junky, Hunger, Nausea, The Stranger

Games:
Super Mario Bros., Lost in Shadow, Braid

Favorite Articles I've written:

Demon's Souls: An Allegory for Life

Fuite

Diary of a Breton: Journey to Solitude

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Explain Yourself!

Venus, Put on some Fur and let's Talk

Front Page Articles

The Emasculation of a Father

A Small Thank You

I started a blog at this very site to let some of my feelings out. In some way Destructoid was therapy for me. I write about everything from my mother, past relationships, financial situations, friends, hipsters, school, etc. This is done not for sympathy, but as a way to expresses myself. My financial situation is a mess and I have no idea how I’m going to make a living, but writing and reading some of the response from great users have bought a wealth of positiveness to my life; It really doesn’t have to be anything big, but a simple comment of appreciation is enough to fill my heart with joy. It’s strange writing this, but joining this community has been the best thing I've ever done, well, second best thing; getting laid is pretty cool. What I’m trying to say here is thank you. Thank you for this awesome community. Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for being awesome.

A big thanks goes to falsenipple for the header!

Venus In Furs - Don't know what it is? Well, my freind, click on the link and listen to the song.

The Velvet Underground - Venus In Furs (Original)

DeVotchKa - Venus In Furs (Cover)

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Growing up In New York my family didn’t have much money. I didn’t have any games, or clothes. In fact, I would have to borrow my older brother’s clothes if I wanted to mix my style up at school. Unfortunately, he was five years older than me and was kind of a big boy. My days consisted of going to school, not talking to anyone, heading stright home and watching PBS (I didn’t have cable). I didn’t play outside, nor did I have any friends to play outside with. I just kept to myself. I would read, listen to music, and watch films. Video Games were (and are) a luxury that I rarely experience in my early life. I did have a NES at home, but that quickly broke when the shelf it was on collapse and fell into the fish tank. The only time I got to truly experience games was when I visited the home of a close family friend.



Every Saturday my family would go over my mother’s best friend’s apartment. Our families got along pretty well. They, like us, were poor. The apartment they lived in had one bedroom that was occupied by their only daughter, Melissa. The parent’s unfortunately slept in the living room on a sofa bed. For her birthday her father manage to get her a Super Nintendo. I would look forward to visiting every Saturday just so I can play with Melissa’s Super Nintendo. She only had one game, Super Mario World. This game would help me over come shyness and get me something I never had before...a friend.



Every time my family visited, my brother and I would run straight to her room. She would always close the door, which is odd, because any other family would be against that, but I guess our families trusted us. Anyway, my brother and I would jump on her bed and play Super Mario World together. We would take turns playing, and naturally, I was the last one to get a turn, and almost always died within a couple of minutes, but I didn’t care - I was having fun. Three kids sitting on a big pink bed: one annoying little brother, a chubby dark haired pimply face boy, and a small pretty brunet girl with green eyes all laughing together and having fun. This is what I thought a family is supposed to be. My brother and I were never really close. In fact, he just got married in December and I have yet to see him, not only that, but he lives fifteen minutes away from me. He keeps his personal life, personal, and so do I. This was no different when we were younger, but every time we would head into Melissa’s room it all changed in a matter of seconds. He would open up to me, smile at me, help me out, and ask me questions. It’s as if he was going through the same isolation I was. In a funny way video games bind us all together. It helped us start a conversation. It helped us become normal. Saturdays were the days I can act like a child, not some muted freak.



Melissa, in many ways, was the same as us. The poor girl sometimes would have bags under her eyes because of the lack of sleep she had. Playing Super Mario World was her only comfort; it distracted her from the horrors of real life. She constantly worried about her parents well being. Every time I would leave the room to grab a glass of juice or use the bathroom, I would always overhear the grown-ups talking about money. Life was hard for our families but we made the best of it. For the longest time, all I eat was rice and spam, and funny enough, that’s what I enjoy eating now.



Going to her place and playing the SNES was almost therapeutic for me. Once I had the controller in my hand, I wasn’t shy anymore. I would open up and ask questions or attempt to make a joke. My brother would put his arms around me and laugh. She would take pictures of me making funny faces. We would read GamePro together and laugh at The Wizard when it aired on TV. This was all unnatural during the week, but with Melissa and her SNES, it made it all possible. Abound with friends. It's funny how something so simple can unit a bunch of poor, depressed, and confused kids.



Now, why am I writing this blog? Well, Melissa and her family moved to Argentina when I was 14. I only visited her once when I was 17. My mother just received the news last night that she was hit by a car in Buenos Aires. She died instantly. It’s really hard to express my feelings. When I heard the news, I didn’t cry, but just remembered the good times. I must admit that for the last couple of years I completely forgot about her. Melissa was just a memory, just another person I knew. But something in me whishes I can thank her. Thank her for introducing me to games. Thank her for getting me out of my shell. Thank her for giving me confidence. I can say for a fact, that women (friend or relationship wise) were the only people who got me. I have yet to experience friendship with a male, which is strange considering I was very shy toward the opposite sex. Melissa is one of many women who helped me become a better person inside and out. I would like to thank Melissa for helping me break out of my shell and share a few intimate moments with my brother, and I would also like to thank Mario, because if it wasn’t for your game, we would have never explored our commonality. We escaped to a world of color, imagination, wonder, and pixels.



The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Photo Photo Photo



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If it weren´t for videogames I wouldn´t be here right now, wishing you, your family and Melissas family my best regards. Though if it weren´t for videogames you wouldn´t have written this in the first place.

Politicians, intellectiuals and philosophers have been searching for centuries, for a way to unify all of mankid together. It turns out all it takes is a few bright coloured pixels and an italian plumber.
Thank you VenusInFurs.....What an open and honest view into what gaming means to some of us: The outcasts, The lonely, The poor. You prove what beauty a little escape can hold.
Gaming was a luxury for me too when I was a child. My family couldn't afford a gaming system. We did have a semi-broken NES that someone had given to us. We had Mario/Duck hunt with a zapper that didn't work, and a copy of SMB3 with a giant crack on it's side that only rarely worked, we would put the copy of SMB3 in the NES and repeatedly turn the system off and on hoping that it might work. On the rare occasions it did, we were happy although it usually didn't last long and I was horrible at the game, those few minutes would make it all worth while

I didn't get my first gaming device until about probably 2001 it was the PSone (by then the PS2 was already out). The way we were able to afford it was that me, my brother, and my cousins all pooled together what we had been saving together for a year. We would alternate the system every week My brother and I would get it one week and my cousins the next. My cousins lived about 25 minutes away so we would walk the system between houses.

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend, my condolences to you and her family.

I know what you mean by it being difficult to be friends with other males sometimes. Most of my friends in High School were girls and most of them are dating now, so it's become somewhat forbidden that I keep in contact with them, and that makes me sad., it's made me come to realize that a majority of my friendships with males are hallow. We usually just talk about stuff like movies and games or make jokes and that's it. It has something to do with the way males are socialized to repress emotion and block out things that aren't related to work and sex.

also, You and I we're friends now, ever since you posted that blog about getting bored with videogames I've felt like I have a connection with you, which is why I reciprocated with a mini-blog of my own in the comment section. Some of the things you say I feel like you were spying on me and stole my thoughts on something before I got to post them.

You have a deep appreciation for music, you are constantly pursuing knowledge, the DS is your favorite gaming device, you like being a sharp dressed man, and you've been told on many occasions that you are a handsome.. that's pretty much me in a nutshell.

We will probably never meet each other in real life, but I take comfort in knowing that I've meet someone online who shares the same taste in things I do and has some similar personality traits. I never really find people who share the same perspective on things that I do. I've always made the joke that if we were to compare everyone's personalities to a car I would be something completely random like a hot air balloon or an inflatable dolphin.

Venus keep doing what you do
What a lovely blog... and it's so nice that you will forever have these memories of her and she will always live in your heart.
@ Scissors

Thank you for the kind words. I went back to the blog post you mention and you also left a "min-blog" response there too. Ha, yeah, it's good to know I'm not alone - that's why I write personal stuff. My previous blog was about my last relationship in relation to Braid and I received the same comments about people being able to relate to it. Funny enough, I got more Faps than comments, lol. I am a very open person, well, almost open, I still have my secrets, but it is good to know I'm not alone.
@ Venus

"My previous blog was about my last relationship in relation to Braid and I received the same comments about people being able to relate to it. Funny enough, I got more Faps than comments"

That last blog post was extremely personal - I loved it, but some may not be able to relate to it, hence, the high Fap count but low comments. Actually, Your blog is the highest rated for this months "monthly Musing", yet, it's not getting featured. I can relate to everything you wrote there, and here! There is a sense of minimalisms in your writing that I like; straight to the point, no BS.
Wow...what a powerful story. I am so sorry to hear about Melissa, but I'm so glad you at least had those moments with her and your brother. It's amazing how video games can help others bond and just...take you away from what's going on. Thank you for sharing this piece of you - it invokes similar memories for me and others as well, I'm sure.
I love this blog, and you for posting it.
<3
God, I hate how long those pics are!
I'm giving you a manly hug right now.
Some choice emotional content ought to be censored from this blog. I can't take it, damn you! Excellent blog.
Wow. I've never experienced anything like this in my life time, but I can tell you that women most certainly don't get me. I don't think I understand them either, but I would have loved to have a friend like this in my youth.

I, too, was a quiet child. I didn't "come out of my shell" until I was 18 and in college down south. Then it was now or never. Still, I don't have many friends and I often keep to myself, regardless of the situation I'm in.

It's very unfortunate that she died. If you have any repressed feelings or anger or anything, please seek help. It's never good to deal with death by yourself. Ask any DToid community member or seek a counselor or even a god if that helps.

Please, take care, though. Regardless of how you get yourself happy again, just make sure to get happy.
@ KingSig

"Wow. I've never experienced anything like this in my life time, but I can tell you that women most certainly don't get me. I don't think I understand them either"

For some reason I find it easier to relate to women than men. It's funny, I only have 2 male phone numbers in my phone, and one of them is my brother.

I don't have any repressed feelings or anger. I'm not afraid to open myself to others. Jeez, the amount of times I have cried in front of girls are endless, lol. I guess this blog made it seem like I'm depressed, but I'm not. Life is hard, but I can say without a doubt that I"m much happier now than when I was younger. But thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it - it shows how awesome the Dtoid community really is. :)
@ KingSigy

To come to think of it - I never had a male friend. I had male acquaintances, but no friends. I never been to the theaters with a guy. I never seen a show with a guy. I never played a video game with a guy. Everything I've done has been with women. In school, during my breaks, I meet up with girls to spend my time until my next class starts. I guess people are different. Scissors is the same as well, but I'm not going to lie, I would be pretty cool if I had at least one guy friend.
This is way too poignant of a blog for me to make a snarky comment about or troll. I hope you feel guilty about this fap.

I'm going to be in my room crying for at least an hour.
[Insert Prof. Farnsworth 'at fry's funeral' sob here]

As with me, I grew up quite poor. Our family were behing the curve technologically. You had N64s, we had SNES and Sega Genesis, and so forth.

But, I'm not going to lie. I can't possibly feel the pain of losing a loved one.
WO it's nice to know not everyone out there had an awesome gaming experience as a child. Not only is my family hard-up for money, but my hous is in such a way that it was only possible to have handheld consoles until last year, when I got a computer. My dad has brain issues and life is really difficult, so I use gaming as a form of escapism. I find it incredibile that for a hours, I can forget everything except where I am right now, whether I'm banging out Dead Space 2 or playing Super Mario 64 on emulator. Gaming has become my life and I'm not sure I could've picked a better one. I'm hoping to get in the industry when I'm older. It seems to me that surrounded by harshness, we still can find our little havens. I am sorry about your friend and wish nothing but the best for you.
By the way, I am a little disappointed that your favourite system is the DS. Really?
Why are you disappointed? I use to own all three systems, but had to sell it for financial reasons, but when I did have them, I really didn't enjoy it that much. The DS works for my life style and plus, I think some of the games on the DS are way better than what you can find on the consoles. 999 comes to mind as a pretty great experience not featured on the consoles.
Well this whole place is about expressing your views, and to be honest the DS is good, I won't deny it, but it just doesn't do much for me. The PSP has a better game selection, plus think of all the crap movies the shipped to PSP!! Hours of slightly bad movies. Awesome!! But if I want bigger games, I have my trusty laptop to rely on. I still have a DS and I do use it occasionally, but I just don't regard it as a serious gaming platform. Still you can't beat an hour on Mario Kart!!
What you said abut the DS is what I can say about the PSP, and yes, I have one... It's somewhere in the closet. Honestly, the PSP is the one thing I ever regretted buying.

"but I just don't regard it as a serious gaming platform."

How? There are plenty of "hardcore" games, actually, more than enough. If we're talking about the ipod then I agree, but the DS, come on! Ever played Moon? Dementium? 999? Radiant Historia? Please, explain to me what makes a system a "serious" gaming platform? Is it the games? If so, then the DS has a larger and better library than the PSP.

Damn, I sound like a fanboy, lol. I promise I'm no fanboy, lol.

Also, on the laptop thing. I have Mass Effect 2 on my laptop and I can't play it. I simply do not like PC gaming. It runs fine, but it's so uncomfortable.
@VenusInFurs

I really wish I could relate to women like you. I usually end up falling for them and then I ruin great relationships. But, honestly, don't even worry that you aren't bonding with men. Men suck something fierce.

Also, I guess I misinterpreted that you were sad, but death has a funny habit of striking when you least expect it. I didn't start crying until a few days after my grandmother died and my aunt's death is still affecting me to this day.

I'm not saying you will be sad, but just remember what I said before. Anyone will help if anything happen =).
@ KingSigy

"I usually end up falling for them and then I ruin great relationships"

I think every guy does that. I know I do. Most of the girls I like end up having no interest in me. You just have to keep trying. Sometimes it's just puppy love and it's goes away quickly. I recently told a friend That I use to have a big crush on her and she was totally cool about it - no awkwardness whatsoever.

Not to get too personal, but in class I met this girl and we hanged out the entire day, I even took her into one of my classes. We talked for 2 hours outside: laughing, talking about music, books, school, games, etc, but for reason the next day it was very awkward. We say hi to each other, but I haven't hanged out with her, or had another deep conversation with the girl for a couple of weeks now. Maybe I said something, I don't know - but I don't make a big deal out of it. I move on.

I read some of your blog posts and you're a cool guy. I'm sure you'll meet the right girl sooner or later. I hope I do too.

As for my friendships with men - I really don't make an effort with them. I like talking to girls. They're prettier to look at, lol. Not only that, but I can express myself fully to women, something that's been difficult with men. Last week, me and this girl form my history class sat on the bench and talked about sex. She was very open, and so was I. It's funny, I never had any conversations like that with men. It seemed more sincere when women talk about it. Oh God, I'm rambling here.
I apologize for your loss. But thank you for sharing this personal story.

Also, faps for The Little Prince/Le Petit Prince. Just finished up reading it for my French class-it's a really wonderful book.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, and I really appreciate you sharing this with us.
This blog is beautiful. PLEASE promote this to the front page. I'm so sorry for your loss and I think this story deserves to be on the front page.
WOW I totally had an epihany from what you said!! I kept thinking about it when I was playing GTA Liberty City on my PSP and suddenly thought "Wow this kinda sucks". I couldn't get it out of my head and recently dropped my PSP and picked up my DS. I put in Pokemon Dash (not that good but one of my favourite) and suddenly couldn't stop playing!! I've been playing DS loads now and I am addicted. Thank you VenusInFurs for reintroducing me to the wonders of Nintendo DS.
`Woah, heavy stuff, I hope things will go your way soon!

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