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My name is Jon and I'm an avid gamer. My favorite series are Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, Dynasty Warriors, Street Fighter, and Soul Calibur. I've been gaming for 20 plus years, and will continue to do so forever. How could one not like games?

Consoles Owned:
Nintendo Entertainment System
Super Nintendo Entertainment System
Nintendo 64
Nintendo Wii
Gameboy Advanced
Nintendo DS
Playstation 2
Playstaion 3
Xbox 360

Top 10 Games:
1. Chrono Trigger (SNES)
2. Goldeneye (N64)
3. Banjo Kazooie (N64)
4. Resident Evil (PSX)
5. Killer Instinct (ARCADE)
6. Street Fighter II: Turbo (SNES)
7. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64)
8. Final Fantasy 3 (SNES - aka FF6 in Japan)
9. WWF Wrestlemania (N64)
10. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (PSX)

XBL: turkeysandwich
PSN: wtfistheinternet

I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live. - Josh Homme (QotSA)

Maynard James Keenan is the fucking man, and the best vocalist of our generation.

An Ode To Wiisucks:

Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures,

Following (20)  

Have you picked up Borderlands yet? No? Why not? It's only like the best game to come out this year. Don't believe me? That's cool. We all have different opinions n stuff.

So yea. I picked up Borderlands on Tuesday, played solo till about level 7 or 8 and had a pretty good time. Yesterday though when I got home work I headed straight to my PS3, booted it up, and hopped into the world of Pandora. I ended up joining a party with two other Dtoiders and we played Borderlands straight till 12AM.


I'm not supposed to do that anymore. I can't remember the last time a game had me up way past my bedtime totally making me lose all sense of time. But that just goes to show how awesome the game is.

You see, the game always has something for you to do. Level up your character, increase your proficiency with a certain weapon type, hunt for exotic loot, bang out some quests, explore different zones/areas. The list goes on. And this is why the MMO-style of progression is so great (and hopefully an upcoming extension in gaming as a whole). You are always working towards something. You are always being rewarded. And what makes this all the more enjoyable is that you can do it with friends.

For example, when we first started playing last night we were getting our asses handed to us in a dungeon. I guess because there were three of us the enemies scaled up to a point where they were incredibly tough. So we decide to go out and do some more quests while gaining some levels before we went back. Once we finished we went back to the dungeon and DESTROYED it. Very satisfying. Oh, and ElZilcho managed to find a sniper rifle that has a chance to incinerate people. I didn't even get the weapon, but I was excited because that is totally fucking badass.

Alright, I'm done. Go out and pick up Borderlands. Seriously, do it! If you end up getting it for the PS3 drop a message for me (handle: wtfistheinternet). I have a feeling that I'll be playing this game for quite some time. If you pick it up I'm sure you would do the same.

I'm pretty excited about Borderlands and each time I hear Randy Pitchford talk about the game my excitement reaches new heights. In his latest interview at Gamescom he talks about the drop-in and out feature in co-op, dueling your friends, and how the game scales depending on the number of players and the players levels. He also talks briefly about single-player. Very awesome stuff.

Also, for those unaware, Amazon will will have a video games Gold Box sale starting tomorrow. Here are the details:

* At 12:01 AM PST the first deal will be the Gold Box Deal of the Day. Its special discounted price will be available all day only on Friday, August 28 (or until we run out.)
* Starting at 6:00 AM PST, the second deal will be featured as a Lightning Deal.
* Each of the remaining deals will also be Lightning Deals.
* Discounts on each deal will be available only while supplies last.

I'm interested in seeing if there will be anything worth buying.

Enough with the sequels, meng. Sure they'll be good and everything, but what about the new guys? Where's the hype for them? Rather, where is the hype for Borderlands and Alpha Protocol? Everyone on the internet seems to be sucking Tim Schafer's junk because he put out an underrated game that no one ever played. But I digress, Brutal Legend is an original IP and it looks pretty badass (kinda) so whatevs.

Out of the three I'm getting Borderlands and Alpha Protocol.

Borderlands looks to be what I wanted Fallout 3 to be in the first place. Don't get me wrong Fallout 3 was greatness, but too often I tried to play that game like a FPS and not an RPG. Borderlands seems to be the other way around. It's a FPS first with RPG elements thrown in afterwards. You have loot with a color-coded system(much like WoW) so you can tell how rare an item is based on the color with varying stats and whatnot. 4 player co-op that's class based, an open world to explore, and awesome cell-shaded graphics. This game is going to ruuuuuule.

Second on my list is Alpha Protocol. I like spy games and spy movies, so this is right up my alley. What I especially like are the dialogue/choice options and Syphon Filter-like character and weapon customization options. Apparently insignificant choices you make at the beginning of the game will changed the end of the game in a big way. Will it all be as awesome as the devs are making it out to be. Hell no. Of course it isn't, but I'm excited to see if the guys at Obsidian can put out a hit. I believe they can.

I'm not gonna bother with Brutal Legend. First off let me get this off of my chest. I love how the internet is one giant bandwagon. You have dudes who hate on Dane Cook because the internet says so. You have dudes who go out of their way to criticize The Jonas Brothers - a band that clearly isn't marketed to them - just because the internet tells them to, and of course you have the drones who suddenly all love Tim Schafer because the internet tells them to even though they never heard of him until now. Look I know some of you guys here truly do love the guy and the games that he makes so know that this isn't directed towards you.

Anyway, the game just doesn't do much for me. I watched a developer walkthrough a couple of weeks ago and while it doesn't look bad it also doesn't look particularly exciting. Add in the fact that I'm not much of a metal head and it's all just very "meh" to me. I honestly think the game will flop, but we'll see.

What are you interested in out of these three?
Photo Photo Photo

Ah, yes. Another year another Call of Duty game released. After Treyarch announced that the newest installment of the Call of Duty franchise would return to the WWII setting people were baffled by the decision after playing the amazing Call of Duty 4. What the promised though, that was different from previous games, was the portrayal of gritty war violence. Dismemberment and buckets of blood were guaranteed. I love violence...

It was yesterday that I read over at Kotaku an article claiming the release trailer was in bad taste. Apparently showing video game footage coupled with rock music is a bad thing. Many went on to say that the trailer was corny, tasteless, and lame. Um, may I ask why exactly? I love playing my video games with music that gets me pumped and the Alice in Chains song they chose was perfect for the trailer. It was sludgy and raw, which I thought was perfect for the war setting. Maybe it's my bias for 90's rock, but I just don't understand how anyone can't see the appeal of the trailer. I digress. How exactly is the trailer in bad taste? Because the game revolves around WWII? I was unaware that WWII was still a sensitive topic in this day and age. If it was a game about the current war in Iraq with footage of Al Qaeda soldiers(donkeys) blowing themselves up with Soundgarden playing in the background, I could understand.

Anyway, just a few moments ago I stumbled across this article over at Joystiq and couldn't help but sigh. We as gamers bitch about people not understanding the appeal of gaming and that developers shouldn't be so limited as far as their creative choices. Then we have a video game writer complain that the first five minutes of video footage in Call of Duty 5 is too disturbing for him to continue. Really? Really?! Is he so sensitive that he can't take a game for what it is - entertainment? Granted it is his opinion, just like this piece here is mine, but it just urks me to no end. When people wonder why everyone is so sensitive these days about anything this is the reason why. People need to stop getting so butt-hurt and just let it go.


That describes the trailer in one word. With kick ass clips, blood, and music seemingly ripped straight from the 90's this trailer speaks to my inner Grunge.

Did the scene in a plane flying over battleships completely wow anyone?

I don't know if this is old news to the internet, but it's news to me. Quite possibly the best addition to any game ever is Zombie Uprising. Check out this quote from the Gamespot review:

"The best diversion is the terrifying zombie uprising. You can access this on the big-screen TV in any of your cribs, and it provides the some of the most exciting moments in Saints Row 2. As opposed to an emulation of a 2D arcade game from years past, this is a 3D adventure to save your soul from bloodsucking zombies. It takes place in the dilapidated hotel that serves as your headquarters, and you have to mow down wave after wave of these undead creatures. With a limited number of guns and melee weapons that break after a few hits, you'll have to constantly run around to evade the threat of these relentless demons. The slow-moving zombies may not seem too scary at first, but as more fill the screen, this becomes an intense and oftentimes exhilarating experience. Being surrounded by a group of zombies as you try to push them away to resurrect your fallen pals is an awesome divergence from the typical inner city mayhem." GameSpot.com

Could Saint's Row 2 possibly be any more awesome?