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UsurpMyProse's blog


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3:06 PM on 01.17.2016

White Whales: A long and miserable list of Final Fantasy failures

For many, the Final Fantasy series is a rich source of cherished memories. Whether it‚Äôs meeting a doomed flower girl on the neo-futuristic streets of Midgar, suplexing a ghost train, or devoting endless hours to Triple Tria...   read


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11:21 PM on 03.20.2015

Being a Monster Hunter is way better than being a Pokemon Trainer

I’m 70 hours into Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate, and the game has firmly sunk its hooks, claws, fangs, and Seltas horns into me. After failing to make it past the steep learning curve in the series’ previous ent...   read


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2:05 PM on 02.08.2015

Five videogames that make way better Netflix shows than The Legend of Zelda

The internet recently lost its collective shit over a potential live-action Netflix adaptation of The Legend of Zelda. Of course, the internet also recently lost its collective shit over Katy Perry’s goofy dancing...   read


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12:43 PM on 01.11.2015

Most Anticipated Videogame Disappointments of 2015

If 2014 taught us anything, it’s that Tay Swift’s still got it. If 2014 taught us anything else, it’s that we should never be excited for videogames. The year’s most hyped releases were met ...   read


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8:29 PM on 11.16.2014

Ranking Overwatch's characters from worst to best

I’m not sure how I feel about Overwatch, Blizzard’s recently announced take on squad-based shooters. On the one hand, Blizzard knows how to craft a compelling IP, and if the playfully corny, Pixar-esque...   read


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12:18 PM on 06.14.2014

10 things about UsurpMyProse because I DONíT KNOW!

Oh, why, hello Dtoid! I didnít see you come in. I was just sitting here by my fireplace, enjoying a nice glass of cognac as I discuss the dayís politics with other men of great stature. By which I mean Iím lying in bed shirtl...   read


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11:48 PM on 05.24.2014

I'm sick of saving Hyrule

After finally finishing A Link Between Worlds, I believe thereís only one phrase that can adequately summarize my feelings toward the seventeenth entry in the storied Zelda franchise: Goddamnit. Seriously, Hyrule? Link ha...   read


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11:18 AM on 02.13.2014

The Past: Who the hell puts Mew under a truck?

Ten year olds are idiots. Letís face facts Ė it is a miracle that any of us are sitting here today, instead of having perished during the age where the only thing preventing us from chugging down a gallon of dish detergent ...   read


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9:54 AM on 01.03.2014

Steam Holiday Sale damage report

The holidays are over, which means itís time to put away the Christmas lights, stop pretending like you can tolerate your loved ones, and survey the smoking crater the latest Steam sale has left behind in place of your bank...   read


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7:26 AM on 12.11.2013

My big, stupid, honking list of 2013's best videogame... things

Time marches on. A tide sweeping over us in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. Orchestrating the rise and fall of civilizations. Establishing cities of elaborate wonder before reducing them to dust and ash...   read


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8:09 AM on 06.24.2013

Doug TenNapel, I hate you and I hope your game gets funded

Heroes will always disappoint you. I donít mean to sound like a fourteen year old who just discovered Morrissey, but the sad truth is that no amount of faith in the inherent good of humanity can guard us against inevitable ...   read


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10:15 AM on 05.08.2013

Why we should never pay $60 for a videogame

Iím cheap. Frugal. Miserly. A man of generic brands and packed lunches. Of 2-for-1 deals and 10% tips. Someone who feels a twinge of regret over every cent that leaves their bank account.† Naturally, my penny pinching met...   read





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