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Me? I'm just a simple fella, came here from the snowy pastures of Siberia with an appetite for wickedness. I've been stalking, er... investigating Dtoid for more than a year before deciding to officially join this wonderful community full of twisted perverts like myself. I sincerely hope we'll get along just well and have a bloody good time together.

Here is some freaky stuff I find interesting, as well as general facts about yours truly:

As long as I remember, mysteries have always been my grand obsession. I've been scooby-doing stuff all my childhood. I still do, kinda.

I always thought cats were bloodthirsty jerks. Each and every night, as I kept looking into my furry fiend's enormous eyeballs, filled with devious cuteness, I knew - this butt is up to something. I still love it, though.

I am "grindhouse fan".
'Duh!' - you exclaim after a quick look at my blog. But, seriously: finding some good grindhouse flicks sounds like Christmas to me. And I love Christmas. That's why I celebrate it almost every week. Well, this and the fact that where I live winter literally screws everything up and stays for three additional months.

I am sucker for entertainment.
Always was, always will be. I can't get enough of anything. Movies, games, cartoons, anime, tv shows, comics, literature, you name it! I love those things. Some more than others, of course, but in the end it made me a person I am today: open-minded friendly fella who likes having fun and always tries to find something good in every little thing. Or was it a creepy paranoid nerd with no social life whatsoever?.. Eh, whatever!

Anyway, here is some other stuff I adore. Hope you'll enjoy it, too.

Following (4)  

Howdy, partners! Weekly Dtoid's here, your regular guide to gaming pleasures and a hog-killin' time! This week is less generous on surprises than them buzzards on diarrhea, yet we've got a few gems here and there. So, let's posse up and fuddle together until the sun goes down!

[ This article is powered by Cinemaphonic Quadrovision.
Cinemaphonic Quadrovision. When Tres just isn't enough, sucka! ]


Uncle's Weekly Yackety-Yak

First of all, I'm much obliged to each and every one of you, who gave any kind of feedback on the first issue. Now, I'm feeling more confident on bringing the weekly piece while not being afraid to spit a thing or two from my harum-scarum head. Huge thank you for that!

While many gamers out there are beyond-hyped for the new Smash Bros., I can't feel anything but sympathetic with them (had a blast with Brawl myself, back in the day). However, there's another sweet darling I'm deeply anticipating next week. Gone Girl by David Fincher. Yes, I'm both a cinephile and a gamer. Crazy, right? This isn't about me being such a cool cat, by the way. It's all about the ill-fated hype. You may think you've heard this one before and predict that I'll end on the "fellas, be good to each other and don't follow the hype" note. If so, you're pretty much off the road.

Hype is one strange beast, yes. It could be sweet, cruel or just plain misleading. However, what I find particularly strange about it is its nature. People love to get hyped, that's obvious. But as we're hopping from one stuff to another without ever looking back, I wonder why we give it so much attention. It just looks like we stopped living the day and always wait for that sweet, better tomorrow now. That's a good feeling, a feeling of having a goal somewhere along the line, yet it prevents us from truly enjoying something. Some of us don't even play the games, they just wait and wait some more. Hype becomes even more enjoyable than actually experiencing something you've craved for a long time. Is it an issue? I guess it's just a logical progression of our childish habits projected onto the digital age. Remember that feeling of anxiety when you're week away from Christmas? Or when you're waiting for them heartwarming summer holidays at your grandpa's place?

The thing is, hype isn't so bad. People make it look bad. It's all because of our uncontrollable desire to experience something as soon as one can. It fullfills our emotional needs, but you've gotta tame the beast and not let it control you. Otherwise, it could become some sort of addiction. And that's not a good thing to have, trust me.

Anyway, what you think about the hype and its nature? If you have anything interesting to say, shoot them thoughts in the comments and let's have a genuine discussion!


Some rules, concerning the list:

1. No “Early Access” stuff. Only finished products (and yes, swarmed-with-bugs games destined to be patched kinda count, too).

2. No DLCs, unless they could be considered “addons”. So, yep – no Dead or Alive costume coverages, you adorable fapping nerds you.

3. Last week's games only. That way, we could have some time to weigh in on our experiences and let the hype train rush past our station.

4. No Japan releases, sadly. For two reasons: firstly, Japanese isn't one of my strong suits; and secondly – you wouldn't want to get teased by funky games that we may get but probably wouldn't (for various reasons, including “Eff' you, West!”), right?

5. Underlooked stuff is top priority. I'm not completely unbiased, but I do know when some game gets a lot of attention and when it doesn't. However, that doesn't mean I will skip big releases. Just not gloss over them so intensively.

Onto the games then! The gems we deserve and the ones we need right now.


Uncle's Personal Picks

The Vanishing of Ethan Carter (PC, later on PS4)
Developer: The Astronauts
Publisher: The Astronauts

When I first heard that the people involved in creating Painkiller and Bulletstorm were developing first-person adventure in the same vein as Dear Esther, I remember it looked... strange, at the very least. Back to the now, they not only managed to succeed, but, according to reviews (both critics' and users'), also outdid themselves by making an immersive Lovecraftian detective story with wonderful photo-realistic views, nice investigating mechanics and amazing story to back it all up. There are even some tentacles in the trailer (that's ancient gods for you, dawg!).


The Notable Stuff

Hyrule Warriors (WiiU)
Developer: Omega Force, Team Ninja, Nintendo
Publisher: Tecmo Koei, Nintendo
Reviewed by Chris Carter 

From the guys who gifted the world with a "man of peerless might", comes a great tornado-fueled action in The Legend of Zelda universe. To be frankly, it's a combination of Zelda's charm and Musou games' unabashed enthusiasm. That's a win-win for me. If you're not a fan of both (blasphemy!) and still feeling mixed about it, check out Destructoid's piece by our review machine, Chris Carter.

Neverending Nightmares (PC)
Developer: Infinitap Games
Publisher: Infinitap Games

As with Murasaki Baby last week, we've got a bleak, thoughtful game about personal struggles more than nightmarish creatures (though, there must be some, of course). Heavily inspired by the art works of Edward Gorey, it takes a minimalist approach to guide your through one's depression. It's an interesting premise, realized beautifully.

Gauntlet (PC)
Developer: Arrowhead Game Studios
Publisher: Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment
Reviewed by Chris Carter 

Fun times return! Gauntlet, top-down hack 'n' slash from the 80's, is back in action. It may be simple in terms of graphics and mechanics, but you know what they say - sometimes the simple way is the best way. There's also co-op (online and local) up to four players. So, what are you waiting for? Grab some buds and go mow them goblins!

Defense Grid 2 (PC)
Developer: Hidden Path Entertainment
Publisher: 505 Games

Tower-defense reinvented. That's what many people have said about the first game. If you don't buy the whole "revolution" thing, don't worry. Defense Grid 2 could be a fun time-waster that you wouldn't be ashamed to play. It's slick, gorgeous and have insanely addictive mechanics. Some may say sequel is a step-left from a previous one, though.

Ar nosurge: Ode to an Unborn Star (PS3)
Developer: Gust Co. Ltd.
Publisher: Tecmo Koei

Your weekly dose of JRPG is here! Ar nosurge, a prequel to Ar tonelico series is going to please you with its cute visuals (and girls in bikinis, cause Japan!), lovely music and not-so-simple battle mechanics. If you're still not interested, here's some hawt art to soften your heart (and heart only).

Frozen Synapse Prime (Vita)
Developer: Mode 7
Publisher: Mode 7

Reimagining of 2011's indie hit, Frozen Synapse Prime is a thinking man's fast-paced action. It may look strange and complicated at first, but if you dig deeper, you would find an incredibly creative combination of turn-based strategy and Rainbow Six type of strategic planning. Either way, descriptions don't do the game justice. But once you've embraced its spirit, it's addictive gameplay and amazing soundtrack (fusion of new age, trance and classic RTS music) that'll keep you immersed.

Disney Infinity: Marvel Super Heroes (PC, PS3, PS4, Vita, WiiU, Xbox 360, Xbox One)
Developer: Avalanche Software, Ninja Theory
Publisher: Disney Interactive
Reviewed by Chris Carter

Update of a kids-friendly Disney adventure experiment. Now with your favourite super heroes (and villains), Samuel L. Jackson's badass charisma and Black Widow that looks suspiciously similar to Kim Possible.

Stronghold: Crusader II (PC)
Developer: Firefly Studios
Publisher: Firefly Studios

Long-awaited, not-so-glorious return to form from Stronghold franchise. It may not be the best one at that, but everything's better than Stronghold 3, right?


Also, on this week:

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance - get them nanomachines, son! Now on Mac.
Fenix Rage - cute platformer in the vein of Super Meat Boy. Nothing revolutionary but fun. On Steam.
Arcana Heart 3: LOVE MAX!!!! - an adequate remaster of an adequate 2D fighting. Adequate! On PS3.
Counter-Strike Nexon: Zombies - free-to-play MMOFPS based on original Counter-Strike. Now with 100% more zombies! If you need it, you've probably played it already. On Steam.
FIFA 15  - well, it's FIFA. Available everywhere.
Flockers - Team17's unnecessary remake of "Lemmings" with sheeps. If you could get past similarity, you're in for a treat.
Grid 2 Reloaded Edition - another Grid this week. Only with cars instead of towers. On Mac.
Slender: The Arrival - Slender erm... arrived on PSN and XBLA.
Yu-Gi-Oh! ZEXAL World Duel Carnival - card battling game in Yu-Gi-Oh franchise. On 3DS. Without online multiplayer. Yep.


And another week has passed, folks! As always, any critique and other sorts of feedback will be highly appreciated. I want to be sure that a project like this is a welcoming addition to Destructoid cblogs. So, feel free to speak your mind. We'll meet again next Sunday.

Until that... So long, kiddos!

Welcome to Weekly Dtoid, partner! If you're looking for some new games to spend your hard-earned moniez on, you've come to the right place. From now on, I'll highlight every game release I stumble upon weekly. All that just to save some of your precious time and help you notice some underlooked gems out there. And, oh boy, there are a bunch of 'em. Cause life is full of surprises, fellas!

Let's begin with some introductory malarkey. Yay!

I've decided to do this weekly recap series after the good-ol' talking with Barry Kelly. He had a fair share of points to the whole “journalists should take initiatve in covering less-known games” topic. So, I thought, if the site needs them moneys for covering AAA-projects to get by, then why we, community, couldn't help managing some of the game coverage by ourselves? Destructoid has wonderful community and no matter what you think about the site itself, these guys get their share of gratitude for making all this happen. So, let's celebrate video games, Destructoid and you, pimps and playas, by helping each other finding great games and making it one swell tradition.

Some rules, concerning the list:

1. No “Early Access” stuff. Only finished products (and yes, broken-on-release games destined to be patched kinda count, too).

2. No DLCs, unless they could be considered “addons”. So, yep – no Dead or Alive costumes coverages, you adorable fapping nerds you.

3. Previous week's games only. That way, we could have some time to weight on our experiences and let the hype train rush past our station.

4. No Japan releases, sadly. For two reasons: firstly, Japanese isn't one of my strong suits; and secondly – you wouldn't want to get teased by funky games that we may get but probably wouldn't (for various reasons, including “Eff' you, West!”), right?

5. Underlooked stuff is top priority. I'm not completely unbiased, but I do know when some game gets a lot of attention and when it doesn't. However, that doesn't mean I will skip big releases. Just not gloss over them so intensively.

So, without further ado, hop on and ride along!


Uncle's Personal Picks

D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die (Xbox One)
Developer: Access Games
Publisher: Microsoft Studios

Hidetaka Suehiro aka "Swery65", creator of cult mind-bending hit Deadly Premonition, is back in business with this tense Kinect-friendly episodic adventure that involves time-travelling, deliciously bad puns and fights with your local catgirl. Destructoid's own Chris Carter wrote a d-licious review about it, praising the game's weird yet incredibly comforting and captivating nature. Long story short, look for the D. It really worth it.


Roundabout (PC)
Developer: No Goblin
Publisher: No Goblin

Follow the adventures of Georgio Manos, arguably the world's most famous revolving chauffeur, in this self-published, Kuru Kuru Kururin-inspired driving-puzzle b-movie fest from the people who know everything about cheesiness and fun (new-born studio is founded by designers of such gems, as Destroy All Humans! and The Gunstringer).


Endless Legend (PC)
Developer: AMPLITUDE Studios
Publisher: AMPLITUDE Studios

Gorgeous 4X-styled turn-based strategy game (think of Civilization for fantasy buffs, only with slightly enchanced mechanics) from the creators of Endless Space. Achieved with Unity engine and powered by amazingly beautiful art-style, game runs smoothly and looks magnificent. It may sound like your typical fantasy, but even if it is, it's one of a kind spirit-wise.


The Notable Stuff

Wasteland 2 (PC)
Developer: inXile Entertainment
Publisher: inXile Entertainment

The official sequel to 1988's post-apocalyptic RPG Wasteland (legendary Fallout was its spiritual successor) under direction of its original creator, Brian Fargo. Kickstarter darling, rough around the edges, yet lovingly crafted tactical RPG. They rarely do them like that these days, so if you're into deep role-playing experiences, you shouldn't even think about missing it.

Theatrhythm Final Fantasy: Curtain Call (3DS)
Developer: Square Enix
Publisher: Square Enix

Reviewed by Chris Carter

Final Fantasy's beats return to your handheld! Met with huge both critical and gamers' acclaim, the latest entry in Theatrhythm series masterfully plays on your nostalgia notes. It's sweet, it's tender, it's a must-have for fans.

Murasaki Baby (Vita)
Developer: Ovosonico
Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

This lovely short tale, set in the world of fantasies and fears, may not be the best reason to buy Vita, but with Akira Yamaoka's song to boot, this somewhat short, yet strangely cute gothic-styled platformer could keep you satisfied for a few hours.

Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Revolution (PS3, Xbox 360, PC)
Developer: CyberConnect2
Publisher: Bandai Namco Games

Another entry in ever-growing Naruto franchise. CyberConnect may missed their mark this time, but it's still serviceable and enjoyable fighting, nonetheless. Studio Pierrot once again helms animated cutscenes, so it will be beautiful to look at, at the very least.

Fairy Fencer F (PS3)
Developer: Compile Heart
Publisher: NIS America

If you crave for a new JRPG, Nippon Ichi got you covered. Fairy Fencer F (from developers of Hyperdimension Neptunia) is perfectly adequate addition to your library.

ArcheAge (PC)
Developer: XL Games
Publisher: Trion Worlds

Korean MMORPG brought to you by the former developer of Lineage. I don't really know what to make of it. It sure looks good on MMO terms, but servers are currently crying with agony, so feedback is mostly negative. Here's some gameplay, though.


Also, on this week:
Final Fantasy IV (remake) - get it now on Steam, it's classic, dawg!
Total War: Rome II - enjoy more AI-stupidity (seriously though, they're trying to fix it), now on Mac;
Goat Simulator on iOS, Android - people sure like goats;
Tropico 5 - become nation's favourite dictator, now on Mac and Linux;
Cooking Mama 5: Bon Appetit! - another Cooking Mama on 3DS;
Elminage Gothic - port of Japanese Wizardy-style dungeon crawler from PSP to PC;
Age of Empires: Castle Siege - your personal Free-to-play AoE (if you ever needed one) on PC and iPhones.


That's all for this week, folks! If you enjoyed this weekly piece or have some interesting critique in its address, please feel free to give me feedback. I'll vastly appreciate it, as I want to know if weekly project like this is needed to be continued.

Uncle Terror
10:12 AM on 09.15.2014

In the world, there are many DPs I find irresistibly captivating. However, this one takes the cake for being the most candid and humane out of bunch. Of course, I'm talking about...

Okay, not so humane, but still sincere in its intentions, right? Wrong. This is the game that takes some sadisticly delicious pleasure in frustrating your self-esteem and confusing your brain more succesfully than any confuse-a-cat before.

You have probably heard all those songs of praise and symphonies of cacophonic horror Deadly Premonition has received. And, despite what your favourite game-critic / friend / mom said, it's all ephemeral until you experience it on your own.

So, here it is, my personal experience with DP. Not a review, not a “been there-shat pants”, but an opinion. A subjective piece of intimate malarkey.

When you meet a strange sort of fella, it's highly doubtable you'll remember him/her as more than a “phew, that was one fancy block I saw” after the first meeting. Yet, you feel that inexplicable desire to get together later and learn more. Mysterious things always attract. That's like, some private ancient law.

However, as you find more about the stuff you previously considered inconceivable, your look at it changes. It ain't so incomprehensible anymore. Furthermore, as you keep trying to reason with it, your looking also affects it, even changes it at some point. Looking at something changes it. Them fancy folks call it “The Uncertainty Principle”. So why did I smarty-pants about it?

Well, Deadly Premonition always was quite a polarizing experience. For some, it was a work of genius, for others – utter crapfest. As persons, each with different experiences and opinions, we cannot be “objective” in any true sense of this word. Ever. But that's why I love Deadly Premonition. It just doesn't give two roughly-edged (yet delicately spiced) shits about what you think.

Deadly Premonition lives its own life (as close as someone could say that about any videogame). Every NPC even has his own week schedule. You could stay under their windows for hours, peeping as they cook dinner, watch TV, drink beer and workout. Why on Earth would one even do that? Hell, if I know, but it certainly ups the game's independent spirit.

And while it doesn't really care about your opinion, it strangely wouldn't mind becoming your friend. Even more, it quite actively longs to be closer to you. From the first moments and until the very end of the game, main protagonist is speaking with someone named Zach. You know you aren't Zach, right? (in case, you are, remember: I deeply envy you) So why does he keep adressing you? These whole between-missions rides feel like hanging out with your little nutty (though, incredibly lovable) grandpa. He may be implausibly awkward for most of the times, yet you don't mind spending an hour or two just listening to his amazingly weird stories (and oh, boy, he sure does have a couple!).


Here lies a beauty of Deadly Premonition: regardless of its loony antics and demented nature, it's natural. It may look oh-so-wacky on the outside, but dig deeper and you could find a story about lost souls seeking for a way out of their torturous daily lives. Or a schizophrenically bizzare tale of friendship and retribution. It's not because the game is ingenious in its storytelling techniques or innovative message (*spoilers* it isn't). No. Deadly Premonition is natural, because it appreciates its insanity.

You may judge its clunky controls, as you ride to the other end of town listening to the sweet, ear-bursting sounds of your car's never-shuttin-up engine. You may drop a huge criticizing bomb on its shooting mechanics and bland level designs. But it can't be different, it can't be easier or “more comfortable”. Your usual blockbusters may treat you like a favourite customer, but not Deadly Premonition.

Deadly Premonition respects you not only as a player, but as a person. It doesn't run itself into an infinite mystery-solving circle to the point when you're forced to believe that Scooby-Doo did it; it's not going to fool you like Heavy Rain did. In fact, you would be pleasantly surprised, when you'll watch its "whodunit" carefully unfolding. It's unpredictable, yet totally sane in its twisted logic. And surprisingly confident at that. Like an old clown, whom nobody takes seriously, may astonish you with all the knowledge he collected for years of getting his face hit with a cake.

That said, I can't recommend it to you. Neither can I advise you to totally dismiss it. In the end, it all comes to an old, worn-out question, “Why do we play videogames?

For addictive gameplay? Story? Unique worlds created by somebody's wild imagination? Or for making us appreciate every
single moment of our lives spent with people close to our hearts?

There's no right answer. The same goes for Deadly Premonition.

Hate it.

Love it.

dazed. Be confused.

Isn't it the joy of life?

Photo Photo Photo

Commercials. We hate them. And yet we love them.


Well, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation...

But seriously, there's no much mystery to that. We love commercials because sometimes they're honestly trying to sell us ordinary products by using extraordinary means. And when they also attempt to be creative while doing it, you can't help but feel sympathetic.

"Then what is the purpose of the topic?", one could ask. Stop asking for purpose everywhere, you existential creep! Enjoy the ride with good-ol' fashioned fun! Just imagine like you're watching TV, and then bam!

Here goes this thing!


Or that other... stuff!

Here's your personal Dr. Pepper for appropriate scenery!

We'll begin our wonderful voyage into the depths of this mad, mad, mad, mad (and totally bonkers!) world of commercial tomfoolery by counting down "Top 10 (and beyond!) of the most wacky and affecting TV videogame ads to ever hit the small screen!"

Number 10. SEGA Being Jerks.

What's more healthy way to win the competition than sleazy crushing your opponent right there, on TV? By doing it in style, of course. Clockwork Orange style!

Number 9. That Moment COD Was Being Suddenly Cool.

Bombastic commercial done right. The weird part: it has elegantly captured the sheer joy of playing games for fun; just fooling around and blowing stuff up, you know. Plus, there's Jonah Hill and AC/DC. What's not to like?

Number 8. It's a Sony.

It's only does everything. Especially, scaring you shitless. On a serious note, you could find something mysteriously captivating in this PS2 commercial created by Bjork's collaborator, Chris Cunningham. Just don't look her in the eyes. Seriously, I warned you.

Number 7. Nintendo Being Nintendo.

You probably have already seen these ones, as they're widely popular. So here's a quick rundown. There are sights of Mario beating the living crap outta Yoshi; Link dancing to the sounds of funky 90's j-pop; and Kirby being fingered around. You know, the usual.

Number 6. Sweet, sweet memories.

Nintendo loves going nuts now and then. But sometimes, they show their soft side. And it's as soft as Robin Williams' bushy beard. His magical personality and his daughter's irresistable cuteness both works wonderfully in this ad. May his soul rest in peace for all those enchanting moments he endowed us with his presence.

Number 5. The Hero We Deserve.

Have you ever wondered how Sony came up with an idea for Kevin Butler, a man of infinite confidence (you can't deny his badassery). Then send your regards to the Main Man - Segata Sanshiro! Being Sega Saturn's mascot, he not only had enough charisma to handle the ad campaign, but also managed to become the legend in the meantime.

Number 4. Island of Broken Dreams.

Yep. As a huge fan of LOST, I had improbable hopes for Dead Island after I've seen this trailer. It was emotional. It was masterfully crafted. With music as the definite highlight, it had me anticipating this game so blindly, I didn't even noticed how hard it punched me in the guts after it came out. It still hurts (thank God they went with more believable tone in another great trailer, though).

Number 3. Nintendo vs. Sega. Round Two!

Personally, I am torn amidst these two. It's like choosing between unapologetically loony and equally delicious perverted cakes. Shame Sega hid their marketing division deep down their arse after Dreamcast's failure.

Number 2. An Angel with Gun in Her Hand.

Perfect synthesis of form and sound. Twisted black humor. Lovely (and somewhat melodramatic) song. It's an original way to sell any game, right? And, of course, it didn't help to increase the sales. But as I look at that guy's delighted grin, I understand one important thing - a true love can blew anyone away.

Number 1. I have lived...

Just watch it. Then you'll see I had absolutely fair reasons to put it way up here. It's gracefully balancing the line between being too ambitious for its own good and just plain flatulent. And it feels natural. A sincere "Ode to Joy" for gamers. For any person, for that matter, as it helps us to identify ourselves and understand that "no matter who we are, we are closer to each other than you could possibly think". The true joy of gaming.

Thank you all for reading thus far. Be well and love games.


   “Because that's how I like it!”
–  my friend exclaimed once, when I was acting suspiciously curious about why he spends an enormous amount of time in Dota 2.

   Why did I even ask him that? I knew the guy. We grew up together. I always was aware he had a thing for multiplayer, tactics and, apparently, role-playing experiences. A simple math kinda explains why he loved the darn thing, doesn't it? So, why on Earth did I come up with this question? To tease? Nah, it would be a cruel thing for me to do, knowing how much it's close to his heart. However, I couldn't find a perfectly reasonable explanation at that moment. Though, I knew I would. Eventually, I would...

For my friend, this wonderful view was (and always will be) an orgasmic eye candy.

   [Three months later] I finally sat up to experience a game I was longing to play for a long time, Deadly Premonition. I was looking out for it ever since it was called Rainy Woods. Maybe because I adore Naomi Watts, I dunno. Jim Sterling's complimentary review only warmed my anticipation. And I knew I loved it from the first moments I've spent in. Somehow, I fancied everything about this irresistible beast: its clunkiness, surprisingly weird nature, annoying but utterly entrancing music. But that's also when I started questioning my love, “Why have I been enjoying it so much?” I knew that was a bad sign.

Me too, mate. Me too...

   My journey to understand Deadly Premonition's charm ended nowhere. I loved the game for what it was. That's it. End of story. But I wasn't satisfied. The answer was found too easy, it certainly wasn't the one I expected. In the meantime, I experienced some frustration with my brother. He kept playing Guild Wars 2 all day long for a whole month straight. Guild Wars 2. I had nothing against the particular game. I heard it was great MMO, and my brother always adored RPGs. However, as he kept spending more and more time on the game alone, it was extremely hard to go through without any answers.

   “Why do you spend so much time on this stuff?”, I asked him, craving for a reasonable explanation.
   “Because that's how I like it,” I heard in response.

   This sentence stuck with me like a sense of dampness on a rainy day. And then, the lightning stroke; I knew I heard it somewhere before! And I knew where. For a weird reason, I remembered DP (not that one). You know that messed-up type of thinking, when you hear “Sirat” and start imagining how great it would be to live in a world full of cybernetic, sociopathic, saber-wielding rats? (seriously, though, I had a dream about it once)

But seriously... You don't wanna know how this ended up here.

   So, I started backtracking which games I genuinely adored before.
2012. Lollipop Chainsaw. 2011. Shadows of the Damned. 2010. Undead Nightmare. 2009. House of the Dead: Overkill. I went deeper. 2005. Resident Evil 4. Destroy All Humans! Stubbs the Zombie. 2004. Wait. Does it really matter? I know where this is going. I know I love games with b-movie feel to them. But when did it begin? There is always a beginning, isn't it? So, it does matter, after all...

   Back to 2004. My brother is buying our second console, Playstation 2. The game that's coming with it, our first PS2 game, is Monster Attack. I played it. I adored it. I loved it.

I guess, I have no need to explain why it was so freaking awesome.

   2000. I'm just a little kid, sneaking early morning to sweep the dust off my dear-old Mega Drive and have a good time. Ecco the Dolphin. General Chaos. Beyond Oasis. But there was one game I never touched that morning. The one game I was always putting deep inside my heart, but far, far away on the shelf. Zombies Ate My Neighbors. I played it with my brother through 30 levels or so. We both loved it, we both played the hell outta of it, we both never finished it.

Well, this one kinda speaks for itself, too. Right?

   Nah, I wasn't afraid of the game. It sure was creepy, but campy at the same time. No, I was afraid to finally complete it. They say, love can be a blessing, as well as a curse. In my case, it was a bit of both. I finally found a source of my love. I got tired. I needed to distract myself, so I started developing thought I came up with earlier. What b-movie games could I have possibly missed? There sure were some. I started digging. Google. Wikipedia. Related links. It became my obsession.

   Obsession... What an interesting word. We love to use it, when we couldn't find an explanation for our actions. So, I started my research. I searched for hours, days, weeks maybe. I squeezed every little bit of information I could find from different websites. I slept 4 hours a day. I rarely went to hang out with friends. I didn't need to sleep. I didn't need no strolls. I didn't need friends.
   I wasn't even playing games at that time. It wasn't necessary. As time was flowing by, went a month since I began. I felt weaker, exhausted even. Soon enough, I reached a point of no return. I searched through everything twice at least, I saw the same games on the same lists, gathered information I didn't even need to know. Shadow Warrior was coming out soon. I knew I wanted to play it. I needed to play it. But I could't. It wasn't about games anymore. My obsession absorbed me.

That was me, basically. Miserably going through.

   I finally forced myself to turn off the laptop. My eyes froze on Deadly Premonition's cover laying near. Suddenly, irresistible desire to play it came over me. I loaded the last save and spent some time just fooling around town. At some point, main hero said, “We are going to leave, but you're welcome to stay, if you need anything.” He didn't really try to pace me. But he did acknowledged that everything ends at some point. Somehow, this thought comforted me.
   I embraced the fact that I didn't finish Zombies. I downloaded an emulator, then the game. It wasn't a tough find, after all. My brother saw me playing and joyfully jumped in. It was a delight to play. Like we are those same little fellas again. That bittersweet moment of reflection.

   We never finished it, of course. But that didn't matter to me anymore. I had fun. Fun distracted me from my obsession. It made me realise how I turned my hobby into a crucial procedure. Fun cured me. I still like searching for “grindhouse games” sometimes. Though, not as compulsive as before. As I stay late at night, sometimes I keep recalling “b-movie games” I liked and imagining those I might have missed. All that, until I become tired and lose myself in a sweet feverish dream.

   Because that's how I like it.

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Good day, Destructoid! (although, it certainly is night in my parts) It may look mysterious or just plain stupid to you (depends on perspective), but that's right – it's my introduction after popping out a blog before. “Well, that's no crime”, you say. Hotdamn, it is! I spent almost two weeks without even introducing myself to this marvelous community full of twisted perverts and dickjokers (there is a word, I guess).

So, I figured; there's no better way to start than listing my Top 10 Fetishes, while blurting out a thing or two about yours truly. Thanks Gajknight for launching and Dreamweaver for oiling this demented machine of distorted fantasies.

Well, three mississippi we go!

     10. Armor bras
     Armor bra is our ancient future. It may seem cold at first, but don't let it fool you, as it's hotter than John Malkovich caressing his own bossoms. It's comfortable. It's sexy. It's presumably warm and fuzzy. Most importantly, it's safe, right?

     9. Mullatos
     I am a sucker for mullatos. Nothing turns me on better than a dark-skinned hot-blooded independent individual. I guarded my Yuko and Fressia like one soft-hearted pimp. And Dudley, for that matter. Seriously, though, look at this fancy butt!

     8. Rear penetration
     I love getting my ass impaled from behind. In these precious moments, life literally flashes before my eyes. The best part is how unrelentlessly hard and unforgiving it feels every time, even when you saw it coming.

     7. SS

    Sinner's Sandwich is my passion. It may be a “self-inflicted punishment to atone for past sins”. But I like sins. And I am always up for some punishment.

     Either way,
     You should try this wonderful lunch.
     It’s more than a delicious, tasty crunch.

     So says Mr. Stewart.

     6. Sidekicks destined to die
     I'm wise-cracking short Russian guy. At first, that may sound like some cute sidekick for both Yoshi and Zangief. However, in reality it's more of a combination of Miles Tails and Arse. That said, I obviously have a soft spot for sidekicks. And I hope that sometime they'll all get an opportunity to shove pineapples up theirs so-called friends' butts. Yep, just like that.

  5. Prinnies
     These doods! Sure, they are whimsical wimps, but they can get in (and out) of anything. And they're always down to party.

     4. Four hands are good, but one machine gun prosthesis is better

     “Would you stop crying over fucking spilt milk?”
    - “I have NO LEG!”
    But seriously, Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror was an epitome of grindhouse fans' wet dream. You may yell all you want about how sexy Sheeva/Goro is (there's no accounting for fetishes), but smoky smell of recently fired hot-tempered carbine leg is my kind of perfume.

     3. Merchant, just Merchant
     There's something undeniably voluptuous in the way he calls me “stranger” every time we meet. He may behave like it's a senseless business deal; he needs my guns, I'm here to stack 'em. But you can't fool me, no, sir! There's a tension between us you can't deny. There's a reason he keeps following me. One day, I'll melt this stone-cold heart of his. Until then, I'll let him get my stuff at a “high price”.

     2. Demon-possessed girlfriends

     So horny. Cause they are possessed... and stuff.

     1. Final Countdown

    This song is a pure celebration of epicness and should be playing at every moment of your life. You know why? Because... It's the Final Countdown! dadadumdum dadadumdumdumdumdumdum


     By the way, if you noticed any presumably gay jokes, you clearly misinterepreted what I wrote. And if you did, please, keep it to yourself. No need bothering a fella. Because where I came from – you shoot first, clean mess later; and even though I'm an enduring fella, there is certainly an amount of what I can swallow.

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