Testicles in a set off tooth pliers. This is the BIGGEST outrage I have ever been burdened with in ALL MY LIEF. Did the moon suddenly jump back a few thousand miles and slow to a crawl in order to acclimatise to the new "Lauren" month? Maybe it has actually finally happened - I have stayed indoors so long that the whole astrological construct has changed around me and I didn't notice.
The weight of my rage is crushing me. I won't be able to enjoy my weekend now. Thanks you puss-biscuit.