University has finally drawn to a close for the year. I had been participating in (and sweating throughout I might add) a super exciting degree in Game Design. This is the first real chance I’ve had to reflect on the experience and I’ve come to the shocking and painful realization that maybe this wasn’t the right path for me to take in life. Whilst my grades haven’t been anything special, they haven’t been half bad either. I’m not failing in any case, I’ve just decided to focus my attention elsewhere.

The sole purpose of this article is to make light of this very difficult decision. With my tongue pressed firmly in cheek, I hope to both educate and inform anyone looking to do the same. Expect to discover what classes you’re likely to partake in, how many times you can expect to hear the phrase “epic fail” in one day and what the male to female ratio is in any given class. (I’ll let you in on a little secret. The numbers aren’t in your favour.)
So pack away your toys children, gather round the fireplace and make yourselves comfortable. Granddad wants to tell you a story…



I was actually looking to do something completely different the very first time I took a look at the courses available. Something I’d thought long and hard about in fact. Instead, the first result my good chum the search engine threw at me was the aforementioned course. As of that moment, all logical and rational thinking was thrown out the window and I was blinded by childhood nostalgia. I’d spent countless hours of my youth sprawled out on the living room floor designing levels for characters like Mario and Sonic on now extinct computer paper. Throwing caution to the wind, I applied there and then. That was a mistake.



My overall intent isn’t to patronise you, but I strongly suspect it'll sound that way. I’m the friend who offers you constructive criticism or advice when you never even asked for it. It’s also important to note that I’m not attacking any education in Game Design, far from it in fact. I still find the idea a little romantic and the stuff of fairytale. The experience has taught me a lot. In retrospect I was maybe a little naive and more in love with the dream than I was the process itself, but that can’t be helped now. I’d just like to help prevent some of you from making the exact same mistakes I did.

Just promise me you'll take a look at the drop before you commit to jumping off it. That’s what I should have done, but I didn’t. Why? Because I’m stupid. You’re not stupid are you?

They’ll be more on this later. See me after class.




Upon enrolling, your new home from home will not be the mild comfort of a classroom, but a narrow noisy corridor. Here you will stand, you will sit and you will trade the pokemons on your Nintendo DS. From time to time the doors you so often lean upon will swing open and you’ll find yourself taking part in a lesson or two.

Now labelled a dirty disgusting dropout, I can only divulge the limited number of classes I personally attended my short-lived first year. Reliable sources on the inside have told me there have been some new additions to the roster since I left, but it’s not really my place to comment on them. That would be like arguing over a review score for a game I haven't played yet.

The nominations are:



This lesson would kick start your week, and was usually a good indicator as to how the rest of it would pan out. Typically, it would involve turning up late and finding out what everybody did at the weekend. Somebody got drunk.



This area of study will feature quite heavily on your timetable and is exactly what you’d expect. Plenty of exercise, the occasional lecture and a class governor willing to offer assistance when needed.

To me programming was like a text based Where’s Wally? You could spend hours staring at your monitor, trying to spot that elusive semi-colon you missed, only to kick yourself later when you find it sitting there smugly next to it’s new boyfriend. It’s a strange emotion that; instant relief coupled together with a strong sense of shame. It’s like emptying your full bladder into a public toilet, only to discover you’ve done it in the ladies.





Our school had a love affair with 3ds max, but unlike the universal language of C++ there are a number of alternatives available. That choice of software is up to the demon headmaster. (Psst! That'd be a good question to ask during your application interview. It’s probably best you don’t tell him I sent you though.)

Surprisingly, we spent very little time playing with the software in class. It was actually one of our shortest lessons. I suspect this was because it’s very hard to ‘teach’ people how to be creative. Under the strict class regime, it would be like offering an art student tracing paper. Everybody’s work would just end up looking identical. Instead they chose to give us the teaching equivalent of a pencil case and blank sheet of paper and as a result, our imagination was left to run riot.



As a dashing young artiste looking to find himself an attractive lady partner to play with (Interested parties should send their ASL along with a picture to @UberMashu on twitter), this was the area I looked forward to studying the most. Instead I hated it and ended up having my heart broken.



Despite the rather intimidating name, I personally found this class one of the more interesting. Other mortals may think differently of course, but in response I must ask them this; the portly feline that follows, is he not the fattest cat you have ever seen? The correct answer is yes. I believe so anyway. Ergo, my word is gospel.



HCI dealt with all the fine minute details of game design. The little things; the important things; the things we take for granted. Things like:

- How we use the controller and it’s evolution over the years.
- Realism in games.
- Effective use of light and sound.
- In game actions that provoke a reaction.
- Character control.
...and other boring things like difficulty curves and incentives to keep the player interested.

All of these thing thing things are frequently brought up in order to make you think think think. Like Rick Moranis would his fictional kids, you’re asked to look at everything under a magnifying glass.



I found it fascinating and yes, I am a hit at parties. The ladies love me.



Game Design had a very close working relationship with HCI and the two would often blend together as a single entity. To begin with, we learnt a little about story telling methods within the medium and the subsequent rules that came with them. You don’t want player one getting access to an area they really shouldn’t too early in the narrative do you?



For the second half of the year, we were given the chance to make our own game design document for a fictional product of our choosing. In groups of 3-4 you’re asked to come up with a concept and create your own faux pas masterpiece. On paper, this covers everything from character design, to menu interface and in game writing. This is (supposedly) no different to how a developer would pimp an idea to a publisher.



In order to make board games, you need to be familiar with the hardware you’re using. You can’t make a cup of tea without knowing where the tea bags are kept right? In this lesson you’d fill your brain with all kinds of nonsense about personal desktops, operating systems, mobile phones, consoles and the insides they entail.



If Mario had five lives and was eaten by a piranha plant, how many lives would he have left? This lesson actually had more in common with physics than it did conventional mathematics.



This class was so popular I’d often find myself sat alone in a large silence filled classroom, lucky enough to be one of the few that caught the look of disappointment in my tutor’s eye.

Professional skills were all about self-development. I thought I was perfect, it taught me to become humble. (I’m kidding by the way. I’m a deeply flawed but beautiful human being.) You would quite literally plan for the future. This was done by researching any ideal future employer and looking at the qualities they were asking for in staff. From this was born a personal action plan, a bid to become a better person. Mine’s working out brilliantly by the way.



The class was unpopular thanks partly to the large number of questionnaires you’d fill in every lesson. Hundreds upon hundreds of questions that forced you to self evaluate. In my classmate’s defence, a lot of them wouldn’t have looked too out of place in a woman’s magazine. Most considered the lesson irrelevant, but then again it wasn’t up to them to make that decision was it?




You’ll quickly want to trade your old friends in for the new ones at the nearest Gamestation. Do keep the pretty ones though. They're highly collectable.

The beautiful thing about the geek culture is we can smell our own. Unlike the Internet forums and the hobby sites, everyone in the classroom had a physical presence. We were all scared of each other. Nobody wanted to be sent home with a note from teacher. Fear provokes change and as a result, we quickly grew to love one other and get along (everyone except Mike). Not one screamed at another in caps for hating on the PS3 or 360. Instead they chose to abuse their student loan and get both. Troll toll money was now better wasted on beer!

If someone had told me six months ago I’d have met such a terrific bunch of lads, I wouldn’t have believed you. My Dad on the other hand says he always suspected as much. This was easily the hardest thing about dropping out. I’ll miss those guys, even Mike. Moving isn't it? Please don’t cry. I’m not good with tears… Or women… Or rational thinking… Or bumping uglies.



The school you attend will offer you the tools, advice and all the information you need. They will not however, whisper into your ear and do the work for you. That legwork is left up to yours truly. I cannot stress this enough. Give yourself that much needed head start. Your tutor’s are not your girlfriend and the assignments they give are not the unwashed dishes in the sink. They need to be done. Your workload is only going to increase. Come Lunchtime even more plates and cutlery will be added. Don’t put off tomorrow, what you can do today.

Think of it this way, if it does turn out you hate washing the dishes, you’ve just saved yourself a lot of debt. If however you discover you’re rather fond of the soapy bubbles, you’ve only gone and left the particularly nasty pans to soak first. The marigolds are on and you’re nothing if not prepared.



You need to be realistic about your expectations. Short of creating your own independent software company, you’re not going to graduate and walk into a high profile job. This degree will only help get your foot in the door. Unless you’re extremely lucky or exceptionally talented, it’s going to be years until you’re actively telling Dude Huge he’s “doing it wrong” and “get out of my office.” For now you need to be content with work as a low level programmer or key coffee maker. Competition is understandably fierce and you’re not the only one bidding on this auction.

I’m not embarrassed to say I have neither the talent nor patience to survive in that side of the industry. The reason I chose to attend university after all these years was to escape a job I hated. I wanted to do something I loved, not pay the bills. I strongly suspected this path would have lead me down a similar road, albeit with a slightly more impressive title. I’ll have to make do with simply ‘King’ for now.

I’m a lousy modeller and a poor to adequate programmer. I’m not likely to get much better. Granted, I’m not the world’s best writer either, but unlike those two, there’s a strong desire to improve. I am grateful for the experience though as it was a real eye opener. I have newfound respect for the people in the trade. You guys work bloody hard!



A big apology to any of my tutors if they feel I wasted their time, and any of the readers who now feel the same. Dropping out was no reflection on your teachings and I’m more than thankful for what you taught me. I was born with beauty, not brains it seems. As for my new friends, don’t lose touch! I plan on milking you for exclusives in the near future! ;-)



…and a big thank you pour vous dear reader.

I promise to make my next piece that much shorter, but please do bear in mind that I also told my mother “that this time I’m moving out for good.” I do hope I kept you entertained throughout at least? If I did happen to bore you, send me your address and I’ll mail you a hand written apology. No really, I will.

(Disclaimer: This was originally written for my website portfolio come the end of April, so apologies if any of it sounds dated. Two months is a long time on the Internet. Seeing as the new school year is fast approaching, I've thrown it into the DToid C-Blogs in the grim hope that someone besides my mum and the postman will actually read it and maybe find it useful.)