Unfortunately in any industry, to borrow the name from the title, nothing is sacred. Ours is no exception. If it sells, they’ll make more of it. And by them, I mean everyone. Book publishers, Game Developers, record labels and Simon Cowell. They'll exhaust any good and original idea until the consumer is bored and it doesn't make the delicious money it once used to. It's business at it's most simplest.

Why waste spend pennies on a new and untested idea, when you can borrow someone elses that’s already proven to work?
For every Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, there's an Eragon and Twilight. For every interesting horror movie with a strong female lead, there's every Hollywood film made in the last ten years. For every band that writes good music, there's a Coldplay. For every commercially successful game like Guitar Hero, there's an unnecessary sequel every six months and a million clones in tow. Repeat when necessary. Copy and Paste. The minimum of work required for maximum profit. Why worry about artistic credibility when you can have an indoor heated pool and a wife with breast implants?



No sole party is to blame either. Sure you can point a disparaging finger at someone like the CEO (of) Activision, but the average consumer is far from blameless and dare I say it, an idiot. (Not you mind. You’re awesome and by awesome, I mean sexy and by sexy I mean I’d like to have sex with you. What say you put down this blog and we have an early night?)
If there wasn't a big enough market for these games, people wouldn't make them. Simple as that. Companies care not for our criticism or complaints, they care only for bar charts, profit margins and money. It’s the only language they understand.


Before you get any perverted ideas, dibs. That's now my woman you're now looking at.

For example; The Nintendo Wii. I don’t need to tell you how fantastically well it sold, but I will anyway. This is because I’m a right patronising bar steward. It sold well, very well indeed. Not only did they manage to ensnare their existing demographic, they successfully managed to target a new market altogether. Non gamers. People like Ma and Pa and that attractive lady at the checkout with the ample bosom. Besides a brilliant marketing campaign, arguably the reason for the Wii’s success was it’s main selling point/gimmick; the motion controls. It helped make Nintendo Scrooge McDuck rich and a household name.
Three to four years later, Microsoft and Sony announce their own equivalent of go go gadget motion control. This is because they want a slice of Nintendo’s sugar mummy and daddy market. We the existing gamer aren’t going anywhere and they know it. I fear we’re going to be left standing in the club holding onto their purse whilst they chat up some rich entrepreneur in front of us. Sure, at the end of the night we get to go home with them, but their mind is elsewhere.
The market is evolving in ways I’m not comfortable with, and we the gamers are just too accepting of it. I’m not just talking about motion controls either.



“Modern warfare 2 is selling for the extortionate rrp price of £49.99 because Activision knows it’ll make a lot of money? I don’t mind paying the extra because I’m a f**king mug. I wonder why games are still so expensive?”



“What do you mean the DLC was already on the disc? Oh that’s ok, the game itself was worth the fee I paid in store alone. This isn’t just an excuse to milk me of further money. Moo.”



“£40 quid for an Xbox live subscription? That’s disgusting. What the hell am I paying for exactly? SWEET! A set of 'reasonably' priced dumbbells and a telescope for my avatar!”



“I don’t mind if generic sports simulation 2010 only has a few minor stat updates and a couple of new features. I’ll happily pay full price because I really really like generic sports simulation.”



And so on and so forth.

You can yell from the rooftops, dressed up in your best spandex and blog on sites like this complaining that Mr fat cat is urinating on your rug again, but how many of you actively spray him with water, hit him where it hurts (the wallet) and tell him what a bad kitty he is? Not enough clearly. Too many of us are willing to just ignore the mess he’s made and let someone else deal with it. He’ll learn his lesson eventually you tell yourself. Well when he starts emptying his bowels on your bedroom floor, you’ll have no one but yourself to blame.




Please, just stop paying for this rubbish. You’re feeding their habit and making it worse.
Every cloned sequel with a fresh coat of paint you purchase, every pointless and overpriced micro transaction you make, every original game ip you illegally download is effectively telling these companies that this business practice of theirs is ok. If you think it’s bad now, it’s only going to get worse. You’re the sort of fellow who’d happily egg my house because it’s the norm, whilst companies like Activison, Capcom and THQ use my bathroom without flushing afterward.



As this youthful market of ours gets more and more mainstream, the more original and interesting games, ideas and concepts are going to drown under a landslide of excrement. I’m not saying everything fresh and exciting will completely disappear, but their number will certainly decrease. Both the movie and the music world have already fallen prey to a similar disease. These days, the only things worth investigating from either media are typically independent, away from public eye or just long forgotten about. Whilst it helps fuel the superiority complex of snobs like me, it is overall a little depressing and dare I say it, sometimes a little lonely.

“No I did not see who won pop idol last night. I wasn’t aware Saw 12 was out no. Hannah Montana is Miley Cyrus? What in gods name are you smoking!?”

Instead of moving forward, it feels like we’re taking a step back. This form of entertainment and escapism I love so much is slowly becoming alien to me. Dim lit bedrooms with cheeto stained T-shirts are out, whilst minor celebrities, playing alongside their families in brightly lit living rooms are In. I’m not sure we can see each other anymore. I’m sorry, we’ve just gown apart. Of course we can still be friends.

So to summarize. Class open you books to page 11 of "I told you so".
The gaming industry is my temple and you’re shitting on it. Nothing is sacred. Please change your ways now before it’s too late. If you do, I’ll put a good word in for you in heaven. I know the fella at the door.




If that made any sense, thank you. You’re now my new best friend. If it didn’t, then I’ve finally snapped. I knew this day would come eventually. I’m going to die in a home aren’t I? I’m orf to listen to some Morrissey records. That should cheer me up. He's the only one who truely understands me. I guess I’m deeply disturbed. (Deeply disturbed with a fantastic taste in music?)
Cheers my dears, I love you all in my own special way. Even you, yes you, the ugly ones.

Lots of mad monkey love and kisses,
Uber Mashu.

x

Personal note: I should learn how to edit.

To recap on events I’m sure you’re not privy to; *Cue sitcom style montage of events that have transpired in the last 6 months, full of pretty girls, pop culture references and the latest melodies now available on itunes. *

I’ve been unemployed since late October. I quit my job of 3 years at a game store (the very week I was offered a promotion) to better myself and not get stuck in a rut. Just like that guy in that movie with Ryan Reynolds. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always imitate art and 6 months later all I’ve managed to do is end up in my Y Fronts, having exhausted all my savings and the only female attention I have received is from my mother or my feline better half.

I have applied to college to do a bit of the old Game design but (and if I get in) that’s another 6 months away if I’m lucky. I AM LOSING MY MIND. MELODRAMA. The caps make it more real and reach out to you as a reader see. Besides job hunting in a desperate attempt to get some fundage behind my 2 a day (early) Easter egg habit, I have been surviving on my Games collection.

6 months is a long time and let me tell you my friends, no amount of consistent and substantial social life, living it up in bars wooing the ladies or hanging with the guys is going to successfully kill every single goddamn spare hour you have at your disposal. As a classic and rather clichéd nerd I typically like to kill those “rare” moments of boredom with a spot of the old gaming and my god is that getting exhausting. I’ve caught up on titles I bought on the cheap years ago and never got round to completing. Games I fancied replaying for entertainment purposes. I exhaust any new release within days. Resident Evil 5 was (almost) mastered within a week. Great game. Fantastic game (ignoring the fact that it was a 4 clone and any other problems I had with it). I just can’t stand the sight of the bastard any more. It’s nothing personal, but I’d like to compare it to a dirty weekend away with the newly acquired misses. You do your thing, work the old charm, perform the old in/out a couple times, have a romantic dinner and then wish she’d sod off temporarily so you can watch your soaps. It’s nothing personal; you just need your space for a while. You’ve spent too long in close proximity with your little love biscuit.

Trapped in my room and a town located in the sticks, hunting for work, I don’t get that space. My room isn’t my room without some heat radiating off the fan of some console. I sneeze or lose my balance and I’m pretty much guaranteed a slow and painful death by suffocation from my video game collection.
I wander the local ghost town escaping the dark clutches of my nerd prison and the only shops of interest heavily stock the items I find most endearing yet (currently) so tiring.
I go out and cavort with friends, but a lot of them are former work colleagues. As previously mentioned I worked in a Game store. Games tend to crop up from time to time you know? I can’t even sup on a traditional pint of ale without hearing the fecking Konami code at least once!
I’ve taken up running. I’m slowly trying to kill myself with physical exercise. I’ve started drawing again. I’ve started writing again in the form of this blog. I’m now reading more than ever. I’m on first name terms with the sweet old lady at the library, toothless grin an’ all! The thing is, I’m now slowly tiring of them too (The old lady especially). Holy plot twist Mattman!

So yes, I’m in a rut and I’m looking for advices. Advice besides anything patronizing like “Hang in there old chum” or “Get a job” are most welcome. Both I’m working on.

What have you done to combat against such a problem yourself? Are there any programs you’d suggest I’d familiarise myself with before going to college and designing the next big hit with a number in its title? Are you free tomorow night?
Anything you can offer me in the form of words or a constructed sentence will make this old man very happy albeit for a couple seconds. Regardless of it’s content.

There are only so many times or ways that I can touch myself before life just isn’t worth living any more. (Try not to let the sarcasm go completely over your head please.)

One as handsome as I was not meant for an existence as dull as this.

We’re all aware of what happens after we purchase a game we love. We’ll play them to exhaustion; search gamefaqs for every nook, cranny and surface you may have overlooked until you grow tired and exhausted, then attacking anyone on the internet who doesn’t give it a score over ninety percent.
You want to tell it that it’s pretty and get a nice little disc clean in the country. You want to have its DLC and live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. So what happens then? The obvious really. Deep inside this treasure chest of words, I’m plan to educate (and hopefully entertain) you on many scenarios that I suspect you’re already aware of. Timewaster go! Waste time attack!

People like to complain. It’s what’s separates us from the animals. Tears, opposable thumbs and excessive whining. Spend five minutes in an online forum or listen to a crowd’s reaction during a warm up act and you’ll understand the human psyche. Our species as a whole is capable of many colorful ways to say “You suck!”
So it comes as no surprise that at least once in every gamer’s life, they ask themselves "Why am I playing this rubbish?" I'd use a much stronger word, but I'm very much a noble gentleman.
The usual response (In my case non verbal, adding the "Strong silent type" to my list of personal attributes) is to stand up, feel dizzy, think about lunch and then perform one of the following acts:

• Return it to the store claiming it was an unwanted gift that some lovably ignorant aunt/uncle/cousin twice removed unknowingly bought you as a celebration of your birth. This is of course accompanied by the obligatory roll of the eyes, sly wily grin and a shrug of the shoulders. Very much like the Fonz's infamous "Heeeey!" pose but with Jazz hands. The cashier understands that this was an act beyond your terrestrial control, sympathizes with you and exchanges it immediately for a much "better" product. This is usually an equally bad piece of tripe that they're being forced to push that week.

• You realize that the product in question is far outside the 10 day exchange and drown in your salty tears. These are not what you'd call "Happy Days"

• You bought it on the cheap and don't want to be THAT guy or gal by returning it. You know the type. The kind of Human Being who takes great pleasure in forcing their way to the front of the bus line despite having arrived mere seconds before the door opens. As an encore to this heinous act, they'll then hold up the rest of the local transporteers, by counting their change and emptying the contents of their man bag in front of the driver looking for that last elusive 20 pence.

• Despite your better judgment you’ve gone and lost that most elusive of gems, the receipt. No doubt you lost it as you were waving it excitedly in the air as you exited the store, congratulating yourself on a purchase well made. A bold move that has cost you dearly.
You nervously wait in line and sweat profusely, instantly making yourself look guilty. Of course, this purchase was made with cash, so the odds are stacked against you further. Two seemingly mortal store clerks stand behind the counter on opposite sides of the till as the line gets increasingly smaller and smaller. Both of these men are strangers, yet they hold unspoken power over you.
One appears to be an overly friendly bubbly and chatty manchild. The kind of jester outside of this present situation you’d avoid like the plague. For now though, he’s much better than the alternative. Clerk numero deux has what appears to be nicotine patches covering his arms, surrounded by menacing tattoos. This is all accompanied by a stench of “yesterdays” booze. He looks surly, hung-over and talks to people in a series of grunts very similar to Morse code. Your eyes meet briefly and you quickly turn away, Butterflies forming in your belly. “Oh god, oh god, please don’t let it be him...

• You give it away to friend or relative like the enlightened Good Samaritan you are.
You will then bring up this seemingly meaningless yet noble act every time you want something. Be it a place to crash, a ride or a chance to bump uglies with his Sister. The phrase “You owe me one” will pass your lips on a regular basis. What a Sucker.

• In some rare cases, you'll keep the offending disc/cartridge and play it on the odd rainy day. Just like visiting a convicted friend in the slammer you'll quickly remember why you stopped writing to the gun wielding nut job and are more than relieved when he gets sent back to his cell. The cell in this case being your top shelf and not the sexy newsagent kind.

• In some even rarer cases, you'll still rack up a ridiculous amount of hours playing on the title and claim you’re hoarding it for achievements or trophies. You hate everything about this game yet you just can't seem to get enough. It has done nothing but hurt you, but like an abusive ex lover, you'd still let the disc slide sensually into the tray and "hit that" till your hand cramps up.

Life is full of disappointment and cannot be avoided. There are no exceptions.
Movies will always feature a strong female lead in a bid to avoid the stereotype, ironically creating its own.
American Idol or a similar guise will always grace our screen and fight it out for Christmas number one.
The Girl next door will always complain that she can never meet a nice guy just like you, then throw herself at the sort of fella who’d stab you (or her in a metaphorical sense) with his poking device were you to show the slightest hint of excitement at Pokémon.

Attack it on the internet with written language. Adjust Metacritic scores. Email the developer or publisher (depending on personal preference) a photoshopped image of your genitalia resting upon their head. Whatever makes you happy.
Just try and take solace in this line I’ve stolen from a major motion picture:

“The sweet is never as sweet without the sour.” – Vanilla Sky.

I've worked in a variety of retail outlets in some form or another most of my young adult working life and until quite recently(ish), I worked at Gamestation, one of the larger Gaming brands in the UK for a total of 3 years. That is until I'd had enough. Not just of "Gamestation" but of retail as a whole. Though seeing as I'm too late to apply for College this year, I fear my time in that realm is not quite over yet.

During my existence in that shop, like a priest absorbing delicious fruity sins, young whippersnappers would often express their envy at my line of work and proclaim their desire to work at our store or one similar.
"Bless you my child." I would often reply "You should be careful of what you wish for."

I have a lot of fond memories of that place, I made some fantastic friends and would go as far as calling some of them part of my extended family. I could easily fill a blog alone with interesting anecdotes I experienced there. THAT is not this blog. THIS blog serves to help answer the question that has popped into the heads of some children at least once, since they first picked up a SNES pad and managed to pull off a hadouken successfully.

"What's it like to work in a Game shop?"

Not exactly the most exciting of questions, but something I myself asked once or twice during the time it took to evolve from a mere fetus to the human being I am today, now master of the QWERTY keyboard.
Obviously not everyone has the qualifications, skill or experience to be a game designer or something equally as cool. Myself included in that bracket ;_; <- The tears may be pixelated but the pain is real. Yet provided that there's an opening in store available and you sound like you know what you're talking about, a job at somewhere like Gamestation is far more attainable. Temporarily at least.

The following punctuation, letters, words, sentences and mad ramblings are an edited biography of my experiences at such a retail outlet. None of the juicy bits unfortunately, again that's for another time. Just pure, one hundred percent concentrated fact. A summary of what to expect I guess.

Like a bull in a china shop, I was a geek working in a game store. It was a plausible and achievable slice of Gamer heaven.
The freebies! The T-shirts! The Discount! I could 'rent' preowned games! ZOMG! I could play the latest video games on my lunch break and even buy them (with the odd exception) days, sometimes a week before their street release. It was (in my case) a job where you finally got the chance to relate to people just like you and not just some aging woman fighting off retirement for as long as she can, who's idea of a good time was dying her hair purple to cover up the greys. No more small talk about the weather or a something as trivial as a hip replacement, but topics that were important. Important to me and plenty of other warm blooded individuals. Zombies, Zombies riddled with bullets and Zombies on holiday. You'd bond with your fellow brethren, swap gamer tags, war stories and brag about manly things like the size of one's gamer score.
Glossing over the fact that retail in itself is a soul crushingly awful battleground, for now at least, it was a dream come true and on paper the concept was flawless.

Geek + Discount + Games = A very happy chappy (Albeit, a little broke)

It was the Nerd equivalent of Boy meets Girl. Unfortunately in this case, I misread the signals lady lovely was sending my way and mistook it for a whirlwind romance. I saw flowers, chocolate, edible undies and mad passionate coitus that would eventually be portrayed as a much more discrete metaphor in a Disney flick. Unbeknown to me, it was actually more Uwe Boll's "Bloodrayne" but with less Boobies. Like most doomed relationships though, there's always that honeymoon period. The first few months were fantastic. As to be expected. Eventually the shrouded veil of lies and deceit fell back and and revealed a photoshopped canine wearing unflattering eye make up, barking angrily at me.

"War has Changed."

You may spend a majority of your time fighting against both your inner nerd and your bank balance. In my case, It usually ended in bloodshed and I wound end up consuming beans on toast for the next month. Every new console, a weapon of self destruction. Every mildly interesting software release, a must have day one purchase. Every inexcusably cheap title added to the already teetering Jenga pile. Every pay check spent within hours of receiving.

The novelty does wear off and very quickly. You get spoilt. It's too much of a good thing. For example, when you're hungry and shopping for consumption. More often than not you'll buy too much, eat your body weight in Twiglets and then just gouge down the rest of your feast at a constant but much slower rate, just because it's "there". Isn't a meal you've been waiting for all day far more satisfying and fulfilling than when you're constantly graising on edibles?

You are a disposable commodity. Which is nothing new, but Gamestation (at least) made a special effort to remind you every morning. At least it felt like they did. They don't care how long it would take you to perform a task, it WILL be done in this designated time frame. They don't care if you're getting overtime for it (or payed at all), even if you've lost a digit and are losing blood at an accelerated rate. Just get it done. That's life unfortunately.
Just like every other business, they're there to make money. Don't expect a pat on the back telling you it's OK, as long as you tried. They'll be no cheeky promise of an extra hard ass kicking on Gears tonight to make up for it.They don't give a damn about you, they give a damn about money. Pretty green, often diginity and blood stained, Moolah. They want results, not excuses soldier! If you don't like it, there are plenty of other silly sausages out there ready to replace you willingly. I hate those guys!

Despite what you previously may have been led to believe, the job does not involve spending a huge majority of your time and company money playing games and kicking back with a Budweiser. If you work in a place like that, please send them my CV and this written application:

"Dear fictional store of dreams and false hope,
Just like the lottery I'm pretty certain that you're just something that happens to other people, not me. Please give me a job of luxury up there in your floating castle so I can die happy. If there are no positions available at the moment, could you please forward this message to the tooth fairy. I dig chicks with no teeth and will be a big money earner.
Big kisses and plethora of Man hugs. Mr Mashu."

You've been in a store of any kind on a Saturday right? It doesn't matter where you are, as long as you're wearing a company uniform it's like Omaha beach out there. People firing questions and insults at you from every angle just adding to your already crippling workload.
Try peeping through the looking glass next time you see a family wisely choosing lunchtime to trade in their entire game collection. I want you to look hard at the clerks face. He is not thinking "Oh wow, I can't wait to go round the back and fondle myself." That guy is busy. Super busy. He may not look it, but he is. Unless he isn't of course, but that doesn't count! He's just trying his best to look approachable. It's part of his job description!
There will be the minimum of staff on, he has phone's to answer (I received a record 9 calls about wii fit in 10 minutes), a well timed sale or price change to do thanks to the master intelligence at HQ (They come in two sizes. Large or Extra Extra), a never ending pile of traded games that really need to be gutted by the end of the day or else you'll drown in copies of GTA3 come this time tomorrow (We don't want another rock star scandal thank you very much) a huge line of people waiting which is always fun (You've met people right? They're just like the internet, but not in CAPS.) and there will always, always be "a" or "a collection of" kid(s) making your life hell. Be it with a stink bomb, throwing stock around the shop floor or just being a smart ass. He'll be there, waiting for you. He is a manifestation of that irritating little brat on Halo 3 Matchmaker but without the satisfying option to unload a clip of ammunition into his prepubescent nether regions.
Boo Hoo right? Like a lot of jobs it is stressful. and in that job, trust me you will. But please, don't go out of your way to antagonize those poor bastards. (This works both ways of course) They'd be able and willing to help you far better if the mother ship wasn't so tight with the hours and purse strings.
When you get to a counter, smile and maybe offer a hug and tell them it's OK. Warn them first, as they'll probably suspect your about to hit them. It wouldn't be the first time. Copping a feel is optional, but may result in a banning.

So to summarize all that information into a minuscule bite sized chuck:

"What's it like to work in a Game shop?"

The same as working in any other shop, It's Ok. Except maybe just a tiny bit more exciting?
This excitement obviously stems from the fact that you'd probably have an avid interest in games wanting to work there in first place.
The important thing to remember that most people forget? Game stores are a business exactly like any other. They are not designed for the Staff to have fun. Because half the time you won't.You aren't supposed to, that's just a welcome addition to your day! They are there to make money. End of. Don't apply for a job there expecting it to be an adult day care for nerds.
It's not a fantastic job, at times it can be horrific, but as far as retail itself goes it's the lesser of the evils. It does really depend on what chain you apply for. A lot of the bigger chains such as GAME are more "SALE SALE SALE! Push push push! Do you want fry's with that?" and seeing as Gamestation are their new toy, they are turning that way gradually too. I suggest you try looking for work in an independent as you'd probably get the most enjoyment out of your experiences there. If I were to ever go back, that's what I'd aim for at least. That said, It really doesn't matter where you end up exactly, as working on the front line is a real eye opener in itself and will help you learn and understand a little bit more about how the industry works.
I'm just glad I got out when I did. Any longer and I'd of ended up the front page of the Daily Mail. I hope I haven't put any of the few of you who read this off, but just like Alton Towers or my Ex Galpal, I recommend you try it out for yourself at least once.






There's goes my first blog! I apologize if it's structured poorly and makes no sense, which is very likely. I'm not really much of a writer. Outside of secondary school, I'd say that's the most I've done to my recent memory, Any farther back and we're talking Marty Mcfly, back to the future! Well done for getting this far though and thank you for attempting to read my written maze. I'm just terrified I've done this wrong. Be gentle with this poor old man :D