WTF Wednesday is a weekly look at those shining pillars of the gaming community - forum posts, gadgets, articles and personalities - that just make you wonder "What the fu...?"
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Anyone that has taken a college-level lit class knows that people can – and will – read far too much into any given topic. People have long seen connections between Super Mario Brothers and socialism. The Bible and Star Wars have been seen as parallel stories. But one of the greatest examples I have seen recently comes from Joe McNeilly of gamesradar. His article Portal is the most subversive game ever distinguishes Portal as “feminist critique of the FPS genre.” You know you're in for a treat by the disclaimer that begins the article.

[Warning: The text you are about to read contains heady intellectual discourse and is not recommended for anyone made queasy by the discussion of feminist film theory or psychoanalytical signifiers.]

The four pages that follow delve into gender politics and feminist theory, discussing the meaning of everything in the game from the portals to the beloved Companion Cube. For people that don't want to take the time to read the article, here are the bullet points.

Guns in most FPS games: Penises. Guns are “... a phallic symbol of masculine agency, through which power is won and maintained,” something that is reinforced by the perspective of the player and the position of the “gun.” Every time you kill someone in CoD, you're actually destroying them with a cock.

GLaDOS: Your mom. A “maternal construct who administers the experiments,” GLaDOS represents “man's attempt to construct an idealized mother figure.” Makes you feel a little worse about [SPOILERS] destroying her, doesn't it? As a mother, GLaDOS is predictably cold, emotionally manipulative and kinda crazy.

Turrets: Men. The turrets “reintroduce the traditional masculine themes of guns and control,” and can be outsmarted by a capable woman who makes sixty cents for every dollar they earn at Aperture. Like most guys, they are incredibly threatening and easily outsmarted. Probably because they were distracted by the portals, which are ...

Portals: Vaginas. That's right, big quivering vaginas just waiting to be fingerbanged into submission by Chad Concelmo. Of course, the “oval-shaped openings [are] ... an image of the female sex organs: oval and receptive.” Mr. McNeilly goes on to compare the portals to birth canals, through which (and I am not making this up) “the protagonist is constantly being born into new trials.”

Companion Cube: Male Identity. Did you know your beloved Companion Cube was a dude? Like most of us males, the cube is “burdensome despite its usefulness” and must be carried by the female Chell. It is strictly utilitarian, and is basically around to hold down buttons and never ask for directions when it gets lost, even though its been driving around for hours. The eventual incineration of the Companion Cube represents “a mental unburdening from the need for approval from a father figure.” This very “Rule 34” (and probably NSFW) picture further suggests that the Cube represents a man.



Of course, overanalysis can be applied to any game. To his credit, Joe wrote an interesting and compelling article that challenges the way you may look Portal the next time you load it up. Or it is total psychobabble. Either way, enjoy.

Further reading can be found at Heroine Sheik's's Portal is for Lesbians, which includes the awesome quote “Vaginas you, a female character, have to enter/exit to solve puzzles. I don’t say this often, and almost never with so much support and enthusiasm, but that is so gay.”