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-Super Meat Boy regarding Super Meat Boy

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Highlights from my blog include:

-2010 Sucked: Fable III Exemplifies the Year in Disappointement*Promoted Blog
-Keep It Complicated, Stupid
-What Wii Gaming is Like for Me*Promoted Blog
-I, The Author: How I Stole the Declaration of Independance*Promoted blog




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Way of The Samurai, Shadow of the Colossus, Castle Crashers, Jet Grind Radio, ICO, Super DodgeBall, Canabalt, Final Fantasy VI and X-Com are some of the finest games ever made in ever

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Players can elect to summon "cartoony" versions of bats, bombs, guns, and flamethrowers. These types of items can be used to destroy objects or even other summoned items (e.g., a club can be used to hit an animal; steak can be attached to a baby to attract lions; rockets can be lobbed at a man).

-From the ESRB description of Scribblenauts

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"Right after getting back to Japan, [Miyamoto] suddenly said: "You know we're including golf now." Apparently he'd stated in an interview that this time round golf shots would be determined by the backswing, even though at that time a golf game didn't exist in any shape or form!"

-A Nintendo Staffer explaining why Golf was added to Wii Sports Resort

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"I have seen the Summa that everyone talks about. And I want to pour gasoline on him and cut off his ear. "

-Pendleton21 after listening to the disavowed Podtoid 94: So Baller

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"question, did you play with controller or keyboard?

because controller is unplayable"
-Luc Bernard re: the first release version of Eternity's Child on Steam

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"Just because u like a game doesn't mean u have to give it a high score"
-excerpt from the epic trolling on the Prototype review, inFamous/Protoype Wars, June 2009

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Why the NES is not a real gaming console
Tubatic | 12:57 AM on 02.19.2010 26 comments



Hi Guys. I'm turning in my badge and my sidearm. I'm off this case.

I think I'm starting to really learn a thing or two from the Halo Generation. Being an open minded guy, I'm going to present what I've learned in this short piece reasoning that, beyond what you may have considered, that the Nintendo Entertainment System was not, in fact, a real game console. I thought it was, but I see what was wrong with my thinking.

Processing Power

As we all know, processing power affects gameplay. Without high processing power, we can't have the things that really enrich gaming experiences, like complex physics engines or enemy AI. If you look at a game like Super Mario Bros 3, there is no real physics engine. The processor simply can't handle it, and it shows. Enemies have one squish animation, turtle shells don't realistically rihochet or tilt when they hit walls and and fireballs do not account for the type of surface they hit. If the NES had real processing power, things would burn or catch fire because of physics. Without it, the game is just not rewarding.


The NES made serious gaming back then worse

The NES came with things like light guns, robots and a mat that you put on the floor to hit buttons with your feet. Serious consoles simply stick to a controller and don't branch out. You could even buy an arcade stick and a modified controller with a disc instead of a D-Pad, a boomerang grip, and four face buttons. Its horrible because other systems started to adapt these sorts of things into their console, and it made so many bad controllers happen! These new controllers and control types lead to new games like Halo using dual stick controls, San Andreas using many button on its controller, and Modern Warfare 2 using a ergonomic grip with the PS3 controller. This was not a good thing!

The NES did not have strong sound or graphics

Without greater graphics power, nothing appealing can be made on this console. i doubt you would ever remember anything created on it, as there are not orchestral scores, great big explosions or voice acting, like in 50 Cent Bulletproof or Darkest of Days, which, because of technology, is better than anything that could be made on the NES.



I hope I have helped you learn to discern a real console from an NES.



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24 comments | showing # 1 to 24
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VGFreak1225's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 01:11
VGFreak1225
NO, I HAVE BEEN TAINTED BY NINTENDO! I MUST GO TAKE A THREE HOUR SHOWER AND THEN BUILD SHIGERU MYAMOTO AN EFFIGY AND SET IT ON FIRE. I MUST CLEANSE MYSELF!
Gobun's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 01:13
Gobun
BWHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAAHAHA
BEST REACTION EVER!
Tubatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 01:13
Tubatic
Welcome to the Garden of Madness.
CrocBox's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 01:16
CrocBox
I was blind all these years and now I see. Thank you.
Lil Jorsche's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 01:23
Lil Jorsche
"The NES made serious gaming back then worse" I laugh every time I read that line. Glad I could contribute.
RoninZero's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 01:23
RoninZero
Wow...thank you Tubatic...I feel so...alive
Chris Carter's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 02:00
Chris Carter
GARDEN OF MADNESS. WE ARE WELCOME IN IT.
Gobun's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 02:03
Gobun
This is amazing.
You are amazing.
TheCleaningGuy's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 02:16
TheCleaningGuy
The only real gaming console is a Mac!
Kyle MacGregor's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 02:18
Kyle MacGregor
PS3 does what Nintendon't.
IT ONLY DOES EVERYTHING.
The Thir13n of Spades's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 02:43
The Thir13n of Spades
I thought something in my house was on fire, but I was mistaken.
Aaron Mxy Yost's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 03:49
Aaron Mxy Yost
You make a compelling argument.
Los255's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 09:50
Los255
It all makes sense now. FUCK
GeekyJuuu's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 09:58
GeekyJuuu
Thank you, good sir, you have taught me the error of my ways. I can live as a real gamer now.
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 11:13
Monodi
I love you.
Kraid's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 12:00
Kraid
<3
grafkhun's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 12:03
grafkhun
I'm loving the parodies.
Tony Ponce's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 13:38
Tony Ponce
I love a parade.
Enkido's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 15:02
Enkido
BLINDED BY THE LIGHT!
ace of knaves's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 19:02
ace of knaves
Birthmark Destructor's comment makes me glad to be alive.
DaedHead8's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2010 19:18
DaedHead8
I agree with ace of knaves. It's moments like that which keep me coming back to destructoid.
CelicaCrazed's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2010 00:21
CelicaCrazed
Punched in the face with the truth. It was good.
Darren Nakamura's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/20/2010 23:09
Darren Nakamura
Of course! Why have we not realized this until now?
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