(Caution: may contain light sarcasm on the internet . . . or does it?!)

Assuming you're new to the internet, I have to tell you that the subject of race in Resident Evil 5 nearly tore our nation apart by the seam of its internets last year. Game Politics sent news vans to Capcom* and Jim Sterling actually punched N'Gai Croal in the face*. Physically*. Dark times indeed. However, with time and a new president, the world has grown beyond racism and no longer sees color*.

Until the Resident Evil 5 demo came out and changed everything.

Upon downloading RE5, my fears were realized. Everyone was right and the newest edition of Biohazard: Fun in the Sun, is set to ignite racial tensions again. Please, let me explain.


1. Old stereotypes alive and well.

You know that one about black folk being lazy and drinking large amounts of alcohol, and proceeding to attack people with broken bottles. Totally in there. Visual evidence in pic form has clearly been suppressed, but I assure you, it did happen.

Certainly, I understand that there's a virus and symbiotically induced rage that's played a part in the man's aggression. But when everyone else has hand scythes, barbed clubs and flaming crossbow bolts, this guy chooses an empty green bottle. Seriously?

And lets not be confused here. These African Ganados suffers have shown a real tendency and ability toward "Fast Zombie" attack patterns. However, without question, this dude was in full shuffle mode. What exactly are you trying to say Capcom?


2. Tank Controls

I won't labor this point. We've been down that road already. But I will add that not changing the traditional Human Tank controls of the series just panders to this insulting " no gamer left behind" mentality. Are you keeping it simple because your market numbers tell you the black folk play lots of Madden? Are we keeping it forward focused to look more like a half back barrelling toward the goal line? What, is the black man not supposed to look back at his past and learn from his history? Is that why the controls make it hard for me to look back?! I'm on to you Captain Commando! Not cool brah.

Not cool.

3. Insect Politics

(RIP Quartermann)


4. Thanks Partner!

Most damning of all, is the new slight against African originated people: Sheva.

You know, we all thought she was placative tokenism; a way to show that not everyone shooting the hordes is light/white skinned. And sure, that seemed to work well enough. Maybe there were some black people that worked on this game after all, right? What we didn't know, was how this partnership would work out.

And we certainly didn't hear this partnership at work . . .

"Thanks Partner!" "Thanks Partner!" "Thanks Partner!"

Sheva is Navi.

Navi ,of Ocarina of Time fame, became notoriously reviled for her incessant spouting of two key phrases: Hey! and Listen!. Granted, she provided very helpful information, but she imprinted on the minds of every gamer an aversion to the relentless audio cues of a tag-a-long companion.

Now, a whole new generation will learn that same hate. But its not somefictitious imp this time around. A full grown black woman squacking the same nagging phrase over and over will be etched into the minds of everyone that experiences RE5. Its a new generation of hate, and the colored girls are center stage.

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Surely by now, the man is coming to take me away (Ha Ha). So, what do you think D-Toid? Is not RE5 still the downfall of hundreds of years of progress? Surely, this is worst that the latest Afro Samurai news, right!?! Holla back, D-Toid.

*May not have actually happened.