So I don't want to steal Anthony's genre to suck at, but let's face it -- I suck at RTS games. And to over use a word, this sucks, because I like RTS games! Sucks.

It all started when I went over to a friend's house in elementary school. I think I was in 4th or 5th grade and he was playing the original Command & Conquer -- Tiberian Dawn for those in the know. I didn't know what to think when I saw him play it. He had already beat it, so I got to see the ending cutscenes first. He had a saved game from the moment before beating the Nod campaign. He told me that once he won he would get to use something called an Ion Cannon to destroy the White House, the Eiffel Tower, or some other landmark.

My only experience previously with Ion Cannons was from Star Wars so I didn't really know what to expect. He asked me which one I wanted, so picking the most recognizable landmark for my 5th grade self, I chose the White House. I sat next to his computer, transfixed as Nod hackers hacked into the GDI Ion Cannon -- a badass laser satellite basically -- and watched as they leveled the White House in a scene that would make Independence Day proud.



I was sold.

A week or so later, I used my allowance to go out and buy the game. Even though now, the visuals look horribly dated, this began my hate/love affair with RTS games. I loved the fact that they had real time cutscenes with hammy acting. I thought that was the coolest. I wanted to advance the story, to see more scenes, to learn more about the war between GDI and the Brotherhood of Nod, and most importantly learn more about Tiberium. The only problem was, I actually had to beat levels to do that.

I sucked. So bad. Even to this day I get my ass handed to me while playing RTS games: Sins of a Solar Empire, Red Alert 3, Tiberian Sun, C&C 3, Starcraft, Empire at War, you name it and I'll suck at it. I can never manage to build units fast enough or construct my bases well enough to beat even the simplest of computer or human players. I run out of resources, or spend too much money trying to build awesome more expensive units while forgetting to build defenses or actually attacking. (Zerg rushes are the bane of my existence.)



Basically, I bought and "played" all the C&C games, both the Tiberian timeline and the Red Alert timeline, but most of the time I had to resort to downloading trainers to edit the game's code. I would win by making it so the opposite faction's units had no weapons. (Or in the case of the original C&C -- technician pistols because no weapons wasn't an option.)

To this day, whenever my friends ask if I want to join them for a little Starcraft LAN action I have to say, "No thanks." When they ask why, I have to respond with my tired and true answer, "I suck."