I’m playing through Prince of Persia: Sands of Time
for the first time, and I’m at a really annoying part. I have to cross some balance beams while those goddamn birds keep attacking me. You know what replaying this section three times already has taught me? Birds suck.
“I hate birds. They’re so useless,” to quote a character from one of my favorite childhood (well early teenage years) TV shows Ed, Edd n Eddy
. But seriously, fuck birds. So without further ado, here’s my personal list of the worst birds in gaming.
The birds in Prince of Persia: Sands of Time
Of course these are going to be on my list. They look freaky as shit with their glowing chest spot things and skeletal-like appearance. Plus they’re annoying and the prince sometimes doesn’t want to go into his blocking motion unless they’re just close enough. Fuck these demon birds.
Pidgey (and other normal-type flying Pokemon)
“Tiny bird Pokemon?” More like useless bird Pokemon, am I right? How many times are you wandering through the tall grass minding your own business or searching for a kickass Pikachu or something when bam! it's another goddamn Pidgey. Well at least you can teach these feathered sons of bitches Fly. That’s about all they’re good for. Honorable Mentions: Zubat because fuck
those guys. They’re just cave-Pidgey’s.
“But Falco flies an Arwing which is totally rad!” you say. Yeah, but he’s also a giant ass. Seriously if I have to listen to one more of his smartass comments, I’m going to shoot him down myself. He guesses he should be thankful? Who the fuck says that instead of showing some gratitude? Giant, blue talking birds. That’s who.
Now there’s no way any of you can disagree with this one. Well you can…but you’d be wrong! Is a new bottle really worth the trouble of trying to catch all those mothercluckers? No. Plus these little guys are vengeful. Just try hitting them a few times with your sword and see what happens. Cuccopocalypse.
What right do these guys have to be angry all the time? It’s not healthy. Not only do they make annoying sounds but they’re pig killers, and pigs are way cooler than birds. Not to mention more delicious. Which would you rather have: bird or delicious bacon? Plus Angry Birds
is super popular, so it’s got to suck, right?
Ducks from Duck Hunt
You think the dog is the biggest asshole on the planet? Wrong. It’s the birds. They think they’re so high and mighty flying around, taunting you into taking ill advised shots. These ducks reek of sheer arrogance. Ugh. It’s making me sick just thinking about them.
The above just represent just a small example of the fowl foulness that exists in video games. Let me know about ones I missed in the comments. Like I said before, fuck birds.