After checking GamePolitics.com as I usual do in the mornings, I was treated to a story of a Conservative blogger named Kevin McCullough spouting off some of the most amusing and, yet, at the same time infuriating fabrications, or to put it more bluntly, lies, about BioWare's newest RPG Mass Effect.
Kevin McCullough proves that he's never played the game before or even has the vaguest idea of what he's talking about. Here are some of his more amusing quotes:
"[Presidential candidates] all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys."
Here we have another dumb fuck lying about a Mature rated video game being marketed to under aged adolescents despite them all very clearly marked "17 and up" or "17+". Not to mention on the back there is a hand dandy little table that describes what may be in the game. So if mommy or daddy can't figure out that little Timmy shouldn't be playing games with Mature ratings, well, then those are the sort of people who shouldn't have children because they don't even bother to get to know them anyway. These are the parents who blindly give their kids these games to shut them the fuck up and get them away from them, as simple as that.
Anyway, Kevin 'Fuck Head' McCullough continues with this beauty of a lie:
"It’s called “Mass Effect” and it allows its players… to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to “engage” and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game “persons” hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of…"
Anyone who's played the game will read that and immediately know the guy is full of shit. The problem I have though is that this paints a completely inaccurate picture of the game for those who are not familiar with it and makes it out to be some sort of sci-fi sex simulator.
First lies in this quote? "It’s called “Mass Effect” and it allows its players… to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived." Considering it show ZERO actual sex in the game and nudity on the level of PG-13 film, possibly even tamer, I'd like to see where the "most realistic sex acts ever conceived" comes in at. All I get is this tame ass kissing and cuddling, where the fuck is my hardcore alien porn this guy basically promises? Nowhere to be fucking found, that's where. Lying sack of shit.
Also, just take a look at all of those wonderful options we don't have in the game. I don't remember being able to alter my character's body shape or size, also outside of skin tone, inaccurately confused with race sometimes, we cannot change the race of our character since the story is dependant of our characters being human.
Also, breast size? Seriously? Where? I'd love that option. I'd make a woman with tits so big she'd have to crawl around because she couldn't stand from the "Mass Effect" of her rack. Now that would be an interesting sight to behold.
On to more of the dumb fuck's comments:
"Here’s a question [for the candidates]… “How much moral judgement should the President push into legislative issues that are likely to severely damage our children’s innocence, function, and capability?…”
If a pre-teen, teen, young adult, or adult male plays such a game in which the women DO submit without choice, are made to appear as Barbie streetwalkers, and perform whatever act can be imagined, what’s to stop that same male from assuming that the women in his “other world” shouldn’t be forced to do the same.
…And because of the digital chip age in which we live - “Mass Effect” can be customized to sodomize whatever, whoever, however, the game player wishes.
With it’s “over the net” capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away."
Again with the bullshit "save the children!" speech. Fuck you! If you don't want to parent your child yourself, give them the fuck up. Don't try and force other parent's to submit to government controlled content just because you're a lousy parent. Besides, as I said, this game is far from being what this cock monger is claiming.
Another thing, when the fuck do you force the women in the game to have sex with you? It takes forever to get one of them in the sack and they carry so much emotional baggage that it's hardly even worth the lay. Aside from that he makes it sound like you just go around picking up 'hot alien bitches' off the galactic roads, so to speak, and just to bump uglies with them and toss them back out into space with a tissue to clean up as payment. You get to choose from two women in you crew if you're playing as a male, and two women and one male if you're playing as a female. Aside from that you can also bang the Consort on the Citadel while playing either gender. Yay! More non-sex sex scenes! You can see the Consort's hand on the window when they're screwing off screen!!! This game it too graphic!
Apparently, we're going to sodomize everyone too, because you know we're all genius hackers who can alter the code of the game to do things it was never programmed to do. You mean I'll get to have hot monkey sex with Wrex eventually?! Awesome! Hey, we can butt fuck the Geth because we all know how to hack games!
Then we have his "With it’s 'over the net' capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away" comment. This just completely stunned the fuck out of me. I don't even know what he's hinting at, but one giant mistake with this comment is that fact that other than possible downloadable content in the future there are no "over the net" capabilities.
"How refreshing would it be for a President to… put his pen and signature to a bill that dealt with such simulated sex excess in a way that was punitive to its creators to such a degree that they would never recover from it?"
How refreshing would it be for a game critic to... do some research and no talk out of his ass? Seriously, this guy completely created an entirely new version of Mass Effect in his head and think that we should have a President worrying about video game sex and violence more than actual sex and violence. Fuck that!
By the time this is posted it will most likely have already been talked about, but I don't want to get rid of this post because I actually started it a while ago but got side tracked. Anyway, just my own comments I wanted to share about another dumb as shit game critic.
Yeah, I might have over done it. But this guy took the bullshitting to a whole new level. I could understand being slightly wrong, but like I said he created a whole other version of Mass Effect in his head and is using it as a example for video games as a whole.
People like this guy needs his head removed from his ass. He even managed to be more inaccurate than Wacko Jacko usually is. Do you know how hard it is to match that? Pretty damn hard, but this guy pulled it off with aces.
I want there to be a secret police that looks for shit like this and puts those people on an alternate version of the internet far, far away from the rest of us
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about me
What can I say? Basically, I've been playing video games almost my entire life, currently 25 years old, starting all the way back with the Atari and moving on up over the years. I loved playing with the Atari, but my "hardcoreness", I suppose you could say, didn't really set in until I got a Nintendo Entertainment System.
Super Mario Bros. was great and all, but Mega Man is what solidified my love of gaming, at least that's what stands out the most reminiscing of my childhood of gaming. Also games like Super Mario Bros. 3.
My next console leap was to the Sega Genesis and sometime later I got the Super Nintendo. Super Nintendo was hands down the better of the two consoles in my eyes. The Genesis became an abomination toward the end of it's life cycle. I'd like to claim it was pure hardcoreness that led me to purchase a 32X and such, but honestly it was stupidity, heh.
I skipped the Saturn, wasn't a big fan of Sega at this point and honestly I didn't have any interest in anything on the system. I got a Playstation and eventually a Nintendo 64.
Playstation 2 was next and then eventually a Sega Dreamcast. The Dreamcast was a great system but still ended up failing, which sucks since it ultimately set Sega packing in the console making business. Playstation 2 was great. I got an XBox later and followed much later by a Game Cube.
This generation of consoles I have an XBox 360 and a Nintendo Wii. Both great consoles in their own ways. Don't yet have a PS3, I refused to purchase one until Yakuza 3 was announced for release in the US. It hasn't been officially announced yet, but it's not looking too bad. I may have a PS3 not long from now, but one positive thing about waiting so long is that I'll be able to pick up many great games for low prices if they came out a while ago.
I enjoy a lot of different games and genres. I play a lot of FPS, action/adventure, horror, etc. Love the Resident Evil series, Legacy of Kain series, early Mega Man titles, various wrestling titles, etc.
Destructoid is an independently-run publication forged by our love of video games and the gaming community's need of accountable enthusiast press living the dream since March 16, 2006
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lol @ Angry, Ranting Trevor McGee
Yeah, I might have over done it. But this guy took the bullshitting to a whole new level. I could understand being slightly wrong, but like I said he created a whole other version of Mass Effect in his head and is using it as a example for video games as a whole.
People like this guy needs his head removed from his ass. He even managed to be more inaccurate than Wacko Jacko usually is. Do you know how hard it is to match that? Pretty damn hard, but this guy pulled it off with aces.
I want there to be a secret police that looks for shit like this and puts those people on an alternate version of the internet far, far away from the rest of us
I agree with Knee Row, these people need their own special, secluded internet
I CAN HAZ ALIEN SEXXX GAMES NOW???