Don't worry, I won't mind if you scroll right down to the cartoons. You're a woman on the go and you don't have time to read. So long story short, my power was out for a while, thought about you a lot, drew pictures of Destructoid editors to keep my sanity, accidentally ate maggots, and now everything is back to normal, the end.

Four and a half days without electricity.

That doesn't sound too terrible considering the circumstances, but it was unpleasant nonetheless. I lost power last last Friday night and only got it back this past Wednesday. Most of it has blurred together, but I do remember how frustrating it was. Waiting for it to kick back on was the almost unbearable.

When I woke up on Saturday after the storm and first heard on the radio that some people should expect to be out of power for at least two weeks, I almost lost it. I started grabbing at my face like that lady from Total Recall. Then I threw my head at some guards and rolled under a sliding door. They should have been ready for a surprise.

For the most part though, I stayed pretty calm throughout. I got a little antsy during the first few nights of the outage because it was hot as balls, but eventually the weather cooled down due to a cold front from up north. So thanks Canada, keep on blowin.

Also, hearing people on the radio thank God for the great weather after the storm was somewhat amusing. Yes, blessed are we for these divine and celestial conditions. And no that wasn't a hurricane, it was a heavenly noogie.

The only time I got close to being seriously belligerent was when I accidentally bit into a slice of spam covered in maggots. Look, it was already dark out, candle light seemed sufficient, plus the top of the piece looked clean (clean enough) and I didn't think I needed to waste a flashlight on something as simple as eating. I know I should have taken a closer look and I knew it was a few days old, but I was preparing for the worst - two weeks of no electricity - so I tried to conserve as much battery power as possible and eat the oldest food before it spoiled. So I had a lot on my mind okay?

Anyways, when I first bit down on the piece, it felt bigger in my mouth than I expected that's what she said. So I look at the thing in my hand, flip it over, and I see these tiny little buggers squirming around. I paused for a second to let that horrific image sink in. My jaw hung open for a second, quivering in fright, probably crawling with larvae. When it finally reaches my brain that I'm about to eat living breathing (?) things, I let out a couple of "ugh!"s and sprang into panic. I did that thing where you run in place and face different directions. Then I toss what's in my hand back in the pot, reach in my mouth and throw that mess in the sink, and spit like hell. I gargled with water, but that didn't feel like enough so I ran to the bathroom and rinsed with Listerine for a while. That's when I started pounding my fist on the counter and cursing at the power company, the spam conglomerate, and that dumb slut Ike. I mean seriously what the fuck kind of faggy name is Ike?

After that, as I sat in the dark, meekly eating peanut butter crackers and granola bars for dinner, I pined for peace of mind. I wanted to research about it on Wikipedia but couldn't. The closest thing I had was an actual set of encyclopedias but that's just for show. Plus shit's heavy. The only thought of comfort I had was that I've seen worse on Fear Factor. They ate full grown meaty juicy maggots. I only ate teeny tiny newborn days-old widdle baby maggots. And if you think about it, it was just kinda like eating rice. Moving, living, wriggling, fidgety rice. Yum!

That's how I cope. I'm gonna be alright.

During the long days, there wasn't much to do. Unless you were an emergency essential employee, everyone was advised to stay home while crews got to work on cleaning up the streets and fixing power lines. Plus, traffic was hell and with the lack of electricity, working gas stations were scarce. So the smart thing to do was wait.

So what to do? Two hours of laptop time? Pointless. Rubik's cube? Boring. Shelf full of books? Lol. Consequently, this little scavenger hunt reminded me how horribly dependent on electricity I've become: television, cell phone, air conditioning, video games, and most flagrantly the internet.

More specifically, it made me realize how addicted I was to Destructoid and internet porn.

Don't make me choose by the way.

I never knew how much I'd miss this site. I started wondering what kind of front page, c-blog, and forum shenanigans I'd be missing. Will any more dtoiders redefine their foot into their adorable mouth? Will someone once again get barbecued without their knowing or consent? Will any new vaginae join and get more community members to embarrass themselves in the comments? Hhhnnngghh! I couldn't take it!

Luckily, during my search for activities, I found my sketchbook I put aside a long time ago. Between doodling and listening to the radio, I managed to pass the time and keep from going stir crazy. How glad am I that I never got rid of my CDs?

Anyway, as I started to draw, the only thing I could think of doodling was Destructoid. I was going through withdrawals, that's how I deal.

And so here they are. Excuse the blurry pictures. I don't have a scanner. Squint and enjoy! XD



Hamza "Cybernetic Tiger Z...omething" Aziz - Yeah that barely looks like him, but I got the snarl down. That's wiisucks getting banhammered by the way. Also, I forgot what the "Z" in CTZ stands for. Zhark?



Colette Bennet - I knew that she had a short hairdo and cheeks that were plenty pinchable, but I poorly miscalculated the hair length. Seriously, sorry about the hair. Also, I didn't know how to draw a chocobo so parts of it are missing. But who cares, just look at the cute little chocobo dance!




Chad "Don't Eff With Me" Concelmo - Again, it's not as close as I would have liked, (effing hair) but I did get the smile and head tilt :D And I haven't seen him jump like that, but you know he totally does it all the time. And that old lady is daydreaming about butterscotch hard candy. Also, ice cream overdose.



Jim Sterling - Looks a bit like a grade school bully, don't he? Completely unintentional I swear. And again with the hair. Everyone's gonna be bald next go around. Also, that's supposed to be Reggie Fils-Aime. I thought he had a huge chin.



tiff "I Rub U Rong Time" Chow - Puppy dog hat and peace sign are straight cop-outs. I might as well have drawn a circle with two straight lines for eyes. Also, she's crashing castles all by her ronesome :(



Anthony Burch - Close enough. I remembered he had that slouchy, mopey look (or is that just in my head?). lol no offense. References the Mortal Kombat versus screen for some reason, and the wrench thing from the last HAWP I saw.


Niero - XD This is his Atari pic from PAX. I'm glad he made that face because it made it easier. Also, looks a bit like an erection. Also, cocks.

As I scribbled these, I knew I wasn't doing a very good job of capturing their likenesses. And since I've logged back on to the site (last Wednesday) and caught a few glimpses of the editors again, I now realize that I was pretty off, but at least I got some of their quirks. As for those editors and contributors that I missed, it's because I haven't seen enough pictures of you on the site to commit your image to memory to get me to even attempt a caricature. But now that I can see what most everybody actually looks like, I'll be making the appropriate adjustments. I'll get everyone next go around, soon, maybe. Guaranteed, but no promises. Next power outage most definitely. Eventually.