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Topher Cantler's blog

12:17 PM on 12.06.2009

My review of your review of Jim's review


8:51 PM on 11.20.2009

Get your Forza 3 Beedog liveries

Seems has finally fixed its issues, so now I can download photos. Yes, anyway, I made some Beedog vinyl sets for Forza 3. If you would like to have them for your car, they are free. Just search "beedog" on the storefront and they'll be in there someplace.

I also made some Azumanga Daiou and angry Yotsuba ones, but they cost in-game moneys. They're cheap, though. But the Geraldo Beedog ones are free, at the request of Senor Beedog himself. You can download them now if you'd like.

They're available in both chillaxed regular Beedog and srs bzns JOURNALISM Beedog versions. You can see them in the gallery below. I think they're pretty cool, maybe you will also think this. Wear them proudly as you pass muthafuckas in the name of JOURNALISM.   read

10:53 PM on 10.29.2009

Guide: How to STFU about the DSi LL

Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we have another case of ...


No, that's...

It actually IS kind of fucked up that they did that.


Carry on.   read

11:24 AM on 09.12.2009

LOOKIT: You now have PSN, Steam, Battlenet and PXP card thingies on your blog

You know the little 360 gamercard thingy that displays on your cblog profile when you enter your gamertag into your profile page? Well, now you have one for your PSN ID as well.

I noticed recently that Sony had finally gotten around to making one that doesn't suck, so I asked Niero if he could integrate it into cblog profiles. Since he is awesome and gracious, he has done this thing.

To use it, go to your Settings page, and simply type your PSN name into the little box on the right. Easy beans, yo.

Try it out, and be sure to thank Niero for the doing of things that he has done.

UPDATE: Apparently you have to sign in to the PlayStation site and set up a profile first. Should work after that.

UPDATE UPDATE: Niero has just informed me that we now also support Steam,, and Dtoid PlayXpert IDs as well. THAT IS A LOT OF THINGS.   read

9:09 PM on 08.24.2009

Why I love Destructoid

[embed]145786:21762[/embed]   read

8:56 AM on 08.16.2009

So, this happened...

I don't know if you're aware, but every now and then we talk to J@ck Th0mpson. He's actually not such a bad guy; certainly not the rabid madman everyone makes him out to be. At least that's what I'd thought. If you're wondering why I'm spelling J@ck Th0mpson this way, it's because he apparently has a daily routine of obsessivley Googling his own name, and the last thing I need is for him to end up at this post and have another excuse to start emailing us again.

In any case, The Destructoid staff checked their inboxes on Friday to find this:

J@ck Th0mpson to Tips, 1:51pm:
"I don't have wet dreams. I'm sexually active unlike a large number of gamers"

Uh... 'kay. Thanks for that update. Why the fuck are you randomly telling us this out of nowhere? Then I remembered Gizmodo's post on HL2 with real guns that said othewise. I tried to clear up some confusion. Things took an unexpected detour into candyland shortly thereafter. I'll just leave this here.

Topher to Jack, 1:53pm:
"Perhaps you've got us mistaken for another outlet, sir. "

Jack to Topher, 2:07pm:
"No, you have a story on it today, ace, and you're posting comments about my wet dreams. Really classy, but you're Destructoid, so what should I expect?"

Topher to Jack, 2:19pm:
"For starters, you should expect that I'd know today's date, which is the 14th of August, Twenty-ought-niner. If the story you're refering to is this one:

That was written on the 8th, nearly a week ago. Secondly, the only thing mentioning whatever business might take place in your sleep is a quote, taken from the original headline I linked from another website previously."

Jack to Topher, 5:36pm:
"My, you're dumb."

Topher to Jack, 5:45pm:
"A mature and eloquent response, but that doesn't quite provide us with any evidence to clear up the misunderstanding. Whatever site you happened to have seen this on, it wasn't ours, at least not today. Thanks for stopping by, though."

Jack to Topher, 10:37pm:
"it's at your site. grow up, stop bothering me, and clean up your pornheads"

Topher to Jack, 11:02pm:
"Correct me if I'm wrong, sir, but it was you who wrote us out of the blue this morning with unwarranted information regarding your sex life, which you have monumentally overestimated our interest in, trust me. Who's bothering who? All I asked was that you direct us toward this thing you've accused us of saying, which you appear unable to do. Most likely because we didn't say it and have no idea what it is you're even talking about. Ace.

Either way, I'm more than happy to end any and all discussion on the topic, as we really didn't need to know that. Enjoy your evening, sir."

Jack to Topher, 8/15 7:33am:
"I didn't write you about my sex life. I wrote you about scum like you. Go to Hell more expeditiously. thanks"

Jack to Tips, 8/15 7:35am: [Note: this was in 20-something point sized text]
"Here it is, you total moron: "

[Let the record show that this was the exact same post I linked to the first time, quoting Gizmodo's words, not ours, from a week ago. Not sure why it took him so long to find it.]

Matt Razak to Jack, Tips, 8:37am:
"Hi Jack,

As the author of that post I'd like to make it perfectly clear that the wet dream comment was a quote of the headline taken from the original source that Topher linked to in his original response to your email ( The wet dream comment was not mine or Destructoids so I'm not sure what prompted you to email us and not Gizmodo about that since I make it pretty clear in the story that it was their words.

However, I did infer that you're an idiot, and despite your unprofessional response to my colleague and friend, who you have now insulted twice, I will offer up an apology as I have never met you and can understand how your feelings could be hurt by such a barbed insult. Hopefully this clears up the confusion."

Jack to Matt, Tips, 8:44am:
"Feelings hurt? I don't think so. The problem is that video game enthusiasts who participate in posts such as this are simply serial slanderers. You know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about who I am, what I have done, and what my foibles are. I have many. They are not what the jerks at Destructoid presume. I went out to Dallas on July 4 to address the ScrewAttack convention, and the opinion of nearly every gamer there was that I am not the person described at Destructoid or GamePolitics.

You people need to grow up and learn that whatever you read on the Internet is very probably false. Most adults understand that."

Matt Razak to Tips, 8:58am:
"Well I tried..."

Jim Sterling to Jack, Tips, 9:06am:
"If what we'd done is defamation, technically we'd be serial libelers, not slanderers, Mr. Thompson."

Topher to Jack, 10:30am:
"You'd do well to take some of your own advice, sir. Remember, I was the guy who invited you to breakfast some time ago because I in fact don't believe every little thing I've read about you. I'll be happy to forward you those emails if you've forgotten. Upon reading them, or simply looking at the current conversation, you'll find that I've been nothing but respectful to you throughout every discourse we've ever had.

Why you feel the need to repay that with childish insults and instructions to go to hell is bit confusing, but I guess if one believes everything they read about gamers you might have assumed I was screwing with you. Whatever you're thinking, I haven't said or done anything to warrant your speaking to me that way. "Most adults" would apologize.

I'm done here if you are, Mr. Thompson."

Jack to Topher, 1:50pm:
"Topher, go be a gopher and crawl into a hole. all of you idiots there bore me"

[Note: LOL]

Topher to Jack, 3:40pm::
"... That's so goddamned silly I don't even know what to say.

Really Jack? Seriously? I hope you didn't spend too much time mining
that little gem. I'll leave you alone now, so you needn't bother
replying, but just... Wow."

Jim Sterling to Jack, tips:
"Seriously. His surname provides so much more ammunition!"

Jack to Topher, 5:44pm:
"get a real name. thanks"

[Note: Double checked my passport, license and all my mail just to make sure.]

Topher to Jack, 6:03pm:
"That is my real name, thanks. This is how you defend yourself in an
argument? Like an 8 year old? No wonder you're out of a job. Not
kidding, stop emailing me. We're done here. If you can't converse like
an adult I've got nothing else to say to you. Stop replying."

Jack to Topher, 8/16 6:52am:
"I have a job and it's not posting articles about wet dreams. Looks like you and your collegagues there have some sort of j@ck thomps0n fetish. get help"

Not sure what that job is, unless it's professional elementary school brat. Anyway, yeah. Don't believe everything you read about him, kids.   read

12:38 AM on 08.13.2009

RFGO: What song was that?

Since someone is always asking, I decided to start a thread in the Retroforce forum to let you guys know what the music I used in the show that week was. Normally it's the same thing, but if it changes and anyone really wants to know, you can visit the thread to find out. Just wanted to let you know here in case you're one of those types that doesn't often tread into the forums. Thanks! <3   read

5:56 PM on 07.31.2009

The importance of having a f*cking avatar

Wow. That shit's hard to look at, isn't it? So imagine then how we editors feel when we go to track our comments and see a sea of default avatars staring back at us.

Jim has already put this out there before, but since many people are either new here or have some serious problems with reading comprehension, I'll say it again:

Get a fucking avatar.

It's not hard. In fact, you can use just about any picture you want, provided it's work-safe, and in some cases it seems like even that's up for debate. I'm not sure why this is so difficult for you people. Destructoid is a nice place to hang out and discuss a lot of different topics, but it's hard to do that if nobody can tell you apart from this asshole:

Are you here to comment on my post, or are you here to sell me Air Jordans? If your avatar looks like that guy's, I have no way of knowing for sure. You've got a username, but do you have any idea how many of those I have to keep track of? 41,745 and counting. We get a lot of comments around here, and that's good because it means our little community is growing and we've got cool new people to talk to. But it gets to be a lot to read, and as I've said at least once or twice on Twitter,

If you didn't bother to take ten seconds to upload an avatar, I probably didn't take ten seconds to bother reading whatever it was you had to say.

It's simple, and it doesn't matter who you are. If you're here to hang out and make some friends by participating in the awesome community we have going, get an avatar so it's easier for us to recognize you when you come around. You're probably a pretty cool person, and if that's the case, we'd like you to stick around for a while. It would help everyone get to know you a lot faster if you had a face.

If you're here to casually participate in some thoughtful debate and discussion, or just let us know what you think of a post, get an avatar so the person who wrote said post will be more likely to pay attention. Even if Dtoid is nothing more to you than something to browse at work to pass the time, your thoughts and opinions are still valuable to us. Just because you're not here to stay doesn't mean we don't care what you think.

You wanna know whose opinion we don't care about?

Nobody gives a fuck what that guy thinks. He was well-spoken and had something really nice to say a few days ago, but then I saw him fanboying it up in some flamewar a few minutes later and typing like he had mittens on. The day after that, he posted 7 comments in a row linking to some company in indonesia that makes bathtubs. The guy's schizophrenic, you never know what the fuck he's gonna say. I stopped listening about 3 years ago.

So unless you want the rest of us (editors and staff especially) to completely ignore what you're trying to tell us, maybe you should get one of these little pictures that everyone has next to their name. Maybe a cute bunny, or a videogame character, or a pretty Korean girl, I dunno. Those are just things that I like, you can make it whatever you want. But for fuck's sake, make it something.   read

10:40 AM on 04.24.2009



Yeah, so I didn't know what to use for a video this week because I'm busy doing other things and I'm not sure anyone pays attention to it anyway. So there's the song I happened to be listening to when I started searching, we'll use that and call it a day. A FRIDAY.

FRIDAY!!   read

12:52 AM on 04.15.2009

My Stop Smoking Coach DS review forthcoming

Not sure how many of you know this, but I smoke. I smoke A LOT. And I've been doing it for a long time. I've also wanted to stop for just about as long. Lucky for me, Nintendo has provided us with My Stop Smoking Coach, a new DS game that's supposed to help you through the quitting process. That'll make it all better, right?

Fuck no. Of course it won't. Don't be stupid.

But it certainly can't hurt, and since I'd already decided I was sick of not being able to breathe, I figured I may as well give the game a shot and see what, if anything, it has to offer. If you were a fucking dumbass like me when you were a teenager and started doing the same dumb shit to your lungs that I did, you might be interested to know whether this game will help keep you from chewing your own arm off while you get over your disgusting addiction.

The fun has already started, and it'll be interesting to see whether I spend more time actually playing the game, or sucking on my DS stylus like a Marlboro pacifier. Hardest review I've ever done: confirmed.

Stay tuned. This is gonna fucking suck.   read

10:29 AM on 04.10.2009



Why yes, that IS the greatest video ever. Thanks to Buster for reminding me of its existence. And with that, let us FRIDAY.

FRIDAY!!   read

1:37 PM on 04.03.2009



Credit goes to Buster for finding the awesome video.


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