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The Sims Torture Test (pretty pictures included)
Tino | 12:48 AM on 09.05.2007 32 comments


Let me start out by stating this is by NO MEANS my own material. I simply found it on the internets and burst out laughing in my cubicle and attracted lots of adverse attention. Anything that makes me laugh out loud at work I simply have to share with all of you. I'll be doing a copy paste job here so please bare with me. Link to the original site is down at the bottom.

Starting now, these aren't my words, I'm just sharing them with you.

"I guess people actually play this game to make their little sims happy. I'll admit that i did that for awhile, but to be honest, it just got boring. So of course I reverted to my typical gaming pattern of torturing innocents to death.

I start out by creating a random couple. I build them a little room, seen below, with a door. One they've both walked in to check their "home" out, I get rid of the door. As you can see, the room contains the following:

* A ghetto chair
* A fireplace
* A clown painting



Because there's only one chair, directly opposite the clown painting, which Mr. Victim immediately takes, Mrs. Victim quickly becomes annoyed. They have no light, no bathroom, and no food source.



After awhile, a fucking clown appears. I don't know either. Said clown is insanely annoying, however. He can't even reach the sims trapped inside. He just coughs and sobs, jumping through holes in the ground to reappear elsewhere... but never in the little 4-tile room. Everybody loves motherfucking clowns.



Mr. Victim briefly stood up. Here we can see him whimpering, about to piss himself. The clown is weeping and falling into a void up in the corner there, too.



Oh look, one of the neighbors has come to pay a visit! Too bad there's no doorbell, and not a damned thing for her to do! Look how uncomfortable she is! She can't leave though.. not until she's rung the doorbell that doesn't exist! This is a death trap for more than just the two sims contained within The Box...



Mr. Victim has pissed himself, and is crying out for a shower. The clown is still weeping away, joined by our lovely neighbour who is also standing in her own puddle of piss for some inexplicable reason.



Things are going pretty damned far downhill at this point. Neighbour lady has passed out in her own urine, and the sims in The Box are getting pretty damned ripe. They scream & gnash their teeth, begging me, their cruel, heartless deity, to have mercy. I am laughing with much glee. When your life is so crappy that it's almost comic, hope that the gods aren't bored.



I figure at this point that my little victims deserve a break, so I give them the gift of FIRE! Ahh yes, a nice, cheery fire to light up their cage. Whatever could go wrong? Oh SHIT! It's my favorite game -- YOU'RE ON FIRE! (one of dear old Dad's favourite games, too.)



Mrs. Victim is thus far spared from the cleansing flames by standing in the puddle of Mr. Victim's urine. The deceased Mr. Victim. Death is pretty pissed off about there being no door, by the way. You see his hands? I'm pretty sure that's a "what the FUCK?" gesture. Mrs. Victim is yelling and screaming. Maybe she's screaming about the fire, maybe she's screaming about the clown. I, being the closest thing her AI ass has to a deity, am doing my part by slamming a shot of vodka and chortling merrily away.



Meanwhile, the entire neighbourhood is whimpering and standing in puddles of their own urine.



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't really have to say anything else here, do I?



Man, that newspaper girl is one stone-cold bitch. Everyone wants to leave, but there is NO WAY OUT.



I eventually put a door in for the neighbors because their weeping annoys me, but it doesn't work. I think they all eventually drink some poisoned kool-aid(tm) or something.


Okay, back to my words again. Once again I didn't make this I'm just passing it on due to hilarity.
I found it here



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31 comments | showing # 1 to 31

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EternalDarkWing's Destructoid Blog
I would really like to know how the clown fucking caught fire. Some questions are best left unanswered though. Lulz.
Tino's Destructoid Blog
That clown catching fire really did it for me. Thats when I lost it in the office.
Neonie's Destructoid Blog
That is great. I laughed my fucking ass off.
EternalDarkWing's Destructoid Blog
When I played the game I would build a nicely furnished home and just scatter fireworks launchers everywhere. I would tell my sims to light them all and they would all fly into the air and mosely land back onto the house and random things would catch fire. I did this with a couple of families and I built up a nice graveyard in the backyard with long rows of tombstones. I lol'd.
EternalDarkWing's Destructoid Blog
Fuck, "mosely"? mostly*

I fail it.
Tino's Destructoid Blog
Finding this really made me want to go install the sims again and recreate this and other ways to torture the poor virtual people.
s0lesurviv0r's Destructoid Blog
Awesome, I used to love doing that kinda crap on the sims.
Volcanon's Destructoid Blog
yeah, I'm guilty of that too...lol good times
charliesuh's Destructoid Blog
old stuff is oooooold.

and also, this is common etiquette for sims players :)
Excremento's Destructoid Blog
"Death is pretty pissed off about there being no door, by the way. You see his hands? I'm pretty sure that's a "what the FUCK?" gesture. Mrs. Victim is yelling and screaming. Maybe she's screaming about the fire, maybe she's screaming about the clown. I, being the closest thing her AI ass has to a deity, am doing my part by slamming a shot of vodka and chortling merrily away."

Man if there is/was a God, I'm sure he does shit like this all the time. Just like on Family Guy
Thornnn's Destructoid Blog
I LOL'd I used to occasionally do stuff like this also.
Mxyzptlk's Destructoid Blog
Many an evening was spent by me figuring out new ways to torture my Sims.
zaqu's Destructoid Blog
SOMEBODY CALL JACK THOMPSON
Batthink's Destructoid Blog
Pretty much reminds me of that test where two people are in a room, with a chair that gives a mild electric shock.

Yeah, this made me laugh. Good spot, TheMartino. :)
AngelsDontBurn's Destructoid Blog
God, we've all done it and it's hysterical! I know what I did was have two roomies and I seperated them by kitchen counters. I gave one everything... Windows, entertainment, food, bathroom, bed and what not. The other one got absolutely nothing and had no windows or any of the sort. All they did was watch the other and cry until they peed themselves multiple times, passed out in it and eventually died.
ridley80's Destructoid Blog
MAHAHAHAHAHA....the neighbors passed out in their own piss set me off
Jark212's Destructoid Blog
ROTFLOL
Stonedfox's Destructoid Blog
There was a guy a couple years back that wrote for a gaming magazine (GamePro I think) and he wrote an article about online gaming (before it was HUGE). He did one on FFXI and The Sims Online. The Sims online one was more or less just like this, only it involved a teddy bear that was the Sims only lifeline to sanity.

Oh and on another related note, torture is as fun as ever in The Sims 2 thanks to the electric chair, aspiration lowpoints, and my personal favorite, the Man-Eating Plant.
JohnThEReaper617's Destructoid Blog
Ahh good old clown inferno nothing better i'll tell ya
bogart27's Destructoid Blog
Spontaneous Clown-bustion?
mistic's Destructoid Blog
oh my god, this must be the funiest game-character abuse I've seen in a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time :-)
Holyetheline's Destructoid Blog
One time I trapped a little boy in a room like this... only I had a moat around him and there was a fountain in his room. I assume he starved to death.

That was a lonnnng time ago when I used to play The Sims. Original style. I never played the second one.
ArcticFlame's Destructoid Blog
This was hilarious. Thumbs up to the OP that found this.

Sims 1, good times with fire. =D
king3vbo's Destructoid Blog
I spent days doing this with my copy of the Sims. LOLZ
pizzaface's Destructoid Blog
lol, i used to create scenarios and shit for people at my school. like this one kid kept getting picked on and shit, so i built him a giant fortress (with no bathrooms btw) and surrounded the perimeter with boulders and flamingos. Then i trapped the bullies inside a cage in front of his house HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Tino's Destructoid Blog
How did I get in the top 10. I wrote this in September.

Awesome.
Simmy's Destructoid Blog
ah man thats brilliant....I once filled an entire plot with hedges and only 1 BBQ for the "victims" to use. Inexplicably I somehow killed the Grim Reaper - TWICE....ah the memories
Deus's Destructoid Blog
I remember the shit my brother and I and a few of our friends used to do to our Sims. Although I tortured many Sims, the best thing I remember doing is fucking over my brother and his friend. They had made a family that was just the two of them and two girls next door (whom they would not grow very close to). As soon as they left the room I made sure the two male characters became extremely intimate with each other and fell in love. By the time my brother and his friend came back they were sleeping in the same bed. They simply thought it was a mistake at first, until they started making out with each other in the middle of breakfast. I even managed to convince them it wasn't my fault, and they were just naturally gay for each other. I still make fun of him for it sometimes.
A Goomba's Destructoid Blog
Those fuckers were asking for it.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Free Games!
ShinSennju's Destructoid Blog
ROFLCOPTER
Aether Wyrm's Destructoid Blog
No wonder I never enjoyed the Sims... I wasn't playing it right! XD So I reinstalled Sims 2 and I'm gonna torture my Sims =D. I've been inspired! I'm off to torture the sims rather than caring for them like I did before! Also, @Deus : LOL.


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Name: Tino
Occupation: Reverend
Location: New Jersey





I could write a ton more, but meh. I'm on Destructoid. Obviously I freakin' love video games and robots.

Oh, I also sword fight.

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