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Time Glitch avatar 1:34 AM on 03.17.2013
Dtoid Memories: My First PAX
When I think back on the time I spent at Destructoid's 2011 PAX panel, only one word can describe it: Glorious.

This was, of course, the infamous panel where Jim ground cake into the floor with his dancing jigs, Dtoid staff threw burgers at the audience, and Jordan Devore and Conrad Zimmerman volunteered to have their faces painted by us, the community. This was an experience never to be repeated, as the sheer power of that panel caused permanent damage to the convention center.

But god damn if it wasn't one of the best memories I will ever have.

I was pretty new to the whole Destructoid thing, but I'd been a Podtoid listener and Destructoid Show watcher for a while and I really wanted to see these folks in person. What I got was so much more than that. There were two events that really made my day, and I'm here to tell you all about them.

So I think the first in this series of events was the face painting part. The panel asked for volunteers to pretty up Jordan and Conrad. I was feeling feisty, so I raised my hand. I was selected. I was given one of them, and a pile of makeup. See, this was one of those memories where I honestly can't remember WHO I was doing this to. It could have been Jordan, or it could have been Conrad. I honestly have no idea. Anyway...Keep in mind, I am male. I had no idea at all what makeup did or why. But, I saw green and I saw red. I think there was some white stuff in there.

I decided I was to make him a Christmas elf.

I prefaced my extensive makeover by promising Jordan or Conrad that despite me drawing something on his face, it would in fact NOT be any kind of genitalia or otherwise NSFW material. He thanked me for this kindness. I proceeded to give him the rosiest of cheeks, and literally draw a Christmas tree on his forehead. I might have done something else. Honestly it was a bit of a blur. In the end, they strutted in front of the audience to determine the winner.

To my surprise, I won the contest and got a copy of Two Worlds II along with some other 2k swag. Pretty happy about that I was.

This leads to memory 2. But this might have happened before this incident. Again, this panel was a gigantic blur, but the kind of blur you remember fondly in its chaotic nature. Incident two occurred during the Q&A session, and is one of my only memories that I am simultaneously embarrassed and fond of.

Basically, I had heard that Max Scoville was a tall man. I too was a tall man. 6' 5''. I had heard he was 6' 7'', but I didn't think he looked it. So, I boldly raised my hand. They tried to get a mic to me. I was too excited. I then shouted out "I DON'T NEED A MIC. MAX SCOVILLE, I THINK YOU'RE A LIAR. I THINK I'M TALLER THAN YOU."

Why I said this, I don't think I'll ever know. Then again, this was 3 years ago when I was still 18. There's an excuse in there somewhere.

But, to my surprise, Max accepted my challenge. And the second I came up to the front of the room... I knew I was in deep shit. Let me tell you guys, Max is a tall dude. It was one of the few times I have ever felt truly towered over. In fact, to make the spaghetti literally FLY out of my pockets at the fastest possible speeds, I said in surprise "Oh SHIT you're tall..." as I tried not to laugh out of sheer embarrassment. Max was the best of sports about the whole thing, we even took off our shoes and went back to back. He was taller, but not by as much as I was expecting. He won the tall-off.

I then went back to my seat, ashamed of myself and my genetics.

I tweeted max later about the incident and thanked him profusely for putting up with my spaghetti-fueled attempt at comedy.

Anywho, those are my Dtoid memories. They're short and sweet, but dare I say I don't think many other people have done what I've done to and with the Dtoid staff.

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