Note: I originally posted this a few days ago, but the c blogs hate me and it disappeared from all public sight. Being the attention whore that us bloggers tend to be, I'm reposting it to give it its deserved attention. Or, whatever.
(Here is the proposal I discussed on this week's podcast. A little fodder to spark the creativity for all those awesome Sonnets you will write for us next week!)
Turns out that my promotion at my day job from 'Associate Assistant to the Blogosphere' to 'Associate Managing Assistant to the Blogosphere' actually involves a considerably larger load of responsibility. Who woulda thunk.
While I spend half of my work between meetings and product documents, the other half I'm knee-deep in the trenches of Web 2.0, my shins constantly maimed by rounded CSS corners, Helvetica , and unnecessary social networking systems. Michael Arrington and Scoble tend to be a relatively dutiful sherpas across the vast frontier of the web business, but even so my mind has gradually become jaded to the newest video conduits, or the next Twitter. In other words, Web 2.0 has become awfully tiresome to me.
Which is why today I managed to surface some remnants of Internet elation by pinning my girlish hopes for the web on what's to expect next; the big ol' Web 3.0. Many have their theories of what 3.0 will entail (something or other about the Semantic Web, or like, whatever), I personally think that Web 3.0 needs to take the soft, simple, and meek interfaces of 2.0, forcefully apply it to a sharpened cheese grater, soak the shreds in liquid explosive, and then feed it to its pet LOLcats.
The following is a proposed list of requirements for what Web 3.0 should be. Please feel free to contribute to what is listed, this is a work in progress:
WEB 3.0 WILL...
... REUNITE YOU WITH THE MYSTERY OF THE INTERNET Built-in smoke machines in laptop computers that activate upon discovery of certain sites. It is likely that these sites will be mysterious and/or curious.
... JOYOUSLY COMMEMORATE YOUR GROWING SOCIAL NETWORK Celebratory animated text that appears when commiting simple Web 2.0 tasks. For example, when you add a friend on Facebook a prominently robust, 3-D modeled announcement reading !!! CONNECTION !!! should swoop across the screen. Booming voice also announces the celebration of this !!! CONNECTION !!!, and the announcement dissapears in a trail of lasers.
... TITILLATE YOU WITH MEDIOCRE TYPOGRAPHY The highs and lows of typography will be entirely removed. That means Comic Sans AND Helvetica are banished. Only mediocre texts are allowed such as Impact, Stagecoach, Papyrus, and Courier.
... HAVE HOLOGRAPHIC DINOSAURS Holographic Dinosaur High-Fives (Holo-Dino-Fives) will immerge from your computer screen when your personal blog gets more than 100 unique visitors.
Be a HERO
... WILL ENCHANT YOU WITH SYMPHONIC BEAMZ Soundtrack for Web 3.0 and all digital music will be composed, played, and orchestrated by advanced BEAMZ technology. BEAMZ will also be embedded into your keyboard, so that you will play beautiful music like magic when you type.
Meanwhile, as suggested by Bazel, the soundtrack for 2.5 will be provided by kittens.
Growing up during the golden age of adventures games has greatly impacted my personal tastes in videogames. Lord knows if you point out a three-headed monkey behind me or drop 12-octaves and begin chanting NUR-AB-SAL there will be an everlasting bond between us that withstands all varieties of flux capacitors.
The same applies to certain Reverends named Anthony who bestowed upon me a novelty replica of the Ask Me About LOOM™ pin from the saloon scene in The Secret of Monkey Island. Last Saturday I wore this out to a bar, and five people asked me about LOOM™. Success!
So yeah. You're a real dick sometimes, Anthony, but it would take at least 1.21 jigawatts to deter me from yielding at least a baker's dozen of less-than-threes in exchange for this pin. LESS THAN THREEEEEEEEEE (x 13)! Also:
Originally from LOOM™, when Chaos tries to persuade Bobbin to give him access to, well, the Loom.*Chuckle*
P.S. Re-live the ultimate Scumm wet-dream in this screen-shot saturated archive of game art from the classic LucasArts games!
Maybe you have seen this, maybe you have not seen this. But if you haven't seen Colin's Bear Animation, you really should, because it will be unlike anything else you've ever experienced before.
Colin's Bear will be popping up again and again in the future. Mark my words.
Last Saturday night Toph, Phist, Powerglove, Galagabug, Samit, Nick Chester & Grrlaction, Cowzilla3, Analog Pidgin (with Nullsleep and Bit Shifter in tow), and myself found ourselves conveniently sauced and filled with song in the East Villiage. After a hearty meal of Japanese foodlings and sake, we made our way over to Karaoke, and rocked on until four in the mornin'.
As always, it was fucking fantastic to see you all. It always overwhelms me how this community manages to thrive swimmingly whenever I meet more of you in person. As Cowzilla remarked: "..look at Topher and Samit...kind of opposite ends of the spectrum there and yet karaoke partners made in heaven" I'm in particular awe of all those who dragged themselves to Comic-Con the next morning. This little puppy stayed in bed until 3 in the afternoon. Everyone +1, .tiff 0.
Now this is the part where I show off the pictures that made you wish you were there, because, well, you should have been.
Teh Toph & Teh Pidgin
Teh Toph & Teh .tiff
[ Samit & Cowzilla3 (+4 = 7) love the sweet sweet taste of candied cotton
Amidst the wrapping up of a dinner party, Charlie, Apple, Ross, and Husky showed up at my house. My friends and I were heading out for a bar, but my roommate had a bit of work to do so we had some dead time. So, naturally, I busted out the Tako King mask (soon to be a Tako King plush for my number one horndog CTZ).
And thus ensued many a hilarious photograph of the Tako Kids that night:
The year has finally gotten a kick start with the very first official Pillow Fort. It seemed that the powers of Stickam were at their lowest nearly a few months ago, but with the help of a few new members, Droobies DJ hour (+ Bandana and Aviators), and maintaining a metal as fuck mentality, the stickam dream stays alive.
Destructoid is an independently-run publication forged by our love of video games and the gaming community's need of accountable enthusiast press living the dream since March 16, 2006
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