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6:49 PM on 10.10.2007

Coheed And Cambia's "Welcome Home" to be in ROCK BAND!

h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-o-o-o-l-l-l-y sh-sh-sh-shit!

s-s-s-stutter!   read

2:51 PM on 10.05.2007

Led Zeppelin Will not be in GH 3: Confirmed.

Hate to be the bearer of bad news.

That sucks.

But at least there's still PC customs that I can look forward to.   read

9:25 AM on 09.30.2007

Girl Gamers: I am getting sick of this topic.

It seems almost every time Hamsa CTZ posts a "Destructoid Network: This week's finest," there is always an entry about girl gamers somewhere. Why do you people care, besides the bewbs? Is it the drama that attracts you? Is it because they are a rare breed?

The topic of girl gamers is the dead horse that is being beaten by the metaphorical stick. Yes. Girl gamers are being pounded by the stick. Girls.... uh... pounded by... *drool*....stick.... um....   read

7:32 PM on 09.29.2007

An ugly chick

You're welcome.   read

2:52 PM on 09.24.2007

Some New Guitar Hero 3 Videos

Sorry if these have been posted before:

Bulls on Parade, with Tom Morello playing with you (his model looks creepy)

Cult of Personality


I think the singer's amazingly lifelike mo-cap makes up for his freakish chin. The drummer's robotic movements seem to have been fixed as well.   read

8:47 PM on 09.23.2007

My Comprehensive Review of the Transformers Movie

Yeah, I'm a little late on this one. I've been bitching about this movie since 2004 and I don't think I'll stop any time soon. I'm gonna try and get this over quick.

In 2006 some concept art was leaked. Whoever drew those concepts needs to be beaten profusely above the vulva because they looked like the result of the Predator having sex with a grinder. Bumblebee looked like a zombie baby from a Tim Burton movie gone wrong, and Incinerator looked like the Alien with six sharp blades jutting from his jagged robotic posterior.

The fans were not pleased.

Then a couple months later the script was leaked. Roberto Orci said it was a false script but all in all it was the same one with a few name changes.

On July 3rd, I watched Transformers. I was completely and utterly shocked by the mediocrity that was splashed upon my eyes.

The basic plot of the film is some 16 year old trying to get laid with the hottest girl in his school while his yellow robot from outer space assists. Meanwhile, a helicopter pops out of nowhere and blasts the fuck out of some military base in the middle-east. Once it's done blasting several buildings to oblivion, it shits out some scorpion thing made of barbed wire that is afflicted with ADD for no reason at all except for a money shot to use in every single trailer and TV spot.

Meanwhile, on Air Force one a boombox transforms into another shiny robot thing made of barbed wire that is high on vicodin, trying to hack into some high-tech computer with access to high-profile government file which is for some reason unprotected and unguarded. It proceedes to stick some metal extendature into a hole and skullfucks the computer until it gets the files.

The lonely teenage nerd meets the other robots from outerspace, consisting of the typical one-dimensional heroic, patriotic, red white and blue character that believes in freedom, a gun-toting Clint Eastwood wannabe, a mute naive yellow robot who can only speak through his radio, the typical medic with three lines, and the black robot who speaks ghetto and gets ripped in half. Yeah, this movie is original.

It all culminates into a battle over some shitty plot device cube thing that can grant life but can't destroy this movie so nobody else has to see it. The following 40 minutes is your typical Michael Bay explosion fest. Of course, there's a happy ending, which surprisingly (or not) consists of the nerd and his hot slut fucking on top of the yellow robot that saved his life.

Basically, this movie defines mediocrity. The robots are completely one dimensional. The first half consists of only humans and Bernie Mac thinking he's funny and the other half is robots goring eachother to death in a movie made for eight year olds. There is absolutely no time in between to give the robots personalities except for the ones pasted on the back of their toy boxes.

All in all, the only saving grace of this film is Shia Labeouf's comical wit, adding the only personality to this plethora of wooden characters. And the CGI is pretty. And a masturbation joke.   read

1:39 PM on 09.22.2007

Just to Clear up a Few Things about the Leaked GH3 list.

Tier 1 :
* Foghat - Slow Ride
* Poison - Talk Dirty to Me
* Pat Benatar - Hit Me With Your Best Shot
* Social Distortion - Story of My Life
* Encore : Kiss - Rock and Roll All Nite
* Co-op Encore : Beastie Boys - Sabotage

Tier 2 :
* Mountain - Mississippi Queen
* Alice Cooper - Schoolís Out
* Cream - Sunshine of Your Love
* Heart - Barracuda
* Boss : Tom Morello - Guitar Battle
* Encore : Rage Against the Machine - Bullís on Parade
* Co-op Encore : The Strokes - Reptilia

Tier 3 :
* The Killers - When You Were Young
* AFI - Miss Murder
* The Who - The Seeker
* Priestess - Lay Down
* Encore : Rolling Stones - Paint It Black
* Co-op Encore : Red Hot Chili Peppers - Suck My Kiss

Tier 4 :
* Black Sabbath - Paranoid
* The Sex Pistols - Anarchy in the UK
* Sonic Youth - Kool Thing
* Weezer - My Name Is Jonas
* Encore : Pearl Jam - Evenflow
* Co-op Encore : Blue Oyster Cult - Cities on Flame with Rock and Roll

Tier 5 :
* The Dead Kennedyís - Holiday in Cambodia
* Scorpions - Rock You Like a Hurricane
* Aerosmith - Same Old Song and Dance
* ZZ Top - La Grange
* Boss : Slash - Guitar Battle
* Encore : Guns Ní Roses - Welcome to the Jungle
* Co-op Encore : Bloc Party - Hellicopter

Tier 6 :
* Santana - Black Magic Woman
* Smashing Pumpkins - Cherub Rock
* White Zombie - Black Sunshine
* Tenacious D - The Metal
* Encore : Stevie Ray Vaughn - Pride and Joy
* Co-op Encore : Matchbook Romance - Monsters

Tier 7 :
* Slipknot - Before I Forget
* Disturbed - Stricken
* Queens of the Stone Age - 3ís and 7ís
* Muse - Knights of Cydonia
* Encore : Living Colour - Cult of Personality

Tier 8 :
* Slayer - Raining Blood
* Eric Johnson - Cliffs of Dover
* Iron Maiden - Number of the Beast
* Metallica - One
* Boss : Lou - Guitar Battle
* Encore : The Devil Went Down to Georgia

Bonus Tracks :
* An Endless Sporadic - Impulse
* Backyard Babies - Minus Celsius
* Bret Michaels Band - Go That Far
* Die Toten Hosen - Hier kommit Alex
* Dragonforce - Through the Fire and the Flames
* Fall of Troy - FCP Remix
* Gallows - In the Belly of a Shark
* The Hellacopters - Iím in the Band
* Heroes del Silencio - Avalancha
* In Flames - Take This Life
* Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby
* Killswitch Engage - My Curse
* LA Slum Lords - Down N Dirty
* Lacuna Coil - Closer
* Mixomatos - Watercouilling Love (19,5 remix)
* Lions - Metal Heavy Lady
* Naast - Mauvais Garcon
* Prototype - The Way It Ends
* Revolverheld - Generation Rock
* Rise Against - Prayer of the Refugee
* Scouts of St. Sebastian - In Love
* Senses Fail - Canít Be Saved
* The Sleeping - Donít Hold Back
* The Stone Roses - She Bangs the Drums
* Superbus - Radio Song

Now, I'm pretty sure this list is real. Although, incomplete. There are several things that point to this.

The tiers are not equal in songs.
She Builds Quick Machines (first confirmed song), Becoming the Bull (90% confirmed), and Washington is Next! (was posted on Megadeth's MySpace, but was pulled down) are missing. I guess that means there are several more to be leaked or announced. Hopefully a Led Zeppelin song (Black Dog please please please) and an AC/DC song (Thunderstruck please please please) will be announced soon.

And also, some people may be wondering who "Lou," the final boss is.

The final venue is called "Lou's Inferno," a hell-themed arena.


Lou 's Inferno.


So there ya go. Also, cocks.   read

7:59 PM on 07.01.2007

Why the PSP Can Lick My Saggy Balls

^^^^ Fucking truth ^^^^

Ever since I got my PSP in 2005, I've loved it. I played several games on it, indulged in its multimedia features, and used the web browser several times. In fact, I even defended it when it came under scrutiny. I loved the damn thing, and metaphorically shat on the DS, calling it "kiddie" and "gimmicky." I never actually pointed out how fun it was.

The reason my love for the handheld was kept alive by one and only one thing. Grand Theft Auto. I basically followed the production of both Liberty City Stories and Vice City Stories, which were arguably the best games for the systems. I beat both of them, being the only GTA games I've ever played through. Now those games are done, and there's no plans to bring San Andreas to the palm of your hand.

After that, I bought Medal of Honor: Heroes. I played through the first four levels, and tossed the UMD into the garbage. Then I bought Star Wars: Battlefront 2, Syphon Filter, and Ridge Racer (which was an okay game). Then I started to get bored with it.

I didn't buy a PSP game for months. Then recently, I got the official game of Transformers the movie. What. A. Pice. Of. Crap. That's an understatement. The first level was mediocre at best, then became a rolling snowball of shit. The graphics were horrible. The robots were blocks shaped into the form of a humanoid, and were colored with a mess of pixels. The worst textures I've ever seen in a game. The robots were slow. Very slow. You couldn't keep up with your partner in levels where you should be protecting him. The gameplay was repetitive. Shoot stuff. Walk a little. Shoot more stuff. Reach objective. Repeat. And then, the broken gameplay. You can barely kill the enemy when that is the only thing you do.

I got to the final boss battle with Megatron. Your goal is to protect the buildings in LA while inflicting as much damage to Megatron as possible. After getting halfway through this level, I took the UMD out of the system. I took a screwdriver, and scratched it to oblivion so I couldn't play it again. That is how bad that game is. That was the last straw. I am no longer a Sony fanboy. I will keep my PS2 so I can play Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s. Other than that, I'll play the old GTAs for nostaliga value.

Alas, I must keep the God-awful handheld simply because the amount of money I'd get for selling it wouldn't nearly amount to the money I've put into it. I think I'll start the whole emulation thing. Although, I am retarded when it comes to things like that.

You may ask, "Why would you let one bad apple spoil the tree?" Well, first I'd smack you for using a stupid metaphor like that. Then, I'd explain that there is much more bad than good when it comes to the PSP. It is no longer a fun handheld. It is now simply a bad iPod clone that plays awful games. I officially apologize for any act I may have made to defend that system.

Let's hope the next generation of the handheld is better. I'm going to buy it, and it's games, if it ever comes out. They call it hardcore gaming for a reason.   read

3:27 PM on 06.29.2007

Sneaky Bastards: New Transformers Clips! (hidden cameras FTW!)

Looks like someone snuck a camera into the Japanese premeire of Transformers! Here's two awesome clips for ya.

Hopefully there'll be more, but those will give me goosebumps for the next few days. Jablsonsky's score is really great.   read

9:56 PM on 06.27.2007

Theory as to Why North America Attacks Video Games

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the American government has been taken a hostile stance against not only violent video games, but ALL video games. The government influences FOX News, and Bill O'Reilly, their prized newscaster, calls all videogames "Brainwashing," and says people that play them are "addicted to a machine that teaches violence."

Well, here's a theory for you. The government doesn't want video games around because they want good soldiers.

Here's my reasoning. They're trying to convince people that games are bad because they want the kids outside. This isn't a bad thing at all, but, why can't they have some downtime and play some games? Because they government wants people to be outside and working their body so they don't have to (i.e. basic training).

The American government is corrupt and will do anything to get money. And in this current war, draft is an option. They want their soldiers fit and ready to go, and not have to put them in training for long stretches of time.

And it's idiotic to think that all gamers are fat slobs, but that's for your/my generation. They're trying to eliminate interactive digital entertainment for the next generation. Of soldiers.

And some of you may say that I'm and idiot and the war will be over when Bush is kicked out. But what if it doesn't? What if the new president says there's too much of a risk to pull out? Unfortunately, that chance, in my humble opinion, is greater than the chance of the war ending. It's about the oil and other resources. Not fucking terrorists. And if our country needs those resources that bad, than, to get money, the government will make our boys stay there.

So there's my theory. And please don't call me an idiot or stuff like that. If your opinion is different than mine, please present it in a respectful manner. And this is just speculation, too. And I don't think this theory applies to the Euro-gamers, unless your politicians are as corrupt as ours (I won't comment on that, I don't live there).   read

6:22 AM on 06.24.2007

More GTA IV Trailer Info

Turns out 1UP editor John Davison has confirmed that there will be three GTA IV trailers. Mind you, there were three trailers for both Vice City and San Andreas. The first was a teaser, the second was a full trailer, and the third was a TV spot.

So I guess this pattern means the GTA IV trailer that'll be released later this June will be the real thing, folks. Oh yeah, it'll premiere on Yahoo, too. Here's the press release:

"Rockstar Games and Yahoo! Games will launch the world-premiere trailer [two] for Grand Theft Auto IV in high-definition. As the first official full trailer release for the game, fans get an exclusive peek at action-packed game footage from Grand Theft Auto IV. Leading up to the trailer premiere, Yahoo! will celebrate Grand Theft Auto IV with special content including an interview with the creators behind one of the most popular video games of all time and exclusive screen shots from the forthcoming game."

Is Rockstar trying to destroy the internets?   read

10:44 PM on 06.13.2007

Transformers... blasphemy?

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