SONIC TEH HEGHOG - Destructoid

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I am an aging man with starving children. I write blogs about video games. My favorite system is the Game Boy. I have three of them in my house; one in the shitter, one by my computer, and one in my pocket.

My aspiration in life is to not die. Runner up is writing and creating random bullshit related to my only hobby, which is games. I guess I read books too. But nobody cares about OLD MAN hobbies like that, so get outta town, GRANDPA!

My favorite game is Ecco the Dolphin. I like to speedrun it because it makes me feel like a big man, except when the credits run, which is where I usually reflect sadly upon the rest of my life. I love dick jokes and farts. Dickfarts.

I want to write for Destructoid some day, but the staff here are too smart to hire me. I need to find a clever way to trick a legitimate enthusiast site to pay me a small amount of money to do something for them or I can never happy.

But even then, I probably still won't be happy.

Such is life.

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8:48 AM on 10.11.2012




This was an example of what can go wrong when Destructoid implements Youtube embeds. This is a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood Manchild reminding you to use Youtube embeds responsibly, and not as the sole body of your work here on the Dickstructoid C Blogs. (the C is for Cock) Nothing is less tasteful than posting a series a mind boggling Sonic the Hedgehog fan videos, or an entire series of Let's Plays for Avernum IV running at three frames per second because it was the only game you could afford on Steam and "fraps dont working rite".

Keep it classy, folks. Keep it bloggy. And most importantly...

Keep it Kelly.

R. Kelly.

An R. Kelly music video...with fucking Sonic shit going on.


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