I am an aging man with starving children. I write blogs about video games. My favorite system is the Game Boy. I have three of them in my house; one in the shitter, one by my computer, and one in my pocket.
My aspiration in life is to not die. Runner up is writing and creating random bullshit related to my only hobby, which is games. I guess I read books too. But nobody cares about OLD MAN hobbies like that, so get outta town, GRANDPA!
My favorite game is Ecco the Dolphin. I like to speedrun it because it makes me feel like a big man, except when the credits run, which is where I usually reflect sadly upon the rest of my life. I love dick jokes and farts. Dickfarts.
I want to write for Destructoid some day, but the staff here are too smart to hire me. I need to find a clever way to trick a legitimate enthusiast site to pay me a small amount of money to do something for them or I can never happy.
I just thought I'd share this with the community I love so very much. Since it's my day for caps, I thought you wouldn't mind a short, little, off topic post. Just want to share the love about a BRAND NEW GAME I saw advertised today for all of you.
Maybe some of you don't have a Playstation 3? Maybe you're part of the PC MASTER RACE, HURR HURR HURR! If that's the case, I have a treat for you.
A few years ago, in 2008, Sony released the first game in one of their top franchises for the original Playstation: The God of War. The God of War featured Kratos, a loveable anti-hero who saved the world from demons with his mighty axe. It was developed by Naughty Dog or something and was a HUGE worldwide success.
After the release of The God of The War, Sony released a sequel; Gods of War 2. That, too, was an exemplary ART PIECE and a metaphor for lesbian relationships, while still retaining the HOT SWINGIN' ACTION the Gods of War series was known for.
But today, all that changes. Because the 3rd God Of War game, originally called Hitman: Absolutely, has finally been released for internet browsers.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with...God Of War III.
Kratos is known for his ability to "Bang Sexy Goddess!" and that has stirred up a lot of controversy in the feminist (or, as I call them, FEMNAZI, haha) community. But don't let that deter you. Bang Sexy Goddess is only PART of what you will do in the now FREE TO PLAY God of War 3. The other part will be paying for micro-transactions and having your Gmail account hacked by obscure Asian countries.