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I am an aging man with starving children. I write blogs about video games. My favorite system is the Game Boy. I have three of them in my house; one in the shitter, one by my computer, and one in my pocket.

My aspiration in life is to not die. Runner up is writing and creating random bullshit related to my only hobby, which is games. I guess I read books too. But nobody cares about OLD MAN hobbies like that, so get outta town, GRANDPA!

My favorite game is Ecco the Dolphin. I like to speedrun it because it makes me feel like a big man, except when the credits run, which is where I usually reflect sadly upon the rest of my life. I love dick jokes and farts. Dickfarts.

I want to write for Destructoid some day, but the staff here are too smart to hire me. I need to find a clever way to trick a legitimate enthusiast site to pay me a small amount of money to do something for them or I can never happy.

But even then, I probably still won't be happy.

Such is life.

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Wait...what is that? Sausage rolls? Alive?

Hold on, someone explain this to me.


Hello there! You might be wondering just what the hell is going on here.

My name's TheManchild, aka babydadda, aka ScarfaceY2K, aka StickyButtons. I am the artiste par excellence responsible for the above drawing, which is two sausage rolls COME TO LIFE. Why? Because I love video games where food is the bad guy.

Remember Burger Time? I don't. But I'm sure it was a great game. And the idea of an egg walking around, as a fat man who eats a lot of food, is sort of terrifying to me. Like an ironic twist in a Twilight Zone episode, one that I am constantly in fear of, and which has led me to collect many guns over the years in anticipation of the arrival of some kind of mutant food race.

At any rate, I don't think there is enough survival horror in games these days, which basically translates directly, for me, into "games what have living food in them trying to eat you." So I have decided to hold a contest, out of my OWN POCKET, for fun.

Basically, I want you all to draw pictures of food come to life. I just really need to see you doing this. I will pick the best one, and the winner will receive a copy of Shadowrun Returns ABSOLUTELY FREE. You must be a Steam member and have an active account to enter the contest. I am dead serious about this. I am putting 20 dollars of my cold hard Canadian cash, which takes me almost TWO HOURS of work to earn, just to see a lot of you making pictures of different foods anthropomorphized, and presumably, out to eat the human race.

Get creative. Have fun. And post the pictures in the comments below. (I think you can do that? If not, let me know, I'll figure out something else right quick and amend this.) You have until next Saturday, and multiple entries are allowed. I'll pick the one I like the most and announce it in a blog, along with a collection of the best runner-up entries for all the Cblogs to look upon with jealous hatred in their hearts for not being able to do the same.

This is not a joke. I really like Shadowrun Returns and want to throw more money in the developers direction, so this seemed like a fun way to do so.

And I really, REALLY need to see food come to life. I can't stress that enough.

So get crackin', chummers!
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Living the dream since March 16, 2006

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