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Community Discussion: Blog by TheKodu | It's not for lack of a dick I insult you, but for being one. [Rant, Long]Destructoid
It's not for lack of a dick I insult you, but for being one. [Rant, Long] - Destructoid

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A qualified Environmental Chemist who happens to live in a fairly dense city with no real environment or chemistry industry.

I review indie games on another blog and you'll see them pop up here if I think the review is a good or interesting one (along with a shameless bit of self promotion)

I also operate another blog reviewing films and I mean t pick that back up when I can.

I've been gaming since the SNES days. I've been in the pro scene before for tribes 2 but hate the present pro scenes and have no interest in going back into it.

I tend to get into quite a few Betas and love ones without NDA as it means I can write about them. I have even beta tested an xbox 360 game in my time (and no not a normal public Beta one )

In gaming I'm normally the guy looking at the shelf below the AAA titles first to see if there are any great hidden gems.

My gaming drug of choice: Timesplitters in any flavour (Why won't you make Timesplitters 4 Crytek, why ????? I need my fix of insanity )
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Warning In advance, this is a Rant and contains strong language that some readers may find offensive, its long, fairly tedious and the actually the result of another article I never published being joined into a new one.




Now a few of you may follow me on twitter and might have seen a fairly recent very civilised discussion I entered into in part with Jim Sterling, some-one whom I do have respect for though don’t always totally agree with. Part of it was about the idea of true equal rights. The interesting point brought up was about special treatment. For those who want to call it another name, Positive sexism. It’s still sexism and wrong, it can be seen as equally damaging to Womens’ rights as negative sexism. It should not be tolerated was the point raised.

So once again I step worryingly into another debate about sexism. Sorry for those who have read my previous blogs and advised me to steer clear of it as I’ve been steering as clear as I can without being sucked back in. I honestly have I mean I managed one bit recently and that was actually pointing out something I felt was sexist to a fair degree. Well it turns out as much as I’ve been trying to avoid the sexism in gaming topic until Tropes vs Women in video game put out the second part of Damsels in Distress. Yet it appear while I may be ready to let the topic rest, the topic is not allowed to let me rest.
 
I got called sexist again recently. What for you might ask ? Well, I and 4 other people in a team game got labelled as retards. In a Moba game, this match in-fact.


  
Now the eagle eyed amongst you might have noticed one name is blurred out here. This is so I can do this rant and not be called out for attacking someone, or being mean to them , or calling for mobs to hunt them down.
 
So how did me defending 4 other people in the team lead to me being labelled as a sexist and threatened with being banned ?
 
Well amongst the team was a streamer, who proudly as many streamers do said they were streaming, I missed a fair bit of the pre lobby discussion so I grapsed the whole oh they stream thing from what was being said. I have a thing I do because I find it funny as Streamers normally in control of everything don’t get to control me. I tell really terrible jokes throughout the match, I mean the very terrible ones which as I was playing as the Goddess of Love, well they were just lovely......... hey I said they were terrible. Now the streamer went in the other lane to me, throughout the match said streamer spent most of the time in the jungle and not in the lane. I looked 7-8 times early game and that lane had exactly one person in it. Consequently the lane was fairly quickly lost and by about five minutes it had given the enemy 4 kills. That’s somehow not just the person in the lane but the streamer. So people told them to get back into lane and to watch chat for missing calls etc. Said streamer then said “I’m not paying attention to chat because you’re all being mean to me”. 

At this point only the streamers lane partner was throwing insults and with fairly legitimate reason. When you’re being left to solo a lane by partner who has run off to do their own thing, well it’s a little annoying as you have to work far harder to keep the lane and the general idea is your partner jumps in the lane to help or switch and tries to only leave when they can. This caused many including myself on the team to tell them to watch chat and we’re not being mean just trying to stop us losing the match as it’s a team game so chat is rather important. The game went down hill with left lane losing completely enough that the enemy could just move across from one lane to the next without fear of losing it and just snowball the game. Said Streamer was still running round the jungle trying to earn easy gold. After a few team fights it was over and we’d lost. The parting words from the streamer “We lost because all of you are retarded” then they left the lobby, no gg to the enemy no waiting round for the customary dishing out of the blame.
 
Now I was a little annoyed at this and knowing they were a streamer I put their in game name in, because hell streamers are meant to promote some positivity in the community, by chance I found them. So type into the chat “What the hell, no gg to the enemy that’s bad sportsmanship, oh and maybe it would have helped if you’d listened to us ‘retards’ and not spend the whole game out of lane.” Turns out the streamer was a female, the response I got “You’re only attacking me because I’m a girl, stop being sexist you misogynistic pig or I’ll have you banned.” No really that was the response, the argument then went on as follows, bearing in mind I was in twitch chat here with some very hostile fans whos streamer I’d just called out for insulting people and poor sportsmanship.

Me “How am I being sexist”

Her “Well you were being all sexist to me in game”

Me “Was I ? I was telling very poor quality puns but none actively aimed at you or deliberately sexist, tell me one that was sexist ?”

Her “Well you knew I was a girl and streaming so you were horrible to me all match, you and the other retards on the team”

Me “How did I know you were female ? I saw a username and nothing else until now, I acted the same to you as anyone else in game or any other person who proclaims how they’re streaming the match.”

Her “I told everyone my stream URL and you looked”

Me “I wasn’t even there in the early lobby so I saw now URL. So how again was I sexist to you ?”

Her “You know how, you’ve already said so, I don’t need to tell you, you just were.”

Me “No I said I was telling groan worthy jokes, I am legitimately asking how I was being sexist now ? Also calling people in game retards for asking you to play as a part of a team not run off doing you own thing isn’t a great way to act”

Her “You were being SEXIST ! What the fuck am I supposed to do about calling you guys retards”

Me “Again please tell me when / how I was being sexist. A quick I’m sorry on stream will suffice for the retard comment”
Random person “Actually he has a point I never saw him say anything sexist to you in game”

*Random person has been silenced*

Her “Ok Kodu I’m going to have you banned from Smite for this, enjoy that. Maybe when you’re ready to apologise I’ll get your ban overturned on Smite and here, you’ll have to PM me an apology on her before I even consider it though and tell me what I did wrong.”

Me “Wait what am I being banned for ?”

Her “Being a sexist asshole and attacking me in Smite an here in the stream. People shouldn’t tolerate your kind about and I’ll be happy to see you banned”

Me “So I’m being banned for coming on here pointing out to you that the guys you called retards weren’t as it was you who messed up. Now you’re claiming that confronting you with this is sexist because you’re female ?”

*Kodu has been banned from this chat, his messages have been removed*

Her “you’ll have to PM me an apologise if you ever want to play again, guys in chat if you see this asshole in game again before he’s banned troll the shit out of him and keep reporting him”

So you know what I did, I PMed her, here’s my PM

 
[color=black][size=1][font=Helvetica, sans-serif][i]as you said you were refusing to listen to me in channel chat. 

First if you're going to accuse me of being outright sexist against you I'd like to know what you're basing these accusations on. 

You claimed I said I admitted to it yet I've done no such thing. 

Secondly as you were blaming everyone else in the team for the loss to use your words we we're all "retards" I'd like to put it to you that maybe you also made errors. 
One such one being the lack of time in your own lane, when I checked and admittedly it wasn't often but most of the time you seemed to be in the jungle. 
Next you didn't apologise for the apparent KS to Xbala, I know a kill is a kill but if he felt it was his kill its polite to apologise to him for it. 
The strange fact while 4-5 on one you didn't retreat but hunted the kill also didn't help matters. 

Before you say I'm attacking you for being female, I'm not, you asked for this you actually asked me to point out what you did that contributed to the loss. 
I'm fully aware of what I personally did wrong that match and my own mistakes in positioning and activation and I accept these. We lost as a team unit. from my perspective I saw your lane falling, while in mine we weren't. Infact in my own lane we were slowly winning. however the kill disparity from your lane allowed the enemy to take the advantage. 

By not listening to chat at all during the match you missed potential teamwork opportunities and warnings about attacks incoming. 

I am by no means claiming to be some expert at Smite and worryingly that was my first ever Ranked match so make of that as you will. Again for clarity you asked me to PM you saying what I felt you did wrong, I am NOT blaming you entirely for the loss, I am merely defending the rest of the the team who you claimed lost the match due to being retarded. 

I'm dropping you this PM as you asked me to, however I fear it most likely not what you were hoping for as I am not here begging for forgiveness for some imagined crime, nor asking to be unbanned. 
If you decide to unban me then so be it however to have been banned from defending myself and my team mates in chat with you badmouthing them, I find extremely poor behaviour and a rather horrible form of censorship. 

I honestly expect no reply to this PM though if you wish to send one by all means do as I would truly like to know how I was being sexist to you just by seeing a username, or how you were completely blameless in the loss in a team game. 

Also before its said, I did not see chat for an early part of the lobby. I didn't see you plug your twitch, I didn't see any alleged harassment, as you're claiming that's why you ignored chat so I have no idea what went on for part of the early lobby time. The way I found your twitch was a simple google of your username.[/i][/font][/size][/color]
[font=Helvetica, sans-serif] [/font]


Suffice to say I’ve had no reply to it as expected. Also I’m not banned on Smite or believe me this would be far more of a rant.
 
Now you might have read some of my previous blogs and remember a story I told about getting hell from a game of Red Faction for refusing to go along with a team mates plan when I thought it was stupid. I got hell because as it turns out it wasn’t some 13 year old gobshite but a girl gamer complete with entourage of doting males who too any disagreement as a personal attack.
 
So that’s two incidents right, surely I wouldn’t have a third such thing, right ?
Wrong. I got attacked again for apparently being sexist in a video game.
 
So the story begins with me starting out in The Secret World, because I was in the Beta and now its subscription less I thought “Hey let’s try and get into an MMO again”. 



Everything was fine I was grinding well as a Templar until I reached an area where a simple puzzle is used. If you get one thing wrong in the puzzle it summons a mini boss monster that you have to fight. 

So I’d been there a while when another player comes up. Being an open area other people can also be doing the same quest as you and often you’ll find an overlap even if you aren’t sharing the same mission you can and often do end up helping one another out. I paid little attention to them until Fizz, bang they messed up and summoned a boss monster. Me seeing them and realising they were a significantly lower power than me and I was struggling with the boss monsters myself even at my level I thought I’d do the friendly thing and help them out. So I fired on the monster to get its attention and expected any moment the other person to jump in so we could decimate the boss. Only it didn’t happen, they continued to stand there doing nothing. They then managed to attract some other monster. I thought it would be fine they’d come and help me now they were being involved in a fight. So I lay down an area of effect on the boss and what does the other person do but run with their monsters chasing right through the area meaning the monsters turn on me.


So I now have a boss monster I can barely beat and two normal monsters on me. Did they join in ? No, they went right back to the puzzle. I made it through by the skin of my teeth and walked back over to the puzzle healing back up from about 4 health. So I thought “hhhmm looks like they aren’t going to help me” and with a fizz and bang they failed the puzzle again. So I thought “Maybe them being killed would be a lesson to them” and I stepped far back and watched the boss they summoned rip them apart.
 
With them gone I started back on the puzzle and was getting to near done. They resurrected back up next to me and with a fizz and a bang I failed the puzzle and summoned a boss monster. At the same time as me fighting the boss in the public general chat the following happened.

Other player “Hey Kodu is a real douchebag, no-one group with him ok”

Other player “you hear that you douchebag I’m letting everyone know how bad you are you’ll be ostracised from this games community”

Other Player “This is for flooding the market you douchebag”

Other Player  “Say sorry now and I won’t have you ostracised”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond you douchebag piece of shit”

Kodu “kind of busy here fighting a boss can this wait”

Other Player “no Respond now”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”

Other Player “Respond”
 
I defeated the boss and was finally able to talk in chat and I wish I’d recoded the chat for this as it proves the issue all too well.

The gist of it went like this

Me “So what’s your damn problem then”

Other Player “you are you left me to die on that boss monster”

Me “Well you did the same to me when I was helping with the boss you summoned before”

Other player “So ?”

Me “Well If you’re not going to help me when its actually only to help you then why should I bother ?”

Other player “You’re a douche you know that”

Me “Why  ?”

Other player “For not responding when I commanded you too”

Me “I was kinda busy, you know fighting that boss and everything, I’m really sorry I didn’t stop fighting and die just so I could be at the beck and call of someone attacking me in the public chat channel”

Other Player “you should have responded”

Me “I was busy and also what the fuck are you on about flooding the market”

Other player “By being a douche”

Me “that makes no damn sense how is that flooding the market ?”

Other Player “By being a douche to me just because I’m female, there’s so many MMOs out there and so many guys are douches in them to girl players, I thought here was different and I’d be able to have fun but no there’s players like you being misogynistic pigs to girls like me who want to play them. You’re flooding the market with douchebaggery”

Me “That’s not what flooding the market means. Also you were the one who left me to die then began attacking me in the general chat channel for not answering you the moment you asked something”

Other player “Well that’s what you’re supposed to do you know. Help me with my quests and be there for me, and give me some decent armour, not leave me to die against a boss like that”

Me “It was a boss you’d summoned by failing the puzzle by rights it was your boss, like the first one I fought trying to help and nearly died doing it”

Other player “I didn’t summon the boss”

High level other player “Actually you did as if you mess up on that quest it auto summons one”

Me “And I didn’t touch anything when those bosses showed up”

Other player “It’s so unfair, you’re upsetting me so much here you don’t even know because you’re such a douche fuck you I’m off you giant asshole I hope you die”
 


Now you might think that would be the end of this but oh no I spotted the same person in general chat only 30 minutes later and again there was drama.
 
Other player let’s call her H to make this easier and the person arguing being M

H “Anyone got any spare gear or cash to give to a girl just starting out in this game”

M “Earn it yourself already”

H “That’s not very nice, you’re supposed to help girls out”

M “Why ?”

H “Because that’s what people who aren’t douchebags do”

M “And people with a backbone will tell you to earn it yourself and stop begging in the 
public chat channel, no-one cares about giving you free stuff”

H “Stop being such a mean douchebag to me, just because I’m a girl”

M “No I’m telling you to earn your own damn stuff”

Other girl “Look missy kindly fuck off with your attitude, I’ve had enough of you in chat today, I’m a girl who plays this game and you know what, I never went looking round for hand outs and I never tried to guilt people into things by making them feel they were being sexist if they didn’t. You are what is causing so many people to not like girl gamers, you and your stupid entitled attitude and the reason until now I’ve never even said I’m female in this game because I didn’t want people to think I was using it to get help. I wanted and have got to where I am in this game on my own”

H “I bet you’re not female, I bet you’re just some fat guy in his Moms basement pretending to be female to get some sick perverted kick out of it, because if you were female you’d know you should be trying to get people to help you and having people in these kind of games give you all the free stuff you can get.”
 
I actually left the zone at that point as I really couldn’t stand to put up with this person even in the same chat anymore.

Its actually something apparently seen in MMO's the idea of people playing female characters and pretending to be female to get help or advantages this way, no really.


 
So what’s the point of this rant like article ?


Well firstly to highlight blatant sexism, yes sexism by claiming that because you’re female you deserve special treatment. That’s sexism. This while [u]rare[/u] is in part why sometimes there is some resentment when people proudly proclaim “I’m a gamer girl” because while very rare its sometimes followed by “You should give me shit because otherwise you’re sexist” Now don’t get me wrong I’ve posted about Male gamers who were complete twats before too so to suggest not all girl gamers are complete angels is at least to me fair to say.



Secondly it’s to highlight how calling something sexist is being used as a means of easy attack which seemingly requires little to no justification to use but requires a lot to defend against it. The problem with this being it’s the boy who cried wolf. Eventually due to people claiming something is Sexist as a way to create negativity about it or to justify why people should be against it, when in reality the thing isn’t sexist. Calling something sexist begins to lose all meaning and people won’t pay attention to actually sexist things. Sexism really should be considered like many of the other big claims to throw out in gaming as its almost a nuclear warhead of a claim where to fight against it is damn tough but in the end no-one wins if it turns out the claim was wrong.

For example claiming that all games studios aren’t 50% male 50% female is proof videogaming is sexist has been hinted before. The problem being when you examine the situation fully you find that many computer science courses at best are managing 1/3 of their applicants as female, with many managing actually no female applicants at all. Then you have to ask again that if all games studios don’t have 50% women is its sexist when women only make up 33% at best of the graduates in this area ? People can still suggest the industry is sexist the problem is people then have to point to it beyond “Women don’t want to go into it” well then why ? Tell me why ?
 
Now you might be asking why on earth I’ve gone off on this huge rant here well people already acknowledge there are assholes in gaming the perception is normally that they’re all dudes. The truth is both genders are equally capable of being assholes and I really haven’t seen anyone talk about this before, because shock horror “someone claiming women are capable of malice just like men, obviously we must burn this misogynistic pig and brand him with our swords as we defend the honour of fair maiden”. Yeh, I have no doubt this could upset some people however I wanted to write this and point out that we’re all just gamers in the end and none of us are special snowflakes who should always have the right to get their own way.
 

So I’ll leave you with one final thought and question. With female only gaming clans such as the Frag dolls springing up, is it a negative thing to actively segregate female gamers in such a way to avoid some of the populous or is there a legitimate need for them as female gamers can’t be part of normal clans as such ?


 
 I’m an equal opportunities asshole personally, I don’t care who you are if you start throwing insults I’ll more than happily return some of my own and I have no idea nor care if you’re: yellow, green or blue ; human, alien, robot, cyborg or hybrid the insult won’t be directed specifically to those characteristics nor will I single you out for them as I don’t honestly know that information.
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