I’ll let there be no secrets here. I work a full-time and a part-time job, and the part-time job is at GameStop. Don’t hate. But before I started working at GameStop, I worked at a lot of different retail outlets: Best Buy, Circuit City, Blockbuster, etc. For anyone who has ever worked retail around Christmas time, you undoubtedly have horror stories about a certain event or person that just made your life a living hell for 10 minutes. I would like to not only share some of these stories, but also give a forewarning to anyone who is working in their first Christmas in video game retail. These are 10 customers that you’re definitely going to come into contact with before the Christmas rush is over..

Let’s begin…

The Sports Trader
One common complaint I hear, not only at Christmas but year round, is the amount of store credit and/or money a person will get for certain games. You’re lucky to get more than $10 for a game if it’s over a year old. The most I’ve ever seen a game trade in for was Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 on PS2, which traded in for $35, but this was before it was released on downloadable services, so it’s considerably less now. I assume that if you’re reading this, low trade-in prices at GameStop doesn’t surprise you, you’re all intelligent gamers. But what I don’t understand is the people that come in and expect to get almost all their money back for a trade-in. Example, a guy bought Fallout 3 the week it was released, he played it, beat it, and traded it in the following week, and was baffled that he was only getting $30 for it. First of all, in GameStop’s eyes, if they’re giving you $30, you‘re ripping them off. Secondly, this can be excused by little kids, but anybody who is 18 or older should have a basic understanding that in order for a company to stay in business, it needs to make a profit, and giving people what they paid for a game when they trade it in is not how you make a profit.

The worst offender of trade-in befuddlement is the guy who walks in wearing his favorite team’s sweatshirt (I’m from the Dayton/Cincinnati area, so we see a lot of Bengals and Buckeyes attire), and doesn’t understand why he isn’t getting $50 for Madden 2002. Though, I must admit that I feel bad when a little kid comes in with his parents with his entire collection of Maddens and NBA Lives and NCAA Footballs, expecting to get a fat wad of cash for his 25 games, and his heart is broken when I tell him that they’re worth a total of $7.25.


"What do you mean Fifa 03 is only worth 15 cents?"

The Know-It-All
I never claim to know more about games than someone else. Maybe I’m just secure in my manhood and don’t need to dick-measure by proving I know more about video games. However, I do have a very bad habit of correcting people when they’re wrong. This isn’t just with games, I also hate when people mess up movie quotes, or something a stand up comedian says, or use poor grammar, or something of the like.

Sometimes people just don’t want to accept the fact that they’re wrong, and will not let it go until you admit that they are right and you’re an asshole for even thinking that any word they just said is false. I have two examples…

The first one occurred in the early summer. I was ringing up a customer, and when the transaction ended, he says to me “What do you think of that PS4?” I was confused, so I replied “I think that it doesn’t exist.” The guy looked at me like I was an idiot. He shot back with “I just saw it at the flea market.” Now, I’m not bashing people who shop at flea markets, because half of my video game collection was bought at one, and I’m a regular visitor, but I’m certainly not dumb enough to believe that a guy at a flea market has a video game system that probably isn’t even being thought about by the company that will eventually release it. I tried to argue with this guy that Sony has stated that they were sticking with a 10 year life cycle for the PS3 and that the PS4 is nowhere near being released or possibly even developed. But he wouldn’t have it. My manager, who was watching this whole exchange, was getting a kick out of how mad this guy was making me. Eventually I had to say “Well, I guess I’m gonna go buy me one of them PS4s tomorrow.”

This second tale comes from an event that occurred just a couple months ago. It happened with the release of Halo 3: ODST. A guy, who happened to be a former manager at my store before I started working there, came in to buy the game. He was chatting it up with my manager and he said “…yeah, this is a prequel to the entire Halo series.” Now, I willingly admit that I’m not a Halo fan, but even I knew that this was wrong. I said “Actually, I think it runs concurrently with Halo 3.” Once again, I’m not a fan so I don’t know for sure. But I am pretty sure that he was getting ODST mixed up with the future release Halo: Reach. So this guy, immediately upon hearing my idiotic statement, starts furiously shaking his head and says “Nope, it’s a prequel.” But I had a trump card, which was “Oh, is that why the game is called Halo 3: ODST,” with major emphasis on the “3.” Yeah, I won that argument, but in the end, I was still a loser.


An accurate portrayal of the Know-It-All

The Know-Nothing Parent
One of the few things that is worse than the guy who knows everything is the parent who knows nothing. I understand that most parents aren’t exactly up to date with video games, but would it kill you to have some basic information instead of saying “I’m looking for a racing game on the PS2.” Do you have any idea how many racing games are on the PS2? That’s like saying “I want an on-rails shooter on the Wii.”

I know a lot of games, and can most likely figure out the game they’re looking for with just a little bit of information that can narrow it down. But saying “I’m looking for a game on the Wii” doesn’t narrow it down a whole lot. But something like “I’m looking for a certain first-person shooter” does help, because from there I can ask about the setting, the environments, if it’s a military shooter, a sci-fi shooter, and then it’s much easier and most likely I can figure it out. If you want a sports game and you know who is on the cover, I can figure that out too. Over Christmas, this is going to happen…A LOT. Be prepared to hear a lot of “No, that’s not it,” while you struggle to think of questions you can ask to get it out of them. Or, you could just lie and give them a random game and tell them it’s the one they’re looking for. It’s not the right thing to do, but these people are beyond help. Bottom line, if you‘re looking for a specific item, have some information about said item before leaving the house..

The Returner
If you’ve ever been a cashier in a retail chain for any amount of time, you’ve surely come across the guy that doesn’t read the return policy, even though it’s PRINTED ON THE EFFING RECEIPT. But really, the return policy shouldn’t even have to be on there, 99% of people in the world have had to (or tried to) return something back to a store at some point in their lifetime. Let me ask a serious question: What major retailer in America says to you that you can return an opened product that works just because you didn‘t like it? I don’t know about how it is around the country, but here in Ohio, none of them have this policy in place. I don’t care if you only played Balls of Fury for literally 10 minutes, you still opened it, jerk.

I know this makes me sound like a dick, but you haven’t let me finish. If a customer comes in, tries to return the game, I’ll explain the return policy to them. At this point, they have two choices: They can throw a bitch-fit and drill into my brain that they hated the game and that they only put it in the system one time. At which point I kindly explain they can trade in the game and tell them how much money they just lost. This normally ends with them asking for my district manager’s phone number so they can threaten to complain, which they won’t. Or, they can be polite, that’s really all it takes. If they’re polite and the game doesn’t have any scratches on it, I’ll take care of them. I’ve made the same mistake of buying a game I wound up not liking, so I know how they feel. A little kindness can go a long way people.

The Negligent Parent
The negligent parent comes in two forms. 1. The parent who drops their kid off in the store and goes elsewhere. Or 2. The parent who let’s their kid wander and doesn’t give a shit that they’re destroying the store.

When it comes to the first example, what kind of parent leaves their children in a store and expects the employees to be their babysitter. Just because I’m working, and your kid is in my store, doesn’t mean I have to make sure your kid doesn’t get kidnapped. As a matter of fact, the kidnapper will probably show your child more attention than you do, so your child is better off going home with Tony Bucktooth than they are going home with you. When I was a kid, my mother would freak out if I went into the backyard without telling her. Just because your child likes video games doesn’t mean you should leave him in GameStop while you go next door to Payless Shoes. It is okay to say “no” to your child every once in a while, because if you don’t, he is going to grow up to be Spencer Pratt. It’s called discipline, and speaking of discipline…


Yes! Two pro wrestling pictures in one blog post

Why the fuck don’t kids have any discipline today? Oh yeah, because spanking a kid or giving him a quick thump on the noggin is child abuse these days. It’s quite alright to tell your son or daughter to put a game back where they found it, or to pick up the game box they just decided to throw on the floor for no reason. You know, now that I think about it, I think working in retail is the reason I hate kids. I only have to deal with the kids for as long as the parent is in the store, I couldn’t imagine dealing with that little hell spawn 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 18 years. Then again, I could always just be a deadbeat dad, it’s half the work of the divorced dad.

The Alex Trebek
I originally wanted to call this person “The Regis Philbin” but I decided to go with Trebek because he is more synonymous with trivia. The Alex Trebek is the person who has way too many questions (yes, I know Alex Trebek says the answers and not the questions). This person wants to know the difference between every console, the pros and cons of each version, the price differences, every single peripheral, every single type of controller, the prices of every single peripheral, the prices of every single type of controller, what games are on the system, what games on the system would be okay for their children, the prices of every game, what kind of specials your store is running that day, what kind of specials your store is running next week, what kind of HD cables are best for the system, how to hook it up to the internet, what kind of internet requirements are recommended, and how long you think you’ll have all this shit in stock. Then, because they’ve asked so many questions, they’ve forgotten everything you’ve said, and need you to explain it to them again. With one customer, I had to explain the differences between an Xbox 360 Arcade, an Xbox 360 Pro, and an Xbox 360 Elite four different times before I just took out a piece of paper and wrote it all down for them.

I don’t care to answer questions, I mean, that’s basically my job. But when you have to repeat yourself so many times, eventually it gets a little frustrating.

The “How Are You Gonna Fix This” Guy
This guy hates your guts. Why? Because the product you sold him doesn’t work. Apparently, you took this product out of the plastic, opened it, rubbed it with sandpaper, pissed on it, and ran over it with your monster truck, and that’s why it’s your fault that his brand new copy of UFC: Undisputed does not work. You want to tell this guy “Hey, shit happens,” but before you can, this man’s wrong has to be made right. You have to fix this situation. At this point, instead of just being happy with a discount or a new copy of the game that doesn’t work, this guy will start making outrageous demands. I have a good example.

Before I begin, I’ll give you some information. GameStop’s return policy for used products is you have seven days to return the product if you don’t like it, thirty days if the product doesn’t work or stops working, and you have the option to purchase a one year warranty on the product for an additional cost. With that said, a couple months ago, I received a call. I opened with my usual generic GameStop phone-answering greeting, which was returned with “Get me your manager.” Right away, just from that sentence, I knew this guy was the Mayor of Doucheville. My manager was on lunch at the time, so I told the customer that I will help him to the best of my abilities. The man tells me that he bought a Playstation 2 that didn’t work, so I told him our return policy, but that wasn’t good enough for this guy. “Well, this is the second time this has happened and I want double my money back.” I don’t know why, but for some reason, I felt insulted. Did this guy think I was some punk kid that’s going to pussy out and do whatever he wants? I replied, almost laughingly, with “Well, we’re definitely not going to do that, sir.” Then I get the “How are you going to fix this?” I told him if he wanted to bring the system in with his receipt, I’ll give him the refund, and of course, this still wasn’t good enough for this prick. I know it wasn’t good enough because felt the need to tell me so, and then once again demanded double his money back. “Sir, that’s not going to happen.” Then there was a brief pause on his part, and then he asked “Your manager back from break yet?” I wanted to say “Yeah, asshole, in the 45 seconds we’ve been speaking, he came back, here he is.” I told him that my manager was still on break, and once again told him if he wanted to bring in the systems and receipts, I’ll see what I can do. “I only have the receipt for one of them.” When he said this I nearly pooped my jeans with excitement, because God blessed me with the opportunity to piss this guy off even more. “Then you can return the one, the other I can’t do anything with.” This guy was so mad that he started doing that thing that some people do when they just can’t believe what they’re hearing, where they make sounds that aren’t actually words like “wha” and “pff.” He wanted me to tell my manager that he’ll be coming in the following day at 5 pm when he got off work. Then, for the icing on the cake, I said “Thank you. Have a good day, sir.” The guy never came in.


This is about how mad I suspect he was

That’s one of my favorite stories about angry customers, but there are plenty more. My store is right down the road from a Game Crazy and I couldn’t tell you how many people have gotten angry and say that they won’t ever shop there anymore and will take their business to Game Crazy, usually because they didn’t like a new game and don’t approve of our trade-in prices, and I typically respond with “Alrighty.” Seeing as how I’m a “Game Advisor” (aka “Cashier“) who makes minimum wage, been passed over for a promotion several times for “leaning on the back counter (yes, that‘s the reason I was given by my District Manager),“ and I realize that GameStop is a big corporation monopolizing the game retail industry, I don’t really take offense to their snooty remarks. I would quit, but if you’re like me and spend the majority of your excess cash on games, then having that discount is quite nice.

I just don’t understand why some people think that GameStop losing one customer’s business is going to affect them. Do people honestly think that the suits at the GameStop headquarters in Dallas actually give a shit that one customer is unhappy? Maybe I just don’t get it because I’m not the type to hold grudges. Just because I have a hard time at a retailer once, doesn’t mean I’m not going to go there anymore. When the new Dethklok album came out recently, I couldn’t find it at Best Buy, and there was nobody in the Media department. I sat there for roughly a half-hour doing a mixture of looking for the cd and waiting for assistance (this story may sound familiar if you listen to the Player One Podcast). Eventually, I had to go find someone in the camera department to look it up. But I still shop at Best Buy quite frequently, because honestly, if I stopped shopping there, do you think Best Buy is going to care? This also occurred at a Best Buy that I don’t normally go to, and the other two in my general area are very good, most times you can’t get their employees to leave you alone. But anywho, I’m getting way off topic, so let’s move on.

The Caller



The Caller is the only customer on the list that doesn’t really do anything wrong. The only thing they are guilty of is bothering you while you’re trying to get other work done. 90 % of the time, The Caller wants to ask about trade-in prices. Which is fine depending on the amount of games they want to ask about. My store instituted an unwritten rule that we only allow people to ask for 3 prices at a time. Personally, I’m not as strict, if there is nobody or very few people in the store, I don’t care to do about 8-10 games, what else am I going to do? Lean on the back counter and not get promoted for it?

5% of the time, The Caller has a technical issue. It may be a question about setting up a system, hooking it up to the internet, asking about how to hook it up to their HDTV. I’ll be first to admit that I know very little about HDTVs, so I leave that up to my coworkers.

The remaining 5% is calls ranging from asking if we have a certain PS2 game in stock, people who think GameStop is a video game help line, asking if we refurbish games, or asking what time we close.

During the Christmas season, it’s all reversed. Every time you answer the phone, it’s almost a guarantee that the question is “Do you have (insert game title or console) in-stock?” Last year is was all about Wii Fit and Mario Kart Wii, this year will most likely be Modern Warfare 2 and the PS3 slim as the hard to find items. Although these conversations are much shorter than most, they occur much more frequently, so it winds up equaling out to the same amount of annoying.

The Liar
Even when caught in a lie, the Liar will continue their charade until they feel they’ve won. The Liar comes in all shapes, sizes, and ages. When they’ve been caught, they will say things like “Well, I talked to _______ and they said…” and “I was told by…” They also lie about games being defective, not being told the return policy, not being told about their warranty, etc.

One example I have is a mixture of The Liar and The Returner. There is a certain customer that comes into my store every now and then, he came up to me one day and said “I’m looking for an action game or a shooter game but I don’t like FPS games.” At the time, Resident Evil 5 had just come out, and even though I wasn’t particularly fond of the game, I suggested it to him seeing as it fit his specifications. We only had new copies in the store at the time, and he says “That means if I buy it, I can’t return it if I open it, right?” I confirmed his statement. This man obviously knew the return policy before I even told him. He spent a few minutes deliberating, and then finally decided to get it. The next day, I worked with my store manager. The RE5 guy walks in, and I already knew that he was returning it because he returns every game I’ve ever seen him buy. He brings the game to my store manager and says he would like to return it. My manager says “We don’t take returns of new games if they’ve been opened.” This guy then looks shocked and says “Oh, really? I didn’t know that.” I was in disbelief. I said “Yes you do. I told you that yesterday.” Despite the fact that I just caught him in a lie, the guy plays the role of a sympathetic villain perfectly, and my boss takes the game back anyway. Why? Because my store manager is a big puss who is doomed to be in retail his entire life and fears our District Manager and doesn’t want anyone to complain to his boss about him. Sorry, I had to vent.

Remember how I said that a little kindness goes a long way? Well, when you lie, all bets are off.

The “Do You Have Battletoads?” Douchebag
If you’re ever done this, please stop reading and kill yourself because you are more annoying than a 12-year-old on Xbox Live.

For those of you who are out of the loop, a website with a user base that apparently consists entirely of 15-year-old jerk-offs decided it would be funny if their users called GameStop stores and ask them if they have Battletoads in stock. And if the GameStop employee was privy to the gag, call back later and ask for “Combat Amphibians.” Oh, I get it, because “combat” is another word for “battle” and a toad is an amphibian. I see what you just did there. Yeah, go sodomize yourself with something sharp and rusty. Honestly, crank calls are something you do when you’re 10, not when you’re in high school.

Depending on my mood, sometimes I like to play along. But it never works out. Apparently these guys weren’t smart enough to think of anything to say if the employee says “Yes, we do have Battletoads,” and they usually get confused and hang up. Or if someone asks for the uncreative “Combat Amphibians,” I’ll tell them “Yeah, and I’ll totally trade you for Jumping Italian Plumbers or Gluttonous Pink Blob.” I just don’t get why so many people think this is funny. Most of the people who call aren’t even old enough to know what Battletoads is. I know me complaining about this kind of makes me sound like a bitter old man telling the kids to get off his grass, but seriously, are crank calls still funny after you hit puberty? Battletoads isn’t even relevant anymore and hasn’t been in over a decade. If you want to be funny, ask for Duke Nukem Forever, or make something up like Super Ultimate Street Fighter X 4 Mega Challengers Edition Extreme: The Resurrection (I‘m hopeful for a 2010 release).


A plumber and a blob: The Ultimate Tag-Team

If you work in retail, you understand my frustration. If you work in video game retail, then we’re practically sisters. If you don’t work in retail or never have worked in retail, then you’re probably going to leave me a comment calling me a “troll.” Just don’t take anything too seriously, remember, we’re talking about video games here. Despite the fact that all the customer stories I told are true, I hope you all found at least some of the humor that was intended.

Thanks for reading,
-Dustin