Like most people, the first exposure I had to the first Borderlands was the Game Informer cover story. The image that was used for the cover was so generic that I didn't even bother reading the actual story. When I heard they had changed the art style, I still didn't care. When the game was released, I was working at GameStop, and on release day, there seemed to be an extraordinary amount of people coming in to pick it up. This still didn't convince me to give it any sort of attention. It wasn't until my co-workers started putting the game over to me and the ad for it that played on the GameStop in-store television that I started gaining interest.

One day, I walked into Best Buy and noticed they had a Buy 2, Get 1 sale on new games. I knew I wanted Demon's Souls, and I knew I wanted Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time, but I wasn't sure what I wanted the third game to be. At first I thought A Boy and His Blob, but then I figured "If I'm going to buy two $60 games, I may as well get a third." So then the debate was between Borderlands and Fallout 3: GOTY. After at least a good twenty minutes of debate, I texted my co-worker and asked which one he thought I would enjoy more, his response was Borderlands, and that was that.

Needless to say, he was right. The opening did something that nothing else could have done: it made me enjoy the song "No Rest for the Wicked" by Cage the Elephant, and that song is now synonymous with the game. I was confused as to how the game worked upon first booting it up, as this was my first real foray into open-world RPGs. I wasn't familiar with loot systems, and for the first hour, I was just wandering around trying to learn how to play the game. It wasn't until a buddy of mine hopped into my game and showed me what to do that I finally caught on. After a couple hours of playing with him, I was completely enthralled. I told my main gaming buddy that he needed to pick up the game, and when he did, I started a new game with him, and we refused to play the game unless we were playing together. We explored every inch of the game, going through the main story and all of the expansions twice (excluding Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot), logging over 100 hours and leveling up our characters completely, collecting all the achievements and completing every quest. When it was over, we felt empty.



When the sequel was announced, I woke up with a text from my friend that simply said "BORDERLANDS 2!!!!!" I immediately looked up everything I could about the game. There weren't many details at the time, but I was already on the hype train. The Game Informer cover story only made me more excited. Shortly after this, I was introduced to a beautiful girl through a mutual friend. When he told me that this girl was into video games, my first thought was "Yeah, I'm sure she loves Wii Sports." But when we met, we had long conversations about Skyrim, Link to the Past, and Resident Evil, and I realized then that this girl knows her stuff. When I brought up how much I loved Borderlands, she lost her mind and we discussed every little detail about the game. We even made plans to play through the game together. We started new characters and played through the entire game again. One day while texting each other, we were discussing the game, and she said "I hope I can find another Combustion Hellfire SMG." That's when I knew I loved this gal. Our wedding is on August 25th, and I honestly feel that Borderlands is one of the main reasons we became so close.

Thanks, Gearbox

I've been tracking every bit of coverage of the sequel from the beginning. After the crapbox that was the Resident Evil 5 Collector's Edition, I swore off blowing excessive amount of money on Collector's Editions that aren't worth it. But when I saw the Ultimate Loot Chest Edition of Borderlands 2, I had one of those moment's that Wayne Campbell had when he first saw the guitar from the original Wayne's World. "It will be mine...oh yes...it will be mine." I know it'll drop in price fairly quickly, but I don't care, I got over 100 hours of game time out of the original, and everything about the new game seems bigger and better, and $1 for every hour of game time is a small price to pay for me. Plus, that loot chest is going to look pretty awesome on my mantle. Even if the game doesn't turn out as well as some people expect it to, I have no doubt it'll be one of my top games of 2012. I'm on the hype train, and I'm never getting off.

Hey everybody, this quarter of college I'm taking a class about mass media. I have to do a research project, and the topic I chose is more or less "Is video game violence desensitizing?"

Being born in 1985 and growing up with the NES, I still remember a time before the ESRB was around and games weren't being banned for being too violent.

My exact topic is this:

"I plan to study whether or not video games are desensitizing people to violence. Being an avid video game player my entire life, I often find that when viewing other violent media (horror films, The Walking Dead, etc.) that I can handle pretty much all of its violent content without trouble. However, when viewing real-life violence (the Daniel Berg video, animal cruelty), I still tend to get a bit squeamish. I would like to study whether this is just my own personal view, or if other people have this problem."

And my hypothesis is:

"I expect to find that people in my demographic are more likely to have my same viewpoint, whereas an older demographic are more offended by violent media, and a younger demographic is less so."

One of the ways I've chosen to do my research is by talking to members of the gaming community for their opinions, and since you guys are the best community on the net, I'm asking for yours.

If you wish to help, please leave your opinions in the comments, along with your comment, please leave your gender and age, as I'm also going to do research based on gender and age demographics. Please note that by leaving comment, you're giving me permission to use your comments in my paper, and if you don't want any information or your opinion seen by fellow DToid members, please feel free to private message me. Much appreciated guys.

-Dustin

There are very few villains in all of pop culture that have stood the test of time with any significance and never lost their appeal. People still love the iconic villains like Darth Vader and the Joker, and it’s hard to find anyone old enough to read that doesn’t know who they are. When it comes to video games, I feel like I have special relationships with villains like Bowser, Albert Wesker, Liquid Snake/Ocelot, etc. But the one villain that I’ve always had the biggest gaming boner for is also the one that transcends video games. There have been several novels, films, and television series' based on the man I’m speaking of, and the best part about him is that he’s based on a real person. He has many names: Vlad Tepes, Vlad the Impaler, Vlad Dracul, Vlad III of Wallachia, and so on. But the one name everyone knows is “Dracula.”

One of my favorite films of all-time is The Monster Squad. Yes, I understand it’s not exactly Oscar quality, but it’s one of those films much like The Wizard that I loved as a kid and still love today. The Monster Squad introduced me to all the classic monsters: Frankenstein, Wolfman, Creature from the Black Lagoon, the Mummy, and of course, Dracula (even today I picture Duncan Regehr whenever I hear the name). I was only two years old when The Monster Squad was released, and from then on I was hooked. The following year, 1988, was the year my brother and I received an NES, and when I heard that there was a game that featured a lot of the same monsters from The Monster Squad, I knew I had to play it. That game, of course, was Castlevania. I never beat the game as a kid because I would get to Dracula’s second form and be too scared to continue. In the years since, I’ve grown a pair and have gone back and beaten the game.

Every subsequent Castlevania game are among my favorites on their respective consoles. The NES trilogy are all classics to me, Super Castlevania IV on SNES is one of those games that I can’t bring myself to ever get rid of, Symphony of the Night is one of my top 5 favorite games of all-time, and I still play it on a semi-regular basis, I feel Lament of Innocence is an underrated gem of the last generation, Aria of Sorrow is one of the best in the entire series despite being on a handheld (and doesn’t actually feature Dracula, per se), and all three of the DS titles would make it into my top ten DS games, and even though you fight Satan and not Dracula, yes, I did love Lords of Shadow.

The concept of vampires these days elicit groans from several people (mostly guys) in my age demographic, as we’ve witnessed one of the most badass monsters in history reduced (literally) to glitter. But I feel about vampires the same way I feel about zombies, they may be overplayed these days, but put them in a game and I’ll at least give it a shot.



Dracula is so terrifying that Death himself takes orders from him. Dracula is so powerful that there is an entire family whose sole purpose in life is to train to defeat him every 100 years when he is reincarnated. Also, did I mention he has a sweet castle? It has a clock tower and everything.

The only thing I don’t like about Dracula is that he never wins. Considering the ending of Lords of Shadow, I wouldn’t mind seeing Gabriel Belmont playing the role of antihero, much like Kratos in the God of War series. I think it’s about time for Dracula to get his comeuppance.

My favorite part of any Castlevania is always the final showdown with the "Prince of Darkness". He always has more than one form, and each one is more difficult than the last. Maybe I just suck at video games, but I probably fought Dracula close to 30 times in the DS title Order of Ecclesia before finally taking him down. It was a similar experience in Portrait of Ruin, and I’ve still never beaten Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse. There are exceptions, of course. The only complaint I’ve ever had with Symphony of the Night is that by the time you come to the final showdown, Alucard is so powerful that Dracula is a cakewalk. Final boss notwithstanding, the game is a must play for any and everyone.



Dracula is more than just a character, he is a horror institution. The inspiration for the character is just as interesting. Any time I’ve spent doing research on Vlad the Impaler ultimately results in me spending 2 hours on Wikipedia and another 3 on Google doing searches for articles on the man. Dracula has not only provided me with hours and hours of fantastic gaming, but also several hours curled up with a book or on a couch with a bowl of popcorn. Whatever name you decide to call him, to me, there is no villain greater than Count Dracula.

Do you know Bart Simpson’s locker combination? I do, 36-24-36. Do you know Comic Book Guy’s real name? I do, Jeff Albertson. Did you know that Bart’s voice actress, Nancy Cartwright, is a scientologist? I do. Did you once write a blog comparing the episode “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson” to the September 11th terrorist attacks? I did (calm down, it was a joke blog). Have you ever spent an entire 3-hour college class texting Simpsons one-liners back and forth with your buddy? I have…several times.

My name is Dustin, and I’m a Simpsons superfan. The Simpsons just finished their 20th season, which means that when the show debuted, I was 4-years-old. What’s interesting is that I didn’t really start watching the Simpsons until I was about 13. Why? Because I wasn’t allowed. My mom would make me change the channel every time I tried to watch it, and now, I know more useless facts about Dr. Hibbert than you would even care to know. I suppose my mother thought the show would be a bad influence. She used this tactic on more than one occasion, but it always backfired on her. For instance, when I was younger, I wasn’t allowed to watch Beavis and Butt-Head. So what did I do? I worked out a code with my brother. Anytime the show was on, he would invite me into his room to “play Mortal Kombat,” and instead we would watch the show. Why I was allowed to play Mortal Kombat and not watch Beavis and Butt-Head is beyond me. Then, she tried to do this with professional wrestling, and if you read my Pro Wrestling Retrospective, you’ll see how well that turned out. Then in junior high she tried to distract me from listening to heavy metal…guess what kind of music almost my entire ipod consists of?

So, it was only a matter of time before my interest in the Simpsons became an infatuation, and soon after, the infatuation turned into a passion. Here are a few pictures of my collection…









…keep in mind that these pictures barely represent my entire collection, the rest of it is hanging on my walls, or sitting in a closet at my parent's house.

Like I said, I started getting into the show right around the time I was ending junior high. At the time, the show aired 3 times a day, and I watched every episode, every day, and on Fridays, I would stay up to watch the 11 pm episode since I didn’t have school in the morning. With that kind of determination, I was catching up on 9 years of overlooked awesomeness. Maybe since this is a gaming site, I should talk a little bit about the games.

Since I’ve grown up, I’ve made a list of goals for myself: Graduate college, wrestle at WrestleMania, punch Spencer Pratt in the face, and own a Simpsons Arcade cabinet. Even before I was allowed to watch the show, I would play that game every time I went to our local Putt-Putt. Granted, I sucked at the game because I was barely tall enough to reach the buttons, but I loved every second of it.

The console iterations of the series haven’t been as kind to the fans. As a matter of fact, out of the over 20 console and handheld Simpsons titles, I only enjoyed 3: Bart’s Nightmare, Simpson’s Hit and Run, and the 2007 The Simpsons Game.

In the case of Bart’s Nightmare, I don’t remember much about the actual game other than I liked it and I only played it because it was on the Sega Channel. The only gameplay I remember is a section where you play as “Bartzilla” and fight “Homer Kong” and “Momthra.”

However, Hit and Run was the first open-world game that I played and completed 100%. By no means is it a great game, but I was looking at it through rose-colored glasses. I just loved that they took the time to make Springfield into a living, breathing city that I could vicariously live in through my favorite characters. They put in all the classic landmarks. Everything from the Springfield Tire Fire to the Tomacco field to the Lard Lad Donut Shop, then you could go to the downtown area of Springfield and find the City Hall, the Police Station, and the broken monorail. And the last section featured the Android’s Dungeon Comic Shop, the Observatory, the Duff Brewery, and Barney’s Bowl-A-Rama. Everything I just named is only scratching the surface. It may not have been a great game, but it was great fan service, and I squeezed every bit of enjoyment out of it.

The Simpsons Game took the Hit and Run formula and twisted it. It was a much more linear experience, but you were given a large section of Springfield to run around in at your leisure. Losers like me took the time to find all the hidden items and collectibles. It was like a Zelda fetch quest, only much more tedious, and I didn’t mind a bit. The parts of the game that weren’t open-world were parodies of other video games like Everquest, Medal of Honor, and Grand Theft Auto. The game, like the show, doesn’t take itself seriously. It even features cameos by Matt Groening himself, as well as a level fighting against Futurama characters. There is a fun fact about God in the game, did you know God plays Oblivion?

To wrap this up, The Simpsons has kind of made me who I am today. If you put The Simpsons, Super Mario, The Undertaker, and Pantera into a blender, poured it into a bowl, and let it sit out in the sun, it would solidify into me. I’ve memorized the songs in each episode, episode titles and which season they correspond with, I can tell what episode I’m watching based on the first 15 seconds, and have spent more money on memorabilia than should be legal.

My name is Dustin, and I’m a Simpsons superfan.

I’ll let there be no secrets here. I work a full-time and a part-time job, and the part-time job is at GameStop. Don’t hate. But before I started working at GameStop, I worked at a lot of different retail outlets: Best Buy, Circuit City, Blockbuster, etc. For anyone who has ever worked retail around Christmas time, you undoubtedly have horror stories about a certain event or person that just made your life a living hell for 10 minutes. I would like to not only share some of these stories, but also give a forewarning to anyone who is working in their first Christmas in video game retail. These are 10 customers that you’re definitely going to come into contact with before the Christmas rush is over..

Let’s begin…

The Sports Trader
One common complaint I hear, not only at Christmas but year round, is the amount of store credit and/or money a person will get for certain games. You’re lucky to get more than $10 for a game if it’s over a year old. The most I’ve ever seen a game trade in for was Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 on PS2, which traded in for $35, but this was before it was released on downloadable services, so it’s considerably less now. I assume that if you’re reading this, low trade-in prices at GameStop doesn’t surprise you, you’re all intelligent gamers. But what I don’t understand is the people that come in and expect to get almost all their money back for a trade-in. Example, a guy bought Fallout 3 the week it was released, he played it, beat it, and traded it in the following week, and was baffled that he was only getting $30 for it. First of all, in GameStop’s eyes, if they’re giving you $30, you‘re ripping them off. Secondly, this can be excused by little kids, but anybody who is 18 or older should have a basic understanding that in order for a company to stay in business, it needs to make a profit, and giving people what they paid for a game when they trade it in is not how you make a profit.

The worst offender of trade-in befuddlement is the guy who walks in wearing his favorite team’s sweatshirt (I’m from the Dayton/Cincinnati area, so we see a lot of Bengals and Buckeyes attire), and doesn’t understand why he isn’t getting $50 for Madden 2002. Though, I must admit that I feel bad when a little kid comes in with his parents with his entire collection of Maddens and NBA Lives and NCAA Footballs, expecting to get a fat wad of cash for his 25 games, and his heart is broken when I tell him that they’re worth a total of $7.25.


"What do you mean Fifa 03 is only worth 15 cents?"

The Know-It-All
I never claim to know more about games than someone else. Maybe I’m just secure in my manhood and don’t need to dick-measure by proving I know more about video games. However, I do have a very bad habit of correcting people when they’re wrong. This isn’t just with games, I also hate when people mess up movie quotes, or something a stand up comedian says, or use poor grammar, or something of the like.

Sometimes people just don’t want to accept the fact that they’re wrong, and will not let it go until you admit that they are right and you’re an asshole for even thinking that any word they just said is false. I have two examples…

The first one occurred in the early summer. I was ringing up a customer, and when the transaction ended, he says to me “What do you think of that PS4?” I was confused, so I replied “I think that it doesn’t exist.” The guy looked at me like I was an idiot. He shot back with “I just saw it at the flea market.” Now, I’m not bashing people who shop at flea markets, because half of my video game collection was bought at one, and I’m a regular visitor, but I’m certainly not dumb enough to believe that a guy at a flea market has a video game system that probably isn’t even being thought about by the company that will eventually release it. I tried to argue with this guy that Sony has stated that they were sticking with a 10 year life cycle for the PS3 and that the PS4 is nowhere near being released or possibly even developed. But he wouldn’t have it. My manager, who was watching this whole exchange, was getting a kick out of how mad this guy was making me. Eventually I had to say “Well, I guess I’m gonna go buy me one of them PS4s tomorrow.”

This second tale comes from an event that occurred just a couple months ago. It happened with the release of Halo 3: ODST. A guy, who happened to be a former manager at my store before I started working there, came in to buy the game. He was chatting it up with my manager and he said “…yeah, this is a prequel to the entire Halo series.” Now, I willingly admit that I’m not a Halo fan, but even I knew that this was wrong. I said “Actually, I think it runs concurrently with Halo 3.” Once again, I’m not a fan so I don’t know for sure. But I am pretty sure that he was getting ODST mixed up with the future release Halo: Reach. So this guy, immediately upon hearing my idiotic statement, starts furiously shaking his head and says “Nope, it’s a prequel.” But I had a trump card, which was “Oh, is that why the game is called Halo 3: ODST,” with major emphasis on the “3.” Yeah, I won that argument, but in the end, I was still a loser.


An accurate portrayal of the Know-It-All

The Know-Nothing Parent
One of the few things that is worse than the guy who knows everything is the parent who knows nothing. I understand that most parents aren’t exactly up to date with video games, but would it kill you to have some basic information instead of saying “I’m looking for a racing game on the PS2.” Do you have any idea how many racing games are on the PS2? That’s like saying “I want an on-rails shooter on the Wii.”

I know a lot of games, and can most likely figure out the game they’re looking for with just a little bit of information that can narrow it down. But saying “I’m looking for a game on the Wii” doesn’t narrow it down a whole lot. But something like “I’m looking for a certain first-person shooter” does help, because from there I can ask about the setting, the environments, if it’s a military shooter, a sci-fi shooter, and then it’s much easier and most likely I can figure it out. If you want a sports game and you know who is on the cover, I can figure that out too. Over Christmas, this is going to happen…A LOT. Be prepared to hear a lot of “No, that’s not it,” while you struggle to think of questions you can ask to get it out of them. Or, you could just lie and give them a random game and tell them it’s the one they’re looking for. It’s not the right thing to do, but these people are beyond help. Bottom line, if you‘re looking for a specific item, have some information about said item before leaving the house..

The Returner
If you’ve ever been a cashier in a retail chain for any amount of time, you’ve surely come across the guy that doesn’t read the return policy, even though it’s PRINTED ON THE EFFING RECEIPT. But really, the return policy shouldn’t even have to be on there, 99% of people in the world have had to (or tried to) return something back to a store at some point in their lifetime. Let me ask a serious question: What major retailer in America says to you that you can return an opened product that works just because you didn‘t like it? I don’t know about how it is around the country, but here in Ohio, none of them have this policy in place. I don’t care if you only played Balls of Fury for literally 10 minutes, you still opened it, jerk.

I know this makes me sound like a dick, but you haven’t let me finish. If a customer comes in, tries to return the game, I’ll explain the return policy to them. At this point, they have two choices: They can throw a bitch-fit and drill into my brain that they hated the game and that they only put it in the system one time. At which point I kindly explain they can trade in the game and tell them how much money they just lost. This normally ends with them asking for my district manager’s phone number so they can threaten to complain, which they won’t. Or, they can be polite, that’s really all it takes. If they’re polite and the game doesn’t have any scratches on it, I’ll take care of them. I’ve made the same mistake of buying a game I wound up not liking, so I know how they feel. A little kindness can go a long way people.

The Negligent Parent
The negligent parent comes in two forms. 1. The parent who drops their kid off in the store and goes elsewhere. Or 2. The parent who let’s their kid wander and doesn’t give a shit that they’re destroying the store.

When it comes to the first example, what kind of parent leaves their children in a store and expects the employees to be their babysitter. Just because I’m working, and your kid is in my store, doesn’t mean I have to make sure your kid doesn’t get kidnapped. As a matter of fact, the kidnapper will probably show your child more attention than you do, so your child is better off going home with Tony Bucktooth than they are going home with you. When I was a kid, my mother would freak out if I went into the backyard without telling her. Just because your child likes video games doesn’t mean you should leave him in GameStop while you go next door to Payless Shoes. It is okay to say “no” to your child every once in a while, because if you don’t, he is going to grow up to be Spencer Pratt. It’s called discipline, and speaking of discipline…


Yes! Two pro wrestling pictures in one blog post

Why the fuck don’t kids have any discipline today? Oh yeah, because spanking a kid or giving him a quick thump on the noggin is child abuse these days. It’s quite alright to tell your son or daughter to put a game back where they found it, or to pick up the game box they just decided to throw on the floor for no reason. You know, now that I think about it, I think working in retail is the reason I hate kids. I only have to deal with the kids for as long as the parent is in the store, I couldn’t imagine dealing with that little hell spawn 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 18 years. Then again, I could always just be a deadbeat dad, it’s half the work of the divorced dad.

The Alex Trebek
I originally wanted to call this person “The Regis Philbin” but I decided to go with Trebek because he is more synonymous with trivia. The Alex Trebek is the person who has way too many questions (yes, I know Alex Trebek says the answers and not the questions). This person wants to know the difference between every console, the pros and cons of each version, the price differences, every single peripheral, every single type of controller, the prices of every single peripheral, the prices of every single type of controller, what games are on the system, what games on the system would be okay for their children, the prices of every game, what kind of specials your store is running that day, what kind of specials your store is running next week, what kind of HD cables are best for the system, how to hook it up to the internet, what kind of internet requirements are recommended, and how long you think you’ll have all this shit in stock. Then, because they’ve asked so many questions, they’ve forgotten everything you’ve said, and need you to explain it to them again. With one customer, I had to explain the differences between an Xbox 360 Arcade, an Xbox 360 Pro, and an Xbox 360 Elite four different times before I just took out a piece of paper and wrote it all down for them.

I don’t care to answer questions, I mean, that’s basically my job. But when you have to repeat yourself so many times, eventually it gets a little frustrating.

The “How Are You Gonna Fix This” Guy
This guy hates your guts. Why? Because the product you sold him doesn’t work. Apparently, you took this product out of the plastic, opened it, rubbed it with sandpaper, pissed on it, and ran over it with your monster truck, and that’s why it’s your fault that his brand new copy of UFC: Undisputed does not work. You want to tell this guy “Hey, shit happens,” but before you can, this man’s wrong has to be made right. You have to fix this situation. At this point, instead of just being happy with a discount or a new copy of the game that doesn’t work, this guy will start making outrageous demands. I have a good example.

Before I begin, I’ll give you some information. GameStop’s return policy for used products is you have seven days to return the product if you don’t like it, thirty days if the product doesn’t work or stops working, and you have the option to purchase a one year warranty on the product for an additional cost. With that said, a couple months ago, I received a call. I opened with my usual generic GameStop phone-answering greeting, which was returned with “Get me your manager.” Right away, just from that sentence, I knew this guy was the Mayor of Doucheville. My manager was on lunch at the time, so I told the customer that I will help him to the best of my abilities. The man tells me that he bought a Playstation 2 that didn’t work, so I told him our return policy, but that wasn’t good enough for this guy. “Well, this is the second time this has happened and I want double my money back.” I don’t know why, but for some reason, I felt insulted. Did this guy think I was some punk kid that’s going to pussy out and do whatever he wants? I replied, almost laughingly, with “Well, we’re definitely not going to do that, sir.” Then I get the “How are you going to fix this?” I told him if he wanted to bring the system in with his receipt, I’ll give him the refund, and of course, this still wasn’t good enough for this prick. I know it wasn’t good enough because felt the need to tell me so, and then once again demanded double his money back. “Sir, that’s not going to happen.” Then there was a brief pause on his part, and then he asked “Your manager back from break yet?” I wanted to say “Yeah, asshole, in the 45 seconds we’ve been speaking, he came back, here he is.” I told him that my manager was still on break, and once again told him if he wanted to bring in the systems and receipts, I’ll see what I can do. “I only have the receipt for one of them.” When he said this I nearly pooped my jeans with excitement, because God blessed me with the opportunity to piss this guy off even more. “Then you can return the one, the other I can’t do anything with.” This guy was so mad that he started doing that thing that some people do when they just can’t believe what they’re hearing, where they make sounds that aren’t actually words like “wha” and “pff.” He wanted me to tell my manager that he’ll be coming in the following day at 5 pm when he got off work. Then, for the icing on the cake, I said “Thank you. Have a good day, sir.” The guy never came in.


This is about how mad I suspect he was

That’s one of my favorite stories about angry customers, but there are plenty more. My store is right down the road from a Game Crazy and I couldn’t tell you how many people have gotten angry and say that they won’t ever shop there anymore and will take their business to Game Crazy, usually because they didn’t like a new game and don’t approve of our trade-in prices, and I typically respond with “Alrighty.” Seeing as how I’m a “Game Advisor” (aka “Cashier“) who makes minimum wage, been passed over for a promotion several times for “leaning on the back counter (yes, that‘s the reason I was given by my District Manager),“ and I realize that GameStop is a big corporation monopolizing the game retail industry, I don’t really take offense to their snooty remarks. I would quit, but if you’re like me and spend the majority of your excess cash on games, then having that discount is quite nice.

I just don’t understand why some people think that GameStop losing one customer’s business is going to affect them. Do people honestly think that the suits at the GameStop headquarters in Dallas actually give a shit that one customer is unhappy? Maybe I just don’t get it because I’m not the type to hold grudges. Just because I have a hard time at a retailer once, doesn’t mean I’m not going to go there anymore. When the new Dethklok album came out recently, I couldn’t find it at Best Buy, and there was nobody in the Media department. I sat there for roughly a half-hour doing a mixture of looking for the cd and waiting for assistance (this story may sound familiar if you listen to the Player One Podcast). Eventually, I had to go find someone in the camera department to look it up. But I still shop at Best Buy quite frequently, because honestly, if I stopped shopping there, do you think Best Buy is going to care? This also occurred at a Best Buy that I don’t normally go to, and the other two in my general area are very good, most times you can’t get their employees to leave you alone. But anywho, I’m getting way off topic, so let’s move on.

The Caller



The Caller is the only customer on the list that doesn’t really do anything wrong. The only thing they are guilty of is bothering you while you’re trying to get other work done. 90 % of the time, The Caller wants to ask about trade-in prices. Which is fine depending on the amount of games they want to ask about. My store instituted an unwritten rule that we only allow people to ask for 3 prices at a time. Personally, I’m not as strict, if there is nobody or very few people in the store, I don’t care to do about 8-10 games, what else am I going to do? Lean on the back counter and not get promoted for it?

5% of the time, The Caller has a technical issue. It may be a question about setting up a system, hooking it up to the internet, asking about how to hook it up to their HDTV. I’ll be first to admit that I know very little about HDTVs, so I leave that up to my coworkers.

The remaining 5% is calls ranging from asking if we have a certain PS2 game in stock, people who think GameStop is a video game help line, asking if we refurbish games, or asking what time we close.

During the Christmas season, it’s all reversed. Every time you answer the phone, it’s almost a guarantee that the question is “Do you have (insert game title or console) in-stock?” Last year is was all about Wii Fit and Mario Kart Wii, this year will most likely be Modern Warfare 2 and the PS3 slim as the hard to find items. Although these conversations are much shorter than most, they occur much more frequently, so it winds up equaling out to the same amount of annoying.

The Liar
Even when caught in a lie, the Liar will continue their charade until they feel they’ve won. The Liar comes in all shapes, sizes, and ages. When they’ve been caught, they will say things like “Well, I talked to _______ and they said…” and “I was told by…” They also lie about games being defective, not being told the return policy, not being told about their warranty, etc.

One example I have is a mixture of The Liar and The Returner. There is a certain customer that comes into my store every now and then, he came up to me one day and said “I’m looking for an action game or a shooter game but I don’t like FPS games.” At the time, Resident Evil 5 had just come out, and even though I wasn’t particularly fond of the game, I suggested it to him seeing as it fit his specifications. We only had new copies in the store at the time, and he says “That means if I buy it, I can’t return it if I open it, right?” I confirmed his statement. This man obviously knew the return policy before I even told him. He spent a few minutes deliberating, and then finally decided to get it. The next day, I worked with my store manager. The RE5 guy walks in, and I already knew that he was returning it because he returns every game I’ve ever seen him buy. He brings the game to my store manager and says he would like to return it. My manager says “We don’t take returns of new games if they’ve been opened.” This guy then looks shocked and says “Oh, really? I didn’t know that.” I was in disbelief. I said “Yes you do. I told you that yesterday.” Despite the fact that I just caught him in a lie, the guy plays the role of a sympathetic villain perfectly, and my boss takes the game back anyway. Why? Because my store manager is a big puss who is doomed to be in retail his entire life and fears our District Manager and doesn’t want anyone to complain to his boss about him. Sorry, I had to vent.

Remember how I said that a little kindness goes a long way? Well, when you lie, all bets are off.

The “Do You Have Battletoads?” Douchebag
If you’re ever done this, please stop reading and kill yourself because you are more annoying than a 12-year-old on Xbox Live.

For those of you who are out of the loop, a website with a user base that apparently consists entirely of 15-year-old jerk-offs decided it would be funny if their users called GameStop stores and ask them if they have Battletoads in stock. And if the GameStop employee was privy to the gag, call back later and ask for “Combat Amphibians.” Oh, I get it, because “combat” is another word for “battle” and a toad is an amphibian. I see what you just did there. Yeah, go sodomize yourself with something sharp and rusty. Honestly, crank calls are something you do when you’re 10, not when you’re in high school.

Depending on my mood, sometimes I like to play along. But it never works out. Apparently these guys weren’t smart enough to think of anything to say if the employee says “Yes, we do have Battletoads,” and they usually get confused and hang up. Or if someone asks for the uncreative “Combat Amphibians,” I’ll tell them “Yeah, and I’ll totally trade you for Jumping Italian Plumbers or Gluttonous Pink Blob.” I just don’t get why so many people think this is funny. Most of the people who call aren’t even old enough to know what Battletoads is. I know me complaining about this kind of makes me sound like a bitter old man telling the kids to get off his grass, but seriously, are crank calls still funny after you hit puberty? Battletoads isn’t even relevant anymore and hasn’t been in over a decade. If you want to be funny, ask for Duke Nukem Forever, or make something up like Super Ultimate Street Fighter X 4 Mega Challengers Edition Extreme: The Resurrection (I‘m hopeful for a 2010 release).


A plumber and a blob: The Ultimate Tag-Team

If you work in retail, you understand my frustration. If you work in video game retail, then we’re practically sisters. If you don’t work in retail or never have worked in retail, then you’re probably going to leave me a comment calling me a “troll.” Just don’t take anything too seriously, remember, we’re talking about video games here. Despite the fact that all the customer stories I told are true, I hope you all found at least some of the humor that was intended.

Thanks for reading,
-Dustin

Back in March of 2008, with Metal Gear Solid 4 just three months away, I decided to use my tax refund check to get a Playstation 3. I’m a huge Metal Gear fan and there was no way I was going to miss this game. But I was in a dilemma, what game should I buy to hold me over until Guns of the Patriots was released? There was Ratchet and Clank, but I’ve never really been into the series. There was Heavenly Sword, which some people write off as a God of War clone, but at least it’s a good God of War clone, but I still wasn’t sold. A friend of mine suggested Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune. I remembered seeing Uncharted on the cover of Game Informer a while back, but it really didn’t interest me for some reason, despite the fact that action platformers are my favorite genre. But alas, I saw the good reviews it was getting, and I trusted my friends judgment, so one trip to Best Buy later, and I was the owner of a PS3 and a copy of Uncharted.

I got home, set up that monster of black hardware, popped in Uncharted…and was blown away. I couldn’t get over how amazing the game looked, how fantastic the story was, it sucked me in right away, and I wound up playing about 5 hours of the game that night. However, there is no such thing as a perfect game, and this was no different. Some of the platforming is a little too difficult, and you’ll often fall to your death with just the slightest misstep, the enemies are tougher than RoboCop, and it throws in an odd twist in the latter part of the game. A freak snow storm hit the Cincinnati area the next day and my plans for that night were ruined, which meant I got to spend more time with Nathan Drake, And just as soon as I was starting to get really into the game…the credits rolled. You can’t blame a great game for it’s length, but it left me wanting more. I wound up finishing the game in about 7 hours.

Eventually MGS4 was released, and it was my next-gen nirvana. I never thought another game would surpass it in terms of an overall engaging single-player experience, but Uncharted 2: Among Thieves may very well have done it. Of course, keep in mind that I’m wearing rose-tinted glasses for Uncharted 2 because I started writing this review the moment I finished it. So, was Naughty Dog able to improve upon their already impressive series?



We begin the game with a flashforward. Drake awakens in a train hanging over a cliff. With our protagonist dazed and bleeding, the game begins with Nathan having to climb and jump his way up the train as it falls apart, about to plummet down into the snow pit below. After reaching the summit, an explosion knocks Drake out, and we begin the story. Drake, while relaxing on a beach, knocking back some brews, is approached by an old associate named Flynn, along with a woman named Chloe. Flynn approaches Drake about continuing his treasure-hunting adventures after receiving information about the supposed location of Marco Polo’s lost fleet.

Unlike the first game, which took place in one remote location, Uncharted 2 takes place all over the world: Turkey, Borneo, Nepal, and Tibet. You come across everything from a museum to a jungle to an ice cave to an isolated village high in the mountains. Each environment is unique, beautiful, and gives the game more personality than the original.

As far as gameplay elements, there have been some vast improvements. The enemies are still bullet sponges (although it can be excused this time since you fight enemies who are heavily armored), but instead of fighting wave after wave of normal guys, Naughty Dog took a page out of the Gears of War playbook and threw in various enemy types. I’ll cover more of that in the spoiler section at the end of the review.

The platforming is just as creative as the first, although, you’ll die more times from slight miscalculations and falling than you will from fighting. Speaking of the fighting, there have been some nice additions. The first of which being that the melee combat has been improved and is no longer a last resort, including a counter system and a wider range of moves. You still just do nothing but mash the square button and use triangle to counter, but Nathan must have taken some pro wrestling training in the two years since Drake’s Fortune, as I saw both a dropkick and a back body drop. The second addition is stealth kills, which is probably the best new part of the game. Stealth kills, much in the manner of Metal Gear Solid, can help prevent some sticky situations, preventing you from getting bombarded with soldiers which will often lead to death. It’s nice to have variety and a choice in the way you decide to approach a certain confrontation, and I think the new additions help keep the game from getting tiresome.



Lately, everyone talks about how great the writing is in Mario and Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story. Yes, the writing is great, but I think Uncharted 2’s writing is better. Maybe it’s the fact that M&L is all written, and Uncharted is spoken, but I stand my ground on this one. A nice touch is that there is some dialogue that is left out, and you have to perform certain acts in order to discover it, like a mini Easter Egg. For instance, my partner and I jumped from a building into a pool. Drake proceeds to try and coerce his partner into a quick game of Marco Polo (get it?). When you finally do get your partner to jump in, you can get out and Drake will say “Fish out of water.” Trust me, it’s a lot funnier than I’m making it sound. I just love the fact that if I hadn‘t jumped in the pool, I would have missed this funny little interaction. Drake’s sarcasm is just as rampant as it always was, and the ending dialogue is the shining example. Games don’t normally make me laugh, but the conclusion of the game is very well delivered by the games exceptional voice acting. Speaking of the ending, I was pleasantly surprised to have an actual boss fight at the end instead of the QTE bullshit we had at the conclusion of the original.

There are two standout sequences in the game: one taking place on a train and one which has Drake jumping from car to car trying to stop a convoy. Both are exhilarating and, in my opinion, two of the standout moments in gaming of 2009. I won’t say more than that, because they must be experienced and I don’t want to hinder anyone’s enjoyment.

I really don’t have many complaints about the game other than the frequency of death falls. If they had used a system similar to the one in Infamous and have Drake sort of cling to the closest thing to him, or something like Assassin’s Creed where nearly everything is capable of being grabbed onto and climbed, then the game would be damn near flawless.

I’ve only played a couple games of multiplayer because, well, let’s face it, when Modern Warfare 2 and Left 4 Dead 2 come out, very few people will be left playing it. Not to say there won’t be a certain part of the gaming community that will stick with it, but I personally will move on to the aforementioned titles and I’ve been trying to get back to my previous Modern Warfare talent (right now I’m the guy on the team that everybody hates).

The series has been compared to Indiana Jones, and I can see that, but Uncharted is at least better than half of the Indiana Jones movies. I’m talking to you Temple of Doom and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This is the closest you’re going to get to a summer blockbuster on a video game disc. If you have a PS3, there are a few exclusives you must own, and Uncharted 2: Among Thieves is the newest addition to the list.

Grade: A



**SPOILER SECTION**
Don’t read any further if you don’t want to know certain aspects of the story.

Like I said before, Flynn discovers information leading him to believe they can find Marco Polo’s lost fleet. When Nate and Flynn infiltrate a museum in Turkey and find the information they need, they think Marco Polo had been on the trail to find Shambhala, or Shangri-La, a mysterious place that is revered as a utopia. The villain in the game is also on the trail, believing that finding Shambhala will lead him to a special stone that will turn him invincible, and Nate must prevent this from happening.

Earlier I mentioned that the game threw in different enemy types similar to Gears of War. And when I say “similar,” what I actually mean is that the enemies in Uncharted 2 are the human equivalent to the Locust Horde. You have guys with rocket launchers, just like the Boomers (although rocket launcher enemies were in the first game as well), then you have very heavily armored enemies carrying gatling guns, the Gears version is called the Grinder, lastly, we have not-as-heavily armored enemies with shotguns, and once they spot you, they never take cover, they come right at you until one of you dies, in Gears this would be the Mauler. It was nice to add a challenge and a variety of enemies.

Another nice addition is the inclusion of boss battles. There are 5 total if you count the mini-boss fight with the commando on the train. Then there are two helicopter fights, both of which are uniquely done. Near the end of the game, you spend nearly an entire chapter traversing the village in Tibet trying to avoid a tank, while also trying to find rocket launchers to destroy it. Then we have the final boss fight versus the game’s main antagonist. I think the boss fights are spaced perfectly, they are thrown in just when you start to tire of fighting the same guys and doing the same things.

Previously, I mentioned that the first game took an odd twist in the second half of the game. If you’ve played it, you know what I’m talking about, if not, basically you start fighting humanoid monsters. If you’ve ever seen the movie The Descent, picture those types of monsters and you’ll get the idea. I didn’t know if I liked this twist when I first encountered it, but I’ve come to terms with it. But I was really hoping they wouldn’t go the supernatural route in this one, but they did, sort of. After Drake is saved from certain death by a native and nursed back to health, he meets a man named Shafer. Drake wants to forget about his quest, but Shafer convinces him to go on a mini-adventure that will persuade him to continue his travels. Drake leaves with the man who saved him, and the two travel to a cave in the mountains, completely covered with ice and snow. The pair comes across some wolves that have been killed and mutilated. They are soon attacked by a monster. The monster is huge, covered in black fur, big curvy horns, and seems unaffected by bullets. It appears that they have stumbled across the Abominable Snowman, and I actually thought that was pretty cool. After putting enough damage to the creature, it retreats. You later encounter two of them while waiting for an elevator to descend, which is also pretty cool. The only problem is that these monsters aren’t actually monsters…

Eventually, Drake, accompanied by some not-so-welcome tag-alongs, find the entrance to Shambhala. But they are soon attacked by strange beings with human like characteristics. These beings don’t speak, they have purplish/bluish skin color, they have amazing agility, they are incredibly accurate with their weapon of choice, which is a crossbow, and they are very hard to kill. These “people” are the Guardians of Shambhala. You come to find out that the Abominable Snowmen aren’t monsters, they are the Guardians in disguise. That kind of bummed me out, I really liked the idea of Drake and the crew finding mythological creatures.

This type of supernatural I think was better than the original. If you found something like Shambhala, you should expect the place to have some sort of civilization, and they can’t just be regular humans. But turning humans into monsters with some sort of curse, to that I say “meh.”

This concludes my review. Thanks for reading.

-Dustin