SPOILER WARNING: If at all you want to actually follow the storyline, DO NOT READ THIS. It's basically a completely whole-hearted way of looking at the game's ludicrous plot development. DON'T BE BUTTHURT.

No joke. I played a little bit of Ninja Gaiden II last night, and lemme tell you: THIS GAME IS RIDICULOUS in two ways. First, the storyline is super twisted and completely crazy and almost slapstick (in other words, totally Japanese). Second, the game play is crazy mad fun and the boss battles are TEAR YOUR F&#$ING HAIR OUT frustrating at times. Here's my micro review:

The storyline was extremely, extremely, extremely, EXTREMELY crazy. So you start off as Ryu Hayabusa, in a futuristic Tokyo, when a CIA agent (also known as CIA McTwatPants) gets abducted by strange ninjas with spider-like abilities. So you fight along pagodas, dismembering and killing and slaughtering every single creature in your way in hopes of finding this chick.

So you find the chick, and your arch-nemesis-mister-bad-ass-ninja-with-eye-patch and an extremely pale (I think French?) chick with her bewbz hanging out. Then you go on to Hayabusa village, which is under attack and on fire (for the second time, I believe) and you have to fight your way through strange arachnid-hybrid monster men and their minions. Once you get to the top you battle your arch-nemesis mister-bad-ass-ninja-with-eye-patch at the top of the flaming village, but you don't kill him. Daddy comes or something, I dunno. I'm basing this part and the New York part off of what my friend told me, lol.

Anyway! You then are somehow in New York City, you fight the ninjas there and proceed to the Statue of Liberty and fight a lightning dude on the freakin' head of the statue! So then you're in Venice/Rome, looking for werewolves and stuff, and you come into a Colosseum, kill a giant four-armed werewolf named Volf (Get it? German?!) and then get attacked by a massive wave of werewolves until your large breasted CIA friend comes in a helicopter and saves you from total ownage.

So then you're all of a sudden in the Northern Atlantic/Arctic ocean in the same helicopter searching for Mr. Nemesis and Tits McGee (the French chick or whatever) on a gigantic freakin' floating palace, basically. So then you're attacked by cyborg-looking ninjas, hybrid people/mechas and Gundum wannabes with blades for wings. So then you blow this s@#$ up and go on to fight Mr. Nemesis again and totally own him and whatever. So the place is blowing up and you jump out of the high-altitude area with a motorcycle and CIA McTwatPants on your back, who is also shooting rockets. Your motorcycle slides away because of the ice and she just disappears over the freakin' cliff, and all of a sudden a FLAMING ARMADILLO COMES OUT OF THE MOUNTAINS BECAUSE THE EXPLOSION PISSED HIM OFF OR SOMETHING.



So you fight this guy and win and you're like "holy crap, wow, awesome". So then you're in Moscow or somewhere in Russia or something with a demon threatening to destroy everything, military guys with automatic rocket launchers shooting at you, and dogs with swords trying to kill you. That's as far as I got, and there's still two more chapters left in the storyline.

Now, the game is extremely fun to play, but at times it gets frustrating beyond comparison. Imagine doing the Mile High Club on COD4 over and over again and failing miserably. That's how the boss battles are. We (as in four other friends and myself) spent a little over an hour and a half trying to beat Mr. Nemesis and the flaming armadillo thing. But, the odd thing is despite our futile attempts and getting our asses kicked, we totally had a ton of fun playing the game. That's how Ninja Gaiden has always worked; it's just so damn Japanese!

-TheDreadHawk

P.S.: There were possible spoilers up there.