Ahh, Home. The joys of re-creating yourself in a haphazard manner where the end result ends up looking nothing like you. It is a bizarre experiment into what people call "3D Social Networking" and it has come to the one console who can probably deal with it: the PlayStation 3. Now I realize that Home came out a long time ago (and interestingly enough it's still in a Beta stage) but I felt that since I got a new PS3 myself, and now that the sales for PS3s are skyrocketing, I should review something that very little have touched on.

So basically, the game is meant for three things:

1.) Social networking

Social networking is a new trend meant to cash in on the loneliness felt by millions of introverted basement dwellers who need some sort of stimulation in their "Social" bars to keep them from going in the red. However, despite its purpose it can actually be very useful for actually talking to your online friends when you're apart. You can meet up in virtual places, dance at virtual "bars" and even have massive planning rooms before you go into a game. You can also launch a game directly from Home, though the game titles you can do that with are limited to only a few select titles. The main problem with social interaction over the internet is that, just like Second Life, there are many, many creepy things that you will witness unfold in conversations between two "people" on Home. A perfect example is one that happened to me my first day.

(I apologize for the quality, it was taken with my phone's camera)


And I have seen several conversations along the same line. The weirdos tend to ruin the social networking, acting like stalkers or trolls who just like to dick around. You can bond with your new virtual buddy, though, in that there are several mini-games and casual games for people to enjoy.

2.) Casual and Mini-Games

Home is meant to be a distraction, nothing more, and what kind of distraction would it be without mini-games? Your avatar can play a variety of mini-games, ranging from very simple arcade games (like break-the-blocks) to something that may require practice and finesse and actually works quite well (like pool or bowling). The lack of immersion in these games leaves the game feeling a little bit empty, in that you don't feel as though YOU are playing the game rather than a sloppily made avatar playing your game. The mini-games work overall and lend themselves to some addiction if you play enough. But at the end of the day there's no reward or benefit other than that small bit of fun you enjoyed for a few minutes.

3.) Brand Awareness and making some fucking money

Now this is the biggest point. The entire purpose of Home is to make money and promote advertisements. The game is chock full of advertisements that stem from actual video games, to the recent T.V. ads for Sony's PS3 Slim and offers to buy new clothing for your avatar. The entire game-world is littered with micro-transactions in an attempt to make the most money out of something. They limit your clothing items to a paltry selection of boring t-shirts, trousers and hats. This forces you (if you're like that) to literally buy new clothing, priced anywhere from $0.99 to $3.99. Though it may not seem like a lot, those prices add up over time and really make you question your purchase. I can understand these micro-transactions though, as the service itself is free and there needs to be some sort of cash flow in order to make the investment worth it from Sony's standpoint. I just wish they had at least one normal looking t-shirt from the start.

Overall, Home has a lot of potential to either be a colossal failure or be a monumental hit in the social-gaming genre. It is neither good nor is it bad, it's a neutral in the medium, meant only to distract you from real-life with silly games and music. It's a fun little distraction, but it lacks any real depth, making you wonder why you should go back at all. Maybe once I dabble with it some more I'll come to better conclusion.

... and it was given to me by one I revere as a legend! Shit!

Today I wasted nearly three hours in a futile, silly attempt to get onto MGO in order to enjoy, in my opinion, one of the greatest multiplayer experiences on the PlayStation Network. The story goes thus:

I recently inherited a PS3 from a friend of mine who is going off to fight the good fight in the United States Army. As usual the PS3 was loaded with things I did not need, game saves that kind of freaked me out and useless crap that was clogging up what I felt should be clean and organized. I love the fact that I inherited the Black Box o' Blu-Ray as I finally about ready to crack and buy one myself.

I formatted the system to purge the things I did not need. Gamer profiles and the like. Afterwards I inserted Metal Gear Solid 4 into the moist, quivering disc tray slot, excited to finally go about playing my most cherished game on the Playstation 3. As I started it up I remembered something: installs! Really long fucking installs! Shit! I thought, I have to wait 10 minutes for this shit!

So I did.

After the install finished (and let me tell you, playing through the game 10 tens over the summer really made me want to throw Snake's cigarettes away) I proceeded to the painstakingly slow process of getting into MGO. I loaded that up, waited another 3 minutes for THAT to install, and then, lo and behold, the UPDATE MENU POPPED UP.

I've heard of the painful process of updating this game, so slow, so boring, with the same meticulously made psuedo-techno beat blaring through your speakers through the whole thing. I waited 3 hours. THREE HOURS. Because I have to rely on the relatively weak, yet incredibly overbearing wireless networking that the PS3 provides. After that three hours expired I went through yet another terrible process of registering for a Konami ID and GAME ID.

After several network errors and painful backtracking I finally had my account finished and ready to go. The time finally arrived for me to play the game I had been waiting my entire day off to play!

I log in, read the intro text and...!

The game tells me my free slot is unavailable because the user beforehand already made one. Then it suggested I buy a new one for $6.99. I threw a chair out the window. I was frustrated...

ARRRRGGGGHHH

Even recapping it now brings up feelings of resentment and hatred and all the other emotions one can feel waiting so long for nothing. But not only that I have to cough up $6.99 (in addition to the GENE, MEME, and SCENE Pack's charge) in order to play the game?

Unfortunately, my bank account is currently dry. And I have to wait to put money into it... So there. Even more waiting.


FUCKING SHIT FUCK SHIT ARRGGHHH!!!!!!!!!111111111

Imagine, if you will, you're an American pilot in Pacific seas during World War II. Your objective is to simply destroy the planes belonging to your enemy, the Japanese, while simultaneously guarding bombers whose mission is to attack one of their aircraft carriers. You're doing fairly well until your wingman is flying upside down, shooting at your side's planes and screaming obscenities until they finally crash into a massive explosion of frothy water and bits of metal, leaving you to die and scream an equal amount of obscenities at them when you both reach the afterlife.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you: I am your wingman.

For years I have enjoyed playing flight simulators, whether it be the humble Microsoft Flight Simulator and its many sequels, or war games like Ace Combat that offer a variety of fun destroying multiple aircraft in blazing glory. The only problem I seem to have with these games is I fly a plane like a blind epileptic with narcolepsy. what?

Try as I might, I cannot seem to master the complex and almost magical intricacy of aviation, even in a bare-minimum, low-tech simulation. As fun as it is to fly, see the sky, swoop down, blow something up only to proceed to mow-down countless enemies out of the sky, I am usually the idiot being shot out of the sky; that is, if I'm not upside down, crashed into an allied-controlled base. It's incredibly frustrating to play, but I cannot seem to pull myself away from it. It's the fun sort of frustration; the same frustration that makes you continue to play Ninja Gaiden even though you have died nearly 100 times. It's the frustration that gets you through those tough moments and makes you want to go back and play it some more.

It is easy to say that I am a terrible pilot, but it's not quite as easy to say why I still enjoy games that I am terrible at. With the most recent release I can think of, Battlefield 1943, I am constantly yelled at by my teammates for crashing into their squad on the ground and ruining their chances for survival. Perhaps it's just best to say that I enjoy the rush of the game, the beautiful scenery (especially the ground, amirite?), the models of the planes, and the challenge to try and finally learn to fly a friggin' plane.

I have always been amazed with airplanes, as childish and lame as that sounds, and perhaps one of my hidden desires has been to fly a jet one day. Of course, because I cannot feasibly do that I turn to video games to fulfill that desire. It is here where I can try and try again, despite crashing 30 or 40 times in the same burn spot in that field. In real life I can't do that, I'd be deader than dead. So, despite the fact that I can't fly the planes, I still enjoy it because it reminds me of that childhood ambition.

Or maybe I'm just a sado-masochist with a grudge against my own sanity.

With the new trend of Online Co-Op (and a similar trend of split-screen multiplayer going into a decline) one of the main selling points of games nowadays is that big bullet point on the back that says "Cooperative Play". In many ways co-op games are perfectly acceptable, Halo 3's co-op is what made it much more memorable and enjoyable for folks; Call of Duty: World at War utilizes the mechanic very well in a similar way, and Left 4 Dead's entire gameplay is based around it. But there are some games that just don't work very well in co-op: namely Resident Evil 5.

Now I can see the appeal of Resident Evil 5's co-op, but it makes no sense. The game's intensity is ruined by having a person always there to help you out. The game essentially turns into Army of Two, simply because of the addition of co-op in a game that doesn't need it. While most would complain that the daylight setting, the plentiful ammo and generic, frighteningly boring enemies are the reason there is no fear, I say that it's because you have that second person standing next to you, whispering gentle reassurances into your ear and generally saving your bottom every time shit hits the fan.

But what makes the game's demo even worse is that you're FORCED to play with that second character. In Resident Evil 4 we had Ashley, but she did not add anything to the fight at all. She was more of annoyance if anything, and you had to protect her. Now you have Sheva, who can basically hold her own against anything Chris Redfield can, and so that makes the game a drag: it eliminates the annoying follower, but creates a slightly over-powerful, annoying sidekick with the A.I. of a mannequin.

If I wanted to play Army of Two, I'd play Army of Two.

So here's the much hyped, oft-insulted zombie action game, Left 4 Dead. Another video game from Valve Corporation and a game that's spent a fairly long time in development. So was that long wait worth it? Was the game worthy of all the praise and pre-release hype? Honestly, it all depends.

If you're a whore for Valve, you'll absolutely love the game. It has everything that all the other Valve games has, in that it's a First Person Shooter, it uses the Source Engine, and a lot of the controller/keyboard settings are nearly identical to Valve's other games. Even the story telling is a much Portal-esque "Drawn on the Wall" narration.

But that's really the main flaw, and the main reason why people who love story telling in games would hate the game; there's practically no background in the story, no definite reason why the infected are the way they are, no information given on the city. Everything is told to the player through written word on the walls in saferooms, presumably from other survivors; but they mostly write about surviving and blowing eachother.

Each chapter in the campaign has no connection to the previous or the next, they're all simply different methods of how the survivors make it out of the area. The game is pretty short, in chapter completable in about an hour or two. This game is definitely meant to played sparingly, so don't expect to put more than two or three days in a row with this.

So if the story isn't there, is it worth it? Yes, it is! The game's simplistic, "make up your own outcome" way of (not) telling the story behind the infected make up some interesting imaginary scenarios. Despite a lack of story, the little history given on the characters (the only history really given in a short paragraph in the game's manual) makes you connect with them in a rather off-beat way.



The simplistic choice in weaponry also makes the game feel great. While most would complain that the game deserves more weaponry choices before it could be crowned as an amazing game, it is my belief that the lack of weapons makes it that much better. It makes things much more realistic and much more easily connectable; it's not like there are RPGs laying around in apartment complexes.

The gameplay is intense. It's incredibly scary to face a horde on Advanced, and even worse on Expert. The special zombies are significantly useful at taking you down, which makes the game more intense, of course. Each zombie is specifically designed to fuck you up in some way or another, and they will do it. Most of the gameplay experience is best enjoyed on a higher difficulty, so if you're playing on Normal or Easy, switch up to Advanced, if that's not enough, switch to Expert. Each time you play on the two higher difficulties, you will run into at least one thing that makes you yell in frustration or anxiety. The Director AI is amazing at its job, as it will make every experience unique. Also, you're going to want to play with friends, you lonely bastard, you.

The multiplayer is basically the exact same as the campaign, except the Special Infected are played by four humans (except The Witch) and you and your buddies have to fight them. Versus makes for a lot of fun times, as things get different when the Special Infected are humans and not just mindless zombie-robots. The complaint though? Only two campaigns available, which fucking blows.

This micro-review got a bit long, so I'll summarize it like I did with my other. You'll like Left 4 Dead for one of five reasons:

1) You're Valve's bitch
2) You love zombies
3) You love dynamic experiences in game, rather than the same old, same old.
4) You enjoy short, yet enjoyable, video games.
5) You place heavy emphasis on 4 player co-op and Versus modes.

The five reasons you shouldn't get it?

1) You hate the Half-Life series, Team Fortress 2, Portal, Counter-Strike or any game made by Valve.
2) You place a lot of emphasis on storyline.
3) You enjoy big, meaty arsenals. Complete with a dildo that fires laser beams.
4) You absolutely hate co-op games, or you do not have three friends you'd like to play with on Xbox Live or through Steam.
5) You want a game that you can play for a month straight.

There you have it.


Btw, I plan on doing these often. I need something to write about, right?

Look familiar? It's the controller we've come to accept and (possibly) love from Microsoft, the Xbox 360 controller. But it's a different color, big deal. Is there anything new? Perhaps a fixed d-pad? Sadly, no, there doesn't seem to be anything different from the red controller to the white one. The only slight difference I can feel is a slight resistance when moving the left and right analog sticks, supposedly to make more precise movements easier. The d-pad is still the same, the buttons are all the same, the layout is all the same. No difference.

Then why is it labeled "Limited Edition"? It's old school. Back before "Limited Edition" meant having a toaster and laser beams attached to something, different colors were fine. So for the holiday season, the Red controller and Green controller, which I still haven't seen, are being released, because Microsoft thought people needed more colors and they just happen to coincide with Christmas colors.

So would I recommend it? Yeah, of course. If you want it for the same reasons I got it because:

1) You need a new controller
2) Your favorite color is red
3) You've been wanting a Play & Charge Kit bundled with a controller
4) You're obsessed with electronic accessories
or
5) All that stuff.

But don't expect it to cook you eggs and include blowjobs.