Hello everyone. Today I recently purchased this filth known as "Splinter Cell: Conviction". As many of you know, the story follows this asshole named Sam Fisher while he searches for his daughter in a race against time. Along the way, you'll be killing a bunch of other douches sneaky-style and you'll go to Iraq and kill some other douches. This would have been an interesting and creative story and gameplay mechanic, but Ubisoft and all their retarded devs failed to realize one little thing: Gears of War 2 did all of this already. Allow me to elaborate:


Both games feature stealth-based gameplay



Back in 2008, Gears of War 2 revolutionized the stealth genre. It included a core mechanic that drained all color from the screen when your character was hidden from the enemies, slimming down the HUD and making stealth more accessible. This feature, however, was criticized by so-called "hardcore" gamers, stating that the game was "always" like that. Maybe these "gamers" should get their eyes checked, because I can tell the difference. Unfortunately, two years later, a little game called "Splinter Cell Conviction" copied this very mechanic. Shame on you, Ubisoft.

The "WHERE'S MY [Loved One]" Meme




Gears of War 2: WHERE'S MY WIFE

Splinter Cell Conviction: WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER

Such drama.


Deep religious overtones




In Gears of War 2, Marcus Fenix (the main character) is a devout Christian. While he is slaughtering Locust in all that is good and holy, he constantly stops for prayer and worship. This sparked quite a controversy, causing the game to sell millions worldwide. In a hasty attempt to steal Gears of War 2's fame, Splinter Cell Conviction carries deep religious messages as well.


Zero-DRM Policy



Since I am The DRM Master anyway, I feel as though I am the most well-educated on the subject. I know for a FACT that Gears of War 2 for PC did NOT have any DRM whatsoever. Everyone knows that DRM stands for Devil Rights Management, and the nice people at Epic Games did not ship the PC version of their masterpiece with any of these satanic restrictions. And guess who followed suit right after Gears of War 2? That's right: Splinter Cell Conviction. When Splinter Cell Conviction was shipped for PC, it didn't contain any DRM either. Nice try at winning our hearts, Ubisoft, but this Master is not fooled.