My housemate never fucking cleans up after himself, so I've decided to start leaving him subliminal messages in his pans.

... from sandwich shops.




Boycott here:

I popped into my local Kazakhstani gangster, North London convenience store a few weeks back to pick up some Milk and in between the Eastern European Moonshine Vodka brands and Baklava ... I found these...





Ahhh look! It's by that ever so famous chocolate brand Záini!!! Yummy.

So I bought 3...





Cracked them open...





Two of them were full of the worst toys ever. Some plastic boat where the pieces were so badly cut you couldn't construct it and the other one had some nasty plastic tree that went straight in the bin.

BUT behold!!! It's Mario himself from that Nintendo classic, erm... Super Mario Chef 2!!!

Little do you know about Mario's pre-fame stint as a comedy Italian pizza restaurant waiter.





I know the picture quality is crap but it shows the other available items as Luigi dressed as a guy who eats trash for a living, Toad is a drunk mini-cab driver and Peach as a massage parlor worker.


The Bastard Son Of Atari.x


P.S. I ate the chocolate too and ended up with a night full of the worst stomach cramps known to man & a morning full of the hottest -stroke- fastest diarrhea known to beast.

P.P.S I went back and bought a few more. I now also have the Mario on a bike one.

P.P.P.S This time around, I gave the spare chocolate to some kids outside my apartment. I haven't seen them since.

You're damn right!

I walked out of work the other day and practically tripped over this sexy Polish woman pimping Nintendo wares right there in the streets.

I work in the building just next to where she had plonked the More Brain Training stall-on-wheels outside of. So when I said to the woman 'What the hell are you doing??' she seemed a little scared and fesses up...

[Heavy polish accent]

'Erm.. Hi, I've just .. er... It's part of a guerrilla marketing campaign for a new Nintendo game. I can move the stall a bit further down the street if you want? ... Would you like to play?'

I take a closer look; four white DSs chained to a table, each pre-loaded with the game. Four lightweight aluminum chairs and the aforementioned blond Eastern European as hostess.

'It's okay' I say 'I already have the game. I don't mind if you stay here, it looks like everyone is having fun.' I zoom in for a photo of the dude getting whipped at Paper, Scissor, Stone.





The girl is freaking out a bit, I think she thought I was taking the photos as part of my evidence. Soon I'd be on the phone to Nintendo UK's headquarters demanding she's sent back to Eastern Europe.

I smile and say, 'I love your shirt, can I have it?', 'Erm..'

She quickly starts to pack the chairs away and tells the guy its game over.

I snap her shirt whilst she's got her back turned.





Poor dear. I suppose it could be worse, most of the other blond Polish girls work in the local Turkish brothel. At least this one got a free shirt.